To Jesus Through Mary Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Alright- starting my first post... So this week I am going to go visit with the SSVMs in Harlem Tue-Fri. I am so nervous and it seems to be all I can think about! I can't even focus in prayer. I went on a Youth Festival with them last weekend and just love them! I mean they are so down to earth and joyful. Had a little talk with Mother Lumen and she suggested I read their constitution and spiritual directory. I finished the constitution and am working my way through the other. I just fell in love with the spirituality! I am just drawn to them. So you may be asking yourself "what's the problem?" Well here's the deal, I haven't told them about my past yet. This has been a deal breaker with 3 other well known orders. My family was pretty bad and I had my own wild years. And then about 5 years ago came into the Church (I'm 28 now). But even as a Catholic I had a few bumps in the road. My past is a bit colored to say the least. By the grace of God (and much therapy and hard work) there has been a lot of healing for me. But it still is this scarlet letter that haunts me. Now that I like this order so much I am dreading that much more the potential rejection. I am trying so very hard to stay docile to the will of God and trust in Him. But DANG this is HARD!!! And with the other orders, my past came out before I even went to visit. So I have only been on 1 official come and see (although I have been around plenty of religious due to the mission work I do in NYC and a few general women retreats). And that was with an order I wasn't even really interested in. I am walking into so many uncertainties. Ok so I really don't know what I am looking for here. I know y'all really have no clue who I am but I could use a prayer if you think of it. Also any advice would be welcome (especially what to do and NOT to do on a discernment visit! lol). Thanks for "listening" TJTM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) Prayers for you! Some general advice: Be honest about your situation if you have a sit-down chat with the Vocation Director/Mother/whoever is "in charge" of vocations. Explain that you been to therapy, been working towards healing. If there is going to be an outright rejection (which I hope, for your sake there is not, but if there is, it would be God's will to send you somewhere else), it's probably best to get that over with before you visit several times and fall more in love with their community and spirituality. Take a journal, even if it's just to write a few one-liner notes to digest later. Let Mother Mary guide you to her Son. Be open to God's will, be open to feelings of peace, joy, or "something's not quite a perfect fit." Best Wishes! Edited June 6, 2011 by Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orans Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 [quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1307322596' post='2250286'] Alright- starting my first post... So this week I am going to go visit with the SSVMs in Harlem Tue-Fri. I am so nervous and it seems to be all I can think about! I can't even focus in prayer. I went on a Youth Festival with them last weekend and just love them! I mean they are so down to earth and joyful. Had a little talk with Mother Lumen and she suggested I read their constitution and spiritual directory. I finished the constitution and am working my way through the other. I just fell in love with the spirituality! I am just drawn to them. So you may be asking yourself "what's the problem?" Well here's the deal, I haven't told them about my past yet. This has been a deal breaker with 3 other well known orders. My family was pretty bad and I had my own wild years. And then about 5 years ago came into the Church (I'm 28 now). But even as a Catholic I had a few bumps in the road. My past is a bit colored to say the least. By the grace of God (and much therapy and hard work) there has been a lot of healing for me. But it still is this scarlet letter that haunts me. Now that I like this order so much I am dreading that much more the potential rejection. I am trying so very hard to stay docile to the will of God and trust in Him. But DANG this is HARD!!! And with the other orders, my past came out before I even went to visit. So I have only been on 1 official come and see (although I have been around plenty of religious due to the mission work I do in NYC and a few general women retreats). And that was with an order I wasn't even really interested in. I am walking into so many uncertainties. Ok so I really don't know what I am looking for here. I know y'all really have no clue who I am but I could use a prayer if you think of it. Also any advice would be welcome (especially what to do and NOT to do on a discernment visit! lol). Thanks for "listening" TJTM [/quote] Welcome to Phatmas, TJTM! First of all I will be holding you in my prayer [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/nunpray.gif[/img] as you prepare for discernment and this coming Come and See visit. What comes to my mind reading your post is just to remind you that you are not alone in this, Jesus AND Mary are with you and they have the bigger picture, so TRUST is the way to go. There is a very ancient saying in religious life, that saints are not those who never fell but those who ALWAYS got up. So don't be so concerned about your past mistakes or wildness, you know yourself better because of them and also the mercy of God with all of us, with you. You have chosen to step into the difficult path of growth and healing already. That's more of a plus than a minus for the spiritual life. And I think that you don't want to be part of a religious community that doesn't see it. God bless you, and pray, trust, pray, trust some more, and don't allow discouragement to set in. That's not from Jesus Through Mary, With my prayer, In Them, Orans Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopefulBride Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Welcome to the Pham!! About your past, just trust Christ with it all. He called you to this life and He will lead you to the community where you are to grow in holiness and serve him. The fact that it didn't work out with the other communities means that none of the was it, if this one community is it your past won't matter one bit. Prayers for you! Hopeful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MithLuin Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 What others have said - trust God, and get the hard stuff out of the way sooner rather than later. As a note of encouragement, many orders are more comfortable with things in the past...that are clearly [i]past[/i]. Meaning, your past will certainly have had some affect on you, but the more distant it is, the more clear it is that you've worked through that and moved on. If it is recent past....that's more likely to make them a bit nervous. So, even if you've 'scared them off' in the past, as time goes by, what you share might be less and less...scary. It will be up to the vocation director. Some groups are more willing than others to let people 'give it a try' and at least continue to discern. I wish you well, and I would suggest praying to the Holy Spirit to give you the right words/timing to share about your past. You'll never know unless you try... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 TJTM, my past is the same way. Just writing and talking with the vocations directors I have, they have been understanding. Your past is just that; it has made you who you are. And from what you tell us, that is strong and prayerful with an enormous love for God and His children. It will work out as it is supposed to. I will be praying for you. Pax and God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 Thank you all so very much!! Your encouragement, advice, and most of all prayers are very much appreciated and accepted. You all are so very right, I must trust in the Lord and Our Lady to lead me into his will. Ultimately, if it is his will he will guide my way in and if it not it is because he has something that would be better for me. It is so bizarre how I attach to even the "good" instead of being abandoned to his will. Trust trust trust I will let you all know how it goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWIE Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 [size="5"][/size][quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1307391861' post='2250545'] Thank you all so very much!! Your encouragement, advice, and most of all prayers are very much appreciated and accepted. You all are so very right, I must trust in the Lord and Our Lady to lead me into his will. Ultimately, if it is his will he will guide my way in and if it not it is because he has something that would be better for me. It is so bizarre how I attach to even the "good" instead of being abandoned to his will. Trust trust trust I will let you all know how it goes [b][/b] [/quote] It's all part of the process. Thomas Merton was rejected by the Franciscans, and then accepted by the Trappists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Congratulations on your upcoming visit. May I just add that there are ways to tell a story, and then there are ways... if you know what I mean? One way is focus on all the negative things...bad experiences, being wild, needing therapy etc etc etc... Another much more productive way is to focus on the positive things...you have overcome a difficult time with family, you have experienced a conversion of soul, therapy has shown you things about yourself and provided you with coping mechanisms etc etc etc... Stress how your past life has prepared you for religious life. You are obviously a survivor, which means that you don't give up - perhaps you and your spiritual director could make a list of all the good qualities, virtues and yes, even skills that your past life has bestowed on you? Get my point? Be positive! Another thing is to be brief... certainly provide whatever information is required (with a positive outlook on your future). Sometimes we think is it necessary to provide every gruesome little detail, when really all that is required is a synopsis of the events and the eventual outcomewhich is really more important than the events that got you to where you are, and which has led you to wanting a greater commitment to God through His Church. If you feel bad about your past, this attitude will be transferred to others, so don't regret what has happened or carry the mental idea that you will not be acceptable to any community - because it isn't true. It may be that you need to check out a few communities before you find the one that God has prepared for you, but trust that He is guiding you in this endeavour and let every experience along the way teach you to love Him and trust in Him more. The whole point of religious life is your relationship with Jesus anyway, so now is the time to put everything in His hands. Prayers are with you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 [quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1307405216' post='2250608'] Congratulations on your upcoming visit. May I just add that there are ways to tell a story, and then there are ways... if you know what I mean? One way is focus on all the negative things...bad experiences, being wild, needing therapy etc etc etc... Another much more productive way is to focus on the positive things...you have overcome a difficult time with family, you have experienced a conversion of soul, therapy has shown you things about yourself and provided you with coping mechanisms etc etc etc... Stress how your past life has prepared you for religious life. You are obviously a survivor, which means that you don't give up - perhaps you and your spiritual director could make a list of all the good qualities, virtues and yes, even skills that your past life has bestowed on you? Get my point? Be positive! Another thing is to be brief... certainly provide whatever information is required (with a positive outlook on your future). Sometimes we think is it necessary to provide every gruesome little detail, when really all that is required is a synopsis of the events and the eventual outcomewhich is really more important than the events that got you to where you are, and which has led you to wanting a greater commitment to God through His Church. If you feel bad about your past, this attitude will be transferred to others, so don't regret what has happened or carry the mental idea that you will not be acceptable to any community - because it isn't true. It may be that you need to check out a few communities before you find the one that God has prepared for you, but trust that He is guiding you in this endeavour and let every experience along the way teach you to love Him and trust in Him more. The whole point of religious life is your relationship with Jesus anyway, so now is the time to put everything in His hands. Prayers are with you! [/quote] Amazing points! I really will take this to heart! Thank you for taking the time to write it. My past has indeed given me so many strengths and perspectives I wouldn't have otherwise. Perhaps I've been viewing this all in the wrong light. I need to make sure I am not coming off with like a chip on my shoulder. Positive- moreover all things working together because I am in Christ Jesus. This really hit home: [i]The whole point of religious life is your relationship with Jesus anyway, so now is the time to put everything in His hands.[/i] God bless you. Thank you again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Just want to thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement. Quick update: the week went beautifully. They were very accepting of my past, in fact I don't imagine they could have responded better. I loved the sisters- very joyful and normal. I was able to just be myself. It was beautiful. Now just need to process through it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 [quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1307824409' post='2252450'] Just want to thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement. Quick update: the week went beautifully. They were very accepting of my past, in fact I don't imagine they could have responded better. I loved the sisters- very joyful and normal. I was able to just be myself. It was beautiful. Now just need to process through it all. [/quote] I am so pleased to hear this. Well done for being brave, and well done to them for being open. God called you knowing your past - He wouldn't do that id He didn't have a home for you. God bless, my prayers continue xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I've got Pre-Retreat Jitters! I mean I am very excited, I just hope they like me. I'm getting there early Friday so I can get to know them. I don't know where this could lead, I mean I may feel like I should continue to Discern with them further after this or I may not. My whole future could be decided. Is it just three of us from here going to be there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 No worries- it will be great! And don't put so much pressure on yourself- God will let you know where you need to be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 [quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1309963318' post='2263607'] I've got Pre-Retreat Jitters! I mean I am very excited, I just hope they like me. I'm getting there early Friday so I can get to know them. I don't know where this could lead, I mean I may feel like I should continue to Discern with them further after this or I may not. My whole future could be decided. Is it just three of us from here going to be there? [/quote] Who else is going??? Woohoo, just around the corner!! Believe me, many thoughts racing through my mind!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now