News About My Discernment

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1317429610' post='2313138']

That's a good way of looking at it. I just wish more Orders would see it that way. I've had so many rejections from Orders, I don't know exactly where I can even begin when I seriously look at Orders in some years.
[/quote]

It really helps if you change your mindset and stop looking at orders "rejecting" you and start seeing it as God telling you that you are called somewhere else. I had to learn this myself. I became so upset that so many were "shutting me out" and turning me down because of my depression. I now understand that they don't want to turn people away, but they have to because they don't have resources to deal with it. And, in the odd chance that some community has a stigma about it, would you really want to enter there anyway?

When you start seeing things in a positive light, the world seems much brighter and much easier to deal with. God will find a way for you to answer the call if you give Him a chance and just trust Him.

[Sarah147]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' timestamp='1317411755' post='2312939']
All I can say is that if you keep your focus on the ultimate prize -- i.e. the day that you are before the Lord and hopefully you will hear "Well done oh good and faithful servant" then you'll find your way. The how is incidental.

By focusing on Him and your relationship [b]I am quite positive that He will guide and He will lead you to where you need to be. 100% confident of it.[/b]
[/quote]







After reading Mater's post, I feel like a little whiny kid before God. I sure have some growing to do.

Edited October 1, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1317430297' post='2313146']







After reading Mater's post, I feel like a little whiny kid before God. I sure have some growing to do.
[/quote]


Hun, you are anything BUT whiny. We ALL have things we have to learn before the world starts making sense to us. I still have things I have to work on. That's what Vocation Station is all about -- encouragement and support. I am and will always be praying for you!

[Sarah147]

And I'm sure you'll STILL be praying for me while you're in your cute little RSM habit.

Edited October 1, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[Sister Marie]

This is my first multiquote - see what I mean by not being limited, hahahaha. I hope I'm doing it right!

[quote name='Chiara Francesco' timestamp='1317428388' post='2313125']
Sr. Marie, I think you've helped more people than just Joyful. What you wrote can apply to so many others. I took much out of what you wrote for myself.
[/quote]

Thank you for saying that Chiara... I wasn't sure if I was going to scare anyone off so I'm glad for the reassurance

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1317428644' post='2313126']

SrMarie - that is such a good post and so true, especially that part you wrote "if there was more time for me to be alone, I would be able to..." -- that is the very reason I left Carmel the first time, and shows just how immature and ignorant I was about religious life. Looking back now, I was trying to get religious life to fit to me, to provide me with what I needed instead of me trying to fit into the community life and to give God what He was asking.

To paraphrase an old quote from President John Kennedy, "Ask not what your 'community' can do for you, but what you can do for your 'community'!" It has taken me a few years to figure this one out.

Maybe discerners need 'training wheels' as they embark on this journey because it certainly is different than every other endeavour we attempt. It is good to have experienced sisters like you here on phatmass. Please keep reminding us of what religious life is in reality so we don't get carried away with our idealised (and usually inadequate) perceptions of it. Even those of us who have been in (and out) of convents, can't bring the perspective that religious like you do, of someone who has persevered day in and day through the routine and the mundane and the sublime! Thank you.
[/quote]

Nunsense... you just made my night by calling ME an "experienced sister." Being the youngest in age in my community... I never thought I would hear those words !! I want to assure you though that as I read your posts, I learn much from you as well. And that is true for everyone on here! I was wondering as I was writing if this was more of a "discerners" thread than a "sister" thread and maybe I should have minded my own business, but I'm glad what I said was helpful. I never want to impinge upon the great freedom that is here for discerners to share with one another because I'm a sister.

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1317428694' post='2313127']
Sister Marie, thank you for your wonderful post.

It does seem that way at present, but I think things will be different in the future. I am working with my doctor on what to do about my issues and I'm going to go to a specialist that knows even better about helping the fatigue, anxiety, depression, etc. etc. In the future, coming from a place of stable health, I think I will be more "available" to apostolates. Maybe my attraction to the retreat work apostolate will broaden to other apostolates. Maybe I could work toward college. It's just at this time, these are limited. I don't know how things will be in the future, but I think it's good to know my current limitations.

That's very important to think about and I'm very appreciative that you can share that coming from your experience as a Religious.

[/quote]

Joyful, I will continue to pray for you and that all the challenges you are experiencing become a part of the seamless plan of God for your salvation and the salvation of the world so that you can realize your vocation with your whole heart! Prayers!!!

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1317429545' post='2313136']

Wow! Thank you, Sr. Marie, for such an informative and enlightening post. Therapy has done wonders for me, as well. I am much more willing to take risks and I am not as nervous or distracted as I was. My therapist is, quite honestly, a God-send because she is the only one out of the 5 I've had that truly tries to get to the root of every problem I have experienced and turns it into a positive thing. I think on a much more positive level than I have ever done and my mom even remarks how much I have changed since I started seeing her 4 months ago. My discernment is boosted because of this. My therapist is Catholic and works for the diocese, so she has been a powerhouse trying to help me in that as well since I don't have a spiritual director yet.

I understand completely about the limitations you were placing on yourself. I have done that, too, which is unfortunate because I was shutting myself off from this beautiful order that I am currently discerning with. I had some issues while working as a Certified Nursing Assistant which gave me an aversion to ever working in healthcare again. I thought I'd never be able to enjoy it since my last employer was so difficult to please. I now understand, through the help of my therapist, that I shouldn't close myself off to it at all. I learned that I have a natural affinity to help others and I really admire social workers for what they do. But now, I'm even opening myself up to the possibility that God could call me to do something much different than I imagined if I enter (God-willing). The Sisters I am discerning with have a large medical apostolate and many of them are doctors. While that didn't seem attractive to me to begin with, I started researching the different kinds of doctors recently and I would consider it if the Superiors thought I would be suitable for that apostolate. I would even consider being a teacher if given the correct training even thought it is not something I would usually choose for myself.

Branching out in religious life is so necessary otherwise we close ourselves off to the lessons that God is trying to help us learn. When we become more open to hearing Him, we become more compassionate and much more apt to follow Christ.
[/quote]

As I was writing my post, I removed and rewrote the therapy part about a million times because I didn't want to scare anyone and as "free" as I believe I am, it's still scary to admit that to people. However; I've posted before that I think many young women coming from our culture and social norms will need some help before entering religious life completely not through their own fault but because of the profound disconnect between the societal expectations and responsibilities and those of religious life. I was in therapy as a sister in formation and my therapist was a religious sister of another community. I am so grateful for what she did for me and as eager as I was to end therapy I would not give anything for the fruits of that experience. It changed my life and allowed me to experience God's redemption in my life as well as giving me the tools to live that redemption in union with God's people. It was hard but it was very very very worth it. Thank you for affirming that part of my "story" as I shared it with you.

Blessings to all of you. And thank you for sharing with me!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1317432602' post='2313165']
As I was writing my post, I removed and rewrote the therapy part about a million times because I didn't want to scare anyone and as "free" as I believe I am, it's still scary to admit that to people. However; I've posted before that I think many young women coming from our culture and social norms will need some help before entering religious life completely not through their own fault but because of the profound disconnect between the societal expectations and responsibilities and those of religious life. I was in therapy as a sister in formation and my therapist was a religious sister of another community. I am so grateful for what she did for me and as eager as I was to end therapy I would not give anything for the fruits of that experience. It changed my life and allowed me to experience God's redemption in my life as well as giving me the tools to live that redemption in union with God's people. It was hard but it was very very very worth it. Thank you for affirming that part of my "story" as I shared it with you.

Blessings to all of you. And thank you for sharing with me!
[/quote]

I agree with the therapy for pre-religious life. I wouldn't change my experience for the world because I have learned so much about myself. I remember, back in June when I first met with my therapist, how she wondered how I would cope when I was looking at becoming a long-term volunteer and moving away from my family. I was considering volunteering with LAMP in New York, but after I told her about my somewhat negative experience while staying with my former community in East Chicago, IN, she questioned me as to if I was ready for such a commitment. Now that she knows me better and we have been working on boosting my self-confidence, she asks me regularly if I have made any progress in my discernment. Last time, I told her about the order I am going to visit in November (but it was before I had made arrangements since I didn't have the funds yet). She said she was hoping that I would be able to visit them soon. It's wonderful to see her have more confidence in me now because it makes me more confident about my abilities.

Fortunately, the RSMs have a support system in place since they have a few Sisters who are psychiatrists and psychologists. One postulant was on here before she left in July to enter and told me that they provide therapy if the Sister needs it. They also do the psychological testing for other orders. One such order is the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration. I thought that was very neat!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1317431561' post='2313156']
And I'm sure you'll STILL be praying for me while you're in your cute little RSM habit.
[/quote]

But of course! If I enter (God-willing), I'm going to adopt all of you in prayer.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1317432602' post='2313165']



Nunsense... you just made my night by calling ME an "experienced sister." Being the youngest in age in my community... I never thought I would hear those words !! I want to assure you though that as I read your posts, I learn much from you as well. And that is true for everyone on here! I was wondering as I was writing if this was more of a "discerners" thread than a "sister" thread and maybe I should have minded my own business, but I'm glad what I said was helpful. I never want to impinge upon the great freedom that is here for discerners to share with one another because I'm a sister.

[/quote]


Sr Marie

No matter how 'young' you feel in religious life, the fact is that you are living the life here and now. Sure, some of us have experiences of previously living in religious life, and are happy to share these experiences with others, but if we are not currently living the life, then we are not really in a position to speak about the ongoing sacrifices involved and the commitment required to persevere.

I don't want this to be taken the wrong way by anyone else who has previously been in religious life, as I am really speaking for myself here but just as we love to hear about those nuns who have been in religious life for 40, 50, 60 years, and value their advice and wonder about their dedication, so too, must we acknowledge that those of us who have been 'in and out' (no matter how many times) are not the experts - you who live the daily life are, no matter how young in it you may be.

We often ask couples who have been married for years, just what their secret is... and don't usually turn to those who have had unsuccessful relationships for this advice (we might ask them how they coped with certain things, and how they dealt with pain and loss - but that's not what I'm talking about) - we also need to turn to those currently living in religious for their guidance on 'how to do it'! And the longer a couple has been together, to more confidence we feel in their advice.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should never feel that you don't fit in here with the discerners - we need religious like you, all of us, even those of us who have tried many times to do it. I don't feel bad about what has happened to me - after all, supposedly the just man falls seven times a day - the important thing is to get up and keep moving forward, towards God's love, but I do acknowledge that I am not the expert (or even the 'proficient' )-- so having someone like you (and other religious who post here) provides us with a real and very human example of religous life today. Let's just say that you keep us 'leveled, centred and grounded'!

Thank you.

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1317435236' post='2313187']


Sr Marie

No matter how 'young' you feel in religious life, the fact is that you are living the life here and now. Sure, some of us have experiences of previously living in religious life, and are happy to share these experiences with others, but if we are not currently living the life, then we are not really in a position to speak about the ongoing sacrifices involved and the commitment required to persevere.

I don't want this to be taken the wrong way by anyone else who has previously been in religious life, as I am really speaking for myself here but just as we love to hear about those nuns who have been in religious life for 40, 50, 60 years, and value their advice and wonder about their dedication, so too, must we acknowledge that those of us who have been 'in and out' (no matter how many times) are not the experts - you who live the daily life are, no matter how young in it you may be.

We often ask couples who have been married for years, just what their secret is... and don't usually turn to those who have had unsuccessful relationships for this advice (we might ask them how they coped with certain things, and how they dealt with pain and loss - but that's not what I'm talking about) - we also need to turn to those currently living in religious for their guidance on 'how to do it'! And the longer a couple has been together, to more confidence we feel in their advice.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should never feel that you don't fit in here with the discerners - we need religious like you, all of us, even those of us who have tried many times to do it. I don't feel bad about what has happened to me - after all, supposedly the just man falls seven times a day - the important thing is to get up and keep moving forward, towards God's love, but I do acknowledge that I am not the expert (or even the 'proficient' )-- so having someone like you (and other religious who post here) provides us with a real and very human example of religous life today. Let's just say that you keep us 'leveled, centred and grounded'!

Thank you.
[/quote]

Well, I am certainly humbled by your words and your wisdom... please let me know if there is anything in particular I can do for any of you. I remember you daily in prayer before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I will make myself available if any of you ever have need of me for anything. Please don't hesitate.

Edited October 1, 2011 by Sister Marie

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1317432602' post='2313165']
Nunsense... you just made my night by calling ME an "experienced sister." Being the youngest in age in my community... I never thought I would hear those words !! I want to assure you though that as I read your posts, I learn much from you as well. And that is true for everyone on here! I was wondering as I was writing if this was more of a "discerners" thread than a "sister" thread and maybe I should have minded my own business, but I'm glad what I said was helpful. I never want to impinge upon the great freedom that is here for discerners to share with one another because I'm a sister.

...
As I was writing my post, I removed and rewrote the therapy part about a million times because I didn't want to scare anyone and as "free" as I believe I am, it's still scary to admit that to people. However; I've posted before that I think many young women coming from our culture and social norms will need some help before entering religious life completely not through their own fault but because of the profound disconnect between the societal expectations and responsibilities and those of religious life. I was in therapy as a sister in formation and my therapist was a religious sister of another community. I am so grateful for what she did for me and as eager as I was to end therapy I would not give anything for the fruits of that experience. It changed my life and allowed me to experience God's redemption in my life as well as giving me the tools to live that redemption in union with God's people. It was hard but it was very very very worth it. Thank you for affirming that part of my "story" as I shared it with you.
[/quote]

Sr. Marie ... I agree wholeheartedly with what nunsense has said. A number of us (me included) have been in and out of religious life for whatever may be the reason. You're living it, and having your voice on the phorum is important.

I don't know about the others ... but as far as I am concerned, part of the reason why I do share is because I hope I can help. I'm older (I'm 40). I've been at the trying to figure out God's will for something like 15 years. And sometimes I wished that at the beginning of my walk and discernment I had had a voice of two of experience around to shed light on what I was going through. I do sometimes think twice about "putting my heart out there."

I do have to say this -- thank you. Thank you Sr. Marie for having shared your own journey through therapy. This I think speaks volumes, because it is an admission of the woundedness found in each and every one of us. Some may not need to do any therapy. Some however will.

I pray that you continue to openly share with us ... and I ask that you intercede for our vocations -- whatever that may be!

Blessings, and we will pray for the Lord to give you the perseverence to get to the finish line, the day where you meet face to face with the Beloved.

[Sister Marie]

Thank you, both for affirming my honesty about therapy, and for reminding me that the finish line is not final vows, but Heaven. God bless you always.

[Sister Andrew]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1317436909' post='2313199']
Thank you, both for affirming my honesty about therapy, and for reminding me that the finish line is not final vows, but Heaven. God bless you always.
[/quote]

This is exactly what has been coming up in my prayer lately! Our Co-Foundress used to always tell the Sisters "I pray that you all become saints!" So many times I get caught up in thinking things like "how many more years do I have to get through to get to final vows?" or if I'm in a bit of discouragement I'll compare our length of juniorate to other communities that I know of (ours seems to always be a bit longer!) and I get frustrated. But when I can stop looking inward at myself and fix my gaze on Jesus (where I should be focused!) I remember that he has called me here to follow him with my whole life. And that my following of him is not dependent on when I make final vows. Often I think of Simon Peter at the end of the Gospel of John. Jesus has asked him three times "do you love me? and then Peter see John and asks Jesus "what about him?" and Jesus says (paraphrased) "If I want him to remain alive until I come again what does that matter to you. Follow me!" This speaks to me so much! Honestly when I really pray about it I can appreciate that I am fulfilled and happy giving my life to the Lord each day. The comparisons I make and frustration I have should not be my focus I am called to follow Him! To everything else I can say "what does that matter to me. I am to follow Him!"

Sorry if I rambled a bit I just thought I'd share!

This thread has had so many beautiful comments thank you all so much!

praying for all of you!
Sr. Andrew

edit-it posted the same message twice!

Edited October 1, 2011 by Andrew

[Sarah147]

I had a nice vAcation/retreat and it gave me time away from thinking about looking at Orders. Unfortunately, it was more busy than I had hoped and so I didn't get to focus on prayer and adoration as much, but I did get some more time than usual to be quiet; be with nature and let my mind go; sit in adoration; pray; walk; etc. I bought some great things, including a Marian CD; Communion hymns; beginner prayer book; a book by Peter Kreeft; rosary booklets; stations of the cross booklets; etc. I'm waiting for most of it to arrive in the mail, as I didn't have room to pack it all. I'm hoping to get to reading that prayer book; it should help me learn more about getting into meditation and other prayer.

Other news is that my SD found out from a cloister some advice for me. It was again confirmed that a full cloister would not be good for me because there aren't many outlets and not much socializing. They said a more active Order would be better for me due to my mental issues. They happened to know that the [url="http://www.fsecommunity.org/"]http://www.fsecommunity.org/[/url] is very good and recommended talking with them, to at least get advice and some guidance, even if I would not enter there. I find this helpful advice, because I would like to know what sort of apostolate would be a good fit, particularly what sort of education or work. I also plan to tell my SD about the RSM being open to me because they are similar and more attractive to me as an Order, especially since they have younger Sisters. As well as the Carmelite semi-contemplative Order in Los Angeles (the VD wants to talk on the phone when I'm ready to discern). This is all just to get their thoughts and advice, as I am not in active discernment at this time. I know I need to grow more, better my health, grow in prayer, etc. I know Mater wanted me to remain open to the possibility of college, and I will, but I just can't predict what I could handle in the future. I have trouble retaining what I learn, so I don't know for sure that a college educated job would be something I could do. This sure makes discernment hard.



I also received some more emails from when I had emailed Orders to find out their rules.

saintbenedict.com -- they can't accept people on medication for mental issues.

asspconvent.org -- they are open to my visiting, and they think it's great that my issue is under control, but they have concern if I could handle the new lifestyle. They said I would need to visit communities to see if I'm called to religious life and what type of religious life.

Edited October 24, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[HopefulBride]

The All Saints sisters look like a wonderful community. Strangely I had never heard of them before. Their habit reminds me of that of an Anglican community who recently came home to the Church.

Continued prayers for you Joyful.

[Aya Sophia]

I had heard of All Saints only because a friend gave me a beautifully designed, very tiny "inspirational" card and I liked it so much I looked up its source which was All Saints.

They seem very unusual - very "old fashioned" but at the same time very true and vibrant, as though they've managed to keep their traditions AND adapt to the changing needs and circumstances of their life. I would love to have gone on a retreat there. Perhaps your next vacation/retreat could be there. Or, if it's a while before you'll have a long stretch of time, perhaps you could just go for a brief visit. With their charism of hospitality I imagine a stay with them would be refreshing and restorative.