Delicate Topic, Adults Only

[Lil Red]

okay, so here is a hypothetical situation (not the hypothetical situation where i'm really asking for myself, to be clear).

what if your spouse is adamant about using birth control (a wife wants to use the pill, a husband wants to use condoms, for example) and you can't change their mind? are you, as a faithful Catholic, supposed to withhold sex until they agree? where do the obligations of a faithful spouse end? answers backed up by any available Catholic teaching would be welcome.

[cappie]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=2][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]For some Catholics, the practice of marital chastity is very difficult, if not impossible, due to the demands of an un-cooperative, or unbelieving spouse. Those who are faced with this seemingly impossible dilemma have suffered, sometimes for many years, in sorrow and shame. They may stay away from the sacraments month after month, guilt ridden and sorrowful, and in the worst case, may eventually end up leaving the Church entirely because the burden of guilt becomes too overwhelming. [/size][/font][/size][/font]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Seventy years ago, this subject was mentioned quite specifically in the Encyclical, Casti Cannubii, written by Pope Pius XI in 1930. This teaching has been largely forgotten and is virtually unknown by many who are in desperate need of its teachings. Following are pertinent excerpts relating to the plight of Catholic spouses who suffer with marital impurity. [/size][/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3][b]“Holy Mother Church knows well that not infrequently one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin…For in matrimony as well as in the use of the matrimonial rights there are also secondary ends, such as mutual aid, the cultivating of mutual love, and the quieting of concupiscence which husband and wife are not forbidden to consider so long as they are subordinated to the primary end and so long as the intrinsic nature of the act is preserved.[/b][/size][/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]The Holy Father continued with these words of loving, spiritual guidance:[/size][/font]
[b]“We are deeply touched by the sufferings of those parents who, in extreme want, experience great difficulty in rearing their children. However, they should take care lest the calamitous state of their external affairs should be the occasion for a much more calamitous error. No difficulty can arise that justifies the putting aside of the law of God which forbids all acts intrinsically evil… There is no possible circumstance in which husband and wife cannot, strengthened by the grace of God, fulfill faithfully their duties and preserve in wedlock their chastity unspotted. God does not ask the impossible, but by His commands, instructs you to do what you are able, to pray for what you are not able that He may help you."[/b]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=2][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]In 1997, the Pontifical Council for the Family issued a document called "Vademecum for Confessors Concerning the Morality of Conjugal Life." It is addressed to confessors and seeks to offer some practical guidelines for the confession and absolution of the faithful in matters of conjugal chastity. It also intends to offer a reference point for married penitents so that they can draw ever greater advantage from the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The Vademecum, in its paragraph n. 13, addresses the cases of *cooperation* in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infertile. (It is necessary to distinguish *cooperation* in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist. In such a case, one could not properly speak of "cooperation.") This cooperation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met: 1) when the action of the cooperating spouse is not already illicit in itself; 2)when proportionally grave reasons exist for cooperating in the sin of the other spouse; 3)when one is seeking to help the other spouse to desist from such conduct (patiently, with prayer, charity and dialogue; although not necessarily in that moment, nor on every single occasion.) Furthermore, it is necessary to carefully evaluate the question of cooperation in evil when recourse is made to means which can have an abortifacient effect.[/size][/font][/size][/font]

Edited August 6, 2011 by cappie

[cappie]

[url="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii_en.html"]http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii_en.html[/url]

[url="http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html"]http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html[/url]

[Brother Adam]

I think Lil Red is struggling with interpreting the church documents to arrive at a very clear and simple answer. Either "Yes, marital intercourse must be withheld" or "No, marital intercourse does not have to be withheld". My understanding of the 1997 document is that the spouse can still take part in the conjugal act because it is not their intent to cooperate in an evil act, rather they are open to life and it is their deepest desire that their spouse too would cease the sinful act.

This seems to be the clearest though:
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3][b]“Holy Mother Church knows well that not infrequently one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, [u]when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin[/u], provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin…For in matrimony as well as in the use of the matrimonial rights there are also secondary ends, such as mutual aid, the cultivating of mutual love, and the quieting of concupiscence which husband and wife are not forbidden to consider so long as they are subordinated to the primary end and so long as the intrinsic nature of the act is preserved.:[/b][/size][/font]