TheresaThoma Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 You'll be ok, just keep thinking positive! Prayers for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I agree with faithcecelia - don't look at the big picture too much or very often; better to focus on what needs to be done next. Identify and prioritize the problems - is it the little darlings themselves? maintaining order in the classroom? planning the lessons? making the materials for the lessons? grading? doing paperwork? I'm abso[i]lute[/i]ly guessing here, but my guess is you're fine in the classroom. You've dropped hints about the lesson planning and the materials - is that where you're time is getting eaten up? If you can, identify the one or two biggest problems before you meet with your team leader. She might be able to help you.. like if it's lesson planning, can you she slip you the lesson plans from the previous teacher so you don't have to reinvent the whole wheel? You can still tweak them to fit your own students. I know it's no fun, and you're questioning yourself, and you might be beating yourself up somewhat, but this is where real holiness is developed, not in reading books by people who have worked their own ways through their own problems. Right here, right now, in this classroom, with these students is where perseverance, patience, fortitude, trust, faith, hope, and charity are tested and developed every day (we here on Phatmass can provide good counsel but only of the most general sort - your team leader will give you specific good counsel). As to your last question, talk to your team leader (and check your contract if you have one of any kind). My recommendation is to take stock at midterm and make a preliminary decision to 1. Stay until June OR 2. Leave at Christmas break. Take stock again four weeks later (which would be four weeks before Christmas break, basically). If the second stock-taking confirms your midterm decision, tell your team leader - if you're staying, she can rest a little easier; if you're leaving, you've got to give her time to find a replacement. If you take stock a second time and your decisions [i]don't[/i] match, I don't know what to tell you to do - flip a coin? But either way, name what you want to do, why you want to do it, and keep your team leader in the loop. We're all praying for you, kid - you're doing at least as well as we would in the same situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Today a child asked me "Miss, are you pregnant?" Also, the other "new" 1st grade teacher (a veteran, but new to the school) quit over the weekend. No notice. I am better today. I think the worst days are Sundays because the school is closed so I can't prep the room for the next day. Saps confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1315363653' post='2301411'] Today a child asked me "Miss, are you pregnant?" Also, the other "new" 1st grade teacher (a veteran, but new to the school) quit over the weekend. No notice. I am better today. I think the worst days are Sundays because the school is closed so I can't prep the room for the next day. Saps confidence. [/quote] Rather than stress over the 'closed on Sundays,' take it as a sign from God - do something completely non-school - indulge yourself - day at the park - movie - reread your favorite novel - cut your hair & dye it purple so the kids think they have a sub on Monday morning. It might now prepare you better for Monday, but it might make you feel less seriously stressed.... which might, in fact, prepare you better for Monday. Glad to know you're feeling better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I'm pleased you're feeling better. I love the book 'Mister God, this is Anna' and one thing that made me dance inwardly is this child's observation that God, being God, didn't need to rest. The seventh day, the day of rest, is as wonderful a creation as anything else, and God created rest as a gift to us. Try to use it so you get some time for yourself - you will find you can give so much more to the kids if you are refreshed. And don't worry, I am frequently asked if I am pregnant! Not long after starting this job I was buying a dress for my brother's wedding and the shop assistant saw Corin with me and said 'well I see youre still carrying some baby weight'!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
incarnatewordsister Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 (edited) I am praying for you. Beginning is always hard. Teaching goes hand in hand with prayer. Jesus, the man who could teach from a boat can teach you all about being a wonderful teacher. This year I moved from teaching High School Seniors to teaching Pre-K, the first day of school the kids came in and ruined my shelves, made a mess, cried, etc, etc. A perfect horror movie. I thought, "God almighty, what did I get myself into?" Why, oh why did I abandon my seniors?" But things have gotten better. Every beginning is hard. Plan for disaster, plan things for students to do if they are finished soon. Plan, plan, plan. And let them be kids. Sing with them. But also teach them to go back to their place and be quiet for a few minutes. Please pm me if you have questions or want to chat. I've taught 1st grade before. Edited September 10, 2011 by incarnatewordsister Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Glad you're doing better, and seconding the "do something for you" idea. God gave us a day of rest for a reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 Dear phatmass, its Sunday and I don't know what to do. I just am not handling the stress. The school itself is okay now. I am figuring it out. But this TFA program I am finding manipulative and creepy. Their expectations are just super high and they push push push. They guilt trip you if you waver or don't produce. A girl quit last week ... she is going into therapy. We had professional development yesterday and I sat in this room with my fellow teachers and cried. One of the people was just sobbing "you lied to me!!!!!" (about the training/ support, etc.) There have been a couple people just having breakdowns, being hospitalized. I am just freaking out and don't know what to do! I think I need a counselor or a therapist, someone I can talk to who can talk me down from this expectation thing. I'm just feeling hopeless/helpless I guess and so scared about what is going to happen to me. I can't get out no matter how bad it gets. I have a lease and bills to pay. Ugh I think I 'm having a panic attack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1316987012' post='2310055'] Dear phatmass, its Sunday and I don't know what to do. I just am not handling the stress. The school itself is okay now. I am figuring it out. But this TFA program I am finding manipulative and creepy. Their expectations are just super high and they push push push. They guilt trip you if you waver or don't produce. A girl quit last week ... she is going into therapy. We had professional development yesterday and I sat in this room with my fellow teachers and cried. One of the people was just sobbing "you lied to me!!!!!" (about the training/ support, etc.) There have been a couple people just having breakdowns, being hospitalized. I am just freaking out and don't know what to do! I think I need a counselor or a therapist, someone I can talk to who can talk me down from this expectation thing. I'm just feeling hopeless/helpless I guess and so scared about what is going to happen to me. I can't get out no matter how bad it gets. I have a lease and bills to pay. Ugh I think I 'm having a panic attack [/quote] Yikes! It really doesn't sound good at all. If it starts to really affect your health, you may need to make a serious decision. I know it is frustrating to not be able to follow through on a contract (which I'm assuming TFA does), but your health comes first. Obviously TFA has some issues that need sorting. I'll send up some prayers for you, especially to St. Therese of Lisieux. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
incarnatewordsister Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Lillabeth, I'm praying for you. May St. John Bosco, St. John Baptist de la Salle, and Jeanne Chezard de Matel, all great teachers come to your rescue. Think of your health and decide. Many years ago I was teaching High School and I had to quit four weeks before the end of school because I was overwhelmed by my principal. I couldn't think straight, I lost about 30 pounds, I didn't sleep and was sick all the time. If I had had support it would have been different, but I don't regret it. I did what I needed to do at the time. Perhaps today I would do it differently, but it helped me then. I am praying and will continue to pray. You are a brilliant woman and a woman of God. God will let you know what to do. Sr. Helga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regina_coeli Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Something is really wrong here. With the entrance criteria, I would guess that the other TFAs are almost as smart and motivated as you. The dropout rate and stress levels sound way out of line. Is there someone another step up the food chain that can mediate what sounds like an aberrant situation? prayers for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
she_who_is_not Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 It's going to be ok. It's ok to cry and it's ok to freak out. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Care about the kids, care about your school, care about your teaching. But don't give in to the pressure or drink the Teach for America koolaid. You've been through much worse than this. They can't kill you. They can't break you. They are just trying to make you think they can. You're stronger than their business model applied to education bs and everyday you make it to 3:30 or whenever without throwing up, screaming, or hitting someone you should pat yourself on the back and eat an ice cream cone. And another thing, you are one first year teacher. You can make a huge difference in the students lives. But their success in life and first grade for that matter, does not rest solely upon your shoulders. One person cannot fight the myriad of social and political conditions that keep kids trapped in poverty. I don't know what they are telling you but I've taught in a high poverty school and done indigent defense work and I know the pressures that come with territory. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are doing a bad job. PM if you need to talk. I'm happy to give you my phone number. You are amesome. You are trying to do a crazy, hard, maddeningly demanding job and you should feel a little messed up. I know you can make it. I believe in you. The next time you have professional development write this on the back of your hand: Illegitimi non carborundum. You are amesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1316987012' post='2310055'] Dear phatmass, its Sunday and I don't know what to do. I just am not handling the stress. The school itself is okay now. I am figuring it out. But this TFA program I am finding manipulative and creepy. Their expectations are just super high and they push push push. They guilt trip you if you waver or don't produce. A girl quit last week ... she is going into therapy. We had professional development yesterday and I sat in this room with my fellow teachers and cried. One of the people was just sobbing "you lied to me!!!!!" (about the training/ support, etc.) There have been a couple people just having breakdowns, being hospitalized. I am just freaking out and don't know what to do! I think I need a counselor or a therapist, someone I can talk to who can talk me down from this expectation thing. I'm just feeling hopeless/helpless I guess and so scared about what is going to happen to me. I can't get out no matter how bad it gets. I have a lease and bills to pay. Ugh I think I 'm having a panic attack [/quote] Ok, maybe I'm not going to try and do TFA... yikes, you definitely are going to be in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I guess I didn't realize where the bad vibes were coming from - I thought it was the students, the schedule, the stress of a new job & location. If the organization is way out of whack, I have no clue what to tell you. Except stay in professional mode and pray like hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Is there anyone to whom you can go for advice and help? This sounds like a terrible situation and you need support. Our prayers are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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