faithcecelia Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 From the very first time I walked into a Catholic church, 10yrs ago now, it has felt like home. This has been the same whichever church I went to - the one where I was recieved, the one I switched to in order to have a lively evening Mass, in Carmel and any of the many I have gone to while away or with friends. Sadly I feel like a complete outsider in my current parish, to the point I get to this sort of time on a Saturday night and start dreading the morning I live on the Isle of Wight (a tiny island off the south coast of the UK) and overall its quite a cliquey place - if I was to live here til my dying day I would never be fully accepted. Unfortunately this is even more so in the parish. I have lived here 18mths and not one person has ever said hello to me or welcomed me - I try to smaile at people and make eye contact, but it is never returned. I even tried going along to Latin lessons that were being run and people actually patronised and insulted me to my face - things like 'look at her she doesn't have a clue' (actually i did a bit having studied Latin at school) and 'she's young, I bet she doesn't even know what grammer is'. Needless to say, i didn't go back!! Most weekdays I go to Mass and/or vespers at St Cecilia's Abbey, which I quite like but I do like Mass in English so I go to the parish on Sundays, the short and sweet morning one. Has anyone had similar experiences? I really do miss being in a lively, friendly and loving parish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debra Little Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1306017744' post='2244294'] From the very first time I walked into a Catholic church, 10yrs ago now, it has felt like home. This has been the same whichever church I went to - the one where I was recieved, the one I switched to in order to have a lively evening Mass, in Carmel and any of the many I have gone to while away or with friends. Sadly I feel like a complete outsider in my current parish, to the point I get to this sort of time on a Saturday night and start dreading the morning I live on the Isle of Wight (a tiny island off the south coast of the UK) and overall its quite a cliquey place - if I was to live here til my dying day I would never be fully accepted. Unfortunately this is even more so in the parish. I have lived here 18mths and not one person has ever said hello to me or welcomed me - I try to smaile at people and make eye contact, but it is never returned. I even tried going along to Latin lessons that were being run and people actually patronised and insulted me to my face - things like 'look at her she doesn't have a clue' (actually i did a bit having studied Latin at school) and 'she's young, I bet she doesn't even know what grammer is'. Needless to say, i didn't go back!! Most weekdays I go to Mass and/or vespers at St Cecilia's Abbey, which I quite like but I do like Mass in English so I go to the parish on Sundays, the short and sweet morning one. Has anyone had similar experiences? I really do miss being in a lively, friendly and loving parish. [/quote] never been welcomed by anyone in a Catholic Church but that is where God wants me to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 [quote name='Debra Little' timestamp='1306018253' post='2244296'] never been welcomed by anyone in a Catholic Church but that is where God wants me to be. [/quote] Im sorry to hear that. Before this time, I have always felt very welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 This does seem to be a problem in [i]many[/i] Catholic parishes. Hospitality is a seemingly lost virtue. I'm not sure what the answer is. The parish where I work is an extremely "welcoming" parish. But some of the ways they foster this attitude aren't the most appropriate, I don't think. We've got greeters outside that welcome everyone as they come in. Just prior to the beginning of Mass, someone stands up to welcome everyone and ask if we have any visitors. Visitors raise their hands, tell us where they're from. We have a few folks in leadership who are very talented with names and intentionally reaching out to new faces. Especially down at coffee and donuts and other parish functions. I'm sorry you haven't found a nice parish. It can be tough. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Vega Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I never was in being Catholic for making friends, so I don't suppose I've ever really noticed (or cared). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 [quote name='USAirwaysIHS' timestamp='1306023414' post='2244336'] I never was in being Catholic for making friends, so I don't suppose I've ever really noticed (or cared). [/quote] Church and the people I knew from there were always my social life as well, I used to see some of my fellow parishioners almost everyday and knew most people from the 6pm mass and all of those who came to weekday. When I moved I hoped the Church would be where I first got to know people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePenciledOne Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 [quote name='USAirwaysIHS' timestamp='1306023414' post='2244336'] I never was in being Catholic for making friends, so I don't suppose I've ever really noticed (or cared). [/quote] Just because you're a saint soon to be doesn't mean you rub it in!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Vega Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) [quote name='ThePenciledOne' timestamp='1306024857' post='2244343'] Just because you're a saint soon to be doesn't mean you rub it in!!!! [/quote] Oh my friend (see, I guess I did make friends after all), there are more people ahead of me in that line than you could shake a stick at (if I'm even in that line at all...this one may be for churros...both are good, so I can't complain). Edited May 22, 2011 by USAirwaysIHS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 The Catholic Church I attend was very welcoming. In fact, if I hadn't known peeps from school at the other churches I went to, no one pry would have spoken to me. Every Catholic church I've been to is welcoming. But I'm in the South, and hospitality is (mostly) kinda our thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) My parish is very small but being Australian country folk, they are also very friendly and everyone knows everyone by name. I would cringe at being singled out in a large parish, so those over the top welcoming committees aren't for me. I'm just grateful that we do have a parish here though as the priest has to work across four different parishes in this rural area and we don't always have him for Mass and have to run lay-led Communion Services on some Sundays or Saturday vigils - the roster changes according to whether it is the First Sunday of the month, or the Second Sunday etc. and some of the parishioners don't like the lay led service so they travel to other towns. Last night there were six adults and three children at our local church (no Sunday Mass on the fourth Sunday so it was a Communion Service) and I read the Gospel for the third time since I moved up here, which has been a real blessing for me. I could also drive a long way to attend the Mass with our priest, but since the country roads are dark and kangaroos hop across them, I prefer not to make the trip at night, even though I miss the consecration. Next week, being the Fifth Sunday, there is no Mass or Communion Service locally, so we all have to travel whether we like it or not, so I will be driving in the dark a very long way. It reminds me a little of the early Christian days though, when people were grateful just to have an opportunity to come together with like minded Christians to celebrate the Lord's Supper. The way I look at it, Faith, try to see this as a gift if you can... it isn't what you would like to have, but it is what God is offering you, so there must be a reason for it. You can either make more effort to "put love where there is no love and there will be love" (St John of the Cross for you, my Carmelite friend) or you can use the time to go within more and be with Jesus alone, especially during the consecration. And at that time, say a prayer for me at my lay led liturgy, which can be so pathetic in so many ways -- but their heart's are in the right place, so I join in and support our little parish as long as God (and the Bishop) allow us to continue. With the way they close down churches out here in the country, we are just fortunate to still have one. And the extra blessing for me is that I have been given the key to our little church, so I can go and visit with Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament any time I want. God may take some things away, but He also blesses us abundantly in other ways if we can see it. I am very envious that you are able to go to St Cecilia's and pray the Office with them and have Latin Mass! So focus on your many blessings, dear sister and things won't look so bad to you. Edited May 22, 2011 by nunsense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinzo Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1306017744' post='2244294'] From the very first time I walked into a Catholic church, 10yrs ago now, it has felt like home. This has been the same whichever church I went to - the one where I was recieved, the one I switched to in order to have a lively evening Mass, in Carmel and any of the many I have gone to while away or with friends. Sadly I feel like a complete outsider in my current parish, to the point I get to this sort of time on a Saturday night and start dreading the morning I live on the Isle of Wight (a tiny island off the south coast of the UK) and overall its quite a cliquey place - if I was to live here til my dying day I would never be fully accepted. Unfortunately this is even more so in the parish. I have lived here 18mths and not one person has ever said hello to me or welcomed me - I try to smaile at people and make eye contact, but it is never returned. I even tried going along to Latin lessons that were being run and people actually patronised and insulted me to my face - things like 'look at her she doesn't have a clue' (actually i did a bit having studied Latin at school) and 'she's young, I bet she doesn't even know what grammer is'. Needless to say, i didn't go back!! Most weekdays I go to Mass and/or vespers at St Cecilia's Abbey, which I quite like but I do like Mass in English so I go to the parish on Sundays, the short and sweet morning one. Has anyone had similar experiences? I really do miss being in a lively, friendly and loving parish. [/quote] That is a very unfortunate experience. Have you talked to the pastor? Perhaps it has as much to do with Isle itself being very cliquey as you say. S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 My family used to, and then seven years ago we switched churches. It was the best thing we ever did. We had felt at home in our old parish, but there were many issues there between my parents and the pastor. Things weren't being run correctly, different rules, etc. But the new church, although it's not in the suburbs or has money, is HOME. I go there on Sundays (Saturday Vigils, too) and feel at peace. The congregation is, um, well, unique. We have people who have been going there since the day they were baptized ninety years ago and people who just got to the US! We have a priest who "gets it" and a parish support system. Getting to work there for two years has been one of many, many blessings. I pray you find a welcoming, good Catholic Church. It took my family six years, but we found Home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1306017744' post='2244294'] From the very first time I walked into a Catholic church, 10yrs ago now, it has felt like home. This has been the same whichever church I went to - the one where I was recieved, the one I switched to in order to have a lively evening Mass, in Carmel and any of the many I have gone to while away or with friends. Sadly I feel like a complete outsider in my current parish, to the point I get to this sort of time on a Saturday night and start dreading the morning I live on the Isle of Wight (a tiny island off the south coast of the UK) and overall its quite a cliquey place - if I was to live here til my dying day I would never be fully accepted. Unfortunately this is even more so in the parish. I have lived here 18mths and not one person has ever said hello to me or welcomed me - I try to smaile at people and make eye contact, but it is never returned. I even tried going along to Latin lessons that were being run and people actually patronised and insulted me to my face - things like 'look at her she doesn't have a clue' (actually i did a bit having studied Latin at school) and 'she's young, I bet she doesn't even know what grammer is'. Needless to say, i didn't go back!! Most weekdays I go to Mass and/or vespers at St Cecilia's Abbey, which I quite like but I do like Mass in English so I go to the parish on Sundays, the short and sweet morning one. Has anyone had similar experiences? I really do miss being in a lively, friendly and loving parish. [/quote] \ Small towns, especially I think in the UK, can be very cliquey. Why do yo live there? Is it your job? Do you have to stay there? I have read that in small towns in the UK, if you move there, you are always an outsider! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 [quote name='Yaatee' timestamp='1306159047' post='2244846'] \ Small towns, especially I think in the UK, can be very cliquey. Why do yo live there? Is it your job? Do you have to stay there? I have read that in small towns in the UK, if you move there, you are always an outsider! [/quote] Its not a small town, its actually the biggest town on the island. On the whole I find little English towns lovely and the people very welcoming. Unfortunately the island is not a friendly place at all - 2 people I have become good friends with since moving here have left after having breakdowns due to the backstabbing, nasty atmosphere Yes, I moved here for my job and thats also why I have stuck it out. I think about trying other parishes, or even hopping over to the mainland and going to Portsmouth Cathedral, but public transport is obscenely expensive and I am on a low income. All being well, though, I will be able to escape by the end of the year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debra Little Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1306022616' post='2244329'] This does seem to be a problem in [i]many[/i] Catholic parishes. Hospitality is a seemingly lost virtue. I'm not sure what the answer is. The parish where I work is an extremely "welcoming" parish. But some of the ways they foster this attitude aren't the most appropriate, I don't think. We've got greeters outside that welcome everyone as they come in. Just prior to the beginning of Mass, someone stands up to welcome everyone and ask if we have any visitors. Visitors raise their hands, tell us where they're from. We have a few folks in leadership who are very talented with names and intentionally reaching out to new faces. Especially down at coffee and donuts and other parish functions. I'm sorry you haven't found a nice parish. It can be tough. Hang in there! [/quote] You get coffee and donuts? What a jip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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