Why Real Men Are So Hard To Find

[ContemporaryCaflicCrusader]

I've had this discussion a lot lately. There are SOOOOO few of us REAL catholics out there my age (early 20s) I'm helping to run a youth ministry in my parish and we can't believe the lack of interest. The teenagers here don't have a relationship God: there just thinking of how they can get away with making out with someone, so no one can see them. We have the biggest christian music festival in New England coming up with bands like RED, Switchfoot, Thousand Foot Krutch, John Reuben, Flatfoot 56, Skillet, Sanctus Real, Third Day, The Almost andf much more. These bands make public radio. Skillet reached no. 1 on the secular rock charts THIS YEAR!!!!! And these kids would rather go to there soccer camp. We might get 4 kids to go this year which would be record setting.

Need less to say I had to drive 35 minutes to the nearest Youth Ministry worth going to back in the day. Of the 90 kids or so in my diosease my age that really care about there catholic faith like 28 of em are guys! You figure a third of these guys are going to be celebate that gives us about 19 guys in the diosease (This is a rough estimate btw) who supossedly give a croutons. And when I went to all the peer leadership retreats (they're are almost never more than 4 guys there) in small groups and I typically find that I'm the only one that isn't carrying the mortal sin of masterbation and recieving Jesus' Body in the state of mortal sin.

I used to have guy friends i could talk about the faith with, and I mean the good the bad and the ugly part of living the faith in a society that reeks of feakish misery and selfishness. In high school I had maybe a dozen or so strewn out throughout somewhat nearby. Now I have 1. An amesome guy that was Young Apostle with me from NJ. But my close buddies that I still airsoft with and stuff that were all gung ho for there faith coming out of retreats and stuff don't want to be real anymore. They don't wanna do more then spend there hour at mass on sunday and give into the good enuf and then go play D&D and watch South Park. Being catholic is to love, follow the rules and be forgivin. That means asking for forgivness in the confessional and forgiving everyone else that wounds you. Not on your knees in your bedroom when no one else is looking.

So why are there so few of us. Fear. And we give up to easily. Most of us haven't experienced a retreat like setting that gets them on fire for there faith. Then if they do: they fear the change and don't have the ferocity to keep trying to please God and not giving into temptation. Sorry this kinda endend up more of a rant then I thought it might be but I think we should talk about ways to cut down on fear and make us want to stick with it. As well as any other thoughts that might be on your mind somewhat related to this topic. I didn't intend to offend anyone, so I hope I didn't, lemme know.

[Basilisa Marie]

The first thing that anyone needs to do to get more youth involved is to meet them where they are. I'm not talking about compromising doctrine or anything like that, but realizing that everyone has to start somewhere. Sometimes it's as simple as having an energized youth minister (or not having one - the difference in my home parish is huge), other times it's having a couple youth on fire enough to encourage (read: harass ) their lukewarm friends to join (again, personal experience). But at the end of the day the most effective means of evangelization is getting to know someone for who they really are and showing them this amazing relationship and way of life that has changed your own life, and put it in God's hands.

It's incredibly hard to be a faithful Catholic teen or young adult nowadays. Everyone talks about the "media" and "social pressure," but it's a very real presence that is very tempting, particularly if one doesn't have a solid group to come back to. It's near impossible to do it on your own - heck, that's why Christ founded a CHURCH, we're called to live in relationship not just with God, but our neighbor as well.

[quote]Most of us haven't experienced a retreat like setting that gets them on fire for there faith. Then if they do: they fear the change and don't have the ferocity to keep trying to please God and not giving into temptation. [/quote]
I do think this is a big part of it as well. If a cradle Catholic has never had an experience of faith, then how can one expect him or her to stick around once he or she gets to the age when we start seriously asking the big questions? And then again, after a great spiritual vacation, if one doesn't have others to encourage and be encouraged, those embers will die away.

I think you sum it up best:
[quote]Being catholic is to love[/quote]

[MargaretTeresa]

CCC, I was having this discussion the other day on why there isn't any good Catholic boys my age (again, early 20s) with one of my guy friends. He made two valid points.

1. Most Catholic guys are cradle Catholics and don't care.
2. The area where I am doesn't have many Catholics.

Not that I'm really interested in dating. I'm still trying to figure out if God is truly calling me to religious life. But hey - God is strange about changing His mind sometimes lol

[BG45]

I had this problem back home and then I came up here. The Catholic Student Association was a godsend in that I could hang out with Catholic guys my own age (20s) who actually believed and professed the faith.

[Jaime]

I hope you see this advice in the right light. I admire your passion and drive but I think you might benefit from another perspective. BTW this is coming from someone who was a youth minister for 10 years and consults fairly regularly for youth programs.

First of all, you seem disappointed that there aren't ton of teens showing up for youth events. One thing that was made clear to me is that if you want youth to show up to your events, you have to invest in their events. I would go to band concerts, football games, hockey games, danceline competitions, etc to cheer and support the students from my church (whether they were active in my program or not). This brings me to another point. There is NOTHING wrong with soccer camp. In fact your teens should be applauded for wanting to improve themselves. Better than what a majority of teens are doing.

Christ went out to meet the people in need. He didn't wait for them to show up. That's a pretty good model. Jesus also took a couple years to set up his ministry the way he wanted. Also a good model. It takes time! And since I wasn't Christ, it would take me longer than a couple years to set up a program effectively.

[arfink]

[quote name='ContemporaryCaflicCrusader' timestamp='1312159982' post='2279498']
And when I went to all the peer leadership retreats (they're are almost never more than 4 guys there) in small groups and I typically find that I'm the only one that isn't carrying the mortal sin of masterbation and recieving Jesus' Body in the state of mortal sin.
[/quote]

In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty sure that's public enemy #1 for men. Many guys don't like to face up to the fact that it's a serious problem, and so they don't want to go to Confession. For me, it takes going to Confession every week, which I still do. So yeah, we're gonna lose a lot of men to this, until we can get them to see the value of confession. It's better to sin and go to confession every week than to just sin and never confess and commit sacrilege. Of course, it's always preferable to just give up on the sin, but you have to start somewhere.

In fact, at times I have contemplated starting a young men's group and calling it the "Confession Crew" and we'd do stuff on Saturday mornings after all going to Confession. An idea I would really like to make into something more.

One final thing to consider about working with young men: In my experience you'll almost always do better if you meet a man where he's at and lead him somewhere, rather than just meeting him at his level and chilling out there, or waiting at the high ground for him to come over to your side. So don't assume that Christian pop music by itself will lure young men. If I know anything about young men, we're selfish to a tee with our personal interests. A very very common fault that society plants in us practically from birth. So you almost always have to make yourself at least seem interested in what he's interested in (without committing sin or scandal) just to be able to talk effectively with him. This is how brotherhood is supposed to work- to be close to someone you will need to waste time with them, and once a beginning bond is formed you can have something to build upon. But it can take great lengths to get even a tiny gossamer thread of brotherhood formed for some men, so don't feel bad if it takes you a long time to do so. That's how you get a man to listen to you with more than just his ears.

[AudreyGrace]

YEESH TELL ME ABOUT IT.
All good Catholic guys are either nonexistent in my area, in a relationship, or discerning priesthood.
Makes life very hard for a Catholic girl discerning marriage.



Sorry if I'm bitter. lol.

[arfink]

I'm not in seminary anymore, if that's any consolation, but you're also still quite young.

[sixpence]

there seem to be a fair number of single pretty serious Catholic guys at the Rutgers CSA... but I can't tell for sure since I don't associate with undergrads ...but if anyone wants to move here and investigate there is a room for rent in my apartment in september !!

[fides' Jack]

I'd also offer another perspective:

Retreats like that aren't meant for everyone. And those that do benefit from them should not always benefit from them. By that I mean that as men age, they [i]shouldn't[/i] find those sorts of things appealing. And they're not meant to be appealing to older people. They're meant to get kids interested, so that they can then learn more about their faith. Once they know more, that knowledge should be enough to hold them in the Church, and striving for holiness, and not the latest music concert/group.

Of course, when you can't even get them to go to something like that, then you have another problem entirely. We need better catechesis!

[tinytherese]

[quote name='AudreyGrace' timestamp='1312222730' post='2279781']
YEESH TELL ME ABOUT IT.
All good Catholic guys are either nonexistent in my area, in a relationship, or discerning priesthood.
Makes life very hard for a Catholic girl discerning marriage.



Sorry if I'm bitter. lol.
[/quote]

I know how you feel girl and I'm 22. The majority of decent Catholic guys are either taken, deciding to be single because they think that God is calling them to that or because of something in their past thinking that no woman would love them, or discerning the priesthood. One of friends from high school goes to a Catholic university where there's a seminary and she has complained multiple times that the seminarians are really polite and into their faith while the other guys on campus are not like that.

[BG45]

[quote name='AudreyGrace' timestamp='1312222730' post='2279781']
YEESH TELL ME ABOUT IT.
All good Catholic guys are either nonexistent in my area, in a relationship, or discerning priesthood.
Makes life very hard for a Catholic girl discerning marriage.



Sorry if I'm bitter. lol.
[/quote]

Tell me about it. All the good Catholic girls in my area are taken, becoming nuns, or don't exist (slash I've yet to meet them). Of course I'm also not allowed to date the undergrads that go here, so even if they did exist, I'd not be allowed to even try. Fortunately you're going to Steubie soon, I'm sure there are plenty of serious Catholic guys there.

Edited August 1, 2011 by BG45

[MissyP89]

[quote name='sixpence' timestamp='1312227714' post='2279849']
there seem to be a fair number of single pretty serious Catholic guys at the Rutgers CSA... but I can't tell for sure since I don't associate with undergrads ...but if anyone wants to move here and investigate there is a room for rent in my apartment in september !!
[/quote]



Hey, Jersey. I went to Rowan!

Edited August 1, 2011 by MissyP89

[Adrestia]

[quote name='jaime (the artist formerly known as hot stuff)' timestamp='1312214975' post='2279721']
I hope you see this advice in the right light. I admire your passion and drive but I think you might benefit from another perspective. BTW this is coming from someone who was a youth minister for 10 years and consults fairly regularly for youth programs.

First of all, you seem disappointed that there aren't ton of teens showing up for youth events. One thing that was made clear to me is that if you want youth to show up to your events, you have to invest in their events. I would go to band concerts, football games, hockey games, danceline competitions, etc to cheer and support the students from my church (whether they were active in my program or not). This brings me to another point. There is NOTHING wrong with soccer camp. In fact your teens should be applauded for wanting to improve themselves. Better than what a majority of teens are doing.

Christ went out to meet the people in need. He didn't wait for them to show up. That's a pretty good model. Jesus also took a couple years to set up his ministry the way he wanted. Also a good model. It takes time! And since I wasn't Christ, it would take me longer than a couple years to set up a program effectively.
[/quote]
I remember going to high school basketball games because one of my teens was a cheerleader. The Youth Minister and I cheered for her while she was cheering for the team. She was a tad embarrassed, but in a good way - she kept showing up for youth group stuff! The YM, one other volunteer and I also went to high school football games because another one of our teens was in the marching band. During the games we would sit with a group of teens from our parish. My favorite extracurricular was for a teen who had a lead role in her school's spring musical. She was fantastic!

By the way, not only is it fun to see what your teens are doing, it also shows the families your level of commitment. I think the level of parent involvement can also improve when you show up to cheer on their kids.

[ContemporaryCaflicCrusader]

[quote name='arfink' timestamp='1312217275' post='2279731']

In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty sure that's public enemy #1 for men. Many guys don't like to face up to the fact that it's a serious problem, and so they don't want to go to Confession. For me, it takes going to Confession every week, which I still do. So yeah, we're gonna lose a lot of men to this, until we can get them to see the value of confession. It's better to sin and go to confession every week than to just sin and never confess and commit sacrilege. Of course, it's always preferable to just give up on the sin, but you have to start somewhere.

In fact, at times I have contemplated starting a young men's group and calling it the "Confession Crew" and we'd do stuff on Saturday mornings after all going to Confession. An idea I would really like to make into something more.

One final thing to consider about working with young men: In my experience you'll almost always do better if you meet a man where he's at and lead him somewhere, rather than just meeting him at his level and chilling out there, or waiting at the high ground for him to come over to your side. So don't assume that Christian pop music by itself will lure young men. If I know anything about young men, we're selfish to a tee with our personal interests. A very very common fault that society plants in us practically from birth. So you almost always have to make yourself at least seem interested in what he's interested in (without committing sin or scandal) just to be able to talk effectively with him. This is how brotherhood is supposed to work- to be close to someone you will need to waste time with them, and once a beginning bond is formed you can have something to build upon. But it can take great lengths to get even a tiny gossamer thread of brotherhood formed for some men, so don't feel bad if it takes you a long time to do so. That's how you get a man to listen to you with more than just his ears.
[/quote]

Confession Crew sounds like a really good idea. I would like to take that to the streets this upcoming school year at my parrish, if you don't mind.