HopefulBride Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I have a colleague who graduate from got a Master's of Divinity a couple of years ago. She has been studying and working toward being, I guess the word is ordained, a minister. Well she has and so her first sermon will be given sometime in the next couple of weeks and she has invited me to come. The thing is this, she is obviously not catholic (non-denominational) and I am just not comfortable with the idea of a woman preaching. At the same time, I want to try and be supportive in any way that I can. I might have lied about my ability to attend.... OK I did lie, I told her that I had adoration that day (which I do an hour after the service at her church but I could get my prayer partner to be sure she is at adoration at my set time) the thing I just didn't want to have to deal with feeling uncomfortable. I also felt like by me going, I am saying that I am OK with female pastor and I really am not, I don't know why but I just don't like the idea. Am I a bad person for not wanting to go and listen to her preach? What do y'all think? I wasn't sure where to put this post so I just dumped it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fides' Jack Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Honestly, when it's not in the Catholic Church, I don't see any difference between a male and female minister. The most they could do is pray, anyway, regardless. I think it's just important to remember that as Catholics we can't participate in a non-Catholic service. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havok579257 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 tell her you don't feel comfortable going to a church which is not catholic and has a female pastor. tell her its no different than turning down invites to other things because you don't agree with them spiritually. she should understand. i mean if you invited her to do something in the catholic church she was not comfortable with, would you expect her to go anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I'd make it even simpler ... just tell her that you feel uncomfortable going to a church that is not catholic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thessalonian Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I wouldn't go. A comment of "with all due respect, I think that Jesus selecting only males in such a capacity makes it difficult for me to support you on this, though I will pray for you." . Probably won't go off too well but people just don't take enough stands these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 i think a simple, "I don't think I would be comfortable at the service," would suffice. If pressed for details, you could give them. [quote]At the same time, I want to try and be supportive in any way that I can. [/quote] is she a close friend, or just a colleague? i think to go and be 'supportive' in a way makes a statement of: "I am okay with you doing this." As Catholics, we believe that only males should be ordained to the priesthood (note to all side-trackers of this point: start another thread). Why would you mislead someone into believing that you, as a Catholic, are okay with her being 'ordained'? Especially if you two aren't close, a hypothetical situation could come up talking about Catholicism and she uses you as an example: "Well, yeah, I had my really Catholic colleague to my first service and if she didn't see anything wrong with it, then it must not be a big deal." Do you ken where I'm going with this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Is she first your friend or first your colleague? Have you gone to church with her (at her church, not Mass) before? If you've gone before and she's first your friend, I'd go, telling her that normally it would make you uncomfortable but you can tell how important this is for her. If you haven't gone with her, or if she's just a colleague, I'd say that you're uncomfortable going to a non-Catholic Church but that you wish her the best and that you'll keep her in your prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopefulBride Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1311803218' post='2277129'] i think a simple, "I don't think I would be comfortable at the service," would suffice. If pressed for details, you could give them. is she a close friend, or just a colleague? i think to go and be 'supportive' in a way makes a statement of: "I am okay with you doing this." As Catholics, we believe that only males should be ordained to the priesthood (note to all side-trackers of this point: start another thread). Why would you mislead someone into believing that you, as a Catholic, are okay with her being 'ordained'? Especially if you two aren't close, a hypothetical situation could come up talking about Catholicism and she uses you as an example: "Well, yeah, I had my really Catholic colleague to my first service and if she didn't see anything wrong with it, then it must not be a big deal." Do you ken where I'm going with this? [/quote] [quote name='Basilisa Marie' timestamp='1311805644' post='2277152'] Is she first your friend or first your colleague? Have you gone to church with her (at her church, not Mass) before? If you've gone before and she's first your friend, I'd go, telling her that normally it would make you uncomfortable but you can tell how important this is for her. If you haven't gone with her, or if she's just a colleague, I'd say that you're uncomfortable going to a non-Catholic Church but that you wish her the best and that you'll keep her in your prayers. [/quote] I met her at work but she became a friend. My cousin has stayed with me over the past couple of summers and I've taken him to her church since he is not catholic. I've dropped him off to their bible camp and picked him up. Now she has asked me twice about going and even asked if I can arrange it so I could be there. I know she really would like for me to be there but it is just hard to reconcile. And cmaria I thought about giving her that reason but I honestly don't want to deal with another you catholics comment/question.... Why does this have to be so hard? Why can't everyone see what we see in the One True Church? Edited July 27, 2011 by HopefulBride Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 [quote name='Basilisa Marie' timestamp='1311805644' post='2277152'] Is she first your friend or first your colleague? Have you gone to church with her (at her church, not Mass) before? If you've gone before and she's first your friend, I'd go, telling her that normally it would make you uncomfortable but you can tell how important this is for her. If you haven't gone with her, or if she's just a colleague, I'd say that you're uncomfortable going to a non-Catholic Church but that you wish her the best and that you'll keep her in your prayers. [/quote] I would agree with this... if you've gone before, there is not really a good excuse to back out now; however, it sounds like she already knows you are a practicing Catholic since you mentioned about the Adoration... hmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 [quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1311807503' post='2277170']I met her at work but she became a friend. My cousin has stayed with me over the past couple of summers and I've taken him to her church since he is not catholic. I've dropped him off to their bible camp and picked him up. Now she has asked me twice about going and even asked if I can arrange it so I could be there. I know she really would like for me to be there but it is just hard to reconcile. And cmaria I thought about giving her that reason but I honestly don't want to deal with another you catholics comment/question.... Why does this have to be so hard? Why can't everyone see what we see in the One True Church? [/quote] i would state something to the effect of, i value our friendship that we have, but i am uncomfortable going to another service that is not Catholic. If pressed for reasons, state what we believe as Catholics. This might make her angry or sad or uncomfortable, but reiterate that you value the friendship but you hope that if the situations were reversed (let's say, you were going through First Professions or something like that) and you say how uncomfortable it made her, you would not ask her to go. I, personally, would not go - even for a friend.[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1311807503' post='2277170'] I met her at work but she became a friend. My cousin has stayed with me over the past couple of summers and I've taken him to her church since he is not catholic. [/quote] wait, sorry, i think i'm misunderstanding. did you just drop him off, or attend with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Having worked in an ecumenical organization, I ran up against this pretty often. I attended ecumenical prayer services, weddings, funerals, but not regular services. I could have attended those so long as I didn't take communion. I looked at it as attending a speech given by someone like Mother Theresa. There is no need to tell her that you don't believe she should be preaching. Just explain that you are a devout Catholic. If she doesn't understand what that means, then I would wonder where she got her degree. Just because a female is standing at the pulpit talking, doesn't mean it is a homily, and it doesn't mean you have to think of it that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopefulBride Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 [quote name='sixpence' timestamp='1311807574' post='2277173'] I would agree with this... if you've gone before, there is not really a good excuse to back out now; however, it sounds like she already knows you are a practicing Catholic since you mentioned about the Adoration... hmm [/quote] Yeah I have never actually attended there, she's invited me to bible study and I've replied that I am part of a Catholic Bible study at my parish and she's invited me to women's group and I've indicated that I am part of a women's group so she's stopped inviting me to their faith formation stuff. The closest I got to "attending" their service is when my cousin's bible camp had to do a presentation/skit as part of the bible camp closing. In all honesty I avoid any non-catholic services unless it's like a friend's wedding and I want to be supportive but going "just because my friend invited me to go" I've never done that .... Scratch that I went to a Methodist service last year with a friend but that was more to socialize cause it was years since I left Idaho and I wanted to see the folks I grew up with.[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1311807884' post='2277180'] i would state something to the effect of, i value our friendship that we have, but i am uncomfortable going to another service that is not Catholic. If pressed for reasons, state what we believe as Catholics. This might make her angry or sad or uncomfortable, but reiterate that you value the friendship but you hope that if the situations were reversed (let's say, you were going through First Professions or something like that) and you say how uncomfortable it made her, you would not ask her to go. I, personally, would not go - even for a friend. wait, sorry, i think i'm misunderstanding. did you just drop him off, or attend with him? [/quote] I dropped him off it was like a half day bible camp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 gotcha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1311807933' post='2277182'] Having worked in an ecumenical organization, I ran up against this pretty often. I attended ecumenical prayer services, weddings, funerals, but not regular services. I could have attended those so long as I didn't take communion. [b]I looked at it as attending a speech given by someone like Mother Theresa[/b]. There is no need to tell her that you don't believe she should be preaching. Just explain that you are a devout Catholic. If she doesn't understand what that means, then I would wonder where she got her degree. Just because a female is standing at the pulpit talking, doesn't mean it is a homily, and it doesn't mean you have to think of it that way. [/quote] This is what I was thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 [quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1311811003' post='2277215'] This is what I was thinking. [/quote] Same here. I didn't realize there was a problem with women preaching . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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