OnlySunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1308940006' post='2258152'] The problem with that is this: If Mater is called to the Religious Life and gets tempted to go out with some guy, and yada yada, there goes her vocation... Once married and having kids, it's not possible to leave them and go to an Order, unless the kids are grown up and you had an annulment, but thats YEARS. The logical thing is to try out Religious Life while you are single, and discern that well. If the Order and yourself discern you aren't called, and you discern you are called to marriage, then logically you would discern marriage. I would just hate to see you lose something you may be called to. Maybe the Good Lord has kept you single this long for a reason. You badly need a solid spiritual director and to keep focused on discernment before you get tangled up in a relationship with someone. Once in a relationship, it can be very hard to break up, from what I've heard. Have you considered writing some solid Men's Orders in your state, or even out-of-state, and seeing if they would be your SD by mail/email? [/quote] I've thought about this, and it's a good point, but like I said, I'm not sure I'm called. I've been flipping back and forth and can't seem to find the right answer. I applied to one order and found out that it was not for me, and since then, it's been very difficult to find one that will accept me with medication. I only have two orders left to check out--the SsEW and the Religious Sisters of Mercy. I think what is eating me up is loneliness. I've been struggling like crazy with loneliness lately and it seems to be getting the better of me. Since I'm not working, I'm not able to visit orders AND I cannot attend the CYA meetings since my gas is so low (1/4 of a tank and I don't have any money to fill it up right now). I'm selling stuff on eBay, but it's not going to be enough. If I could get employed, then I wouldn't have so much of a problem with all of this. I feel like I've been complaining a lot lately and it really bugs me. I cannot wait to see my therapist in the next 2 weeks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1308946077' post='2258202'] I've thought about this, and it's a good point, but like I said, I'm not sure I'm called. I've been flipping back and forth and can't seem to find the right answer. I applied to one order and found out that it was not for me, and since then, it's been very difficult to find one that will accept me with medication. I only have two orders left to check out--the SsEW and the Religious Sisters of Mercy. I think what is eating me up is loneliness. I've been struggling like crazy with loneliness lately and it seems to be getting the better of me. Since I'm not working, I'm not able to visit orders AND I cannot attend the CYA meetings since my gas is so low (1/4 of a tank and I don't have any money to fill it up right now). I'm selling stuff on eBay, but it's not going to be enough. If I could get employed, then I wouldn't have so much of a problem with all of this. I feel like I've been complaining a lot lately and it really bugs me. I cannot wait to see my therapist in the next 2 weeks again. [/quote] It sounds like you are doing the best you can with applying to places and going to your therapist. I'm due in a few weeks, too. Just a thought, but would a friend in the group or at your Parish be willing to give you a ride to the youth meetings you were going to? As far as discernment, I would just say that for me, I would never know unless I try to the fullest and see what they say about my health issues. It would be a big indicator of what direction to take if both Orders (I'm looking at the same two you mentioned) say they can't accept me. I'm learning a lot in patience and trust by all the waiting. I'm still saving up for the flight and I'm still working on sending my medical information to see if the first Order would let me visit. Edited June 24, 2011 by JoyfulLife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Hey! I'm glad you posted this. I'm going to move it to Open Mic so you might get more input but leave a link from VS so that all our regular buddies can still find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1308940006' post='2258152']The problem with that is this: If Mater is called to the Religious Life and gets tempted to go out with some guy, and yada yada, there goes her vocation... Once married and having kids, it's not possible to leave them and go to an Order, unless the kids are grown up and you had an annulment, but thats YEARS. The logical thing is to try out Religious Life while you are single, and discern that well. If the Order and yourself discern you aren't called, and you discern you are called to marriage, then logically you would discern marriage. I would just hate to see you lose something you may be called to. Maybe the Good Lord has kept you single this long for a reason. You badly need a solid spiritual director and to keep focused on discernment before you get tangled up in a relationship with someone. Once in a relationship, it can be very hard to break up, from what I've heard. Have you considered writing some solid Men's Orders in your state, or even out-of-state, and seeing if they would be your SD by mail/email?[/quote] It was the other way round for me. I was seeing someone when I realised God was calling me, so ended the relationship. With hindsight we would never have been a great couple even though we were talking about marriage. However, some time later, I got together with a guy who I had had chemistry with for years. He knew I was discerning a call to religious life and we talked about it before letting ourselves get too attatched. We both felt that we needed to try being a couple and see what happened, and that it would not be true discernment if we didn't - I realised I could end up asking and asking God to show me his plan for me but then ignore the fact he could have been showing me in the form of this man. A few months into our relationship I discerned it was not right for me - and so did he, he said he felt I was 'untouchable'. I am extremely grateful for the way this all happened and think I was absolutely right to have done it this way round. There is also the fact that if I had entered and been in, say, 5yrs then decided to look for a husband, I would have been getting a bit old to be starting a family, whereas I can enter religious life at more or less any age. Edited June 24, 2011 by faithcecelia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1308947757' post='2258226'] There is also the fact that if I had entered and been in, say, 5yrs then decided to look for a husband, I would have been getting a bit old to be starting a family, whereas I can enter religious life at more or less any age. [/quote] That's an interesting point. Would men really have a problem marrying someone in their late 20's or anywhere in their 30's? I would think that God could work it out at any age. Menopause isn't until late 40's/early 50's, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1308948564' post='2258233'] That's an interesting point. Would men really have a problem marrying someone in their late 20's or anywhere in their 30's? I would think that God could work it out at any age. Menopause isn't until late 40's/early 50's, right? [/quote] It varies, but I am already in my 30s and my family has a history of early puberty and menopause so I could quite easliy be peri-menopausal by 40. Its irelevant for me now, but I am definately pleased I did it this way round. Actually, I also think it is valuable when learning about chastity, somehow it means a lot more to me knowing what it is to love someone and makes the vow (for me) more, erm, 'complete'? (not great word, but best I can think of now). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chamomile Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1308946077' post='2258202'] I've thought about this, and it's a good point, but like I said, I'm not sure I'm called. I've been flipping back and forth and can't seem to find the right answer. I applied to one order and found out that it was not for me, and since then, it's been very difficult to find one that will accept me with medication. I only have two orders left to check out--the SsEW and the Religious Sisters of Mercy. [/quote] Maybe you should really pray about the basic point that differentiates religious life from marriage for women: whether you feel called to live a life of celibacy or not? This is something I had to reduce myself to since there really is so much out there about different orders and babies are cute and habits look nice and so on and so on... but the real crux of the matter is whether or not I'm to live out my love for God through celibacy or marriage. As a women, these are my two options. In the thread on the Single Vocation, [url="http://www.ignatius.com/Products/AYC-P/and-you-are-christs.aspx"]...And You Are Christ's[/url], a book by Fr. Dubay about the charism of the celibate life, was recommended to me. I found it incredibly helpful in reducing discernment to that basic level. Maybe it will help you, too? It also explains that there are more options to living out celibacy than just religious orders, in case those two you mentioned don't work out. Prayers for you, sister. I know it's a difficult road, but God is walking with you all the way ([size="1"]and often carrying you )[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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