faithcecelia Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I thought it might be interesting to have a thread where people could ask questions about discernment, live-ins, what to take, what can you do, etc etc. Obviously we all know these things vary from order to order and community to comunity, but it might give a rough idea? Also, I'm not talking details on 'exciting' things that are nice suprises, and I'm sure those of us who have experienced those will know what they are and not to talk about them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 that's great! I'm been wanting information. Here's a discernment question: When visiting/talking to communities, what are some of the more important things to ask about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1308171962' post='2254216'] that's great! I'm been wanting information. Here's a discernment question: When visiting/talking to communities, what are some of the more important things to ask about? [/quote] Oooooh, good question! First time round most of my questions were very practical: Do I have to cut my hair? Can I shave my legs? How often can I have visitors? Can I use tampons? Would I be allowed to go to a dentist that offers sedation? (I have a massive phobia) I also had some deeper questions: With the reduction in the numbers of priests, should they be unable to find a chaplain or enough priests to come and say Mass, would they go without Mass or go out of enclosure to attend Mass at the parish church? How often do they have adoration? How can the justify being such a rich community when they take a vow of poverty? (Q is a very, very wealthy community) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1308172895' post='2254227'] Oooooh, good question! First time round most of my questions were very practical: Do I have to cut my hair? Can I shave my legs? How often can I have visitors? Can I use tampons? Would I be allowed to go to a dentist that offers sedation? (I have a massive phobia) I also had some deeper questions: With the reduction in the numbers of priests, should they be unable to find a chaplain or enough priests to come and say Mass, would they go without Mass or go out of enclosure to attend Mass at the parish church? How often do they have adoration? How can the justify being such a rich community when they take a vow of poverty? (Q is a very, very wealthy community) [/quote] OOOH! Thanks! While my first call tomorrow with Covington probably wouldn't use the first set of questions, the second set's very interesting! (Although Louisiana, being very Catholic, might not have a shortage of priests...) I shall be making a list of questions tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissylou Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1308173560' post='2254234'] OOOH! Thanks! While my first call tomorrow with Covington probably wouldn't use the first set of questions, the second set's very interesting! (Although Louisiana, being very Catholic, might not have a shortage of priests...) I shall be making a list of questions tonight. [/quote] MT, have you seen TradMom's Big List of Questions? It's probably a bit much for the very initial contact but is a truly most excellent list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1308175216' post='2254254'] MT, have you seen TradMom's Big List of Questions? It's probably a bit much for the very initial contact but is a truly most excellent list. [/quote] No. Where do I find this list? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I want to know how often they can go home to be with family and if they can visit their home parishes and mingle with other Sisters. Obviously that's not the case for Carmel and I have to ask them this myself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 This is a good idea. Basically I get so giddy during correspondence that I forget all of my *smart* questions. I have besically asked: How to get a better routine, How to love God More, Rule of Benedict, How to beat sloth (Sr. Laughed at this one.. lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 My question: What will my life be like (if I am) living with the sisters? What level of commitment to community life will I need to give? Will I be able to hang out with friends? What will the parameters of our (me and the community) relationship look like? What obligations will I have to them? But I don't think anyone but Mother can answer those questions for me. And I haven't been able to get a hold of her. So I wait. And wonder. I can ask in general... for those who know anything about candidacy programs (living with a community while still working in the world), what does that relationship look like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissylou Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 TradMom's Big List of Questions **** [color=#595959][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=4]Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever! Naturally, this depends upon the community you are planning on visiting or thinking about, but I have some general as well as specific questions for you. Some of them pertain only to monastic/enclosed communities and some to active orders. Hopefully many will benefit from this list. Remember, as you get closer to the possibility of living life as a religious, every aspect of your life will be examined and questioned. This can be an intimidating and often overwhelming experience. Sometimes nagging questions can be pushed aside in the hopes of being accepted. Sometimes things come up that you might never have considered previously. Communities often put on the best face possible when greeting a possible candidate, just as you put on the best face possible when meeting them! You are on the brink of making a decision that has life-altering possibilities, and you deserve to be fully informed. Do not consider a community that doesn't answer questions or says things like, "Don't worry about that now." Do they pray together and if so, in what format? (The Divine Office, Morning/Evening Prayer, Latin/English (or another language), Daily Rosary, Adoration, Daily Mass, etc.) What is the process of formation? How long is the postulancy, the novitiate (I have seen some orders extend this) and temporary vows? Does the community "share" formation with another community (or communities) or send you to a different location? (If they do share formation, is it co-ed? How do you feel about that? Something to consider.) What is involved in the process of application? (Letters from spiritual directors, psychological testing, medical and dental records, behavioral assessments, etc.) What sort of financial arrangements would you need to organize in order to enter? (Meaning: Would you be responsible for your medical insurance, rent stipend, etc. until the you enter novitiate or make temporary vows? Does the community ask for a dowry? If an active order, are you responsible for procuring a job until you become a novice?) Do they have the means and willingness to "care for you" in the event of a serious disease, illness or accident before you make solemn vows? If something unfortunate were to occur in your life (God forbid...cancer, an accident, etc.) would they ask you to leave the community? Would they help you get settled outside of the community? Other than a community with strict papal enclosure, how do they handle family emergencies (in the event you live in another area)? In the event an immediate family member was seriously ill or died, would you be allowed to return home? If you were a postulant, novice or in temporary vows, would they find the means for you to return home? (There are Canon laws about how long you can be out of the novitiate, but it is important to know if they would help you financially in a time of need.) How do they live out the charism of the founder or foundress of the community? What spiritual or religious practices/devotions are particular to them? Have they ever undergone a reformation? If so, why and how did it impact the community? Do they have different "branches" - if so, what are the differences? Have their constitutions changed? If so, how and why? How did the Community incorporate the spirit of Vatican II into their daily life and spirit? In what ways did they change? (This is a good time to ask about the habit.) How do they manage the "corporate" life of the community? Do they exist purely on donations and benefactors? Do they have arrangements for the care of the elderly sisters? (I would ask to visit to the "retired/elderly" sisters/nuns.) Do they send the elderly, sick or ill nuns to a nursing home? (***Personally, I cannot imagine anything worse than living my life in a convent/monastery and then being shipped off to a Nursing Home and having to die isolated from my sisters and home.) How do they "govern" the community? How is it organized? If the Foundress/Founder is living, is a council in place that has a voice? (This is often very difficult with a living Foundress.) Do they have an Abbess/Prioress/Mother Superior for life? How and when are elections held and what is the process? Who is the Novice Mistress and what is her background? Has she had training outside of the community (not always a plus, but can be)? Is your introduction to religious life an individual process (based upon your progress, temperment, educational background) or is there a specific formula/process that is more group-oriented? Do you see diversity in the community? Are they open to women based upon their call from Jesus or is another criteria they consider? (Example: education level, color, age, country of origin, etc.) Would you have access to an outside Confessor/Spiritual Director not connected to the community? If you felt you needed therapy at some point, would they object or would that be seen as a "weakness" or problem? Are you "allowed" to have private (unrestricted) conversations/communication with family members and/or close friends? How often? If not, what restrictions are in place (as in...does the Novice Mistress read the mail and then decide whether or not to pass it along to you) and are you comfortable with them? How do they handle "problems" within the community? (Anger, conflicts, etc.) How is intellectual growth stimulated and encouraged? Creative growth and/or expression stimulated and encouraged? How do they encourage and promote a healthy (physically) lifestyle? (Foods, exercise, etc.) How do they balance integration into a communal lifestyle while maintaining healthy personal space and privacy? Another way of asking is how do they create healthy interdependence with healthy independence? In addition to the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, do they take another vow? If so, what it is? What is their understanding of the vows? (Some communities have a very different understanding of what it means to be obedient...as an example.) Do they incorporate any other sources into their lifestyle and/or formation that is not Roman Catholic? As an example, do they practice Zen Meditation, or host Inter-Faith Days of Prayer? If they do, how do you feel about that and is that something you are comfortable with? Are they politically active? Do they have Sisters (usually active orders only) who march, protest or proclaim a specific belief that has political ramifications? (Peace & Justice, Lobbying, Pro-Life, Anti-War, Sanctuary for Immigrants, etc.) If it is a missionary order or a congregation that is international, could you be transferred to another country? Do you have a voice in where you might go? If not, how do you feel about being completely open to God's Will through the voice of the Superiors? If it is an active order that has a specific ministry, how are the assignments given out? Are you involved in the process or choosing a location, or are you assigned where needed? Do they practice corporal penances? If so, what and how? In addition to their individual charism, do they follow a specific rule or hold special a particular spirituality? ("Sisters of Mary" might have Ignatian Spirituality) How do they interact with the community in which they live (as in neighborhood)? Are they in good standing? (One community I visited has been involved with a variety of lawsuits.) How do they actively live the corporal works of mercy? Especially serving the poor? Do they have a chaplain (if they are cloistered) on the grounds? (Sadly, some cloistered communities do not have access any longer to Daily Mass.) Do they offer hospitality to others? If you have a special talent or hobby (weaving, music, art, etc.) would it be encouraged and put to use or would you be asked to give it up as a sacrifice? Lastly, do you have any input into your name? Many communities allow the woman to submit three choices. After visiting: Does the community feel safe to you? Do you feel you could be yourself? Relaxed? Do you feel that you would be able to reveal your weaknesses, your failings, your need for support, guidance and encouragement on the road to sanctity? Do the nuns/sisters appear to be mature, well-grounded, loving women? Are they warm? Do they seem happy? Are their elderly sisters well cared for and comfortable? It is very humbling to ask for help, which is why I started this with the question..."do you feel safe?" If you enter a community, you are asking for help to live out Jesus' invitation to you. You are saying publicly that you cannot do it alone, and you need the support, structure and outward signs a religious community to reach heaven. Look at the nuns/sisters carefully and ask yourself (especially the older ones and your potential Novice Mistress!) "Is this someone I want to be like?" [/size][/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissylou Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 TradMom's Big List of Questions **** [color=#595959][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=4]Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever! Naturally, this depends upon the community you are planning on visiting or thinking about, but I have some general as well as specific questions for you. Some of them pertain only to monastic/enclosed communities and some to active orders. Hopefully many will benefit from this list. Remember, as you get closer to the possibility of living life as a religious, every aspect of your life will be examined and questioned. This can be an intimidating and often overwhelming experience. Sometimes nagging questions can be pushed aside in the hopes of being accepted. Sometimes things come up that you might never have considered previously. Communities often put on the best face possible when greeting a possible candidate, just as you put on the best face possible when meeting them! You are on the brink of making a decision that has life-altering possibilities, and you deserve to be fully informed. Do not consider a community that doesn't answer questions or says things like, "Don't worry about that now." Do they pray together and if so, in what format? (The Divine Office, Morning/Evening Prayer, Latin/English (or another language), Daily Rosary, Adoration, Daily Mass, etc.) What is the process of formation? How long is the postulancy, the novitiate (I have seen some orders extend this) and temporary vows? Does the community "share" formation with another community (or communities) or send you to a different location? (If they do share formation, is it co-ed? How do you feel about that? Something to consider.) What is involved in the process of application? (Letters from spiritual directors, psychological testing, medical and dental records, behavioral assessments, etc.) What sort of financial arrangements would you need to organize in order to enter? (Meaning: Would you be responsible for your medical insurance, rent stipend, etc. until the you enter novitiate or make temporary vows? Does the community ask for a dowry? If an active order, are you responsible for procuring a job until you become a novice?) Do they have the means and willingness to "care for you" in the event of a serious disease, illness or accident before you make solemn vows? If something unfortunate were to occur in your life (God forbid...cancer, an accident, etc.) would they ask you to leave the community? Would they help you get settled outside of the community? Other than a community with strict papal enclosure, how do they handle family emergencies (in the event you live in another area)? In the event an immediate family member was seriously ill or died, would you be allowed to return home? If you were a postulant, novice or in temporary vows, would they find the means for you to return home? (There are Canon laws about how long you can be out of the novitiate, but it is important to know if they would help you financially in a time of need.) How do they live out the charism of the founder or foundress of the community? What spiritual or religious practices/devotions are particular to them? Have they ever undergone a reformation? If so, why and how did it impact the community? Do they have different "branches" - if so, what are the differences? Have their constitutions changed? If so, how and why? How did the Community incorporate the spirit of Vatican II into their daily life and spirit? In what ways did they change? (This is a good time to ask about the habit.) How do they manage the "corporate" life of the community? Do they exist purely on donations and benefactors? Do they have arrangements for the care of the elderly sisters? (I would ask to visit to the "retired/elderly" sisters/nuns.) Do they send the elderly, sick or ill nuns to a nursing home? (***Personally, I cannot imagine anything worse than living my life in a convent/monastery and then being shipped off to a Nursing Home and having to die isolated from my sisters and home.) How do they "govern" the community? How is it organized? If the Foundress/Founder is living, is a council in place that has a voice? (This is often very difficult with a living Foundress.) Do they have an Abbess/Prioress/Mother Superior for life? How and when are elections held and what is the process? Who is the Novice Mistress and what is her background? Has she had training outside of the community (not always a plus, but can be)? Is your introduction to religious life an individual process (based upon your progress, temperment, educational background) or is there a specific formula/process that is more group-oriented? Do you see diversity in the community? Are they open to women based upon their call from Jesus or is another criteria they consider? (Example: education level, color, age, country of origin, etc.) Would you have access to an outside Confessor/Spiritual Director not connected to the community? If you felt you needed therapy at some point, would they object or would that be seen as a "weakness" or problem? Are you "allowed" to have private (unrestricted) conversations/communication with family members and/or close friends? How often? If not, what restrictions are in place (as in...does the Novice Mistress read the mail and then decide whether or not to pass it along to you) and are you comfortable with them? How do they handle "problems" within the community? (Anger, conflicts, etc.) How is intellectual growth stimulated and encouraged? Creative growth and/or expression stimulated and encouraged? How do they encourage and promote a healthy (physically) lifestyle? (Foods, exercise, etc.) How do they balance integration into a communal lifestyle while maintaining healthy personal space and privacy? Another way of asking is how do they create healthy interdependence with healthy independence? In addition to the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, do they take another vow? If so, what it is? What is their understanding of the vows? (Some communities have a very different understanding of what it means to be obedient...as an example.) Do they incorporate any other sources into their lifestyle and/or formation that is not Roman Catholic? As an example, do they practice Zen Meditation, or host Inter-Faith Days of Prayer? If they do, how do you feel about that and is that something you are comfortable with? Are they politically active? Do they have Sisters (usually active orders only) who march, protest or proclaim a specific belief that has political ramifications? (Peace & Justice, Lobbying, Pro-Life, Anti-War, Sanctuary for Immigrants, etc.) If it is a missionary order or a congregation that is international, could you be transferred to another country? Do you have a voice in where you might go? If not, how do you feel about being completely open to God's Will through the voice of the Superiors? If it is an active order that has a specific ministry, how are the assignments given out? Are you involved in the process or choosing a location, or are you assigned where needed? Do they practice corporal penances? If so, what and how? In addition to their individual charism, do they follow a specific rule or hold special a particular spirituality? ("Sisters of Mary" might have Ignatian Spirituality) How do they interact with the community in which they live (as in neighborhood)? Are they in good standing? (One community I visited has been involved with a variety of lawsuits.) How do they actively live the corporal works of mercy? Especially serving the poor? Do they have a chaplain (if they are cloistered) on the grounds? (Sadly, some cloistered communities do not have access any longer to Daily Mass.) Do they offer hospitality to others? If you have a special talent or hobby (weaving, music, art, etc.) would it be encouraged and put to use or would you be asked to give it up as a sacrifice? Lastly, do you have any input into your name? Many communities allow the woman to submit three choices. After visiting: Does the community feel safe to you? Do you feel you could be yourself? Relaxed? Do you feel that you would be able to reveal your weaknesses, your failings, your need for support, guidance and encouragement on the road to sanctity? Do the nuns/sisters appear to be mature, well-grounded, loving women? Are they warm? Do they seem happy? Are their elderly sisters well cared for and comfortable? It is very humbling to ask for help, which is why I started this with the question..."do you feel safe?" If you enter a community, you are asking for help to live out Jesus' invitation to you. You are saying publicly that you cannot do it alone, and you need the support, structure and outward signs a religious community to reach heaven. Look at the nuns/sisters carefully and ask yourself (especially the older ones and your potential Novice Mistress!) "Is this someone I want to be like?" [/size][/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks Krissy! You posted this twice... So when I got on here, the scroll bar doo-dah was super small and I was like "I know there wasn't [i]that[/i] many responses yet..." Pax and God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Someone in the USA has contacted me re religious orders that will consider later or mature aged vocations. I know there is a site somewhere that gives a long list of communities in the USA and their locations, including a section of those that will consider mature aged vocations. Can anyone post the link for me please? I cant find it. Thank you - God bless.........Barb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1308220784' post='2254501'] Someone in the USA has contacted me re religious orders that will consider later or mature aged vocations. I know there is a site somewhere that gives a long list of communities in the USA and their locations, including a section of those that will consider mature aged vocations. Can anyone post the link for me please? I cant find it. Thank you - God bless.........Barb [/quote] Maybe this one? [url="http://womenreligiousorders.blogspot.com/"]http://womenreligiousorders.blogspot.com/[/url] The CMSWR website is great (I hope I didn't scramble the letters!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1308228432' post='2254538'] Maybe this one? [url="http://womenreligiousorders.blogspot.com/"]http://womenreligiousorders.blogspot.com/[/url] The CMSWR website is great (I hope I didn't scramble the letters!) [/quote] The site is excellent, LaPetiteSoeur, and I had no problems accessing it. I will pass it on, thank you. It is not the one I had in mind, which to a dreadful memory was sort of pinkish with flowers, but Google does not respond well to "catholic - women mature aged vocations - pinkish site with flowers" But the one you have given me is doing the same thing as my "pinkish site with flowers" Thanks again - and God bless - Barb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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