Charitably Correcting Catholics Setting Bad Examples

[tinytherese]

There are a couple of guys at my Catholic university who don't appear to be setting good examples who are very vocal about their faith. They have orthodox beliefs, but behavior wise I can't help but be concerned. The majority of the university is not Catholic and we're in the Bible belt of the south. I've befriended some non-Catholics and those somewhat affiliated with the Church who have vented their frustrations about these two to the point where they are turned off by Catholicism. They've recounted stories about them which concern me. A friend of their's even told me a story where one of them told an openly gay couple that they were going to hell and when questioned about why the Church had such a position he punched him and didn't appear to have any remorse for it. He may also in his passion for the rosary come off as saying that you are a bad Catholic if you don't pray the rosary daily.

I've been in classes with them and I don't like to sound judgmental of them but I can see why plenty of people see them as rude, arrogant, opinionated, and argumentative. Even the campus minister agreed that these two could seemed more concerned about winning arguments about the faith than anything else. Maybe it is just how they present themselves and maybe the people I've talked to really are just hard of heart and anti-Catholic. Perhaps it is a combonation. Those who don't like them could be gossiping or simply haven't forgiven them for something that they did in the past. I just haven't seen much evidence of them improving.

When it comes to evangelizing, showing kindness and charity towards the person, describing the beauty of the faith, and inviting them to learn more but not pushing them or getting in their face strike me as much more prudent and Christian. Do I need to work on this myself? You bet I do! I'm not afraid to admit this to them, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't encourage them to evangelize in this way. Their hearts seem to be in the right place, but it is their approach that needs work.

Their approach reminds me of these articles. [url="http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2007/0705fea2.asp"]http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2007/0705fea2.asp[/url]
(You have to scroll down for this one.) [url="http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2001/0102fea1.asp"]http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2001/0102fea1.asp[/url]

So how can I charitably correct them and avoid them getting defensive?

[tinytherese]

Grrrr, dang you computer.

[MithLuin]

How can you charitably correct them and avoid them getting defensive? I doubt you can. Not through any failing on your part, but they just sound like the type of people who would likely jump to the defensive (or even go with the 'best defense in a good offense' approach and come right back atcha.)

So, if you confront them, be prepared for a fight. Do not allow them to rile you up, and remain calm even if they say something that you find extremely hurtful. I say this because someone who ends his arguments with a punch is not typically prone to reasoned discourse and is rather...spoiling for a fight. They may find it unfair that a fellow Catholic is turning on them, and question your motives for doing so.

One approach is to use questions, not statements. Meaning, ask them, "Do you think this method is more effective than that method?" If they defend their own approach, point out the fruits of a more charitable approach. They might not agree, but at least you would have gotten things started. You are unlikely to convince them in one go. (I say this as someone who loves to argue and can be rather agressive about it myself.)

Basically, it seems that keeping silent is eating at you, so you should speak up. Pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance ahead of time, and then leave the fruits of the conversation in God's hands. You may not see any discernable change, but at least they would have heard an opposing point of view from a fellow Catholic. Silence implies consent; by speaking out, you are making it clear that you, at least, do not support this method of defending the faith.

[tinytherese]

An idea I had was speaking to this one priest on campus who presides at the student Masses about the situation and asking if he would speak to them. They may be more inclined to listen and respond to what he has to say.

[MissyP89]

I don't know. I think what you're trying to do is admirable, but at the same time it can come off as though your being a "tattletale" or something.

It's a very delicate situation, for sure. Are you friends with these guys?

[MaryJJD]

That is difficult.

We had someone visit our campus once and gave a talk on what puts people off types of evangelising, and whats more tactful and charitable approachs. Maybe you could suggest a speaker that would give a talk on that subject.

I hope it goes well, whatever you do. Prayers and God bless.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1314396002' post='2295482']

It's a very delicate situation, for sure. Are you friends with these guys?
[/quote]

I kind of am. We're at least aquaintances. All three of us are theology majors taking the same classes. I'll have to work with them in a group for this one project for our Church history class. One of my peers who is Protestant and has had bad experiences with the two of them is in the group as well, so that should be interesting.

[Basilisa Marie]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1314490267' post='2296046']

I kind of am. We're at least aquaintances. All three of us are theology majors taking the same classes. I'll have to work with them in a group for this one project for our Church history class. One of my peers who is Protestant and has had bad experiences with the two of them is in the group as well, so that should be interesting.
[/quote]

Since you're working with them in a group, maybe wait until they say something that could be objectionable, then take them aside later and explain that it might be a good idea to use different kinds of language to express their zeal, or something, because it's really not bringing people closer to Jesus. I think that'd be the easiest way to bring it up and be charitable.

[Seven77]

Counter their pride with your humility… sounds abstract but you'll know when to implement that…

It amazes me how orthodox Catholics can be used by the devil as his special ops.