OnlySunshine Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 This topic has been weighing on my mind lately. I am currently finishing up my Associates in Arts at the state college and am still figuring out where to go for University studies. However, I'm also trying to discern a calling to religious life. The vocation director for the SsEWs suggested that instead of entering the university, that I seriously discern my vocation. She has a point, too. If I go to university, I will most likely have to take out a student loan to pay for my education. I am planning to major in Social Work if I go. The problem is, what if I discern that I am indeed called to religious life while in university and can't enter because of student loan debt? I already had a problem with debt once before related to credit cards and it was while I was trying to enter the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus. They were trying to work with me to pay off the debt, but I didn't enter there and ended up using my unemployment compensation to pay everything off. I don't know what to do. I don't have a spiritual director because there are none available in our diocese (I've looked EVERYWHERE). Has anyone been in this same predicament? What did you end up doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Another thing I should probably mention is that I am 28 years old. I am reaching the age limit of several orders. Though I know that the Religious Sisters of Mercy in Alma, MI take some women until 50, I don't wish to wait that long to answer the call. The SsEW don't take vocations older than 30. You can see my concern. I don't want to rush things, but at the same time, I don't want to stall and wait until it's too late to answer. It would probably be better to at least try religious life and then, if I don't feel called, I can leave and then resume studies for Social Work. The RSMs don't require a degree. They send you to college for the apostolate they need you in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 First, for the sake of all our English friends, I think you should make it clear that you're thinking about doing [i]college[/i] studies. In Europe, University implies the equivalent of US's Masters or Doctoral programs. Our standard four year bachelors degree is "college" and is essentially equivalent to the work they do in high school + 1-2 years of higher study. It's weird, and I don't totally get it, but by saying university, you imply that you already have a major focus of study. (Eg, I'm in college majoring in mathematics, if I go to University, I'll study Statistics.) I might be wrong, and please do correct me, as I'm stating this with the assumption that the AA is two years of college, and if you'd transferred, you'd be finishing up your bachelors. Now, to answer your question, I think the most important thing you can do for yourself is move out of your home. I truly think that, in your case, this will be the way for "maturing" to occur, as you've stated in necessary in other posts. For me, this meant moving out. For you, if this means getting an apartment and finding a job, fine. If this means taking out a loan for a semester and studying, fine. But I think you owe it to yourself to figure out who you are outside of your familial home. Family is great, but we grow most outside of our comfort zone. Get out. Do [i]something[/i]. It doesn't matter what, but take a risk and just [i]do it[/i]! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regina_coeli Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 MM if you were 19 I might look at this differently, but debt will be an issue if you move to attend a university. You have two orders you are thinking about. Maybe you need to save some money and make some retreats or visits. Maybe that would show you the way. prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 [quote name='Deus_te_Amat' timestamp='1315160404' post='2300075'] First, for the sake of all our English friends, I think you should make it clear that you're thinking about doing [i]college[/i] studies. In Europe, University implies the equivalent of US's Masters or Doctoral programs. Our standard four year bachelors degree is "college" and is essentially equivalent to the work they do in high school + 1-2 years of higher study. It's weird, and I don't totally get it, but by saying university, you imply that you already have a major focus of study. (Eg, I'm in college majoring in mathematics, if I go to University, I'll study Statistics.) I might be wrong, and please do correct me, as I'm stating this with the assumption that the AA is two years of college, and if you'd transferred, you'd be finishing up your bachelors. Now, to answer your question, I think the most important thing you can do for yourself is move out of your home. I truly think that, in your case, this will be the way for "maturing" to occur, as you've stated in necessary in other posts. For me, this meant moving out. For you, if this means getting an apartment and finding a job, fine. If this means taking out a loan for a semester and studying, fine. But I think you owe it to yourself to figure out who you are outside of your familial home. Family is great, but we grow most outside of our comfort zone. Get out. Do [i]something[/i]. It doesn't matter what, but take a risk and just [i]do it[/i]! [/quote] Yes, you are right that it is a 2-year degree for which I need to transfer to get my Bachelor's. As far as moving out goes, I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon since I cannot find a job. My grandmother is helping me pay for school this semester which is only one class. As much as I'd like to move out, I absolutely cannot afford it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Please, bear with me, as I am not trying to be offensive, merely brutally honest. There is a big difference between "I cannot find a job" and "I cannot find a job that I'm both qualified for and am willing to actually do". Oftentimes we are forced to do things we'd really prefer not to, but they are necessary. As a 28 year old, seemingly intelligent, polite, well presented woman, please do not tell me that "even McDonalds wont take me!". If you really want my honest opinion, I'd tell you to get a minimum wage job, move into a cheap apartment complex in a semi-scetchy neighborhood (cheap ones always are), and figure out who God created you to be. Figure out who you are. Don't be wishy washy! You'll never learn to swim if you are too timid to figure out if the water is too hot or too cold. Please, don't let your feelings be hurt because of me. I just really think these are some things that, as a 28 year old, you really need to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Look at your signature. "You cannot be half a saint." MM, you are being half a saint by indecision. It is not my place to judge you, but St. Therese knew exactly what she wanted and fought Popes to get it. Sit down and figure out what, ultimately, you want from life. Don't let Religious life be the easy way out. You cannot be a good spouse of Christ if you do not know who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 [quote name='Deus_te_Amat' timestamp='1315161127' post='2300091'] Please, bear with me, as I am not trying to be offensive, merely brutally honest. There is a big difference between "I cannot find a job" and "I cannot find a job that I'm both qualified for and am willing to actually do". Oftentimes we are forced to do things we'd really prefer not to, but they are necessary. As a 28 year old, seemingly intelligent, polite, well presented woman, please do not tell me that "even McDonalds wont take me!". If you really want my honest opinion, I'd tell you to get a minimum wage job, move into a cheap apartment complex in a semi-scetchy neighborhood (cheap ones always are), and figure out who God created you to be. Figure out who you are. Don't be wishy washy! You'll never learn to swim if you are too timid to figure out if the water is too hot or too cold. Please, don't let your feelings be hurt because of me. I just really think these are some things that, as a 28 year old, you really need to hear. [/quote] While I appreciate your concern, it is not because I haven't applied to anything. There is a great lack of jobs right now in my area. I have applied to low-end jobs and have never received interviews. I'm still looking, of course. In the meantime, I'm working events sometimes which is contract work, but still work. I really didn't mean for this to be a judge of my character or whether or not I'm ready. I was merely asking a question as far as which direction to go -- not whether or not I'm taking the easy way out. I've been discerning for almost 4 years and have been taking it really slow up to this point. I'm just wondering if I'm waiting too long. I think this is a valid worry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regina_coeli Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 MM DtA is very wise and braver than I about speaking up. When I was 18 I got a grocery store job and stayed until I graduated. The hours were terrible, it was less than glamorous, but it made me a grown up. I know homesickness is an issue for you. An apt in the same area with your parents would let you separate gradually . I don't think you would make it now if you went all the way away, either to school or to enter. take some small steps, accept whatever job will have you, and save money to move and make some visits. Lots of prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315161635' post='2300096'] While I appreciate your concern, it is not because I haven't applied to anything. There is a great lack of jobs right now in my area. I have applied to low-end jobs and have never received interviews. I'm still looking, of course. In the meantime, I'm working events sometimes which is contract work, but still work. I really didn't mean for this to be a judge of my character or whether or not I'm ready. I was merely asking a question as far as which direction to go -- not whether or not I'm taking the easy way out. I've been discerning for almost 4 years and have been taking it really slow up to this point. I'm just wondering if I'm waiting too long. I think this is a valid worry. [/quote] I'm not judging your character. I'm attempting to use my experience to give you the answer to the question I think you're asking. Stop making excuses. Stop apologizing. Be bold! Don't be on the defensive, but rather the offensive. Don't sit and worry, DO SOMETHING. Make a choice and let God take care of you. Trust in HIM. Seek HIS will, and be BOLD enough to DO IT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I feel quite strongly that decisions to enter religious life (or get married if thats God's calling) should be made from a place of stability and many communities - here at least - would insist on it before allowing you to enter. You have been through a really tough time, and you deserve a lot of credit for facing it and dealing with it - but I think you now need time for all the work you have done and lessons you have learnt to sink in properly and become natural. I agree with others that a period of independance and 'normaility' would probably do you an awful lot of good. Continue listening to God and daily giving yourself to Him. If He really is calling you to devote yourself to Him in religious life then the right doors will open to you at the right time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 [quote name='Deus_te_Amat' timestamp='1315161919' post='2300099'] I'm not judging your character. I'm attempting to use my experience to give you the answer to the question I think you're asking. Stop making excuses. Stop apologizing. Be bold! Don't be on the defensive, but rather the offensive. Don't sit and worry, DO SOMETHING. Make a choice and let God take care of you. Trust in HIM. Seek HIS will, and be BOLD enough to DO IT. [/quote] Let me explain something. This is not an excuse but simply a way of explaining why I am experiencing worries like this... I had very bad debt for about 2 years that I had no way to pay off because of unemployment. I'm worried about taking out a school loan because I do not want another black mark on my record that will make my future like hell (pardon my language). The reason why I am not moving forward like I should is I have the natural ability to be impulsive and not think things through, which makes me regret my decisions. This indecision is a different change from my normal pattern. Thank you for being bold and saying what I didn't want to hear. This is something I want to do, but haven't been able to accomplish because of past health issues that have held me back. Now that those issues are finally being resolved, I need to make some very big decisions. Moving out is a huge step. One I'm ready to take but I want to look at all my options before hastily going ahead. I need your prayers that I can be accepted to the state university I want to attend. I have already applied to two of them and have another on the back burner (in another state). I would prefer to stay in-state if possible to minimize cost and debt. DtA, I hope you understand that I'm not offended by what you wrote. That is another fault of mine -- to quickly reply and not take the message the way it is supposed to be heard. Please forgive me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 I appreciate all three of you for saying what I didn't want to hear. It made me realize that you were responding to the message in today's Gospel about putting people in their place and correcting them. My priest called it "tough love" in his homily. While these things are rather painful to hear, we NEED to hear them. I really need to work on not jumping to the defensive whenever someone says something difficult. It is a great fault of mine. Some people in the past on this phorum and in real life have told me such things and it wasn't until later that I realized that they were absolutely right. In fact, I can name one person who I really hated hearing from because I knew that she was absolutely right. So, I thank you. Thank you for being so bold and Christian in explaining to me what needs to be done. I'm grateful for any lessons thrown my way. Please forget my excuses and know that these lessons will sink in. May God bless you three. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWIE Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 [color=#800000][size=5][b]Your 28.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]You've been discerning for 4 years.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]Pull up your big girl pantaloons, once again, and give God a chance.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]As you pointed out, Your future order will supply what training they may need you to have.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b](said with Love)[/b][/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 [quote name='EWIE' timestamp='1315164135' post='2300118'] [color=#800000][size=5][b]Your 28.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]You've been discerning for 4 years.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]Pull up your big girl pantaloons, once again, and give God a chance.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]As you pointed out, Your future order will supply what training they may need you to have.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b](said with Love)[/b][/size][/color] [/quote] LOL, forgive me, but I couldn't help but laugh at the way "pantaloons" appears on the forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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