thegraceandpeace Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Howdy! I'm happy to be here on the Phorums. This question is for my fellow Catholic single women out there: How do you interact with men (married/single, religious/not-religious)? I have found, unfortunately, that being a single woman seems to signal to men that we are a) available and "waiting" for a casual relationship and b) want to be approached in this manner. This is not just a problem while travelling in certain places overseas (where single women are sometimes advised to wear "wedding rings" and throw in remarks about big, strong husbands to protect themselves )—it can be a frustrating part of a single woman's daily existence anywhere, one more thing to make her feel like she is somehow less worthy as a child of God. Only a married or religious woman has the "right" to be left alone, once she proclaims that she has a spouse (or Spouse). How have other single women dealt with this? I've gotten to the point where I really do not wish to interact with men (Catholics ones included—you'd be surprised) whose intentions are…"casual". I am finding that I want to be able to behave like a married woman, one who is 'reserved' for a future husband and, right now, for God alone as a chaste single, and not have a big "open for business" sign on my head every day. True be told, I'm not open to dating in quite the same way that I was, say, in my secular teens and early 20s. How can I convey this in daily life? Unfortunately, modest dress doesn't seem to make much of a difference… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Do you have a "BACK OFF, JACK!" T-shirt? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I have lots of guy friends. I love them lots. I have lots of annoying guys who like to hit on me, too. They smell of elderberries. But I just let them know, that I'm totes not interested and they generally don't bother to ask me out, but still hit on me. It kind of still smells of elderberries. But, there are a few genuine good guys out there. They're my faves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fides' Jack Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I don't know - as a guy I think there are 2 sides to this. On the one hand, I can respect that women sometimes want to be left alone. On the other hand, the annoying guy is probably thinking to himself that he might be the one to get you to change your mind. Acting on that thought takes quite a bit of courage, I think (unless the guy is a real jerk). If you think it's your mission to live the single life, then I think you have to expect that from guys. Or go be a hermit, somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegraceandpeace Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) argh...new member...posting glitch...apologies! Edited July 14, 2011 by thegraceandpeace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegraceandpeace Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) argh...new member...posting glitch...apologies! Edited July 14, 2011 by thegraceandpeace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegraceandpeace Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 [quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1310668001' post='2267428'] If you think it's your mission to live the single life, then I think you have to expect that from guys. Or go be a hermit, somewhere. [/quote] I don't know if I would say it's my "mission" to live the single life...but it's where I am right now, more by default than by choice (I'm also a relatively new convert, btw). I'm trying to be as charitable, yet honest, as possible about this...I don't mean any disrespect to the guys who do these things, I just don't want to mislead them. May I should just get the fake wedding ring and call it a day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Sometimes you have to deal with these people, but it's not that bad. Sure, there are jerks/pigs, etc. out there, but most men aren't. It's important to value honest, chaste friendships and just remove yourself from the situation if that's not where it's going. Don't go with the fake wedding ring, because you would keep away the person you are meant to be with (assuming you don't want a man that wants to be with a person he thinks is married), and miss out on a lot of opportunities to be a witness of chastity in the single life. If you are discerning religious life, it does make it hard to be "single"-especially if your guy friends don't know about it. Spending time with guys one-on-one without it seeming date-y or giving them the wrong impression is hard (and something I'm currently encountering), so it might be best to just spend time in groups. Harder said than done, I know. In school, I always spent more time with guys than girls, so now it's a little bit challenging to cultivate more friendships with women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AudreyGrace Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Welcome to phatmass! I'm a single young woman, but I don't typically have a swarm of guys hitting on me. The guys I'm around most of the time know what type of person I am, and that I'm waiting for something really special. The area I live and my circle of friends aren't really that religious- especially the guys, but they know how important my faith is in everything. I don't think you should wear a wedding ring, but maybe a purity ring? If a guy hits on you and you're friends with him, then perhaps talk with him about where you are in life and that you're waiting and preparing for something special in the making. Talk with your friends about this anyways, even if they're not flirting with you. If a stranger hits on you, just let it pass. If it gets aggressive, then play the husband card. (Or the lesbian card, I've done that before. Only because the guy was saying how he'd be better than any man for me, on and on.. lol). Also, it takes a little more than dressing modestly. We have to be modest in our actions and speech; it's hard being daughters of God! I'm not saying you don't by any means at all, obviously. I'm sure you know all that, so it's just a reminder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoylentGreene Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I think a lot of how guys treat us is related to how we dress and carry ourselves. If we dress in revealing clothes it only makes sense that they would treat us in a more familiar manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Wednesday Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) I'm married but when I was single, I never really had that problem too often. I think I really put out a major "leave me alone" vibe and the opposite sex did just that. Except in Poland and Italy. Edited July 14, 2011 by Ash Wednesday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrestia Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) I have that problem when I move and have to meet new people. Some people mistake being friendly for being [i]interested, wink, wink[/i]. The only solution that I have found is to be very blunt about my faith. As I people get to know me the problem fades. My true friends form a sort-of-shield around me, allowing me to be oblivious to what other folks might think of [i]that single woman, wink, wink[/i]. Edited July 14, 2011 by tgoldson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 [quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1310673861' post='2267457'] Sometimes you have to deal with these people, but it's not that bad. Sure, there are jerks/pigs, etc. out there, but most men aren't. It's important to value honest, chaste friendships and just remove yourself from the situation if that's not where it's going. Don't go with the fake wedding ring, because you would keep away the person you are meant to be with (assuming you don't want a man that wants to be with a person he thinks is married), and miss out on a lot of opportunities to be a witness of chastity in the single life. If you are discerning religious life, it does make it hard to be "single"-especially if your guy friends don't know about it. Spending time with guys one-on-one without it seeming date-y or giving them the wrong impression is hard (and something I'm currently encountering), so it might be best to just spend time in groups. Harder said than done, I know. In school, I always spent more time with guys than girls, so now it's a little bit challenging to cultivate more friendships with women. [/quote] I don't know, I've never really had the problem with female friends when spending one on one time with them that I thought they wanted to be more than friends. Of course I'm a geek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoylentGreene Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I woulnt think it we be appropriate to spend time alone with a man under most circumstances. It could be an occasion of sin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 [quote name='BG45' timestamp='1310679464' post='2267496'] I don't know, I've never really had the problem with female friends when spending one on one time with them that I thought they wanted to be more than friends. Of course I'm a geek. [/quote] Agreed- and most guys truly do get it! But occasionally, like Tgoldson said, being happy and friendly in our society can be mistaken for being flirtatious. I'm a naturally bubbly person, and there have been several guys think that it's leading towards something other than what I have had in mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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