Spiritual Depression Due To Vain Discernment

[Aya Sophia]

Process of elimination is often the way and not a quick way - can take years and involve multiple ins and outs. Has been thus with me - all I ever knew was, "No...this is not it." Even though, in the last couple of years, things seem to have clarified and I'm taking another decisive step I still have no surety or guarantee that I'm discerning clearly and rightly. I have only my belief, my trust, my faith, my obscure knowledge that the Lord is with me on my journey - has been, is now, always will be. The simple fact that we have the intention and desire to love Him, that we "want to want" to serve Him, to drawer nearer to Him, to make Him loved are signs of His presence, of His faithfulness, of His promise to us never to abandon us.

The malaise you feel ... this may be plain old depression - there may be healing needed in your emotions and psyche. Have you thought along these lines? If so, psychotherapy with a Christian psychotherapist might help greatly. Sometimes we are operating and responding in ways we're not aware of, not knowing [u]how[/u] we are (not recognizing our warps and twists) and [u]why[/u] we are the way we are. Coming to these two elements of self-knowledge can bring on a watershed of change in a person - they can be the springboard to a new life, the beginning of a journey into great freedom.

Lastly, one of my favorites subjects (and I may lose you here!): the interference of the evil one. He very often works on people whose psyches are weakened by depression or acedia. How much lower and more stinking can you get than harrassing people when their down?! We shouldn't be surprised that the putrescent one operates this way. So, along with psychotherapy, also prayer and spiritual reading specifically directed toward detecting and repelling or rejecting the influence and interference of the evil one
(and his ugly cronies!)

[Studiumecclesiae]

[quote name='Aya Sophia' timestamp='1318814328' post='2322369']
Process of elimination is often the way and not a quick way - can take years and involve multiple ins and outs. Has been thus with me - all I ever knew was, "No...this is not it." Even though, in the last couple of years, things seem to have clarified and I'm taking another decisive step I still have no surety or guarantee that I'm discerning clearly and rightly. I have only my belief, my trust, my faith, my obscure knowledge that the Lord is with me on my journey - has been, is now, always will be. The simple fact that we have the intention and desire to love Him, that we "want to want" to serve Him, to drawer nearer to Him, to make Him loved are signs of His presence, of His faithfulness, of His promise to us never to abandon us.

The malaise you feel ... this may be plain old depression - there may be healing needed in your emotions and psyche. Have you thought along these lines? If so, psychotherapy with a Christian psychotherapist might help greatly. Sometimes we are operating and responding in ways we're not aware of, not knowing [u]how[/u] we are (not recognizing our warps and twists) and [u]why[/u] we are the way we are. Coming to these two elements of self-knowledge can bring on a watershed of change in a person - they can be the springboard to a new life, the beginning of a journey into great freedom.

Lastly, one of my favorites subjects (and I may lose you here!): the interference of the evil one. He very often works on people whose psyches are weakened by depression or acedia. How much lower and more stinking can you get than harrassing people when their down?! We shouldn't be surprised that the putrescent one operates this way. So, along with psychotherapy, also prayer and spiritual reading specifically directed toward detecting and repelling or rejecting the influence and interference of the evil one
(and his ugly cronies!)
[/quote]
I don't think I would need psychological aid. However, spiritual councelling is now helping me. A good spiritual direction is what's best. I just now have a serious spiritual director, and have good spiritual reading to do as well as a good timetable to stick to (times of prayer, etc.)
I now feel much better. I just realized that I was trying to do my own will and not God's. And the depression comes from the evil one. So you need to repell him, have a good confession, and stick to the sacraments. I'm doing it. I was just grieved because I thought I was so close, having found a community, and so on. And now back to square one.

You must always put God's love first, and think you only want to do His will. I don't mind how long it takes, I don't want to make a mistake.