Totus Tuus Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Children. Your kids don't have anyone but you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1310773615' post='2267983'] I agree! The RELATIONSHIP between parents always always comes first. The number 1 sacred duty of a father is to love and honor his children's mother. The number 1 sacred duty of a mother is to love and honor her children's father. Because that is the #1 thing that children NEED - for their parents to have a healthy, loving, permanent relationship [/quote] I agree. As long as the basic needs of the kids are being met, one needs to put their attention towards their spouse's needs next. A solid marriage should help make parenting a little bit easier. I don't agree with teaching one's children that parents come first, but I think it'd be better to explain that Mommy or Daddy needs a good night's sleep because they have work in the morning, etc. Parents should make sacrifices for their children's benefit, as long as those sacrifices are for good reasons. Like saving for college instead of a super sweet sports car, or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
revelations Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 i cant disagree with the way anyone else raises their own kids as long as its not abusive. My children are the most important thing to me in this whole world and when i get married i hope my wife feels the same way.[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/heart.gif[/img] I think my point for asking this question was for me to realize that I have a right to disagree with the way I was raised..and I have the right to be proud of the parent I have become.[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img] ..thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith 1st Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 [font="Verdana"]Children come first.... As a single parent I [u][b]HAVE [/b][/u]to put them first... because I am all they have.[/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
revelations Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 [quote name='Faith 1st' timestamp='1310788226' post='2268069'] [font="Verdana"]Children come first.... As a single parent I [u][b]HAVE [/b][/u]to put them first... because I am all they have.[/font] [/quote] ..and Spongebob! [img]http://www.procprblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/spongebob.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dells_of_bittersweet Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 All things being equal, the official teaching of the Catholic Church is that your children come first. You are responsible before God that your children are raised in a manner that leads them to heaven, and to care for there temporal needs until they are of an age that they can care for themselves. Basically, with your children, God has put you in a position of authority which you may not morally decline. While you also have a moral obligation to respect and care for your parents, the God-given authority and responsibility you have to your children is of a much higher order. That said, applying that teaching to individual situations can be tricky. Can't help there without the specifics, but I figured I would state what the official church teaching is-basically, it's your job to judge correctly in applying this teaching to a particular case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 We are a very "children come first" culture to the point of not taking care of our marriages. It's not right to *always* put the children first-- the marriage suffers and children never learn that others have needs. Now, when dealing with children vs. grandparents... What are we talking? Grandparents want children to come visit vs. children would rather stay home and do their thing? Sometimes kids win, but sometimes grandparents get to win, too. Compromise and boundaries. The sooner kids learn that they are a part of a family and it doesn't revolve around their desires, the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
revelations Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) [quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1310957677' post='2269128'] We are a very "children come first" culture to the point of not taking care of our marriages. It's not right to *always* put the children first-- the marriage suffers and children never learn that others have needs. Now, when dealing with children vs. grandparents... What are we talking? Grandparents want children to come visit vs. children would rather stay home and do their thing? Sometimes kids win, but sometimes grandparents get to win, too. Compromise and boundaries. The sooner kids learn that they are a part of a family and it doesn't revolve around their desires, the better. [/quote] Actually..It was my children who wanted to see their grandparents who haven't gotten to see them more than twice in the last two years and the grandparents would rather do [i]their[/i] own thing, claiming they came first before their own grandchildren. Compromise and boundaries..yes..but I know if it was my own kids or grandkids that I had only gotten to see twice a year..I would have dropped everything I was doing and ran as fast as I could to go see my children's faces and hug them and hold them as long as I could. My kids are taught that they can't just eat candy bars all day or stay up all night and that furniture is not a trampoline, but when it comes to essential needs..my children will always be my first priority. ..and as soon as my kids understand they are part of a family..I would have taught them everything I know. Edited July 18, 2011 by revelations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Children and my mom & dad would say the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 [quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1310755069' post='2267840'] I mean, I can't neglect my relationship with my husband, nor our own needs for personal time. [/quote] Absolutely. In fact, the best thing I can do for my children is love their mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 [quote name='revelations' timestamp='1310974222' post='2269272'] Actually..It was my children who wanted to see their grandparents who haven't gotten to see them more than twice in the last two years and the grandparents would rather do [i]their[/i] own thing, claiming they came first before their own grandchildren. Compromise and boundaries..yes..but I know if it was my own kids or grandkids that I had only gotten to see twice a year..I would have dropped everything I was doing and ran as fast as I could to go see my children's faces and hug them and hold them as long as I could. My kids are taught that they can't just eat candy bars all day or stay up all night and that furniture is not a trampoline, but when it comes to essential needs..my children will always be my first priority. ..and as soon as my kids understand they are part of a family..I would have taught them everything I know. [/quote] Oh, wow... Yeah, my parents and inlaws would love to spend more time with us-- it's just not always practical. If it's a case of your parents not wanting to spend time with your kids, I guess there's not much you can do about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1310773615' post='2267983'] The RELATIONSHIP between parents always always comes first. The number 1 sacred duty of a father is to love and honor his children's mother. The number 1 sacred duty of a mother is to love and honor her children's father. Because that is the #1 thing that children NEED - for their parents to have a healthy, loving, permanent relationship [/quote] This is the mind of the Church - I remember actually learning this in religious life. I think something in the Catechism even says something like that? If it wasn't the Catechism, it was a pretty important book like that. Wish I could remember. HOWEVER ... I think there are two completely different questions being raised. They sound similar, but they are VERY different. Yes, the relationship between spouses needs to come first. Matthew 7:24-27 -- for everything to "work," their marriage needs to be built on rock. But when it comes to temporal needs and the like? CHILDREN come first!!! If we're in a boat that's sinking and we have to choose: save my spouse or my children, you can BET sure as Heaven we're going to choose the children. And we both know that and would expect each other to do that. The whole air conditioning thing?! Yeah, we would have definitely put our children in there and suffered the heat ourselves. One of my favorite quotes, from Tenneva Jordan: "A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." And that's the way it should be. The question of the parents' relationship coming first doesn't play into temporal affairs like that (and even emotional things: making sure they feel safe and happy, etc.)-- when it comes to things like that, children come first. By making sacrifices like that, we are teaching our children how to be selfless. Little eyes are watching us - so when there is an issue like that, we need to be SELFLESS and do the virtuous thing, because our children are like sponges: they're going to soak it all up. So when people say, "The parents' relationship comes first," that's not a license for selfishness, and if it's used as one, they are totally, utterly, and completely missing the point. That simply means that the parents' relationship needs to be "up-kept"; they need to have a solid foundation, because they are the image of God to their children--that's why divorce is so crushing and terrible. So you can't have a great relationship with your children if the spouses hate living with each other and their marriage is in tatters. That's just common sense! But it's also common sense that when it comes to protecting and ensuring the well-being of our children, [i]that[/i] comes first. At the very least that's just being [i]virtuous![/i] And we WANT to do those things for our kids, we WANT to make sacrifices for them!!!, because we love them to death!!! See what I mean? Anyway, I totally echo AC's statement: It's not "US vs. THEM" .... we're a FAMILY and that's the way it should be!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azriel Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Children are always the priority. However, being a priority doesn't mean they always come first. There is a distinction, I believe. Sometimes its beneficial for children when the parents "come first". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azriel Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 [quote name='revelations' timestamp='1310974222' post='2269272'] Actually..It was my children who wanted to see their grandparents who haven't gotten to see them more than twice in the last two years and the grandparents would rather do [i]their[/i] own thing, claiming they came first before their own grandchildren. Compromise and boundaries..yes..but I know if it was my own kids or grandkids that I had only gotten to see twice a year..I would have dropped everything I was doing and ran as fast as I could to go see my children's faces and hug them and hold them as long as I could. My kids are taught that they can't just eat candy bars all day or stay up all night and that furniture is not a trampoline, but when it comes to essential needs..my children will always be my first priority. ..and as soon as my kids understand they are part of a family..I would have taught them everything I know. [/quote] I'm so sorry this is the situation. Pray for your parents. Then as much as you can, console your children. And then be glad they aren't learning selfishness from their grandparents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
revelations Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) [color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples." [/size][/font][/color] [color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish." [/size][/font][/color] [color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"Peope are unrealistic; illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway." [/size][/font][/color][color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family." [/size][/font][/color][color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"Everything that is not given is lost." [/size][/font][/color] [color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"One truly must have suffered oneself to help others." [/size][/font][/color][color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"A life not lived for others is not a life."[/size][/font][/color][color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"] [/font][/color] [color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]"Live simply so others may simply live." [/size][/font][/color]-[size="4"][color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"]Mother Teresa-[/font][/color][/size] [color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"] [/font][/color] [color="#181818"][font="georgia, serif"][size="4"]Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.[/size][/font][/color] [color="#454545"]-[font="Georgia"][size="4"]Mahatma Gandhi[/size][/font]-[/color] [color="#454545"][b] [/b][/color] [size="3"]I think if we can teach our children selflessness by our own examples.. then they too will be more wiling to return the favor. The more selfless deeds we put into this world then that much more will this world begin to see the random acts of kindness by angels.[/size] [font="georgia, serif"] [/font] Edited July 18, 2011 by revelations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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