Crying Rooms

[DameAgnes]

Crying Rooms. Yea or Nay?

http://www.patheos.com/Resources/Additional-Resources/Crying-Shame-Greg-Kandra-08-03-2011.html

[homeschoolmom]

Uuuuuuuuh.... I'm not a big fan of cryrooms, but I think they can be useful in the case of tantrums, etc. I don't agree with not taking a crying baby (i'm talking a tantrum or wailing) out ever, either. A little fussing is expected. A full on temper tantrum is not.

[Brother Adam]

I think you have a double negative in that sentence because I am having a terrible time understanding it.

[Ed Normile]

The place in a church where you remove a child from the celebration of the mass not allowing them the chance to learn at a young age the importance of when to behave and keeping them and yourself further away from Jesus presence despite his very words, let the little children come unto me ?

I do not know how I feel about those places.....

ed

[Brother Adam]

Ed - huh? How do crying rooms keep children away from Jesus?

[MargaretTeresa]

Our cry room is at the back of the Narthex. It has thick glass to cut down on the noise of the babies crying, and a speaker feeds in the celebration of the Mass. We use it on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for Rosary before Mass.

[Ed Normile]

[quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1312403636' post='2281014']
Ed - huh? How do crying rooms keep children away from Jesus?
[/quote]
Physically, by removing them from the room where the Eucharist is and placing them in another room where there are usually toys and snacks to occupy their attention. I guess you just posted this to be sarcastic? I know that Jesus can be everywhere as He is God, I would think that taking your child from the mass, where we gather as family to worship God and removing that child to another room would not have any conflicting messages the child may pick up on. Far be it from a child to decide, hey if I scream a little I get to look at a picture book and eat cereal and run around with other kids.

I know Bro Adam that you are a lot younger than me, maybe you have children and maybe not, but if we are to be a community of Christ how do we reconcile that with displacing certain members of that community from His presence. I wonder if Jesus during , say the sermon on the mount, had the crying babies removed from the crowds, or did he look at it like a family, in a family we have crying babies cranky uncles and aunts, you can not choose your relatives or dictate how they act but you love them as they are family. I was raised to believe that we teach our children through example, I never told my children to say prayers before bed, I prayed with them each evening. I did not tell them to the say grace, I led them in thanksgiving. I did not remove my children from church, I taught them to behave and appreciate the celebration.

During a few occasions when traveling we ventured into churches where the ushers immediately send you into the cry room when you have your children with you, one had a TV where you could view the mass from, it was hard to hear with the parents talking about sports and kindergarten and where they bought their childs outfit at but at least the kids had little games to play and several parents had brought snacks like cheerios and goldfish to distract the kids. The other two times we got directed to a cry room they had a glass partition which was to keep the sounds of the noisy children from the congregation, I know it worked as we could not even hear the choir when they sang let alone the service. I assume that when the children who are sequestered in these cry rooms reach a certain age they are allowed to enter into the church and join in the celebration, I wonder if they suddenly learn that its now time to behave and appreciate what is happening.

Now I am certain that Jesus was present at the mass, and that although I was separated only by a soundproof glass partition I still felt separated from the celebration and cheated of the service.

I once went to a church in Netcong N.J., St Judes, my son ed was almost two at the time, he was used to setting in mass and would never make a sound. He suddenly let out a piercing scream, my wife picked him up and held him and and tried to pacify him then she handed him to me, this continued for at least three agonizing minutes and I decided to make for the back door. I stood up and started towards the aisle and the young priest on on the altar delivering his homily said " Where are you going? he is just worshipping God in his own voice, sit down" well several people snickered and a few laughed and my son ed looked up wide eyed and settled down and was good throughout the rest of the mass. This priest made me and my son feel more welcome, more part of the celebration, more loved than any other priest I have ever encountered, he was truly acting in the personna of Christ. After mass ed resumed crying and started heating up with a fever, he had a double ear infection so we had to take him to emergency room.

Cry rooms, sorry Jesus.

ed

[Noel's angel]

Nay. I'm one of those people (I'm sure parent here will hate me) who thinks that if your child is at an age where you expect them to cry and throw a strop during Mass, one parent should go to Mass while the other stays at home and looks after the kids, then the other parent goes to the next mass. Being able to hear the Gospel rather than hearing a child screaming in your face is always preferable to me.

[Brother Adam]

Ed, I wasn't being sarcastic actually. You had a good priest, but unfortunately not every community is so forgiving. I find it a near occasion of sin for myself to get all of the nasty looks from parishioners when any one of my many children under the age of 5 makes a peep. I am thankful that we have a large narthex with glass doors so I can still fully participate in the Mass when one of them is screaming. I don't feel any further away from Jesus. I have been to churches without the cry rooms where the congregation is accommodating, but unfortunately it isn't everywhere. I have never been to a parish with a cry room where there were toys or tvs or the parents were talking to one another. If they are going to do that there is really no reason to be at Mass. Also, if a child is screaming or being distracting to the point where you cannot hear the priest when you are suppose to be able to, I think its prudent you leave with them.

[Basilisa Marie]

I think it's rude of parents not to go to the cry room if their kid starts screaming during mass. I mean screaming. Maybe a couple people can tune it out, but it's incredibly distracting. Most cry rooms that I've seen at Catholic parishes are in the Narthex, have windows so one can see what's going on, and have a speaker system so everything can be heard. I'd much rather have parents take their kids to a cry room than dump them off at childcare, though.

[arfink]

In my family, if you ever threw a tantrum at church you'd be severely punished at home. Even my 2 year old sister has received a spank and a stern reprimand most times she's naughty. Consistent obnoxiousness in mass was never tolerated by my parents. Me and my brother got some quite good beat-downs in response to bad behavior in mass. The crying room is a good thing to have, but if you need to resort to it every week for anything other than a really noisy infant you're not disciplining your kids enough probably. I don't have kids, but I do have 7 siblings, and as the oldest I have seen the same method applied to every one of us.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='arfink' timestamp='1312408057' post='2281050']
The crying room is a good thing to have, but if you need to resort to it every week for anything other than a really noisy infant you're not disciplining your kids enough probably. I don't have kids
[/quote]

Even if you do have kids I still probably wouldn't go there (telling a parent they probably aren't raising their kids properly). As parents know, you just don't do that. Everyone's method of parenting is at least a little different, however that doesn't make it wrong. There is nothing wrong with leaving your children at home and attending different Masses when they are really young and there is nothing wrong with everyone going together every Sunday and working through it.

[IcePrincessKRS]

Our son is way worse than our girls were... at least I think he is... we spend a lot of time pacing the back of Church with him because after a point he just doesn't want to sit anymore. He doesn't generally pitch a fit unless we try to restrain him (holding him when he doesn't want to be), he just doesn't want to SIT anymore. He's a very energetic 2 year old so I can't really blame him too much for that. I'd use the cry room but it's usually full of people who go and sit in there for the entire Mass and I don't want him thinking he can just play and be rowdy in there. I think cry rooms serve a specific purpose and they are good for that purpose, but it annoys the croutons out of me when I see people who don't even had kids sitting in there (luckily ours is actually kind of out of the way so no one really does that at my current parish). I know my pastor doesn't mind the kid noise, I just don't want him disrupting the people sitting around me. I used the cry room most often when I had a newborn/infant and a toddler with me--not for every Mass, but sometimes you just know that today of all days you need that room.

That said, I think a lot of people do tend to use them because they don't know any other way to get their kids to settle down for Mass. Maybe a bit of cry room misuse. But then again, at least they're THERE and not just throwing in the towel and skipping because their child is noisy.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1312403367' post='2281006']
Uuuuuuuuh.... I'm not a big fan of cryrooms, but I think they can be useful in the case of tantrums, etc. [b]I don't agree with not taking [/b]a crying baby (i'm talking a tantrum or wailing) out ever, either. A little fussing is expected. A full on temper tantrum is not.
[/quote]
[quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1312403463' post='2281010']
I think you have a double negative in that sentence because I am having a terrible time understanding it.
[/quote]
Do you mean here? The article advoted (at least it seemed to me) NEVER taking a crying baby out. I don't agree.

[krissylou]

When I was a kid the cry room was for parents (ahh, who are we kidding, it was always mothers) and INFANTS. Not pre-schoolers pitching a fit. Trying to discipline an infant generally doesn't work so well. Like what many other people have described -- glass to block the sound, loudspeakers projecting the Mass in.

It seemed to me to be enabling the parents to participate in the Mass as best they can given their current stage in life (which by the way, let's remember, this is a holy vocation!) without excessively disturbing the other people in church. (For a church that is pro-life we can be awfully intolerant of the little ones, but that is another conversation.) I don't see expecting parents to go to separate Masses so one is at home with the little ones to be a viable (or desirable!) solution.

When I was young(er), before the neo-trad movement got underway, I remember being struck that two groups of people tended to receive on the tongue. The elderly who just had never switched, and young parents whose hands were full of kid. The Eucharistic minister (or priest or whoever it was) would take extra care to provide for them while they provided for their children. I liked that image quite a bit.

If the cry room is used as an excuse for children who should know better to misbehave that's a different matter.