Humph........

[Guest Dumbsheep]

I nearly entered a convent last year, but left for reasons involved with the fact that the order didn't have a great formation program and I needed to check out other orders first. It truly broke my heart to go back to the secular world (even though I hadnt entered, I had spent roughly a month with the sisters). I returned home and started trying to figure out what to do with myself. I re-enrolled in school and got my old job back. I visited a few other convents with my sister in the meantime. Towards the end of the year, my sister told me that she was going to enter with a particular order. I was very happy for her, but also sad for myself. It didn't last as long as I thought it would though. I expected myself to be jealous and morose for the rest of my life until I entered SOME convent, but instead I moved on and started to detach from my own ideas about my vocation and God. I could feel that God had plans for me and He would put me right where He wanted. Right now, I still long to know the details of my vocation, but I'm willing to wait. It's harder at certain times, but I have the opportunity to go to mass everyday. There's a 24hr Adoration chapel downtown and it's not like I can't just pray mentally throughout the day. If God wants me somewhere He'll put me there. I really won't have to do that much to figure the plan out - He is God after all.

[bmb144]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315541819' post='2302428']

I do believe that religious life can be overly romanticized. It is important to understand that it is [u][b]not[/b][/u] all sweetness and light -- it is a real sacrifice and one that can only be done out of love. If someone is running away from life to join a convent, they won't last long at all. That's something I didn't understand before.
[/quote]

I need to emphasise what MM says here. I've been writing to the same set of nuns now for almost 6 years and due to that contact I know its not all roses and light, its also thorns, late nights, lack of sleep, colds and being cranky. If you get the No Greater love DVD from NH and watch the extras on the video, in one of the interviews, one of the nuns quite openly says that during the filming she was having a screaming fight with another nun. That's the reality of life, real life.

I'm sorry but we only get to see what you say here and not see you guys in real life offline, so we don't get a full picture of how you feel, think etc. So sometimes you guys do come off with a romantic view of religious life. As RMC my vocation contact in "order no.1" says "a young women can come in with all the pious intentions under the sun, its the everyday of living the life, that proves if she has a real vocation or romantic vocation".

So please, some of you slow down just little. Finish school, travel, hold a guys hand, go to the prom, date a little and get a rounded view of life and make sure that when you say yes to Jesus you can do so without wondering, what if....

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='In His Light' timestamp='1315543138' post='2302440']

I need to emphasise what MM says here. I've been writing to the same set of nuns now for almost 6 years and due to that contact I know its not all roses and light, its also thorns, late nights, lack of sleep, colds and being cranky. If you get the No Greater love DVD from NH and watch the extras on the video, in one of the interviews, one of the nuns quite openly says that during the filming she was having a screaming fight with another nun. That's the reality of life, real life.

I'm sorry but we only get to see what you say here and not see you guys in real life offline, so we don't get a full picture of how you feel, think etc. So sometimes you guys do come off with a romantic view of religious life. As RMC my vocation contact in "order no.1" says "a young women can come in with all the pious intentions under the sun, its the everyday of living the life, that proves if she has a real vocation or romantic vocation".

So please, some of you slow down just little. Finish school, travel, hold a guys hand, go to the prom, date a little and get a rounded view of life and make sure that when you say yes to Jesus you can do so without wondering, what if....
[/quote]

I agree with most religious orders that ask that aspirants get some life experience before entering. I don't quite agree with the idea of entering at 16 or 17. I've known some girls who entered right out of high school and did not stay in religious life. Now, I'm not going to play God and say it wasn't their vocation, but it makes you wonder if they would have been able to stick it out had they been in the world a little longer. School and work makes you more prepared for future commitments. It takes some of the shock out of discernment, too. It also helps you develop your skills and you understand your abilities more.

ETA: I know that there are different personalities. Some people may be able to enter religious life after high school and be able to endure the hardships. It's all about God's graces. I don't believe that anyone who left religious life left because they weren't in the right vocation. Sometimes God just wants you in there for a certain length of time.

Edited September 9, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[she_who_is_not]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1315431551' post='2301783']

The Dominicans of Bethany (France) have the apostolate of visiting the imprisoned. If you haven't seen it, you should really watch "Dead Man Walking." The language is salty and there are a few (I think? It's been a year) questionable scenes, but the witness by Sr. Helen is so true. I STILL can't believe Louisiana STILL has the death penalty, and it's such a Catholic state!

It is a corporal work of mercy (is it corporal? or the other one?), so you're doing good!
[/quote]

Great, now I have to go to France. Thanks LPS, you just found my dream community. Dominicans with a prison ministry apostolate? Sign. Me. Up. I'm going to have to relearn French.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='she_who_is_not' timestamp='1315546376' post='2302451']

Great, now I have to go to France. Thanks LPS, you just found my dream community. Dominicans with a prison ministry apostolate? Sign. Me. Up. I'm going to have to relearn French.
[/quote]

Oui.

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315539589' post='2302403']

I've heard from a few vocation directors that there is harm in waiting too long, though. If the person discerning has nothing holding them back like debt, dependents, or other obligations, why should that person wait longer than necessary? The longer you wait, the less likely you are to answer the call as time goes by.

[/quote]

There is a significant difference, though, between putting it off and putting it off for the sake of it, and resenting being advised to wait by community superiors and/or parents. Calmly accepting and even embracing an enforced wait is, I believe, actually a sign of a vocation and of surrender to God's will - resenting it and making sure everyone knows that shows that the parents/superiors are right! I can see in myself the difference, so do know what I am talking about

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1315559822' post='2302469']

Calmly accepting and even embracing an enforced wait is, I believe, actually a sign of a vocation and of surrender to God's will
[/quote]

Faith,

What insight! This I believe is the key. There will always be an impatience when it comes to having to wait to do something that you really want to do. I've been reading this thread and I'm going to admit that I want to go now!!! But then again I've been waiting for years and though at first I wanted to wait because I truly felt I was not ready, I do feel that I am more prepared than I was before. Yet I know that the fact that I still have my financial obstacles is a chance for me to truly learn to trust, and be patient, and obedient and that waiting entails.

I think that often times (at least with what I have observed here in PM VS) is that there is a strong desire to begin to live out one's yes. And yes sometimes it means you resent having student loans and you resent having to wait to finish school. But just because there are those moments of resentment and frustration at your obstacles does not necessarily mean there is not an acceptance that comes with it. There are days that I truly resent having to wait but yet there are days when I realize that I may not enter in 2012 but rather 2013 or even 2014 and I am perfectly fine with that. I just keep praying and hoping the Lord will help me in guarding my heart and in making me stay focused on him.

The most important thing for everyone waiting is to continue to develop that relationship with a SD and to continue to grow closer with the intended community. Together these two relationships help one to truly grow and let go of personal desires for the sake of God's will. I will say this, at times I feel exactly the way the OP does. In fact, I could have written the post; however I recognize that even the most mature and prepared young aspirant have those feelings and in truth there isn't any danger in having those feelings of frustration and holy jealousy. It's how one handles the day to day struggles of the wait that is an issue.

And for the record, I don't think there is an issue with entering at 17 or 18. I really think God gives us the grace to withstand in anything when we need it. Could I have entered 5 years ago? probably. Would I have been able to remain? I don't really think so. Now one of my closest friends entered right after her BAC (about 18/19) over 30 years later she is a happy religious (she entered a cloister of all things) She has felt the Lord calling her since she was a young girl of 8 and never wavered in her desire to wait. In fact she fought hard to help her parents to see that the best thing was for her to enter rather than go to University.

Sorry for the rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is that most of us who are anxiously waiting to enter are aware that it's not lollipops and sunshine but we still have the urgency to begin to live that fiat in every way.

[IamMyBeloveds]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1315567526' post='2302478']
Sorry for the rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is that most of us who are anxiously waiting to enter are aware that it's not lollipops and sunshine but we still have the urgency to begin to live that fiat in every way.
[/quote]


Well said.
I am waiting (admittedly impatiently) at times to re-enter mainly due to the fact that I have been in religious life before, seen its joys and its sacrifices, and understand this dichotomy on a deeper level. It has been one hard road of self-denial and mortification.

However, now that I have been in the world for a time, I cannot wait to give myself again in religious life in that total "fiat". I see the world. I see the life I had in the convent. Nothing compares. Nothing.

Yes, it is a challenging life. I'm never going to look at it the same way I did before I entered. I was very much in the honeymoon phase before I entered and shortly thereafter. That sentiment quickly wears off unless it's more than a feeling and a real grace itself!
It needs to wear off, though. You need to experience that intense purification of your desires and motives upon entering and within formation. You need to be challenged and brought to a greater awareness of your faults, failings, and limitations. It hurts tremendously, yes, but like a polished rock, your rough edges over time will rub away and you will shine with the love of Christ dwelling in your heart and the practice of virtue. It takes a good dose of humility!
There are some powerful lessons to be learned in the sacrifice. Yes, there is an incredible amount of joy I have in going back, a multitude of peace fills my being, but it is now a mature awareness of the road I am about to undertake. Very different from the first time around.

Meanwhile, I'm praying for patience as I finish my work these next several months and asking God for His will, not mine!

If one is called, however hard the journey in religious life may be, it's always worth it.

Edited September 9, 2011 by IamMyBeloveds

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='she_who_is_not' timestamp='1315546376' post='2302451']

Great, now I have to go to France. Thanks LPS, you just found my dream community. Dominicans with a prison ministry apostolate? Sign. Me. Up. I'm going to have to relearn French.
[/quote]

There's a book called Five for Sorrow, Ten for Joy that's about their order. I got it last year (but haven't finished it yet :sob:) but I totally recommend the book AND the order!

[FutureSister2009]

Did you ever think that maybe we KNOW it's not all it seems to be and we don't care because we still long for it anyway? Did you ever think that we love it more because it's NOT the perfect life? Did you ever think that we're willing to accept all that?

[Lisa]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1315580511' post='2302541']
Did you ever think that maybe we KNOW it's not all it seems to be and we don't care because we still long for it anyway? Did you ever think that we love it more because it's NOT the perfect life? Did you ever think that we're willing to accept all that?
[/quote]

Peace. Darlene and the others were just bringing up some practicalities that they have experienced, so there is no need to be upset. In fact, I found it a humbling time to look at my own desires- these are the things I need to practice outside the convent before I enter! But Praise the Lord, how God will use your passion to bring others to the faith! We are thrilled that you and Little Flower (and all the other young ones) have such a desire to do His Will! If you try to follow that obediently and cheerfully, He will bring you safely home into your vocation.

[FutureSister2009]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315539589' post='2302403']

I've heard from a few vocation directors that there is harm in waiting too long, though. If the person discerning has nothing holding them back like debt, dependents, or other obligations, why should that person wait longer than necessary? The longer you wait, the less likely you are to answer the call as time goes by.

Most religious orders want the aspirant to have a few years of life experience such as work or college, and I have these. For those that don't, it would be a great idea to have that experience, but I am 28 years old. I am reaching the age limit of several orders. If I believe God is calling now, I want to go now. I don't want to wait. It's all about His will not mine. If I believed that He was calling me to finish upper-level college studies before entering, I would, but that's not what I feel called to do right now.

In my situation, it's not running away from
[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315539589' post='2302403']

I've heard from a few vocation directors that there is harm in waiting too long, though. If the person discerning has nothing holding them back like debt, dependents, or other obligations, why should that person wait longer than necessary? The longer you wait, the less likely you are to answer the call as time goes by.

Most religious orders want the aspirant to have a few years of life experience such as work or college, and I have these. For those that don't, it would be a great idea to have that experience, but I am 28 years old. I am reaching the age limit of several orders. If I believe God is calling now, I want to go now. I don't want to wait. It's all about His will not mine. If I believed that He was calling me to finish upper-level college studies before entering, I would, but that's not what I feel called to do right now.

In my situation, it's not running away from something -- it's running towards God and His will.
[/quote]

Now this I CAN agree with
[/quote]

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1315580511' post='2302541']
Did you ever think that maybe we KNOW it's not all it seems to be and we don't care because we still long for it anyway? Did you ever think that we love it more because it's NOT the perfect life? Did you ever think that we're willing to accept all that?
[/quote]

Hun, you seem to be missing my point. I honestly did not say such things to upset you or anyone else here. I know what it is like to want to give God everything and you don't care about the cost, but I, personally, learned a lot from spending more time on the outside. I was all set to enter a religious order in 2009 because I thought I had all the signs showing me that I was called there, but because of my great desire to be in a convent right then, I was blinded to the fact that I was not emotionally ready to take on such a task. I had a reality check when the Provincial Superior and the Novice Mistress both asked me if I would be willing to work in the girl's home (one of their apostolates) so that I could experience the apostolate and also earn money to pay off my existing debt. At the time, I wasn't on my medication, so I don't know if I would have lasted longer, but I only lasted less than 3 days. I arrived on a Saturday (May 16th) and went home on the following Tuesday (19th) when I was scheduled to stay until the end of June (6 weeks). It was a very difficult decision to decide to leave, but I know now that it was the only decision for me at the time. I was completely unprepared for the apostolate since it was much different than I imagined it would be. I had only been with the Sisters [u][b]one[/b][/u] weekend before I embarked into the apostolate. I was asked to do a live-in of sorts and ate breakfast with the Sisters and prayed the LOTH with them at certain times of the day (when I wasn't working). The decision to come home, at the time, made me feel like I was a failure because I had to call my parents and my grandmother and I asked my grandmother for the money so I could change my ticket and leave that day. Both of them told me that they were very disappointed in me. I could have probably saved myself the heartache if I had waited to apply to the order after visiting a few more times.

I don't want to upset you. I see how much you are struggling right now and trying to come to grips with what God wants of you. My intention is to, perhaps, prevent my experience from happening to others so no one else goes through the pain I had to go through in order to mature. Now that I have spent more time in the world, I have relaxed a bit and I am ready, spiritually and emotionally, to undertake the difficult life of a religious. I pray everyone else is also ready when their time comes. You are in my prayers, FutureSister2009.

[Pax_et bonum]

"Albus Dumbledore's words of caution to Harry when discussing the Mirror of Erised express my own views. The advice to 'hold on to your dreams' is all well and good, but there comes a point when holding on to your dreams becomes unhelpful and even unhealthy. Dumbledore knows that life can pass you by while you are clinging on to a wish that can never be - or ought never to be - fulfilled. Harry's deepest yearning is for something impossible: the return of his parents. Desperately sad though it is that he has been deprived of his family, Dumbledore knows that to sit gazing on a vision of what he can never have, will only damage Harry. The mirror is bewitching and tantalising, but it does not necessarily bring happiness." JK Rowling on the Mirror of Erised from Pottermore.com

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that" Albus Dumbledore

HP applied to discernment, YES!!!

[TeresaBenedicta]

"You should resign yourself entirely into the hands of the good God, who, when you have done your little duty about this inspiration and design that you have, will be pleased with whatever you do, even if it be much less. In a word, you must have courage to do everything to become a religious, since God gives you such a desire. But if after all your efforts you cannot succeed you could not please our Lord more than by [b]sacrificing to Him your will, and remaining in tranquility, humility, and devotion, entirely conformed and submissive to His divine will and good pleasure.[/b] You will recognize this clearly enough when, having done your best, you cannot fulfill your desires.

For our good God sometimes tries our courage and our love, depriving us of the things that seem to us, and which really are, very good for the soul. And if He sees us ardent in their pursuit, and yet humble, tranquil, and resigned to doing without and to the privation of the thing sought, He gives us blessings greater in the privation than in the possession of the thing desired. For in all things and everywhere, God loves those who with good heart and simplicity, on all occasions and in all events, can say to Him, 'Thy will be done.'"

^an excerpt from a letter by St. Frances de Sales to a young woman desiring to enter religious life

The goal of a religious is to love God above all things, to subsist only on His holy will as daily bread. If we cannot accept with courage and generosity God's will for us [i]right here and right now[/i], then we are already missing that point and we ought to re-evaluate our desires for religious life. It's not easy! God gives us these burning desires! They are very real! And they wound the heart with deepest cuts... but God gives desires as way of purifying us. We can rest assured that God makes us desire so because He wishes to give Himself... but He cannot fill what is not empty. And so the desires, although painful, become our purification. By sacrificing to God our own wills, by seeking to always be "entirely conformed and submissive to His divine will and pleasure", we die to self and make room for that gift God so wishes to give to us.

God only knows. Each person is unique and our purification is always tailored to our own souls. For some, it is to the advantage of their sanctification that they enter immediately- whether that be at 17 or 21 or 36... whenever they hear the call. For others, it pleases God (and is good for their sanctification!) that they are made to wait. God knows.

See your sufferings now as the cross that is to be embraced. It's not the cross of your choosing, but fitted to you by God Himself. Embrace it, sacrifice your will... Know that "God works together all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

If you feel called... strive to enter. Make every effort you can. But if circumstances outside of your control make you to wait... accept it as the will of God and allow it to become a grace that transforms you in love.