InPersonaChriste Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I have confused myself deeply. Basically the more I pray the more I want to completely detach myself to this life and live according to whatever God wills for me. But I find that I fear him. I fear that in doing so I will miss on my own personal pleasures that I have with my family. I know that this is a foolish thing indeed, but I guess that is what is personally holding me back. I will no longer have a deep relationship with my family. I know that God will give me comfort, but as I am still indeed a young adult in the church, and definitely the contemplative type. I have had way to much time on my hands. I fear that I will miss out on my baby brothers life. But yet I know in my heart that praying for them as a vessel of the church is the greatest influence I will ever have on their life. My impatience is within myself, I am just want to go to a come and see before I romanticise it more than I already have. I have been discerning for 5 years. I have been accepted for a come and see retreat, but my parents have way to much on their hands and just cant choose when I am allowwed to go.. Yes I know.. I am complicated. And indeed very melancholic. In Christ IPC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) I can't be much practical help to you, except to assure you that in the choice of our vocation, God invites, it is not a Divine Command and if you take up His Invitation, your joy will be complete one hundredfold over. I can keep you in prayer and your own prayer is very important and most powerful of all. Many are the fears of those who are called to religious life and the priesthood and it is very true that the only thing we really have to fear, is fear itself. Fear very often comes about through imaginary matters. Things we imagine MIGHT happen or COULD happen. We can start to get the "WHAT IF's". But I am hoping other members can be of more practical help to you - or you could even contact the religious community in which you are interested and I am sure they will be supportive and encouraging, and understanding of you. Your parish priest even may be able to help. We all probably romanticize over that which we most desire not yet within our reach. The real danger, I think, is when we dont realize it is indeed romaticizing and our imagination, and not necessarily the reality at all. Certainly, the priesthood and religious life does not mean that you will have a complete break with your family - in fact many in religious life I know experienced an enriching of that relationship. You dont say how old you are and I am presuming you are still of an age where what Mum and Dad says goes. God bless and hold you close....keeping you in prayer....Barb Edit I dont think you are any more complicated than the rest of us - human nature is complex. Also, we all get down in the dumps now and then and especially when things are not going our way. So try not to push yourself about too much! Edited June 16, 2011 by BarbaraTherese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 If you are still of an age where what Mum and Dad say is the orderof the day, then be very assured that this is God's Will for you just now - and I know that this may be very very hard and a need to detach from what you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1308222420' post='2254504'] If you are still of an age where what Mum and Dad say is the orderof the day, then be very assured that this is God's Will for you just now - and I know that this may be very very hard and a need to detach from what you want. [/quote] I have to agree with this, you are still very young. Your feelings are natural not only for someone discerning a religious vocation, but also for someone thinking about leaving home for the first time. Be gentle with yourself, take your time, and listen to both your parents and God. I think its also very easy to spend prayertime talking to God, and even telling Him what we think His plan for us is. Learning to truely listen is hard but important, so try to clear your mind and focus on Him and just be still and let Him do the talking. On occasion when I feel my mind wandering in prayer I refocus myself by saying 'God, Im here'. Im praying for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1308222420' post='2254504'] If you are still of an age where what Mum and Dad say is the orderof the day, then be very assured that this is God's Will for you just now - and I know that this may be very very hard and a need to detach from what you want. [/quote] I have to agree with this, you are still very young. Your feelings are natural not only for someone discerning a religious vocation, but also for someone thinking about leaving home for the first time. Be gentle with yourself, take your time, and listen to both your parents and God. I think its also very easy to spend prayertime talking to God, and even telling Him what we think His plan for us is. Learning to truely listen is hard but important, so try to clear your mind and focus on Him and just be still and let Him do the talking. On occasion when I feel my mind wandering in prayer I refocus myself by saying 'God, Im here'. Im praying for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1308222420' post='2254504'] If you are still of an age where what Mum and Dad say is the orderof the day, then be very assured that this is God's Will for you just now - and I know that this may be very very hard and a need to detach from what you want. [/quote] Good point! Although I am old enough to do many things, my parents still have decisions about my education. And you can do many good things while waiting for God's timing! IPC--if you're in hs or university, you can get involved with Campus Catholics/Neumann center/whatever the equilvalent is. Perhaps you can teach religious ed (best thing ever to do. It solidified my desire to teach!), lector, become a Eucharistic minister, or sing in the choir! Get involved! Try to straighten out your relationships, especially with your family. Pray for them, especially the Rosary. My mother's been wanting to read my religious books--[i]My Life with the Saints, The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything, [/i]and [i]Divine Mercy in my Soul[/i] are on her list! Your family can grow in faith through your prayer and example. Waiting is hard. I've been discerning for three years, and have another three to four before I can enter. Although the doldrums do set in at times (and they are terrible, as you know), so much good can come out of our waiting for God's timing. Don't get too discouraged! We're here for you, Christ's here for you, Mary's here for you! Prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks to everyone for their kind words. I guess these thoughts have sort of been swimming through my brain lately. After I got accepted to Ephesus, I just wanted to *get going* and really see what it would be like for me to be a nun. I have also still been regretting when I refused to come and see with the visitation sisters in Chile. One because it was a huge honor, and the second because it would have been an interesting thing. My mother did not want me to go (not that i blame her, we were in another country) and my sister was almost "forcing" me to go. I guess I am just trying to figure out why I beat myself up about little things. I am also crucially obedient to my parents. They joke around about how when they ask me to do something (like take out the trash) I literally bar my teeth into a smile and do it with no complaint. lol.... My parents dont exactly have time (or patience because I take a long time) to hear me out. I might write an e-mail to one of our parish priests, but I really wish that I had someone that would talk back quickly and decisively. One of the first priests I discerned with knew everything about my soul. He was a cute little filipino, unfortunately he only stayed at my parish for 8 months. But I really connected with him, and I guess that I dont want to have to start all over again with another priest. I guess it helps to sort of pour all of this confusion onto this post. I needed a place to vent for a while hahah In Christ IPC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1308236839' post='2254578'] I guess it helps to sort of pour all of this confusion onto this post. I needed a place to vent for a while hahah In Christ IPC [/quote] we all need to do that sometimes, especially when we are feeling like no one in our real lives understands! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Sometimes I think that's why VS is here...Just for us lonely discerning folks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Indeed! It helps me organise my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I have felt the same way but I've felt like I'm losing interest in the things I used to really love. All I keep thinking about is just going and being there. It makes me so happy but my impatience is driving me crazy. I know its how I want to spend my life but my mother still insists on me holding off and I hate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Yeah, our family is having a hard time with my eldest sister (cannot post details) but they are super busy pouring out all the spare energy they have on my sister that they dont have time for anything extra. Which stinks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1308258715' post='2254760'] Yeah, our family is having a hard time with my eldest sister (cannot post details) but they are super busy pouring out all the spare energy they have on my sister that they dont have time for anything extra. Which stinks [/quote] Sorry to hear about your sister, prayers for her and your whole family. How old are you? Seriously, if you want to escape to the IOW for a weekend or whatever, I'd look after you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 [quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1308236839' post='2254578'] Thanks to everyone for their kind words. I guess these thoughts have sort of been swimming through my brain lately. After I got accepted to Ephesus, I just wanted to *get going* and really see what it would be like for me to be a nun. I have also still been regretting when I refused to come and see with the visitation sisters in Chile. One because it was a huge honor, and the second because it would have been an interesting thing. My mother did not want me to go (not that i blame her, we were in another country) and my sister was almost "forcing" me to go. I guess I am just trying to figure out why I beat myself up about little things. I am also crucially obedient to my parents. They joke around about how when they ask me to do something (like take out the trash) I literally bar my teeth into a smile and do it with no complaint. lol.... My parents dont exactly have time (or patience because I take a long time) to hear me out. I might write an e-mail to one of our parish priests, but I really wish that I had someone that would talk back quickly and decisively. One of the first priests I discerned with knew everything about my soul. He was a cute little filipino, unfortunately he only stayed at my parish for 8 months. But I really connected with him, and I guess that I dont want to have to start all over again with another priest. I guess it helps to sort of pour all of this confusion onto this post. I needed a place to vent for a while hahah In Christ IPC [/quote] Hi again IPC - It can be good to share problems no matter their nature - it can stop the mind from going round and round and round, and indeed help us to organize our thinking. Also "bear ye one another's burdens" and we cannot give others the opportunity to help us bear our burdens if we do not share them. Any chance of getting in touch with your 'little filipino' priest although he is not in your parish? It can be difficult starting over with someone new but sometimes if we must, it can unfold that it was a good move. I hope if you get in touch with your parish priest and that it will unfold as a the best of moves. There is always Phatmass here with so many discerning religious life and going through all sorts of difficulties and sharing these with one another and getting help and encouragement along the way to the cloister. I smiled at your sharing of your family relationships and your attitude to chores. We can't help very often what we are feeling but we are most often in control of how we respond to those feelings.......even if it is with a baring of teeth!!! This is to turn our negative feelings into a positive moral good and virtue - not quite perfect virtue possibly but we are all journeying along with that struggle somewhere or somehow or other. God bless - Barb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now