Higher Vocation?

[BarbTherese]

Great post, nunsense, with deep insight and sound advice born of experience - and good to see you around again, unless you have been around and I have missed you - and in that case, it is really good to catch up with you again!
I have been wondering where you were and keeping you in prayer. Please keep me in yours.

[Chiquitunga]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1314607727' post='2296820']What I really liked about the song was that it triggered me to identify with myself as I am right now, just me - the unique me with all my faults and failings - and this is the person Jesus died for and that I should find courage and consolation simply in the person I am because this is the person Jesus loved and loves so ardently it was worth a cruel death. If Jesus thought me worth all that, then I should treasure my selfhood as a potential for holiness - overwhelming thought!

amesome! Thank you for sharing! (I didn't listen to the end of it as I have a prepaid wireless broadband connection and I need to watch the KB's)
I hope this post comes out ok, I seem to be having problems.
[/quote]

I'm really glad you liked it, BarbaraTherese! That's a beautiful reflection there!! Yes, the song definitely triggers that! You can buy the mp3 on amazon for a dollar! [url="http://www.amazon.com/Saint-That-Just-Me-Single/dp/B004CQEISI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314634567&sr=8-1"]http://www.amazon.co...14634567&sr=8-1[/url]

I love at the end how she brings in "the sin of Adam's pride" I feel like pride is all interwoven in this topic, and comparing ourselves with others and all. It's just really beautiful how she weaves things throughout it. And she was in religious life herself for some time. The youtube description ..

[quote]This is probably Danielle Rose's most beautiful, most heart-felt song yet written.
After living at the Convent of the Disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ in Prayertown, Texas for nearly three years, Danielle Rose discerned that Jesus is calling her to a vocation other than the Religious Life. She is now back on the road, fulfilling God's call to praise Him through her music. [/quote]

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='jennyanne' timestamp='1314404988' post='2295553']
Is it possible God loved me more when I was a sister?
[/quote]

God loves you just as you are with all of the wrinkles and the amesomeness of being you.

Lilllabettt says it best. A number of us (me included) have been in religious life at various stages and we have left -- some by our own accord, and some because we were asked to leave.

God continues to be there throughout the entire process ... the moments of rejection, the moments of loneliness. Moments where you think no one else out there understands your pain.

What I have seen personally is that
a) what God allows in my life is for my growth. It can be quite painful. But ... when the trial passes, I am stronger and a better Christian for it
b) He always sends people in my path to help. To give a message of encouragement. To pray. To support, to lean on, to cry with.
c) He is always, always there. Even when it seems as though He disappears, and when it seems as though He has forgotten me. When I'm at the "end of my rope" and He's been seemingly absent, He shows up and gives me a boost.
d) Its not always my fault. Sure -- I'm a sinner. I fail at times, and I sin horribly as well at times. But there are times where in a particular circumstance I am not 100% at fault. I can contribute to the mess that occurred, but it wasn't completely me. God's also great at showing me what is my role, and what was not my own doing.

Praying that the Lord does send you a bit of consolation during this difficult time. And if you do have St. Ignatius' rules for discernment of spirits look at the first part -- it explains the movement of spirits during consolation and desolation, and gives some groundwork for what to do and what NOT to do. I went through a difficult period at the beginning of this year, and I completely forgot them. Wish I hadn't, because the period of desolation that I did go through could have been cut shorter if I had followed them. I was reminded of them about a month after the whole thing was over.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1314617726' post='2296828']I think someone posted it here earlier but the whole point of a human life is sanctification of the soul. There may be religious who are holier than lay or vice versa... I have seen it from both sides and have met some very holy religious and also some very unholy ones. Ditto for the laity (and even for clergy too, come to think of it). Religious life may be considered a higher vocation according to the Church, but that doesn't mean that all religious are living that vocation as faithfully as God desires. Whatever one's vocation may be, the purpose of human life is still the same for each one of us - to sanctify our souls through our own efforts and through God's grace. For each person, that may best be done in a different way. We may certainly emulate the saints, but we should never try to imitate them, as God did not make us to become carbon copies of each other. So for anyone striving for 'the highest' vocation - that is sanctity. Not necessarily canonisation, which is the Church's way of inspiring the faithful, but sanctity. [/quote]

Thanks Nunsense for reminding me ... I've said this in some of my posts (although not in this thread).

The goal is holiness and sanctification. The route doesn't matter -- as long as it is the route where you will be sanctified. If it is marriage -- then your husband and your children (and your inlaws) will be some of the means the Lord will use to sanctify you. If it is the priesthood -- your commitment to your Bishop, your parishioners, your fellow priests will help in your sanctification. If it is religious life -- your fellow brothers or sisters.

As a single person not in vows nor in a community -- I find that one of the ways He sanctifies me is in those moments of loneliness. I have two choices -- to fall into that despair where I think that "no one loves me" or I can choose to remember that my Lord "loves me with an everlasting love." There are others around too who help in my sanctification.

There are many things that I do not understand. Lots of things. I await the day that I can be before my Lord and Savior where I have a full understanding of the why of what He has permitted. I also long for the day where I pray I hear those wonderful words "well done, good and faithful servant." I just pray that I stay faithful to the end.

[Aya Sophia]

[b]The deepest longing of a soul[/b]

Chiquitunga, thank you for posting the link to “The Saint Who Is Just Me.” All, I hope the following doesn’t sound pompous and overblown but I really was amazed by this song – it seems to me a gem, a little piece of perfection, inspired by the Holy Spirit, spilling over with the beauty of His work in the soul of the composer, poignantly expressing the deepest longing of a soul to give itself over to God and to be taken up into His Glory, a longing put into the human heart by God Himself and only by God.

[b]Juxtaposing the “great saints” with “the saint who is just me”[/b]

Although the song juxtaposes the works and persons of the “great saints” with the “saint who is just me” I wonder if such juxtaposition is real or possible. I think each of these great saints would have understood what is meant by the phrase “the saint who is just me” because “the saint who is just me” is a person who is deeply authentic, having found their longed-for identity in God and their authenticity in relationship with Him, as indeed the “great saints” have done and do. Does this mean the song has “got it wrong”? No - rather, it seems to me to be the clear and right expression of a soul in the course of a profound spiritual transition. It is as though the composer, the singer, the soul is on the brink of falling into the abyss of the peace of God. Even as she is singing of a seeming opposition between the great saints to “the saint who is just me”, this opposition is falling away and she is glimpsing the oneness and serenity of a soul in authentic relationship with God.

[b]Focus on God[/b]

Although I haven’t made a study of this, it would seem one of the things the “great saints” have in common is their focus on God. Their minds and hearts and wills are fixed on God - not on the things of God, certainly not on His gifts and consolations, but on God Himself and God alone. Perhaps we could find texts confirming their admiration of, attraction to and love for other saints but this would not be the stuff of their spiritual life – it would only be the fruit of their primary love and desire which is for God Himself.

[b]And so . . . [/b]

And so . . . about our desires for religious life. Are our attractions to religious life an attraction to God? Or to the things of God? And, if to the things of God, for whose glory do we seek these things? Are we brave enough to let go of and to cease seeking after spiritual delight and comfort? Is the fire of love in us strong enough to impel us to “take up our cross” and follow the Lord into His abasement? Or, are we (as the priest in my parish put it recently), “festival Christians,” seeking spiritual pleasure and spiritually pleasant things? Perhaps we are wafted into religious life the first time rather like newlyweds enjoying all the delights of a honeymoon. The Lord allows this and even ordains it as, in many cases, how else would we get there?! But then, once in the life, when things become difficult, when reality sets in, when we are “disillusioned” (which is a GOOD thing!) and stripped of our pleasant dreams, our impulse is to flee, not realizing that this disillusionment is just the first step on a path which, if we keep to it, will (in the words of St. John of the Cross) “lead [us] by a way [we] know not to the secret chamber of God.”

God gives us delight in His things to draw us near. May we be open to the promptings of His Spirit so that, when the time comes, we can generously let go of this delight and move farther on and deeper into the darkness of God, willingly embracing the glory and the terrible beauty of the Crucified.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts in this “phorum” – grateful for the mutual encouragement found in this place! God love you all.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Chiquitunga' timestamp='1314635250' post='2296907']

I'm really glad you liked it, BarbaraTherese! That's a beautiful reflection there!! Yes, the song definitely triggers that! You can buy the mp3 on amazon for a dollar! [url="http://www.amazon.com/Saint-That-Just-Me-Single/dp/B004CQEISI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314634567&sr=8-1"]http://www.amazon.co...14634567&sr=8-1[/url]

I love at the end how she brings in "the sin of Adam's pride" I feel like pride is all interwoven in this topic, and comparing ourselves with others and all. It's just really beautiful how she weaves things throughout it. And she was in religious life herself for some time. The youtube description ..
[/quote]

I have decided to cast my KB count to the wind and listen to the song right through today. Thank you again for sharing it. I had a sort of breakthrough to a new level of understanding, grasping, in listening to what I did listen to, in that I became very conscious of this me then and at this now sitting here typing with all my faults and failings, miseries and joys, of being that person that Jesus thought worth dying a cruel death for and again and again since listening, I keep coming back in my mind to an image of Jesus on the cross with me in mind at every point in my time that was, is and will be - as it is for all.

I think that Aya Sophia hit the nail on the head re the song:

[quote]
a little piece of perfection, inspired by the Holy Spirit
[/quote]

Thanks again for the sharing...........God bless.........Barb

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Chiquitunga' timestamp='1314635250' post='2296907']

I'm really glad you liked it, BarbaraTherese! That's a beautiful reflection there!! Yes, the song definitely triggers that! You can buy the mp3 on amazon for a dollar! [url="http://www.amazon.com/Saint-That-Just-Me-Single/dp/B004CQEISI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314634567&sr=8-1"]http://www.amazon.co...14634567&sr=8-1[/url]

I love at the end how she brings in "the sin of Adam's pride" I feel like pride is all interwoven in this topic, and comparing ourselves with others and all. It's just really beautiful how she weaves things throughout it. And she was in religious life herself for some time. The youtube description ..
[/quote]


I threw my KB count to the wind and listened to it right through and nearly in tears. I have never bought anything on Amazon, but I have saved this thread in my favourties so I can come back to the song now and then. It is very sad to listen to I find, and yet very inspiriing at the same time and the various images of the crucifixion, including the drawing by St. John of The Cross are visually moving. While it is a song of things lost (dreams of youth or childhood) it is a song of joy in a very sad sort of lonely sounding way - as it comes across to me.

Thanks again

Edited August 30, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[jennyanne]

Just wanted to thank everyone who answered in this thread. I have been feeling better, but tonight is a rough night. Pretty much wish I had never entered the convent in the first place and did not have that beautiful life to compare to the emptiness I have now. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='jennyanne' timestamp='1315106891' post='2299925']
Just wanted to thank everyone who answered in this thread. I have been feeling better, but tonight is a rough night. Pretty much wish I had never entered the convent in the first place and did not have that beautiful life to compare to the emptiness I have now. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow.
[/quote]

I am very sorry to read, jennyanne, that you are in a rough patch just now - and entering religious life and then leaving I know can be rough for a while. Certainly, I can look back on religious life with many regrets - but if I actually imagine myself back in religious life, I know I do not have the vocation. The only way I can imagine myself back in religious life it would not really be me I would be imagining, but some fictitious image of myself. Jesus has told us that "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you" - hence the person God loves to absolute abandon is the person we are right now at this moment, warts and all, no frills or fancies and with our joys and with our sorrows with our achievements and with our failures. He is right in there with us all the way, no hesitation. And His Plan for your life is already there, as a seed as it were. You will smile again.

With we humans, the grass is very often greener on the other side and especially if life is difficult on our side at the moment. I really hope that tomorrow will see you feeling better about things. I hope that this thread has been able to settle issues that you did have in starting it. I hope that even though things are rough for you now, you realize that God does have a plan for your life and one to bring to you Peace and Joy and a rich sense of fulfillment. Trusting Him is the virtue of Faith and believing in His Plan when it is not yet evident is the virtue of Hope - and loving Him still thought the way is hard is the virtue of Charity.

I will keep you in prayer and wish I could do more.

Edited September 4, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[IamMyBeloveds]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1314419451' post='2295686']
The objective superiority of consecrated life is a dogma of the Catholic faith.

Many well catechized people are ignorant of this fact. Religious communities, of course, have a vested interest in not being ignorant of it.

JennyAnne, I have been a Sister and when I was all of a sudden not, I felt that feeling of rejection and being less-than, and the total vacume of identity and understanding of who I was. It is a cliche to say time heals all wounds; in fact it does not. But as time passes God will continue to intervene in your life just as before, and each passing day will bear with it proof that His love for you endures.

God needs roses and God needs violets, and He does not love the violets less because the roses are more majestic. He needs people who have experienced rejection and alienation and can offer the wisdom of their experience in His service. If God lets you suffer more than anyone, it's because you are His favorite.
[/quote]

This post really touched my heart right now during a difficult time of transition. Thank you and God bless you, Lillabettt.