In A Funk

[cmaD2006]

Phamily:

I'm in a melancholic mood. I've been dwelling (again, again, again) on the past. I saw pictures of the sisters I was last with -- and the sisters from my group are now professed.

I guess I'm just angry, envious, and frustrated. I'm also at the point where I don't want to pray. At all. I also doubt a whole lot.

I'm still in between spiritual directors as well -- I met with my new one, and he gave me a few suggestions. But I'm still quite upset at the old. I'm also quite tempted to leave the parish where I am at (where my old s.d. is at). My new s.d. has said that I shouldn't leave the parish. My confessor also reminded me of the commitments that I've made -- and that regardless of the human side of what happened, I need to focus on the spiritual, on doing what I need to do for the Lord not for man and how that will sanctify me.

The biggest part of the frustration is that regardless of what I try, my vocation falls apart. Maybe I should no longer consider becoming a sister -- but then the problem is my heart. I can't get that to go away. And I'm tired, completely tired of this limbo.

I'm also about to travel to do a retreat with a lay association, and possibly meet the relatively new religious community.

I'm not in the right mindset for the trip -- this funk isn't helping at all. I'm actually quite upset -- but I'm trying to keep it together so that I can function at work.

Please pray .... thanks in advance,