Communicating With Religious Communities

[Digitaldame]

Thank you for your responses. I'm sorry that some of you have clearly had bad experiences. I am certainly not trying to defend rudeness (such as not replying in the course of a year or suddenly dropping people), I merely wished to suggest why things might appear worse than I hope they are.

I think communities really do try to put people first but the expectations others have of us can sometimes be a little unrealistic, as I indicated. For example, monasteries are online for various reasons, not [b]just[/b] or necessarily primarily, to attract vocations. One has to make judgements about what is most urgent when one can't do everything one would like. To a discerner, a rapid response is really important and communities are aware of that; but perhaps you should see what also features in a community's inbox as a result of their online presence. Some of that will never be made public, and you will not understand unless/until you become a community member. As I said, vocations enquiries can take a lot of time. Here we try to help [b]everyone[/b] whether they have a vocation to the community or not. I imagine the same applies in other communities.

I agree in theory that work should never come first but if, like us, a monastery is dependent on what it earns in order to exist, there may be times when the need to pay the bills must take precedence. We need to meet deadlines to keep going. Illness in community can also affect things. I only say this to point the difference between what we all agree should happen, and some of the reasons why it may not. Bear in mind also that there may be cultural differences to be negotiated as well — Americans, for example, are usually better at speedy responses than Europeans.

I think I would disagree with Nunsense about St Benedict's recommendation that potential candidates be tested by being kept waiting at the door. Although we've never delayed replying to someone as a way of testing their patience, the way in which some people have written when they have not had a response within three days has been quite revealing! And, I speak from experience here, the candidate who simply wants a quiet home/life of ease has not yet disappeared: we do have to test people, even before they come through the door. Otherwise, the strain on the community and its novitiate can be dreadful.

Finally, I would suggest, don't ask what the Lord Jesus might do, ask what the Lord Jesus IS doing through his humble and inadequate servants, the communities to which you are writing. Sometimes we can be so overwhelmed by the wonderful grace the Lord is offering us when we feel the first stirrings of a vocation that we fail to see him clearly. He is to be sought and found in the most unlikely people and places, even the things that humble us. Just as you have to trust yourself to that grace, you have to trust that a like grace is at work in the people you are corresponding with. I, for one, am very conscious that I will have to answer to God for each and every decision I make and I'm sure (hope? trust?) the same is true of everyone else.

I will definitely pray that you have better experiences and more prompt responses in the future. Please pray for us here, too.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Digitaldame' timestamp='1306150860' post='2244815']
Thank you for your responses. I'm sorry that some of you have clearly had bad experiences. I am certainly not trying to defend rudeness (such as not replying in the course of a year or suddenly dropping people), I merely wished to suggest why things might appear worse than I hope they are.

I think communities really do try to put people first but the expectations others have of us can sometimes be a little unrealistic, as I indicated. For example, monasteries are online for various reasons, not [b]just[/b] or necessarily primarily, to attract vocations. One has to make judgements about what is most urgent when one can't do everything one would like. To a discerner, a rapid response is really important and communities are aware of that; but perhaps you should see what also features in a community's inbox as a result of their online presence. Some of that will never be made public, and you will not understand unless/until you become a community member. As I said, vocations enquiries can take a lot of time. Here we try to help [b]everyone[/b] whether they have a vocation to the community or not. I imagine the same applies in other communities.

I agree in theory that work should never come first but if, like us, a monastery is dependent on what it earns in order to exist, there may be times when the need to pay the bills must take precedence. We need to meet deadlines to keep going. Illness in community can also affect things. I only say this to point the difference between what we all agree should happen, and some of the reasons why it may not. Bear in mind also that there may be cultural differences to be negotiated as well — Americans, for example, are usually better at speedy responses than Europeans.

I think I would disagree with Nunsense about St Benedict's recommendation that potential candidates be tested by being kept waiting at the door. Although we've never delayed replying to someone as a way of testing their patience, the way in which some people have written when they have not had a response within three days has been quite revealing! And, I speak from experience here, the candidate who simply wants a quiet home/life of ease has not yet disappeared: we do have to test people, even before they come through the door. Otherwise, the strain on the community and its novitiate can be dreadful.

Finally, I would suggest, don't ask what the Lord Jesus might do, ask what the Lord Jesus IS doing through his humble and inadequate servants, the communities to which you are writing. Sometimes we can be so overwhelmed by the wonderful grace the Lord is offering us when we feel the first stirrings of a vocation that we fail to see him clearly. He is to be sought and found in the most unlikely people and places, even the things that humble us. Just as you have to trust yourself to that grace, you have to trust that a like grace is at work in the people you are corresponding with. I, for one, am very conscious that I will have to answer to God for each and every decision I make and I'm sure (hope? trust?) the same is true of everyone else.

I will definitely pray that you have better experiences and more prompt responses in the future. Please pray for us here, too.
[/quote]


Sister - we are all very appreciative that you have taken time to respond here at length to something that actually probably does not really apply to you or your community. Of course, you have seen it from the other side, and have to deal with impatient applicants and those who "feel the first stirrings of a vocation" so your perspective is certainly going to be different than that of those of us who are at this end of the stick - so to speak And since there aren't a lot of other posters in your situation, you probably feel a little against the wall!

I certainly didn't intend for you to feel that you have to defend your community or the way it responds to enquiries - I personally try never to mention a community by name unless I have something really good to say about them, although in the past this has not always been the case. But I have learned over time, that there are always different perspectives to every situation, so maybe I have matured over the years. I certainly hope so. As you say, we all have to answer to God for our actions and decisions, so I hope we are all being as charitable as we can be in doing so.

I think you misunderstood my point about St Benedict, but I will concede that not everyone who applies is doing so out of a sense of true vocation. But one only has to live a little while in religious life to see that it is certainly not a place where one can live "quiet home/life of ease" I think this thread was started, not for the impatient to air their grievances at having to wait for a response (at least this was not my intention when I started it), but more for those of us who have been discerning for several years, and who have perhaps already tested our vocation through the fires to some extent, in an attempt to help each other come to an acceptance of the fact that not all communities are either thoughtful or considerate in their communication practices.

Please do not take any of this personally - perhaps it was more of a call for support from others who have also experience the endless silence of no reply or abrupt cut offs...


it was certainly not directed at any one community in particular and certainly not at a phellow phatmasser!

All of that being said, I actually did manage to make contact with a community on the phone tonight (they are in the UK) and that was a delight for me. This particular community only does snail mail and it had been so long since I sent the letter that I did wonder if it had ever arrived. So I was glad that I found the courage to actually phone, and the response was sweet and also very apologetic - and I was able to understand completely what the delay was, once I had been told. I guess this just proves your point in a way, that there is often a very good reason for a community not to respond in a timely manner. But it certainly is nice to finally know that contact has been established.

And I still think that a year or two is a bit long for any community!! lol

So, I do hope you have not taken offence at this thread. Sometimes we just need to vent to each other.....

[ACS67]

I agree with Sister (Digitaldame) that vocations do need to be tested today. I would say even more so because many people today (myself included) are spoilt, bossy, indecisive, petty, impatient, dreamers,(I could keep going here). So, yes, in my opinion, we need to be tested and the process of purification should already be well underway (because many of us have a LOT to purify), even before entering. Again, just my thoughts and opinion.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='ACS67' timestamp='1306152789' post='2244823']
I agree with Sister (Digitaldame) that vocations do need to be tested today. I would say even more so because many people today (myself included) are spoilt, bossy, indecisive, petty, impatient, dreamers,(I could keep going here). So, yes, in my opinion, we need to be tested and the process of purification should already be well underway (because many of us have a LOT to purify), even before entering. Again, just my thoughts and opinion.
[/quote]


Once again, my comment was misunderstood. I didn't mean that vocations shouldn't be tested at all, only that there should different ways to test them today than in the old days because situation and circumstances are different. I think that sometimes there is an idea that 'testing' has to be some artificial thing that one imposes from without, rather than seeing that everything 'tests' one's vocation, including the way that responses are made, and the reaction to those responses. I guess what I wonder at, are the 'mind-games' that some people think are necessary as part of testing a vocation. Perhaps I can't explain myself well, at least not tonight as I am a bit tired from a full day. Meybe I will try again at some other time....

[Yaatee]

This thread is about the perceived delays in response to inquires about religious communities. Some posters have described what is, to me in this age of communication, inconscionable behavior. Very delayed responses or no responseat all to multiple inquiries over months. This lack of response may be from communities receiving a lot of inquiry, and other communities which are aging and very disorganized and may be dying, although they don’t realize it yet. A delayed response and/or no response is rude and inappropriate.

Unfortunately, it is also very common. My husband does sophisticated computer analysis of medical treatments for HIV and AIDS. He sends in via email the results of his advanced statistical analysis of large data sets of medical research. Often he gets no response whatsoever. He has no idea if the information even arrived. He has to call to confirm.

Two of the fastest growing communities in the US are the Nashville and Ann Arbor Dominicans, have no difficulty with communication. According to the many articles in the lay press and reports of discerners, the vocation team is fully wired with smart phones, and communicates immediately and often with all inquirers. Inquirers are invited to elaborate retreats which are conducted often, offer a lot of exposure to religious life and often a lot of fun. There is a fully orchestrated vocation response. We are all familiar with the results. On the other hand, there is DigitalDame’s community of three, who run an online business and are in the throes of a major capital campaign to build a monastery. And everyone in between.

But most communities are seeking candidates and must try to organize their response to an apparent avalanche of inquiries. A lot of the initial screening can be done with information which can be cut-and-pasted into email or printed cheaply for snail mail. This information can include whether there is a firm upper age limit and what it is, and if candidates are permitted to have annulments, grown children or grandchildren. If there is insufficient sister/nun power, I do think that reliable associates can be recruited to assist with at least the initial responses.

No one is arguing that some sort of testing isn’t involved. And I don’t think that inquirers are less suited than they have ever been. But in Benedict’s day, a man knocked, sat outside, etc., and then was admitted. Now someone inquirers, receives a response (maybe) and then undergoes a long process [i]as an inquirer[/i] which may stretch on for years--before she’s even permitted to apply! Basically, you have to apply to apply. In addition there are all the required psychological and medical tests for the formal application process.

BTW, I do not recommend that inquirers write just to satisfy their curiosity. This is an abuse of a community’s time. There are plenty of former community members here on VS who can answer such questions privately.

In addition, in snail mail, I think that including a self-addressed stamped envelope is a good idea. It shows industry and consideration. Especially if the postage is the correct amount for transatlantic airmail!

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Yaatee' timestamp='1306158619' post='2244845']
This thread is about the perceived delays in response to inquires about religious communities. Some posters have described what is, to me in this age of communication, inconscionable behavior. Very delayed responses or no responseat all to multiple inquiries over months. This lack of response may be from communities receiving a lot of inquiry, and other communities which are aging and very disorganized and may be dying, although they don't realize it yet. A delayed response and/or no response is rude and inappropriate.

Unfortunately, it is also very common. My husband does sophisticated computer analysis of medical treatments for HIV and AIDS. He sends in via email the results of his advanced statistical analysis of large data sets of medical research. Often he gets no response whatsoever. He has no idea if the information even arrived. He has to call to confirm.

Two of the fastest growing communities in the US are the Nashville and Ann Arbor Dominicans, have no difficulty with communication. According to the many articles in the lay press and reports of discerners, the vocation team is fully wired with smart phones, and communicates immediately and often with all inquirers. Inquirers are invited to elaborate retreats which are conducted often, offer a lot of exposure to religious life and often a lot of fun. There is a fully orchestrated vocation response. We are all familiar with the results. On the other hand, there is DigitalDame's community of three, who run an online business and are in the throes of a major capital campaign to build a monastery. And everyone in between.

But most communities are seeking candidates and must try to organize their response to an apparent avalanche of inquiries. A lot of the initial screening can be done with information which can be cut-and-pasted into email or printed cheaply for snail mail. This information can include whether there is a firm upper age limit and what it is, and if candidates are permitted to have annulments, grown children or grandchildren. If there is insufficient sister/nun power, I do think that reliable associates can be recruited to assist with at least the initial responses.

No one is arguing that some sort of testing isn't involved. And I don't think that inquirers are less suited than they have ever been. But in Benedict's day, a man knocked, sat outside, etc., and then was admitted. Now someone inquirers, receives a response (maybe) and then undergoes a long process [i]as an inquirer[/i] which may stretch on for years--before she's even permitted to apply! Basically, you have to apply to apply. In addition there are all the required psychological and medical tests for the formal application process.

BTW, I do not recommend that inquirers write just to satisfy their curiosity. This is an abuse of a community's time. There are plenty of former community members here on VS who can answer such questions privately.

In addition, in snail mail, I think that including a self-addressed stamped envelope is a good idea. It shows industry and consideration. Especially if the postage is the correct amount for transatlantic airmail!
[/quote]


Excellent post Yaatee! I do question the self addressed [u]stamped[/u] envelope just because the stamp needed in one country isn't usually available in another one, and although I vaguely recall something about international postage, I dont' know how this works anymore or how one would calculate the postage required from another country back to one's own! Perhaps there is a solution to this or perhaps just a self addressed envelope would suffice? Perhaps I should research this more.

Tonight I also learned the value of a follow-up phone call after sending a snail mail. It was a lovely phone conversation and I felt so good afterwards. And yes, they did get my letter and they apologized for the delay in responding, so it was good that I phoned - I think it made it easier for them as well as for me!

Thanks for your post - good points about the Nashville and Ann Arbor Domincans. I did send an email to a community in the US that never responded and have now sent a snail mail as follow-up but I think it is a good point in case that communities who do not check their email probably should not advertise it!!

[Yaatee]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1306159634' post='2244849']
Excellent post Yaatee! I do question the self addressed [u]stamped[/u] envelope just because the stamp needed in one country isn't usually available in another one, and although I vaguely recall something about international postage, I dont' know how this works anymore or how one would calculate the postage required from another country back to one's own! Perhaps there is a solution to this or perhaps just a self addressed envelope would suffice? Perhaps I should research this more.

Tonight I also learned the value of a follow-up phone call after sending a snail mail. It was a lovely phone conversation and I felt so good afterwards. And yes, they did get my letter and they apologized for the delay in responding, so it was good that I phoned - I think it made it easier for them as well as for me!

Thanks for your post - good points about the Nashville and Ann Arbor Domincans. I did send an email to a community in the US that never responded and have now sent a snail mail as follow-up but I think it is a good point in case that communities who do not check their email probably should not advertise it!!
[/quote]

Of course they shouldn't advertise their email if they don't answer.

Excellent point about the stamps. You'd need the stamps of the host country (so to speak)--well, talk to the postmaster. There's gotta be a way....

I am very glad that the phone call worked, time change and all!

BTW Nashville has 4 Aussies entering. [i]They[/i] don't have any trouble communicating! CFR has had two Scots postulants-[i]-they [/i]managed to get through!

[ACS67]

I guess I disagree Yaatee (that seems to be all I am doing lately ). Why assume these communities who don't respond are "rude"? They didn't respond for whatever reason (God knows, and he is the final judge) so I say the inquirer should just move on. It seems to me when an inquirer is harping on why they didn't receive a reply, it borders on an attitude of entitlement and if that is the case, than that can only hurt the inquirer were they ever to become a postulant. I'm not accusing nunsense or anyone here of this; however, I do think it is something to consider because this "sense of entitlement" is very prevalant in our society today and often times I'm not so sure we are aware of it, We believe we are entitle to just about anything and everything. I guess I have read too much Eastern Theology and believe as the early Desert Fathers and monks did, and that is, in comparison to God and his glory, and all that He has given to us and continues to give to us, we are all entitled to very little if anything at all. I believe we have to keep our desires in check and should always keep our mortality and sinful condition ever in mind, again a teaching from the early Desert Fathers. We often convince ourselves that our desires are those of God's. That may or may not be the case. Humilty is advised to discern which is which.

In the end only God knows what we are truly entitled to and He will give us that and only that which will bring about salvation to our souls...If we trust Him we will respond accordingly to all that He brings us, the good, the bad, the ugly... That's what I believe.

[ksterling]

I started my discernment by identifying 50 communities that had apostolates that I could fit into. This was before I knew anything about what I really wanted in a community. Once I began to learn, I actively communicated with about 20 communities. I did the same thing as other posters on VS - sent a lengthy, respectful snail mail letter with a photo, a bio and a description of why I thought I had a vocation and where I was in my discernment. My SD reviewed my letter first. Of those, a few didn't respond in a timely manner - some never. I don't know why but if they weren't interested in me, I crossed them off my list. There were about a dozen communities who wrote back or emailed. They were all friendly, interested, encouraging and genuinely happy to have heard from me. Some I crossed off my list after visiting (some readers will recall a disastrous visit I had to a community that had had no new entrants in many years - they were very anxious that I should join but most lived in apartments, prayers at the motherhouse were optional and they had no habit at all - not even an official community pin or cross.) I had a few wonderful visits and got to know some sisters who lived in convents not to far from me. My list is now down to 3 communities, all of which I will be visiting or revisiting over the next few weeks. First impressions are lasting and you don't get a second chance to make a first impression - cliches, but true. Frankly, I don't understand why any community would not promptly respond to a potential entrant. Even if it was Advent or Lent, a short note explaining when a more lengthy response would be forthcoming would be nice - then a follow up at the promised date. I would think that most communities would be thrilled to find that young women are interested and would want to begin to get to know them. The communities I continue to discern with all had that attitude - they were so inviting - I feel like they want me to become their sister. It's much easier to think that a certain community is the right one for you when you feel welcome - not as though you're breaking in. And that starts with the first communication. I know some communities like the NDs and Ann Arbors have lots of applicants but they were both very quick and very nice in communicating with me. Just my 2 cents!

Kat.

[Yaatee]

[quote name='ksterling' timestamp='1306164034' post='2244870']
I started my discernment by identifying 50 communities that had apostolates that I could fit into. This was before I knew anything about what I really wanted in a community. Once I began to learn, I actively communicated with about 20 communities. I did the same thing as other posters on VS - sent a lengthy, respectful snail mail letter with a photo, a bio and a description of why I thought I had a vocation and where I was in my discernment. My SD reviewed my letter first. Of those, a few didn't respond in a timely manner - some never. I don't know why but if they weren't interested in me, I crossed them off my list. There were about a dozen communities who wrote back or emailed. They were all friendly, interested, encouraging and genuinely happy to have heard from me. Some I crossed off my list after visiting (some readers will recall a disastrous visit I had to a community that had had no new entrants in many years - they were very anxious that I should join but most lived in apartments, prayers at the motherhouse were optional and they had no habit at all - not even an official community pin or cross.) I had a few wonderful visits and got to know some sisters who lived in convents not to far from me. My list is now down to 3 communities, all of which I will be visiting or revisiting over the next few weeks. First impressions are lasting and you don't get a second chance to make a first impression - cliches, but true. Frankly, I don't understand why any community would not promptly respond to a potential entrant. Even if it was Advent or Lent, a short note explaining when a more lengthy response would be forthcoming would be nice - then a follow up at the promised date. I would think that most communities would be thrilled to find that young women are interested and would want to begin to get to know them. The communities I continue to discern with all had that attitude - they were so inviting - I feel like they want me to become their sister. It's much easier to think that a certain community is the right one for you when you feel welcome - not as though you're breaking in. And that starts with the first communication. I know some communities like the NDs and Ann Arbors have lots of applicants but they were both very quick and very nice in communicating with me. Just my 2 cents!

Kat.
[/quote]
Excellent post, Kat and from the horse's mouth! [i]An actual discerner [/i]who sounds close to becoming a candidate! Wow! Good luck, and we hope you share with us what the denouement is!--er--where you enter (assuming you do! )

[Yaatee]

[quote name='ACS67' timestamp='1306162588' post='2244858']
I guess I disagree Yaatee (that seems to be all I am doing lately ). Why assume these communities who don't respond are "rude"? They didn't respond for whatever reason (God knows, and he is the final judge) so I say the inquirer should just move on. It seems to me when an inquirer is harping on why they didn't receive a reply, it borders on an attitude of entitlement and if that is the case, than that can only hurt the inquirer were they ever to become a postulant. I'm not accusing nunsense or anyone here of this; however, I do think it is something to consider because this "sense of entitlement" is very prevalent in our society today and often times I'm not so sure we are aware of it, We believe we are entitle to just about anything and everything. I guess I have read too much Eastern Theology and believe as the early Desert Fathers and monks did, and that is, in comparison to God and his glory, and all that He has given to us and continues to give to us, we are all entitled to very little if anything at all. I believe we have to keep our desires in check and should always keep our mortality and sinful condition ever in mind, again a teaching from the early Desert Fathers. We often convince ourselves that our desires are those of God's. That may or may not be the case. Humiltiy is advised to discern which is which.

In the end only God knows what we are truly entitled to and He will give us that and only that which will bring about salvation to our souls...If we trust Him we will respond accordingly to all that He brings us, the good, the bad, the ugly... That's what I believe.
[/quote]

It is not a sense of entitlement. It is a sense that if people advertise, or have an email address, that they are interested in inquiries and will behave accordingly. It's called manners. It's reasonable to expect a reply of some sort. It's what you do if a man asks you out and you say "No, thanks" and not just ignore him. Or when one receives an invitation that says "RSVP", that's what you do---respond. Even if only "We're too busy" or "Not now, write later". Unless the house is [i]unadvertised,[/i] such as a Poor Clare or Discalced Carmelite monastery, with a house address [i]only[/i] (no phone published, no email), you can assume that it has arranged for some sort of 21st century form of communication and will respond accordingly.

Inquirers have no choice but to move on. I would send an email or the snail mail with bio, photo and SASE (best, all of it in a manila 8 " x 11" envelope with a folded manila SASE), and then if there is no response--move on. I would persist only if the community really does sound like a match, or is one of a very narrow group.

One has no alternative but to move on if one's requests are ignored.

Frankly, I think that if there is no response at all, that there is something going on It may be for the best that the inquirer isn't answered.

[ACS67]

Yaatee I can understand your point but...manners....uh...as much as we would like them to be objective and the same for everyone, they are not. Manners are very cultural and subjective...very subjective. It just seems like a lot of wasted time and energy to get offended over what is perceived by us as a "lack of manners" in someone else. What if it is our perception that is off and it is not the other person or community at all? Again I defer to the Desert Fathers who teach that we are only to look and judge our own actions, internal and external, and acknowledge that we are a far worse sinner than anyone else. That's what I go by...so...we will just have to "agree to disagree..."

[Chiara Francesco]

[quote name='Yaatee' timestamp='1306100623' post='2244564']
Very, very difficult. You are well rid of communities that act in such an inconsistent way. It would be very hard, like dating some nice man who drops you like a cold potato.

Fortunately, you have other good choices.
[/quote]


Yes, I took as as God's will I not go there but there are many orders that turned out to be that and they have answered nicely with an email or letter a "no". But if one is really drawn to a certain community, they would like to know for sure if this community is NOT for them so they can move on and put it behind them. When you are left waiting so long, it can put a wrench in things.

For this one community I wrote - 5 emails, 2 letters - at the same time I was writing them, another PMer was and she was getting answers! But then she was young!

[Yaatee]

[quote name='Chiara Francesco' timestamp='1306180880' post='2244999']
Yes, I took as as God's will I not go there but there are many orders that turned out to be that and they have answered nicely with an email or letter a "no". But if one is really drawn to a certain community, they would like to know for sure if this community is NOT for them so they can move on and put it behind them. When you are left waiting so long, it can put a wrench in things.

For this one community I wrote - 5 emails, 2 letters - at the same time I was writing them, another PMer was and she was getting answers! But then she was young!
[/quote]

It would help to get some sort of upper age limit from the get-go. If you are 50 and a community's upper limit is 40 with "exceptions", you can predict that the 'exceptions' won't extend to 50. Better let it go.

[kavalamyself]

To answer the question, the community that I first entered was amazing on the internet with emails and I think I had sort of a strange "fake" relationship in that I read much more into the community because I didn't really know them. After leaving, I have learned through further discernment and a lot of therapy and spiritual direction, that really emails and letters go only so far. I think the best thing to do is write, see if the community is open to accepting new candidates, what the necessary steps are and when an appropriate time to visit would be.

I have had excellent luck with the Poor Clares (PCC's), the Dominicans (cloistered) and the Benedictines seem in the middle (but remember I am writing to namely cloistered. The fastest and nicest response I got so far was from the Benedictines in Vermont and I recommend a retreat there for anybody looking at religious (cloistered) life.

Some of the Carmels have been better than others and off the top of my head, it's been pretty split, too. I was going to say that the 1990's are faster, but in thinking back, there are a few 1990's I never heard from and there are a few 1991's I never heard from either and the same goes the other way. I think the nicest and fastest response in general that I received from the Carmelites was the Philadelphia Carmel. My visit there was so cool and I guess everybody knows their Chapel/Church is pretty gorgeous. Oh, I also got a really nice answer from the Iron Mt. Carmel, and I am trying to figure out a visit.

I was in a community that practiced 24 hour Adoration before, and as I have said before, it wasn't a great experience, so I have stayed away from that apostolate in looking.

Also, just so you know, like Nunsense, I write an individual letter and I also enclose a picture. I don't make my letters long, I give very basic details and I don't go on and on about where I was or why it didn't work out. I usually leave that detail for later on, after I meet them.

I understand that the work and life of the community comes first, but I think if they are full (like a Carmel) they should just tell you - that would be best.

I was thinking of Dominican life for a while, but for various reasons, I don't think that is for me though I still love St. Catherine of Siena!

Kavala