Single Parents With Children Who Want To Get Married

[organwerke]

There was a similar old thread about this that was closed because it turned mostly into a discussion about annullments.
Now, please, I ask you: this is not meant to be a thread about annullment.
For this reason, I ask you not to debate this matter, and, also, since I don't speak about divorced or annulled parents (even if they are in my mind too but this is not the point) I start from this sort of scenario: a couple who never got married but had children. For any reason (single pregnant mothers, conflicts, very serious reasons, abandonment etc.) they separated.
My question is: suppose that the parent who cares for the children is catholic (or converted to catholicism) and now wants to have a real serious relationship. I wonder this: maybe for the kids it is good to have a complete family, but the problem that in particular interests me is: what about new children that eventually will come from a new serious and also sacred union?
And what about in particular the relationships between the children form the first union and those from the second one?
I sometimes think of my sister's husband...: his parents are divorced. He and his brother were raised by their mother. She had some boyfriends after divorce but now is single and, anyway, she did not have orther children.
His father instead is in a very long relationship but he too did not have other children.
Now, both my sister's husband and his brother have a very strong sense of family. They are both happily married with children.
They have good relations with both their parents. I sometimes think that they suffered from their parents' separation, but maybe at least they manteined the idea of the "union" of the family for the fact that their parents did not have other children.
What do you think?

[CatherineM]

I'm tired, so I'm having some cognitive issues. I have no idea what you are asking.

[Winchester]

Are the children old enough to get married?

[Basilisa Marie]

[quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1311192743' post='2271878']
I start from this sort of scenario: a couple who never got married but had children. For any reason (single pregnant mothers, conflicts, very serious reasons, abandonment etc.) they separated.
My question is: suppose that the parent who cares for the children is catholic (or converted to catholicism) and now wants to have a real serious relationship. I wonder this: maybe for the kids it is good to have a complete family, but the problem that in particular interests me is: what about new children that eventually will come from a new serious and also sacred union?
And what about in particular the relationships between the children form the first union and those from the second one?
I sometimes think of my sister's husband...: his parents are divorced. He and his brother were raised by their mother. She had some boyfriends after divorce but now is single and, anyway, she did not have orther children.
His father instead is in a very long relationship but he too did not have other children.
Now, both my sister's husband and his brother have a very strong sense of family. They are both happily married with children.
They have good relations with both their parents. I sometimes think that they suffered from their parents' separation, but maybe at least they manteined the idea of the "union" of the family for the fact that their parents did not have other children.
What do you think?
[/quote]


Your primary question concerns siblings from one relationship and siblings from another coming together to live in the same family, yes?

Well, since the parent who cares for the children wasn't previously married, s/he would be able to get married in the Church, assuming the intended spouse is equally free to do so.Children almost always suffer in some way when parents separate, but often, like you said, there are plenty of good reasons for the parents to do so. One of the best things parents can do is provide a stable home for their kids. That's easier to do with two parents around. I've seen many situations in real life where children from one relationship and children from a current one all live together in one family with no more than the average sibling conflicts, so I don't see a problem here.

Edited July 22, 2011 by Basilisa Marie

[organwerke]

[quote name='Basilisa Marie' timestamp='1311356648' post='2273894']
Your primary question concerns siblings from one relationship and siblings from another coming together to live in the same family, yes?

Well, since the parent who cares for the children wasn't previously married, s/he would be able to get married in the Church, assuming the intended spouse is equally free to do so.Children almost always suffer in some way when parents separate, but often, like you said, there are plenty of good reasons for the parents to do so. One of the best things parents can do is provide a stable home for their kids. That's easier to do with two parents around. I've seen many situations in real life where children from one relationship and children from a current one all live together in one family with no more than the average sibling conflicts, so I don't see a problem here.
[/quote]

Thank you!
This was exactly what I was thinking about.
the fact that you understood the subject of the thread tells me that maybe it is not only that I'm not able to espress myself 100% clearly but also that some persons prefer to get fun of those who don't speak perfectly their language rather than to try to do an effort to understand... (not to mention the fact that if they don't understand, no one force them to reply to my threads).
This said, what you say is what I often hear from many. I guess there is not an absolute and certain answer if it is better for the children to live with two parents (if for any reason the two real parents separated) or with a sngle one. It probably depends on many factors (age of the children, if there are other significant relatives in the family or not etc.)
I did the example of two parents that weren't married in order to avoid a debate about annullment, but I confess I had this situation in mind too.
Suppose that two parents (married) separate and get an annulment for serious reasons.
Suppose one of the parents cares for the child (or children). Suppose he/she wants to remarry in order to better raise the children. Don't you think the fact that he/she will probably have other children will affect the ones he had from the previous relation? Not only: don't you think his previous relation will affect the children he'll have from the new marriage (in particular in cases in which the children from the previous relation still mantain a significant relation with the other parent)?
Well, which could be the problems (in my opinion) for the children?
1. the children from the first relation will suffer from jealousy and also they'll fear that the biological parent will love the new children more than them
2. the children from the previous relation will suffer because they'll feel that they had the misfortune that they parents separated while the new children have their parents united.
3. the children from the second union will be affected by the sense of separation of the family even if their parents are united (in particular, if the relations between the parent and the other person who separated are difficult and with conflicts)
4. also, what kind of catholic education and example will be given to the children in this context?
Ok, I know I gave some examples but that every situation is different. I think also that it is very important the factor of the age of the children. But, still these are some of the problmes that can be present in these situations in my opinion.

[Basilisa Marie]

[quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1311428403' post='2274286']
Suppose that two parents (married) separate and get an annulment for serious reasons.
Suppose one of the parents cares for the child (or children). Suppose he/she wants to remarry in order to better raise the children. Don't you think the fact that he/she will probably have other children will affect the ones he had from the previous relation? Not only: don't you think his previous relation will affect the children he'll have from the new marriage (in particular in cases in which the children from the previous relation still mantain a significant relation with the other parent)?
Well, which could be the problems (in my opinion) for the children?
1. the children from the first relation will suffer from jealousy and also they'll fear that the biological parent will love the new children more than them
2. the children from the previous relation will suffer because they'll feel that they had the misfortune that they parents separated while the new children have their parents united.
3. the children from the second union will be affected by the sense of separation of the family even if their parents are united (in particular, if the relations between the parent and the other person who separated are difficult and with conflicts)
4. also, what kind of catholic education and example will be given to the children in this context?
Ok, I know I gave some examples but that every situation is different. I think also that it is very important the factor of the age of the children. But, still these are some of the problmes that can be present in these situations in my opinion.
[/quote]

I don't think they meant to make fun of you or anything, just that they couldn't understand.

Your first three points would be remedied by a parent simply talking to his or her child and reassuring them. As long as one child isn't overtly favored over another and no one is ignored, I still don't see any real serious problems. For your fourth, I don't think the fact that a family includes kids from two separate relationships has anything bearing on what kind of education the kids will receive. Actually, I'd argue that kids raised in one of those households can turn out no different from one raised with two married parents.

[Papist]

If the home is loving, caring, selfless environment, there should nothing to worry about.