Crying Rooms

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1312404147' post='2281015']
Our cry room is at the back of the Narthex. It has thick glass to cut down on the noise of the babies crying, and a speaker feeds in the celebration of the Mass. We use it on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for Rosary before Mass.
[/quote]

Ours is the same! I always thought it was strange considering that the old parish I attended had the cry room inside the Church, not outside in the Narthex/lobby.

[Cherie]

I definitely agree with the Deacon. I don't think he's advocating [i]never[/i] taking your child out (as he quoted the mother who said she knew when her baby was crying and needed to be taken out) but I definitely agree with his line of thinking that, hey, babies cry. I used to try to RUSH out at the SECOND my son started crying when he was a few months old and then I had many people tell me, priests included, "Hey it's ok, he'll be all right; you don't need to take him out." Sometimes it was just a matter of rocking him in the back of the church, or nursing him, etc., all of which can be done outside a cry room. I think it's good to get them used to being in a church, even from infancy, because then they'll know how they're expected to behave in church, and it will be something normal to them. I want them to receive the graces of being there in church, so I don't like the idea of "tag-team" church going for parents with small children.

I suppose it's different for children who are older and throwing tantrums ... but at least they're old enough to understand basic corrections. Babies are different, and I don't think they "don't belong in church" when they're crying. I'm sorry if they're a distraction, but they're babies. Cut me some slack! There is a retarded man who comes to the Mass we usually attend, and every now and then he will just call out very loudly. Who in their right mind would tell his family to take him out because he's "disruptive" or a "distraction"?! He can't help it! And neither can babies.

And I do think parents tend to utilize the cry rooms too much when they don't need to. I saw a family at a parish nearby who came to Mass, immediately set up chairs in the cry room, and had their 3, 5, 7+ year old children in there so they could play with the toys all throughout Mass. I just don't like that.

[Archaeology cat]

My comment can be found in the comments on [url="http://redcardigan.blogspot.com/2011/08/two-schools-of-thought-on-crying-rooms.html"]Red Cardigan's[/url] piece. I don't feel like re-writing it. Suffice it to say that there is no cry room at our parish, and I'm not generally a fan of them, but I will take my child to the narthex if needed.

[Azriel]

My Godson had special needs, and was incapable of not being noisy and distracted in church. The cry room was a blessing because it allowed his Mother and I to be present for Mass, and have him receive the benefit of being at Mass without being a distraction to the rest of the congregation. A special case, of course, not a "normal" crying child, but it was a God send for us.

I say yay. When used properly.

[faithcecelia]

Neither my current parish nor my home one has a cry room. Its very rarely an issue in my current parish as there are (sadly) no young families. My home parish was the opposite and well, we just got on with it! Children make noise sometimes, its not that big a deal. Most parents are sensible enough to take out a child when they go beyond the beyond, but into the porch was usually enough, then come back when they have calmed down.

Personally I struggle to understand though why children of 5+ need entertaining during Mass - either in their place or by being taken out. Mass isn't exactly a long service as a rule and theres lots going on - standing up, kneeling down, singing, oh and then you get to walk to the front and walk back etc. Its [i]very [/i]different to the 2hr+ services I was brought up on with well over an hour being a sermon. We didn't get taken out - we just sat quietly as we were expected to. The only reason we would have been taken out would have been for a smacked behind if we dared play up!

[elizabeth09]

My family and I never used the cryroom. My mom will bring the baby in the back of church or where she can still see mass being said, then she told us that is not how we behave in church.

[Groo the Wanderer]

make 'em sit up front
they just want to see like you
cry room for crying.

[Archaeology cat]

Groo - my priest told me I needed to put my kids in the front. One time he scolded me because we sat in the 2nd row, and someone happened to sit in front of us, so Kieran couldn't see. They really do do better if they can see what's happening, though.

[Ash Wednesday]

How amesome would it be to have one on airplanes?

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' timestamp='1312659316' post='2282520']
How amesome would it be to have one on airplanes?
[/quote]
I'm still waiting for transporters.

[missionseeker]

If I was a kid, I'd cry or be whiny on airplanes, too. I don't mind flying, but airplanes kind of smell of elderberries. lol.

[HopefulBride]

I don't have kids but i have a 2 1/2 year-old nephew that I see a lot. We have always taken him to mass ever since he was an infant. He fusses a bit but he knows to be reverent and I've even got it to where he knows to sit, kneel stand with everyone. He's still very young so he doesn't know all of the responses yet but the way I see it he is a few months from being three and I teach 3-yr olds in my religious ed class so I try to incorporate some of what I teach to him.

I think as Bro Adam says, it depends on the circumstances and the parents' style. We use the cry room when he is sick and fussy but most of the time he does pretty well. So yeah I think cry rooms are a good thing.

[Papist]

I believe going and attending mass is a family affair. However, there are times when young children get to a point that they become disruptive and a distraction. On those isolated occasions, the room has been very helpful to me to train my children on the mass, proper conduct and discipline when necessary. The room has books and toys, which makes my job harder. I have to teach them the room is not for play and they are not allowed to play and that being in that room is a result of bad behavior. They have learned that they do not want to go to that room. They become cry room free by age 2.5.

I see the problem is with how the cry room is used. I see families in there with children all older that toddler age. I don't think the room should be necessary for any child older than 3. What really kills me is that I get dirty looks from those families b/c my 18 month son is crying, and usually b/c he wants the books/toys.

There are adults in there with no children, which baffles me. Maybe it is b/c they don't want to be seen leaving right after Communion.

I think the families having a picnic in the pew and a suitcase of coloring books and crayons in a bigger issue. I expect to see a child ride his big wheel down the aisle one day.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1312476707' post='2281489']
Neither my current parish nor my home one has a cry room. Its very rarely an issue in my current parish as there are (sadly) no young families. My home parish was the opposite and well, we just got on with it! Children make noise sometimes, its not that big a deal. Most parents are sensible enough to take out a child when they go beyond the beyond, but into the porch was usually enough, then come back when they have calmed down.

Personally I struggle to understand though why children of 5+ need entertaining during Mass - either in their place or by being taken out. Mass isn't exactly a long service as a rule and theres lots going on - standing up, kneeling down, singing, oh and then you get to walk to the front and walk back etc. Its [i]very [/i]different to the 2hr+ services I was brought up on with well over an hour being a sermon. We didn't get taken out - we just sat quietly as we were expected to. The only reason we would have been taken out would have been for a smacked behind if we dared play up!
[/quote]

Completely agree!

My old parish didn't have a cry room. All the kids were well behaved at the English Masses. If they weren't, their parents took them to the narthex until they calmed down. At the Spanish Mass, kids tend to run around a bit, at least at my home parish. Everyone was used to it, and the kids seemed to get something out of it.

For the 5+ entertaining:

Last week, sitting next to my mother at mass was a 10 year old girl. She played a game on her father's cell phone THE WHOLE TIME. My mother's one of those moms who made us follow the mass with our little books as soon as we could read. Before reading age, the only "toy" that could come with us to Mass was our cloth nativity set. I learned SO MUCh about the liturgy because I followed along in my book. Later, my parents got a missal for the readings (when my sister and I reached a higher reading level--this was before our church had missals in the pews), and we'd follow along with the readings.

And God help my sister and me if we ever misbehaved in Mass. We never even tried. We knew it was God's house, and since we were visiting God, we had to be respectful.

[Socrates]

I vote yay.

I attend a very traditional FSSP parish, and they have a cry room, as did the pretty traditional parish I attended in Virginia.

The purpose is simply to respect the other parishioners worshiping by avoiding excessively distracting noise. Sometimes you can't hear the sermon or the choir because of very-high decibel screaming from babies and small children, and the added distraction of parents trying to discipline those children. The church is primarily a place of prayer and worship to God, and should be respected as such; it's not a nursery. If parents are not able to keep their children reasonably quiet, they should take them to where they do not provide a distraction to other parishioners. The cry room provides a place to do this while still allowing the family to be in the church.

The pastor of my old parish said that growing up in pre-Vatican II days, it was standard for parents of small infants to go to different masses so that one could stay home with the baby until the child was old enough to not cry at mass.
I takes most babies a little bit of time before they can have the discipline not to cry at mass, and this is a simple matter of respect. The cry room should not be abused and used as a play-room, but this is usually not the case, and the capacity of the cry-room is quite limited. It also is sometimes used by breast-feeding mothers who do not feel comfortable feeding their babies in public, and this should be respected.

If you can keep your children reasonably quiet at Mass and don't need to use a cry-room, great. But for those who can't, for whatever reason, keep their children from screaming and being a distraction, cry-rooms provide a solution until the child can quiet down. I don't see why so many are opposed to the very existence of a cry-room.