News About My Discernment

[Sarah147]

Hello,

I posted this in the SsEW thread but it's probably not as easily seen.

News!

I just recently received an email back from the vocation director of the Sister Servants. Sister said that my health issues constitute an impediment to their Order (so I won't be able to ever enter their Order). I know that they make exceptions if it's well-controlled, but Sister said nothing of this to me. I had been discerning their Order since late 2010. I'm now feeling down, hurt and disappointed about it, but it helps me to try to remember that God speaks through Superiors in Orders, and that God just doesn't want me at that Order. Maybe their more-cloistered type life wouldn't have been good for me; God sure has His reasons. [img]http://mail.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/tsmileys2/04.gif[/img]

There are some Orders open to health issues and I'll be looking into them more in the future, but right now I'm just feeling pretty down, and I'm in no rush anyway, so I think I'll be taking discernment slowly. I also just started a college 3 credit composition course, mostly online, with a local community college, and that will have me pretty busy writing papers from now into mid-December. It's my first college course, and I'm really hoping I do well; all the essays sure look daunting though!

I had written the RSM Institute and told them my mental health issue some months ago, and they said that they are open to considering me and whether I have a vocation to their Institute, so that gives me hope, so I may be looking into them when I'm feeling better. Some of them work in the medical field so they are more open to entrants with health problems. It gives me some peace to think about that because I don't feel they would ask me to leave if I had a relapse; I believe they would help me if something ever happened and they would get me stable again. I believe they would better understand me and my needs, and help me have a great life with them. They are not so equipped with the Sister Servants, and that left me feeling uneasy. I don't believe I will have a relapse though because I have been totally controlled on medicine for years now without symptoms or relapse.

Thank y'all for the SsEW thread and I hope it helps others discerning this beautiful Order.

[Sister Marie]

Joyful, I encourage you to keep your very level - headed point of view in this situation - that one community would have the ability to help you if you needed and the other wouldn't. It isn't a good or bad about either but you are looking for a fit - not just who will "take" you with your mental health issue but where it is that God desires for you to grow in holiness. Your health is certainly part of that. I think it is great that you realize that it isn't a rejection but a realizing that the community just doesn't have the resources necessary.

I think that there is a temptation when talking about mental illness, especially when talking about religious life, to become hopeless and despairing over this "one thing" that seemingly keeps the person suffering from being a religious, from being a saint, from being good - and it is just a temptation. The truth is that you have the hardest part figured out. Each of us is called to pick up our crosses and follow Christ - you already know what your cross is. Some people never figure out what theirs is or it takes them a very long time to pick it up and walk with it. And help, whether it be medicine or therapy or both..., is your Simon helping you carry a very heavy cross. You are not less holy or less good because you need help - Jesus had help too. It might feel sometimes like you cannot carry it and that is when you are carrying it the most faithfully and most sacrificially because you are following Him knowing that you cannot do it and only He can. I have always had the image of carrying my cross as very stoically and courageously taking on a heavy burden - but it isn't. It sometimes feels like being broken, and dying, and that is when I feel like crying out, as Jesus did too. God doesn't desire us to be in pain, but He allows us to enter into the mystery of His love through it. His love isn't for the strong and stoic, it is for the meek and the mourning and He will fill our need.

Joyful, I'm not saying that you feel any of those things above but I think it is something that anyone who suffers in this way needs to hear so I write it in a general way. A sister I am very good friends with told me one time that she believes that almost all young women entering religious life now will need some help in this way. While many people come from good backgrounds - our cultural and societal structures are not conducive to mature and healthy emotional and mental growth. Religious life is more counter-cultural now than it has been in the recent past and that brings with it a lot of complex emotions that arise when looking at one's family, education, social, and cultural background from the point of view religious life offers - in short, it brings up issues. Very frequently people need help dealing with these issues - and there is nothing wrong with that either. Some communities are more open to that and some are more able to provide that kind of help. It is something to bring up in your discernment.

I will pray especially for your peace and for your perseverance in carrying part of the redeeming Cross for the world. We each need one another to carry our crosses and I am grateful for your carrying of yours.

[OnlySunshine]

Oh, JL, I am sorry to hear that! We always knew it was a possibility but I was praying for a good outcome. The positive side of it is that you are able to rule out the order and move on to find what God is truly calling you, too. It's hard not to take it personally, as I know myself. It stings. Take some time and recuperate before discerning further. If you have a spiritual director, work with them on finding that middle ground again so that you are not feeling downtrodden when you talk to the next order.

You may be surprised to hear this, but I have also decided to discern with the Religious Sisters of Mercy. I was deep in prayer the past few weeks and I feel like God is calling me to Social Work -- something I would be able to do if I entered the RSMs. Of course, I could be completely wrong and I trust that He will show me. You are correct that the RSMs are better equipped to handle people like us than most religious orders. I've heard nothing but good things about them. I emailed Sr. Catherine Marie and I'm waiting patiently to hear back since they are preparing to welcome their postulants on Sept. 8th.

I also got in touch with the Sisters of Our Lady Immaculate in Canada, but I think I might wait until I effectively rule out the RSMs and SsEWs. I still have not talked about my health issues with either order, so I'm praying for a positive outcome.

I will be saying some prayers for you, my dear friend. If you want to PM me and talk privately (since we have been going through a lot of the same things), please do. God bless.

[AccountDeleted]

JL - i know it might be hard for you to see this at this time (although you seem to have a wonderful attitude to it all), but God could be saving you from an even worse heartache later on by ending this relationship now. If you entered and fell in love with the community and then had problems that they couldn't handle and were sent away, it might be a lot harder for you to deal with then, especially if you were at a vulnerable time.

Your comments about applying to a community that is better able to face and deal with some of your issues is a wonderfully mature one. Then, in the future, instead of being sent away at a time when you needed most to feel included, you would more likely get help and support.

Continue to trust that God knows best for you, and you will make it through this difficult and sad time. You know already that you have the prayers of your phatmass phamily.

[OnlySunshine]

JL, Nunsense is absolutely right. I am really looking forward to meeting the RSMs whenever I raise the money to get there because I've heard that they have an AMAZING support system. Not only can you continue medication in their order (so I've heard), but they allow you to receive counseling if necessary. They are, by far, the best order for people like us who have controlled illnesses.

Don't beat yourself up over this, whatever you do. There is a good reason that God allowed this to happen. Only He knows what will truly make you happy. Lean on Him, trust in Him, and pray for His guidance. It makes you a better person inside and out.

[jennyanne]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1315104302' post='2299902']
JL - i know it might be hard for you to see this at this time (although you seem to have a wonderful attitude to it all), but God could be saving you from an even worse heartache later on by ending this relationship now. If you entered and fell in love with the community and then had problems that they couldn't handle and were sent away, it might be a lot harder for you to deal with then, especially if you were at a vulnerable time.

Your comments about applying to a community that is better able to face and deal with some of your issues is a wonderfully mature one. Then, in the future, instead of being sent away at a time when you needed most to feel included, you would more likely get help and support.

Continue to trust that God knows best for you, and you will make it through this difficult and sad time. You know already that you have the prayers of your phatmass phamily.
[/quote]


This is exactly what happened to me- I needed to leave my community due to mental health problems, and believe me it is not easy!

God bless you, JL. Prayers for you honey. Please pray for me.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='jennyanne' timestamp='1315106600' post='2299921']


This is exactly what happened to me- I needed to leave my community due to mental health problems, and believe me it is not easy!

God bless you, JL. Prayers for you honey. Please pray for me.
[/quote]

Oh, dear. I'm sorry to hear that was the reason for your dismissal. Hun, if you EVER need to talk, please PM me. I've been through a ringer over the last 4 years with several orders that were not understanding of these situations. It's one thing to not be able to accommodate the illness (which I understand very well), but there is such a stigma attached that brings such negativity into our lives. It's not necessary when we have to endure these hardships. If there has been anything I've learned these past 12 years since I was diagnosed with depression, it's that coming out on the other side makes you a much stronger person. I know it may be hard to see that now, but believe me -- stick with God and you WILL survive. Prayers, dearest.

[Sarah147]

I'm sorry I couldn't respond to this thread last night. This thread developed after wind down time and getting ready for sleep. I'm about to head to sleep soon tonight, too.

I find so much of what y'all have shared very comforting. Your kind words, wisdom and concern means so much to me.

It's hard for me to realize that this is a cross because it is non-existent to me while medicated; literally for years now on medication I've been free of symptoms or relapse. But to Orders, the way they look at it, and because of what could happen in the future, I see it is a cross. I am definately one that needs to talk to someone when things happen and to manage stress, so I'm seeing more now my needs and why many Orders cannot manage this.

Nunsense, you said something very wise. My SD said that, too, that God may be saving me from further heartache. How hard it would be to leave a Community I would come to be close to and to have to possibly leave the Order permanently because they can't manage the problem.

Mater, thank you so much for offering to PM. I just may take you up on that soon; I haven't much time left tonight and I think I'll just take it easy now.

Jenny, it's sad to hear that. In earlier discernments with various Orders, I was still unsure what my accurate diagnosis was and so I wasn't sure of my needs or what Order to look for. I'm very blessed in a way to have had one relapse and to learn just what I have and what medicine works. Now I know what to tell Orders and I know what my needs are.

I'm going to break from discerning for a while until I recover from this. But, I would mention that the RSM sure sounds wonderful with how they allow medicine and counselling, and they have specialists within the Institute. Something to discern is whether I'm called to the education they usually ask of their entrants. I'm just starting a composition course and it will be good to know how I do with college. I do have a lot of ability, but I so often forget it and get discouraged because I have to work harder with my learning disabilities, and they so easily make me feel inadequate and like I could fail. I think it will be difficult to discern this Institute.

Sister Marie made a good point about it not being about what Order will accept me, but where God is calling me. I find that difficult. I almost feel like I haven't been discerning well because apparently God wasn't even calling me to the SsEW. I find it helps to have it narrowed down to Orders that would accept me. Saint Faustina kept getting rejected by Orders but entered the one that opened a door, and if I recall correctly, she believed that showed where God was calling her. If I haven't even been discerning according to God's will, how do I get there? Thank God I'm not ready to enter anywhere for some years; hopefully I'll grow and learn to discern properly. Any advice?

As far as Orders... I noticed on the other [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/106541-orders-open-to-those-with-mentalemotional-weakness/page__view__findpost__p__2220804"]thread[/url] someone mentioned the SMMC's allowed a person with some kind of struggles (no mention of what). They do retreat type talks and teaching in schools. I haven't felt drawn there but thought I'd mention for others. I haven't felt drawn to the Georgia or Carmelite Order that Mater has mentioned. I don't feel drawn to non-habited Orders. Then there's [url="http://www.fsecommunity.org/"]http://www.fsecommunity.org/[/url] They accepted a woman well-controlled with bipolar disorder; they have some people with medical specialities if I recall correctly so I believe they are equipped like the RSM. And then there is the RSM (Alma). I guess those are what I can look into when I get back into discerning. I do see a lot of beauty and an open door with the RSM, so that is something to discern well.

Thank you all again for your support.

Edited September 5, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[jennyanne]

Mater Misericordia- thank you for being so very kind in your post above. I will pm you soon! Thanks for reaching out. I am really hurting a lot right now, and I am grateful for your prayers!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='jennyanne' timestamp='1315186736' post='2300289']
Mater Misericordia- thank you for being so very kind in your post above. I will pm you soon! Thanks for reaching out. I am really hurting a lot right now, and I am grateful for your prayers!
[/quote]

Not a problem, dearest. I understand the torment and pain you are experiencing, so I wanted to reach out to you and tell you that I know what it feels like. For me, it felt like my insides were being ripped out, especially my heart. It was a difficult trial, but I learned SO much about myself that if given the opportunity again, I would experience it all over again. My mom and grandmother told me that they saw a change in me for the better when it was all over -- that I became more compassionate and willing to share my sorrow with others.

Let Jesus hold you, dear little one. Don't let this pain fester. If it helps, cry out to God, but be willing to listen for an answer. If anyone understands, it's Christ. I find that meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary or the Stations of the Cross help me unite my sufferings to Jesus and help me know that I am not alone. If that helps you, please do it. Find some positive channel for your sorrow right now. Doing arts and crafts is an excellent way to put those feelings to use. Paint, draw, knit, make rosaries for missions. Making rosaries was a great experience and I would recommend it for anyone looking for a way to help missionaries.

Like I said, my virtual door is always open. I'm on here pretty much every day, so I will respond as quickly as I can. My prayers aren't much, but I will offer what I have for you. I'll say prayers and/or a rosary for you and anyone else hurting (JoyfulLife) tonight. God bless.

Edited September 5, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[OnlySunshine]

I know we all benefit from reading stories of the saints and religious gone before us. I was reading the story of Leonie Martin -- St. Therese of Lisieux's older sister -- who entered and left religious life 3 times. The last time she left, she was so heartbroken that she could not stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. Despair did not get the best of her and she entered religious life a final time with the Visitation Sisters of Caen in France and stayed until her death. Her story is full of hope for those suffering.

[url="http://martinsisters.org/sister_francoise_therese.html"]God's Little Violet -- Sr. Françoise-Thérèse[/url]

[Little Flower]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315190260' post='2300306']
I know we all benefit from reading stories of the saints and religious gone before us. I was reading the story of Leonie Martin -- St. Therese of Lisieux's older sister -- who entered and left religious life 3 times. The last time she left, she was so heartbroken that she could not stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. Despair did not get the best of her and she entered religious life a final time with the Visitation Sisters of Caen in France and stayed until her death. Her story is full of hope for those suffering.

[url="http://martinsisters.org/sister_francoise_therese.html"]God's Little Violet -- Sr. Françoise-Thérèse[/url]
[/quote]

that was really beautiful. I hadn't really understood about her, as all I knew came from Story of a Soul, which is about Therese.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Little Flower' timestamp='1315193015' post='2300326']
that was really beautiful. I hadn't really understood about her, as all I knew came from Story of a Soul, which is about Therese.
[/quote]

I have really come to respect her. I hope to see her canonized someday.

Here is another biography on her:

[url="http://www.helpfellowship.org/Sr_Francoise-Therese.htm"]Sr. Francoise-Therese[/url]

[Sarah147]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1315184611' post='2300279']

I'm going to break from discerning for a while until I recover from this. But, I would mention that the RSM sure sounds wonderful with how they allow medicine and counselling, and they have specialists within the Institute. [b]Something to discern is whether I'm called to the education they usually ask of their entrants.[/b] I'm just starting a composition course and it will be good to know how I do with college. I do have a lot of ability, but I so often forget it and get discouraged because I have to work harder with my learning disabilities, and they so easily make me feel inadequate and like I could fail. [b]I think it will be difficult to discern this Institute.[/b]

Sister Marie made a good point about it not being about what Order will accept me, but where God is calling me. I find that difficult. I almost feel like I haven't been discerning well because apparently God wasn't even calling me to the SsEW. I find it helps to have it narrowed down to Orders that would accept me. Saint Faustina kept getting rejected by Orders but entered the one that opened a door, and if I recall correctly, she believed that showed where God was calling her. [b]If I haven't even been discerning according to God's will, how do I get there?[/b] Thank God I'm not ready to enter anywhere for some years; hopefully I'll grow and learn to discern properly. Any advice?
[/quote]


Do y'all have any thoughts about any of the quote?

[cmaD2006]

"If I haven't even been discerning according to God's will, how do I get there?"

Hmmm interesting quote.

If in your heart you have attempted to discern according to God's will, then you have to trust that you have been in His will during the discernment. He can permit things to happen to make you grow.

How do you know if you were discerning according to God's will ... well, you may really not completely know until you are in His presence, right? We can only do our best.

Listen in my discernment for entering the 2nd community, there was one thing that compelled me to enter that 2nd community (I was trying to decide between two communities). A priest during an 8 day retreat gave me this advice "choose the community that will sanctify you, not the one you like the most." He was right. Although the experience I had was very difficult, it did serve to sanctify me and make me grow. If I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have experienced what I needed in order to grow.

Now ... I can be honest and say that my heart is still in that community. My desire is still, after everything that I went through, is to be there. Which I can't be. I don't know if that will ever happen.

Why would God allow my heart to be so attached (I guess that's the right word) to a community that it would be impossible (or highly improbable) to reenter? I can be honest -- I've asked the Lord to take that away, to remove that desire. He hasn't, and it "kills me."

All I can say is that the only reason I can possibly think that He permits that is to further sanctify me. It is my cross (right now at least) isn't it? It is a sort of passion? So, in a wierd way it does unite me with Him on the cross.

Finally if it wasn't His will for me to be in that community, I do trust that He will eventually change my heart such that I don't yearn for that community anymore. In the meantime I "offer it up" to Him for the salvation of a particular soul.

Blessings,