Crying Rooms

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Socrates' timestamp='1312752273' post='2283090']
The pastor of my old parish said that growing up in pre-Vatican II days, it was standard for parents of small infants to go to different masses so that one could stay home with the baby until the child was old enough to not cry at mass.
[/quote]
And that's actually what I have a problem with. For one, I think it's important to go as a family, but I'm also thinking through this logistically - I have 2 kids, the younger being 16 months. God willing, I'll be pregnant again in the next few months, meaning I'd have a 4.5-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a newborn. We hope to have many more children, as well. I breastfeed, and I do so past infancy. I will not express for my own kids (I donated, but I don't do it for mine - no need, and Kieran wouldn't take expressed milk anyway; never tried with Charlotte), so that means I also wouldn't be able to leave the baby since he'd likely need to eat at some point during Mass; it's only been recently that Charlotte hasn't needed to breastfeed at Mass as much, though it sometimes still happens, particularly if she's only just awakened prior to going to Mass (a common occurrence). So basically I wouldn't be able to get to Mass for years, at least not on a regular basis, and when I did it probably wouldn't be as a family. I don't see that as an ideal situation. My husband and I did go to different Masses when I was pregnant, because he was a flautist at our old parish at 11.00 but my morning sickness didn't allow me to make it to Mass past about 10.00, so I went to a different parish at 8.00. Definitely wasn't ideal and I was glad when we were able to go as a family again.

Maybe it's possible to do as your pastor proposed if you either don't breastfeed, don't breastfeed full-term, or express, but I don't think that's ideal, either. Pre Vatican II, though, breastfeeding rates weren't great, scheduling feeds was en vogue, and many weaned completely by 6 months, so their time of needing to stay with the child was more limited.

Cry rooms can have their place, I won't deny that. I don't think they're necessary, but they can have their place. I will take my child out to the narthex if he's screaming. It's just common courtesy to try to make sure my children do not unduly distract others, I think.

The one parish in England where I've seen a cry room, I think it was done well. The cry room was to the side of the altar, with a full-length window so everyone could see what was happening on the altar. I think that could help curb the cry room being used as a free-for-all, instead of putting a cry room in the back where the kids can't see anything.

Edited August 8, 2011 by Archaeology cat

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1312798531' post='2283278']
And that's actually what I have a problem with. For one, I think it's important to go as a family, but I'm also thinking through this logistically - I have 2 kids, the younger being 16 months. God willing, I'll be pregnant again in the next few months, meaning I'd have a 4.5-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a newborn. We hope to have many more children, as well. I breastfeed, and I do so past infancy. I will not express for my own kids (I donated, but I don't do it for mine - no need, and Kieran wouldn't take expressed milk anyway; never tried with Charlotte), so that means I also wouldn't be able to leave the baby since he'd likely need to eat at some point during Mass; it's only been recently that Charlotte hasn't needed to breastfeed at Mass as much, though it sometimes still happens, particularly if she's only just awakened prior to going to Mass (a common occurrence). So basically I wouldn't be able to get to Mass for years, at least not on a regular basis, and when I did it probably wouldn't be as a family. I don't see that as an ideal situation. My husband and I did go to different Masses when I was pregnant, because he was a flautist at our old parish at 11.00 but my morning sickness didn't allow me to make it to Mass past about 10.00, so I went to a different parish at 8.00. Definitely wasn't ideal and I was glad when we were able to go as a family again.

Maybe it's possible to do as your pastor proposed if you either don't breastfeed, don't breastfeed full-term, or express, but I don't think that's ideal, either. Pre Vatican II, though, breastfeeding rates weren't great, scheduling feeds was en vogue, and many weaned completely by 6 months, so their time of needing to stay with the child was more limited.

Cry rooms can have their place, I won't deny that. I don't think they're necessary, but they can have their place. I will take my child out to the narthex if he's screaming. It's just common courtesy to try to make sure my children do not unduly distract others, I think.

The one parish in England where I've seen a cry room, I think it was done well. The cry room was to the side of the altar, with a full-length window so everyone could see what was happening on the altar. I think that could help curb the cry room being used as a free-for-all, instead of putting a cry room in the back where the kids can't see anything.
[/quote]

Personally, I find it much easier to take care of infants during Mass than toddlers. But that's probably partially because right now I am dealing with the worst toddler God has blessed me with. Since we're in the South and Mass options are limited we go as a family and if the boy acts up one of us takes him out.

My pastor is fine with kid noise, he says that's how you know a parish is "alive." I'm with you, though, on not wanting the squirmers and squealers to unduly disrupt those around me.

[BigJon16]

My great aunt used to sit in the cryroom for Mass, and then complain about all the crying...

[Slappo]

As a new parent this topic suddenly becomes relevant .

Our parish doesn't have a cry room, but it does have a narthex with huge windows looking into the main church. My wife and I sit as close as we can to the narthex doors so that we can exit the main church quickly when the infant starts crying. My wife will then nurse the child out there and when she calms down we'll go back into the Church. So far it has been we sit in the narthex through the readings, homily, and eucharistic prayer, and re-enter at the agnus dei. I don't mind because it also means I can avoid the hand holding at the our father and the overdone 5 minute sign of peace by waiting in the narthex for a few more minutes!

There is a speaker system for the narthex, so as long as the priest is mic'ed we're good to go. Margaret is a screamer and she gets very loud very fast, so for now I believe that's what we'll resort to.

[Pax_et bonum]

When I was little, being taken to the cry room was the worst punishment a kid could get at Mass--before getting home and getting spanked or made to kneel on rice. Our parish then had their cry room in the back of the church, and my family would sit pretty close to the front. It was so embarrassing to be taken to the cry room like a baby especially because everyone would see you going and know that you'd been naughty. We knew better than to misbehave. This was a southern parish where everyone dressed in their best clothes for Mass; it was inculcated in us to never be naughty in dress clothes for fear of getting them dirty or ruined then we'd really be in trouble!
The parish we attend now, their cry room is right behind where the alter servers sit. It used to have a grille in front of the windows, but that's recently been removed. Now there's just the big windows which have a great view of the alter. Opposite the cry room on the other side of the sanctuary is the North Chapel. That's where the people sit who leave right after communion in my parish, or for the Christmas and Easter Masses when we suddenly have more parishioners than pew space

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' timestamp='1312819596' post='2283337']

Personally, I find it much easier to take care of infants during Mass than toddlers. But that's probably partially because right now I am dealing with the worst toddler God has blessed me with. Since we're in the South and Mass options are limited we go as a family and if the boy acts up one of us takes him out.

My pastor is fine with kid noise, he says that's how you know a parish is "alive." I'm with you, though, on not wanting the squirmers and squealers to unduly disrupt those around me.
[/quote]
Depends on the kid, I'm sure. I do think the 14-18 month range is hardest, in my limited experience. Charlotte's not bad, but does like to try to talk to the priest and/or other parishioners. Unfortunately some of the parishioners encourage her. I would say at least I no longer have to worry about her crawling under the pews, but she tried to do that yesterday after not having done that in months.

[Brother Adam]

I think cry rooms, which serve the same function as a large open narthex, are the most beneficial for large families who still have very young children as well as for new borns. When you are trying to juggle 3 or more toddlers and there are only two of you it can get bad. I have seen toddlers rush the altar before because mom and dad are dealing with other children. We don't have a cry room but do have a large open narthex with a speaker system and large glass doors that look directly into the church. There have been times at Mass where neither of us can receive Communion because we are dealing with their needs. This doesn't make us bad parents or our kids misbehaved, they are simply being children who have the maturity level and attention span of toddlers. That is why they have no obligation to be at Mass. On good days we can all go as a family and some days we'll only be able to bring our oldest and go to different Masses. There is nothing wrong with approaching this in different ways. You aren't holier or a better parent because you bring your child with you all the time any more than parents are less holy who swap Masses.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1312832264' post='2283416']You aren't holier or a better parent because you bring your child with you all the time any more than parents are less holy who swap Masses.
[/quote]
I hope I didn't come across as saying that. I apologise if I did.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1312831181' post='2283403']
Depends on the kid, I'm sure. I do think the 14-18 month range is hardest, in my limited experience. Charlotte's not bad, but does like to try to talk to the priest and/or other parishioners. Unfortunately some of the parishioners encourage her. I would say at least I no longer have to worry about her crawling under the pews, but she tried to do that yesterday after not having done that in months.
[/quote]

I think my girls were worse at that age range, not as bad as the boy, but that was their worst stage (Adrienne ran clear up, on, and across the altar once before I could catch her). As they got older they sat and listened better, or at the very least I could give them a pen and piece of paper from my purse and they'd color. The boy is about 27 months old now and he's a handful. It's like he has all the most mischievous traits from both sides of the family all wrapped in one energetic bundle of toddler boy.

[Azriel]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' timestamp='1312833945' post='2283429']

I think my girls were worse at that age range, not as bad as the boy, but that was their worst stage (Adrienne ran clear up, on, and across the altar once before I could catch her). As they got older they sat and listened better, or at the very least I could give them a pen and piece of paper from my purse and they'd color. The boy is about 27 months old now and he's a handful. It's like he has all the most mischievous traits from both sides of the family all wrapped in one energetic bundle of toddler boy.
[/quote]

Offtopic - You need to right about about your little guy. Seriously.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1312832631' post='2283418']
I hope I didn't come across as saying that. I apologise if I did.
[/quote]

Not at all AC, I was just commenting on the topic in general, not towards any person or post in particular. There are people (many of whom have no kids) who think you are bad parents if you don't bring your entire quiver with you every Sunday and they aren't perfect angels in the pews.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Azriel' timestamp='1312834235' post='2283433']

Offtopic - You need to right about about your little guy. Seriously.
[/quote]


Are you referring to my facebook statuses? lol

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1312831181' post='2283403']
Depends on the kid, I'm sure. I do think the 14-18 month range is hardest, in my limited experience. Charlotte's not bad, but does like to try to talk to the priest and/or other parishioners. [b]Unfortunately some of the parishioners encourage her[/b]. I would say at least I no longer have to worry about her crawling under the pews, but she tried to do that yesterday after not having done that in months.
[/quote]
Guilty. But not *during* Mass.

[Seven77]

But why are the rooms so sad?

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1312834276' post='2283434']

Not at all AC, I was just commenting on the topic in general, not towards any person or post in particular. There are people (many of whom have no kids) who think you are bad parents if you don't bring your entire quiver with you every Sunday and they aren't perfect angels in the pews.
[/quote]

Good. I agree with you. It's great if you can all go, but certainly doesn't mean you're a bad parent or not as holy if that isn't possible. There have definitely been times we've staggered it if needed, I just prefer not to do that regularly. Just my personal preference, though.
[quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1312839277' post='2283478']
Guilty. But not *during* Mass.
[/quote]

Oh, I don't mind if it's not *during* Mass, but when she's talking to people and they're responding or asking her to identify things, yeah, doesn't help. Pretty much everything Charlotte does is for attention, so it doesn't help if she's getting that attention in that way, if that makes sense.
[quote name='Seven77' timestamp='1312843543' post='2283533']
But why are the rooms so sad?
[/quote]
Charlotte's also decided that everything is sad and crying. She had to hug a blackberry, even.