revelations Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 (edited) I recently had a discussion with my parents. They are grand-parents btw to my three boys. I never agreed with the way they had raised me and I always promised myself that I would refuse to let my kids grow up the way I did. My parents have always taught me that they came first. I remember sleeping in the living room with my brothers and sisters in the middle of summer while my parents enjoyed the air-conditioning that they put in their room because my dad worked. I could honestly never in my life do this to my kids. This example isnt the issue though, but whether or not children or parents should come first. To this day they still believe they should come before their own grand-children when it comes to them deciding on who is more important and freely admit to it. The question I have is who comes first as a priority? Is selflessness being selfish? Should I put my kids first to protect them? I personally am willing to anything for my kids even if it involves sacrificing everything I have for them. I have never understood this and was wondering what the opinions of my fellow phatmassers would be. The reason I posted this topic here is because I dont intend a heated debate just hope to get some honest opinions and hopefully some examples that relate to this topic. Thanks in advance.. Edited July 15, 2011 by revelations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Children always come first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Vega Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 In matters of little importance (the air conditioning thing would fall into this, or sitting on a bus, or other trivialities of this sort), parents should get priority as a matter of deference. In matters of grave importance (getting the last lifeboat place, receiving medical attention in a triage situation, etc), I would expect the parent to allow his child the priority. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I agree that kids come first, but the breadwinner of the family is the keystone. If it means him being able to get enough sleep so that he can provide for his family, I don't think that is abusive. I only had a fan, and summers in Oklahoma aren't pleasant. Children who never have to do without never learn things like how to delay gratification. I have seen some people who literally love their kids to death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1310747180' post='2267767'] I agree that kids come first, but the breadwinner of the family is the keystone. If it means him being able to get enough sleep so that he can provide for his family, I don't think that is abusive. I only had a fan, and summers in Oklahoma aren't pleasant. Children who never have to do without never learn things like how to delay gratification. I have seen some people who literally love their kids to death. [/quote] Agreed. Same thing with food... In an emergency situation (like the Great Depression) the main breadwinner should eat before everyone else because that person needs their strength to provide housing, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azriel Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 My gut reaction is that children should always come first. Mostly because this is how my parents raised me. However, there has been some good points raised. I think it really comes down to balance. Of course, most (i'd like to think all) parents would die for their children. But in other matters, I think it takes a bit more thought. Maybe it should be thought of as the Family comes first. (Well, God first, but I think that in and of itself implies that Family should be a priority). For example, children demand a lot of our attention. Is it selfish to want to have, say a date night with your spouse so that you don't end up throwing a child against the wall? I don't think so. But, is it selfish to make your child take a benadryl cocktail so you can Phatmass. Yeah, that's not just selfish, its disturbing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 [quote name='Azriel' timestamp='1310748077' post='2267779'] But, is it selfish to make your child take a benadryl cocktail so you can Phatmass. Yeah, that's not just selfish, its disturbing. [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azriel Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 [quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1310749656' post='2267793'] [/quote] Exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Children come first... Unless you are on a plane and you lose pressure and oxygen and the masks come down. Then you make sure you have you mask on before assisting your child.....In the event of a water evacuation, your seat cushion could also be used as a floatation device. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 My children come first, but there is a balance. I mean, I can't neglect my relationship with my husband, nor our own needs for personal time. I will say that I never saw it as an us vs them either in my upbringing or with my kids. We're a family and we work together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azriel Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 [quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1310755069' post='2267840'] My children come first, but there is a balance. I mean, I can't neglect my relationship with my husband, nor our own needs for personal time. I will say that I never saw it as an us vs them either in my upbringing or with my kids. We're a family and we work together. [/quote] Exactly! Much more elegantly said than I! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 i vote 'yes,' btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 It all depends on the specifics of each situation. Your relationship with your spouse always needs to come first, but your care and concern on a daily basis should be for your children because your husband as an adult can put off his needs for attention til the kids are in bed. Dirty diapers on the other hand, are a priority. I know women who after they have produced children never pay attention to their husbands again. This is just setting the stage for a divorce and heartache, but some women simply haven't a clue. I have also seen husbands so wrapped up in sports or business they think handing their spouse money is a substitute for time and affection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I agree! The RELATIONSHIP between parents always always comes first. The number 1 sacred duty of a father is to love and honor his children's mother. The number 1 sacred duty of a mother is to love and honor her children's father. Because that is the #1 thing that children NEED - for their parents to have a healthy, loving, permanent relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 p.s. I can also see this as being a generational thing, depending on how much older your parents are ... back in the day it was just the big idea that parents did not "serve" the whims or wants of their children. Children were expected to do what the parents wanted, no (or very little) discussion. Now things have swung back in the other direction and you have folks indulging their kids every chance they get, to the point of allowing them to choose their gender ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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