dells_of_bittersweet Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 As you all know far too many of us sit in a fold-up chair in the Gathering Area for Mass during Christmas and Easter because of all the people that we don't usually see there. So, to return things to a better state, I now propose the following plan: 1. During Advent and Lent, all parishioners will be given a card that Father hole-punches and initials at the end of every Mass. 2. Parishioners who show up without the requisite number of hole punches, or *gasp* show up without a hole punch card will be denied priority seating. However, no matter how brilliant the plan, some people will slip through the cracks. So, just to be on the safe side: 1. Sermon is about Mass attendance. For Easter, you could make a play on the "But you could not sit and wait with me one hour" since Mass takes an hour. 2. Before Communion, Parishioners will be subjected to a short multiple choice test on theology. They will then have to pass it through an electric scanning machine to be able to enter to communion isle. People turning in incorrect tests get to hear an extra sermon about hell after Mass has ended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I like this plan a lot! However, you've got to figure out what to do about visitors - grandparents whose grown kids and grandkids come back to the old parish for the holiday and that kind of thing. I see a couple of options - 1. Bring your puchcard from your home parish. 2. 'Parishioner swaps,' similar to trading baseball players, to be arranged by lottery in the penitential season preceding the holiday. 3. The hosting parishioners have to send RSVPs to the rectory with an accurate count of how many guests they're inviting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilianus Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) There would be a black market for punched cards. Edited July 25, 2011 by Maximilianus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Or we would be accused of buying our way into heaven...again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 [quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1311566868' post='2275350'] Or we would be accused of buying our way into heaven...again. [/quote] Wait...you mean we can't do that? Shoot! There goes THAT plan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Or we could just be happy they're there...and try not to laugh when they don't know all the proper responses because they changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Vega Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Or shoot them with a crossbow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilianus Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 [quote name='USAirwaysIHS' timestamp='1311572158' post='2275389'] Or shoot them with a crossbow. [/quote] You're going to freak out the hoplophobes with language like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoylentGreene Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 How about voluntary microchipping? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Theres no reserved seats in Heaven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I go to Mass every Sunday. Whoever wants my seat next to Addie can have it. He/She will have to frequently chase her (she especially like you to chase her around the Altar in the cry chapel); feed her snacks or risk the guy in front of you being pelted with corn pops; shush her when she yells, "over?, over?, over?"; pull her dress down when she attempts to flash Fr. and the rest of the parish (when it happens during the consecration it's an added plus); have her sit on your legs whilst you kneel; blush when she is a bit..umm 'gassy', then giggles about it; make sure she doesn't yank the Rosary out of Mary's hands; and make sure she does not smack Fr's hand when you go to communion to receive. You want that seat??? Have at it, son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 [quote name='MIkolbe' timestamp='1311597185' post='2275451'] I go to Mass every Sunday. Whoever wants my seat next to Addie can have it. He/She will have to frequently chase her (she especially like you to chase her around the Altar in the cry chapel); feed her snacks or risk the guy in front of you being pelted with corn pops; shush her when she yells, "over?, over?, over?"; pull her dress down when she attempts to flash Fr. and the rest of the parish (when it happens during the consecration it's an added plus); have her sit on your legs whilst you kneel; blush when she is a bit..umm 'gassy', then giggles about it; make sure she doesn't yank the Rosary out of Mary's hands; and make sure she does not smack Fr's hand when you go to communion to receive. You want that seat??? Have at it, son. [/quote] And this, friends, is how beautiful the vocation of marriage is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 No no.. the beautiful part of the vocation of Marriage is your wife whispering as you get back to your seat after chasing the toddler, "I told you to feed her breakfast"; then smiling and chuckling as you mention 'she's up' for the next ring around the Altar... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Ring around the altar, sounds like a kid's game! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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