Emails To Give *insert Name Of Loved One Here* A Heart Attack

[brianthephysicist]

So Missy and I were joking about how to give someone a heart attack through an email. We came up with an extremely simple formula.

Step 1: Pick a target. This person should care a lot about your well-being.

Step 2: Come up with a short scenario in which you are throwing away your life but you are blinded to it.

Step 3: k bye!

Example 1:

Hi Mom, I made some new friends this week. They want me to be their 'main runner' and they're going to pay me tons of money. I don't even need to be good at running! I'm going to drop out of grad school because this is a great opportunity for me. k bye!

Example 2:

Hi Spiritual Director, I found this Church that does the Latin Mass. They're really cool! They've got this society there for Saint Pius X, I think it's similar to the Knights of Columbus. I'm gonna start going there every Sunday. k bye!


This is absolutely terrible and please do not actually send anything remotely similar to your loved ones but please post them here

[missionseeker]

Dear Mom,


I'm engaged! He's such a great guy. He knew he loved two weeks after coming into the cafe' and order bacon coagulated milk burgers. He's from Bolivia and we are getting married next week! As soon as that I happens, he can apply for visas and stuff! I am so excited!

[MissyP89]

Wait, that didn't happen?

[MissyP89]

Dear Boyfriend,

I'm really sorry, but she was a lot cuter than you. Kbye!

(These are for humor, mind. Not based on any real people or things, I promise.)

[brianthephysicist]

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1315202069' post='2300390']
Dear Mom,


I'm engaged! He's such a great guy. He knew he loved two weeks after coming into the cafe' and order bacon coagulated milk burgers. He's from Bolivia and we are getting married next week! As soon as that I happens, he can apply for visas and stuff! I am so excited!
[/quote]

haha nice! She shoots, she scores! Sure to give Mom a heart attack.

Also, I tried to give you props but it yelled at me, something about exceeding a quota for today.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1315202553' post='2300393']

haha nice! She shoots, she scores! Sure to give Mom a heart attack.

Also, I tried to give you props but it yelled at me, something about exceeding a quota for today.
[/quote]
it's probably that too many people have given me props today.


Also, my mother is kind of scared that that email may one day happen. Ask Missy.

[brianthephysicist]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1315202472' post='2300392']
Dear Boyfriend,

I'm really sorry, but she was a lot cuter than you. Kbye!

(These are for humor, mind. Not based on any real people or things, I promise.)
[/quote]

Of course they're not Missy, of course they're not. You just go ahead and keep thinking that. (they totally are!)

[MissyP89]

Dear Catherine,

So fuarakdning srrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnk. Strangerz drive me home. hahahahaha kbyeeee.

Edited September 5, 2011 by MissyP89

[missionseeker]

mission accomplished! Holy croup.

dear Melissa,


I will no longer have internet. I will probably also no longer have a phone. I'm joining the hippies in the banyan trees. Officially a beach bum, baby!!!!!

[brianthephysicist]

Dear 8 year old Son/Daughter,

Someone made an amazing offer on our house so your mother and I are moving to Australia. You earn enough money on your own for an apartment, right? We're already on our way to the airport. k bye!

[MissyP89]

[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1315202735' post='2300395']

Of course they're not Missy, of course they're not. You just go ahead and keep thinking that. (they totally are!)
[/quote]

lolwut, you just called me Missy.

[missionseeker]

Dear mom and dad,

I'm pregnant. Who the father is depends on if the baby is white, brown, or black. I guess we'll see when s/he gets here!

[BG45]

Dear girlfriend,

I'm really sorry but I met someone else and I'm eloping.

Many apologies,
Phil

Edit: Woot, 12,100th post!

Edited September 5, 2011 by BG45

[MissyP89]

Dear Mom and Dad,

I thought it would be really cool to cover the unrest in Libya. I'ma go try and find Gaddafi. Kbye!

[Maximilianus]

Dear Pops,

This nice man emailed me and said that I can get 10 million dollars if I help him hold his money in my account. He inherited it but is having problems accessing it and needs a foreign account. Not sure the details, he said he will explain later after I give him my account info, but since you have a better bank, I gave him yours. Later.