Communicating With Religious Communities

[AccountDeleted]

While posting on another thread about how quickly and how well Colwich responded to my emails and questions I posted on their blog, I was wondering what others felt about how various religious communities communicate? And perhaps we could share advice with each other about the best way to contact some of them.

I have been writing to communities for over four years now and have found it interesting that although some communities have email addresses or website with contact pages, they don't all respond either promptly or courteously, and some of them never respond at all!

I have often wondered if 1) they never got my email or 2) they didn't feel I was a good candidate for them so they just didn't bother to respond or 3) perhaps they don't have anyone who checks their email or 4) what do you think???

I know that of those who have responded late (say more than a month turnaround), they have explained that they were busy with this or that, or had too many emails to answer etc. and having lived according to a horarium, I know that every minute of the day is accounted for.... but this makes me ask more questions like..

If they don't have time for email, why post it in the first place? If they have too many emails, should they at least send a group response to all vocation enquiries saying something like "got your email, will answer when possible" etc.

My first reaction is not to want to be critical of course, but I have known many very busy people in the world as well, and they somehow manage to find time to at least acknowledge correspondence...

Perhaps because many communities are new to the internet/email world, they just don't have the skills or resources to efficiently handle their messages. I just wanted to start a discussion about this issue and ask what others have found because I know it is hard to send of a letter - whether snail mail or email, never to hear back a response of any kind. This is not just an email phenomenon, although I guess we expect a quicker response from email because there is no real delay in delivery.

So recently for me... I have sent emails to three communities that have not responded at all, and one snail mail that has never generated a reply -- all in early April and it is now nearing the end of May. I have sent more than one email to one place and posted a message on their online website contact page, but so far - no response. I don't even mind a negative response - at least that way I would know they received my message and the email hasn't been moved automatically into some spam folder somehwere in the ethos!

We can just accept this all as God's will of course, but tell me how you feel about this topic - please.


PS - Colwich rates a star for response time on email and webblog questions. I won't name the ones who haven't done well, but maybe people could post which ones are doing well!!??

Edited May 18, 2011 by nunsense

[OnlySunshine]

This is something I've definitely had trouble with in the past. These are some of the communities I remember contacting and how the process went:

[u][b]Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal[/b][/u]--no email address, and it was required that you send a "Come and See" interview form before making a phone interview with Sr. Francis. However, I mailed the interview form to her in May 2009, right after returning from the Carmelites DCJ, and didn't hear from her until October 2009! I had totally forgotten that I had even sent the thing. I tried leaving messages on the answering machine around June, but never did hear from her so I thought it wasn't meant to be. But when she finally did contact me, she apologized on the phone and in person at the retreat and said that she got so busy that she totally forgot. She was really genuine about it too.
[u][b]
Religious Sisters of Mercy[/b][/u]--I played several rounds of email tag with the vocation mistress, and finally asked her for a packet of information to learn more about their order. I didn't receive the packet until months later, after which, I had forgotten this as well. I am still interested in them, and may try to contact them a different way in the future.

[u][b]Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus (Northern Province)[/b][/u]--the first time I emailed Sr. Immaculata, she asked me to send a short bibliography of my discernment thus far. I heard from her on the phone about two weeks later, which I wasn't prepared for since I wasn't expecting it. My voice was so shaky! She probably thought I was crying, but was very patient with me and answered all my questions. I found that they were pretty quick in emailing me back. The only thing that took quite a while was the application for entrance. It took about 3-4 weeks.
[u][b]
Sister Servants of the Eternal Word[/b][/u]--VERY quick to reply! I received an email from Sr. Louise the very next day confirming that she had received my email and would be responding when she had a little more time to sit down and read what I had written thoroughly. She answered my questions and respected my wishes about not talking on the phone this early in discernment because I have a thing about that. I get really flustered and nervous on the phone when I am not prepared. She was very kind. I'm really looking forward to going there, hopefully this fall.
[u][b]
Sisters of Life[/b][/u]--same as the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal--took FOREVER! I honestly wasn't interested in them anymore when the assistant vocation director finally called as I had only contacted them out of sheer curiosity. I have never really been attracted to them, so I knew I wouldn't be visiting there.
[u][b]
Buffalo Carmel in NY[/b][/u]--Mother Miriam was a delight! Although we played phone tag a few times and I had to leave messages and wait for her call, I loved talking to her. Normally, as I stated before, I don't like talking on the phone to vocation directors, but I ALWAYS looked forward to hers. She was so kind, patient, and loving that I felt like I had known her forever. I miss her very much.

[u][b]Carmel of Terre Haute[/b][/u]--the VD there was very busy as she was getting ready to celebrate her 50th Jubilee and was on her 8 day retreat in preparation. I asked her a few questions and she said she would get back to me, but I never heard from her again, even after trying to call and email. I ended up giving up.

[u][b]Carmel in Arlington, TX[/b][/u]--Mother Maria was pretty easy to contact at first, but then she stopped replying altogether. I don't know what happened. I thought their email address was broken, so I tried sending a handwritten letter, but never heard from her. I gave up with them, too.

I think the worst thing is when you really want/need information about an order but they are so difficult to get a hold of. There are a select few vocation directors who are very dedicated to responding on time--i.e. Sr. Louise of the SsEWs--but then you have others who are so busy fulfilling the needs of their order that they don't have time to sit down and respond. I recognize, now, that this is just God's way of closing the door and telling me to look elsewhere, but it is confusing and frustrating nonetheless.

Edited May 18, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[Lisa]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1305683898' post='2243060']
[u][b]Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus (Northern Province)[/b][/u]--the first time I emailed Sr. Immaculata, she asked me to send a short bibliography of my discernment thus far. I heard from her on the phone about two weeks later, which I wasn't prepared for since I wasn't expecting it. My voice was so shaky! She probably thought I was crying, but was very patient with me and answered all my questions. I found that they were pretty quick in emailing me back. The only thing that took quite a while was the application for entrance. It took about 3-4 weeks.

[/quote]

I've had the same experience; they are wonderful at responding to emails. They have a new "email person" Sr. Maria Giuseppe. She got back to me right away (within a day or so). After an email or two, she asked for my address and PRIORITY MAILED me a packet of information, and even some snapshots with descriptions written on the back.[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/dance.gif[/img]

[b][u]Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist[/u][/b]
As a general rule, they are amesome at it. They receive a huge quantity of email inquiries- especially from people who have no idea about the specifics religious life but heard the Sisters' name somewhere and felt a little 'tug'. So, often you'll hear from them in the next day or so, then have to wait for the 2nd email a week or a couple of weeks, but they will always get back to you. Two of the sisters started as Vocation Assistants, so it's going a little smoother now. There's also a direct email to the Vocation Director Sr. Joseph Andrew (who is the cutest email-er ever. I don't think she sends an email with under 10 exclamation points). [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/nun1.gif[/img] [b]P.S. I get to see them in 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!![/b]

Edited May 18, 2011 by Lisa

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1305684864' post='2243069']
I've had the same experience; they are wonderful at responding to emails. They have a new "email person" Sr. Maria Giuseppe. She got back to me right away (within a day or so). After an email or two, she asked for my address and PRIORITY MAILED me a packet of information, and even some snapshots with descriptions written on the back.[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/dance.gif[/img]
[/quote]


Sr. Maria Giuseppe is the Provincial Superior. When I visited the East Chicago convent for training and work, she was the one in charge--however, the Motherhouse has Sr. Immaculata--former P.S. and current novice mistress. If you visit the Motherhouse, I guarantee you will have a good time. Sr. Anne Marie was a novice when I visited but she made her first profession almost 2 years ago. She is stationed in Michigan at St. Ann's, last I heard. Sr. Immaculata is so sweet. She reminded me so much of my grandmother (Nana). When you visit, you get to play games during recreation. I played "Sorry!" with Sr. Maria Goretti and another Sister from Trinidad and the retreat mate. I actually won, LOL!

PS--if you do visit, the current novices include my retreat mate from 2009. She is almost on her second year in July. Her name was Emily, but I am unaware of her religious name. She is the one on the left.

[img]http://www.carmelitedcjnorth.org/images/pages/formation/novitiate/Novices-visits-Kenosha-for-Christmas-Party.png[/img]

Edited May 18, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[bmb144]

I'll briefly outline my experience in relation to Australian orders.

Tyburn Benedictines are amesome and I totally admit a huge amount of bias here. Right now though, their website is in the process of being rebuilt so anything sent to them by email may not get there and certain parts of the site are not currently working. All vocation enquires should go to the Mother Prioress of the Monastery via snail mail. I have found that it can take 3-4 weeks sometimes for a reply but that is simply due to the workload. In the Australian Tyburn Monastery the Mother prioress is also the Novice mistress and she is in her early 80's so sometimes she simply doesn't have much time, so the sub-prioress will return acknowledge the letter sent. Usually though all vocation material and contact comes through the Mother Prioress but if I do have 11 Tyburn vocation info packs left if anyone wants one. Just PM me. Age is no barrier as there is no upper age limit.

Benedictines at Jamberoo Abbey are equally amesome but I have not been in contact with them for a while as my next step would have been to come done and stay for a weekend to chat in person with them.

Dominican sisters [active] never replied.
Dominican nuns...I'm too old for at 35, so I can't comment on how a younger person would do.
Pauline sisters were interested until I reached the max discernment age and then stopped contacting.
Semi-active Poor Clares say hi every now and then but I know I am not called there.
Sisters of Charity [Benedictine] I was interested in but as I could not make a trip interstate as soon as they wanted, they cut contact with me.
Passionist....out here have been very disappointing. After taking with the vocation director via email and in person [a guy who did it for both the brothers and sisters] they suddenly with no reason cut contact off.
Canossian sisters...amesome and also they do SD for free and also vocation SD.

International orders-

Summit Dominicans are amesome. I'm just about too old for them now but had I been younger when I joined the church I would have jumped a plane to come and see.

Colwich also totally amesome and maybe still a possibility for me depending on certain circumstances.

*edited for typos, there are gremlins playing with my w's and m's*

Edited May 18, 2011 by In His Light

[TeresaBenedicta]

[b]Servants of the Lord and the Virgin of Matara[/b]

I've found that [i]calling[/i] is the best way to get in contact with them. They're just super busy in their apostolates. And sometimes you have to be prepared to call a few times. The initiative really is on you. I mean, they're more than helpful and kind and wonderful... just really busy. They do e-mail, but there are various times when they just don't get to e-mails all too quickly. (On the other hand, I have had them e-mail back within a few hours!)

But for initial contact... calling is best. For sure.

[mariaassunta]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1305685597' post='2243074']
Sr. Maria Giuseppe is the Provincial Superior. When I visited the East Chicago convent for training and work, she was the one in charge--however, the Motherhouse has Sr. Immaculata--former P.S. and current novice mistress. If you visit the Motherhouse, I guarantee you will have a good time. Sr. Anne Marie was a novice when I visited but she made her first profession almost 2 years ago. She is stationed in Michigan at St. Ann's, last I heard. Sr. Immaculata is so sweet. She reminded me so much of my grandmother (Nana). When you visit, you get to play games during recreation. I played "Sorry!" with Sr. Maria Goretti and another Sister from Trinidad and the retreat mate. I actually won, LOL!

PS--if you do visit, the current novices include my retreat mate from 2009. She is almost on her second year in July. Her name was Emily, but I am unaware of her religious name. She is the one on the left.

[img]http://www.carmelitedcjnorth.org/images/pages/formation/novitiate/Novices-visits-Kenosha-for-Christmas-Party.png[/img]
Sr.Faustina Marie (Emily)
Sr.Rose Therese (middle)
Sr.M.Claire(last)

[LaPetiteSoeur]

DSMME were great--I heard back the next day!

The NDs took a really long time, and I heard back from them around 2 months later. But I did hear from them!!

The Slaves of the Immaculate Heart of Mary I looked into because I was curious (not for me), and they were rather quick to respond as well.

[Sarah147]

Every single other Order I've ever contacted returned with a message. But the SsEW have been letting me wait now just going over a month. It drives me crazy not knowing the reason why. I gave my email in the letter, too, so they could let me know what's up... Oh, and I'm still waiting for the Pauline Sisters to reply to a question, and a second question to the Alma Sisters... I'm not discerning the latter orders, but I had some questions.

Edited May 18, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[InPersonaChriste]

Benedictines of Mary- Respond promptly to letters but do not have an e-mail. I actually prefer their way of communication. They are very thourough and all of the letters I have recieved are full of warmth and welcome.

Dominicans of Saint Cecilia- E-mail responses and a handwritten leter response. Both were very helpful. My handwritten letter was encouraging whereas the e-mail from the vocation director in Nashville was not.

PCPA Desert nuns- responded quickly and with a ton of enthusiasm. I still dont like e-mails. Sr. Mary Fidelis was very nice.

Basically all of the communities I have contacted except for the Benedictines have said that I am too young and I need to live my life as a young woman before entering the convent.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1305727474' post='2243175']
Every single other Order I've ever contacted returned with a message. But the SsEW have been letting me wait now just going over a month. It drives me crazy not knowing the reason why. I gave my email in the letter, too, so they could let me know what's up... Oh, and I'm still waiting for the Pauline Sisters to reply to a question, and a second question to the Alma Sisters... I'm not discerning the latter orders, but I had some questions.
[/quote]

I don't quite understand why it's taking so long for you.

Maybe God's trying to tell you something?

[Sarah147]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1305732004' post='2243217']
I don't quite understand why it's taking so long for you.

Maybe God's trying to tell you something?
[/quote]


I saw on TV that a post office in Alabama was totally torn down by the tornado. I hope something didn't happen to the letter...

My SD wants me to wait until I know some dates before contacting them again.

My only worry is that maybe they figured out I'm this person on phatmass and I don't know what?

Edited May 18, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1305732711' post='2243228']
I saw on TV that a post office in Alabama was totally torn down by the tornado. I hope something didn't happen to the letter...

My SD wants me to wait until I know some dates before contacting them again.

My only worry is that maybe they figured out I'm this person on phatmass and I don't know what?
[/quote]

I didn't even think about the possibility of damage to the post office. Perhaps you should shoot them a quick email to Sr. Louise and ask if she received the letter? You don't have to go into detail (I wouldn't want you to disobey your SD), but it might help put your mind at ease.

I sincerely doubt that they discovered you on Phatmass. As Cherie said before, they don't have free access to the internet, so I think you can rest assured that they aren't judging you based on what you write here.

[HopefulBride]

[b]Apostles of the Sacred Heart of Jesus - [/b]I called the VD who immediately got me in touch with the local convent vocation contact and they were just wonderful and quick to respond to my many questions. I made arrangements to go to a discernment retreat and later did a week-long visit. I truly enjoyed the opportunity to discern with them and I eventually realized that the Lord was calling me elsewhere.

[b]Sisters of Life - [/b]The VD and the AVD were very responsive and were quite quick to respond to my inquiry with a phone call. I went to a come and see and then I went to a retreat with the entire community which was absolutely avvesome. I actually almost applied there but when they switched Vocation, the frequency of the calls/emails slowed down and even came to a screeching halt. Though I had my heart set on them, I now realize the Lord was trying to tell me that was not the order for me.

[b]Carmelites of Covington - [/b]I contacted them via phone and about two days later sister Edith returned my phone call. I spoke with her at length about the attraction to the Charism etc. and we arranged a short visit. She was very quick in her response to emails and following phone calls. I made a second extended visit and discerned that it was not for me.

[b]Nashville Dominicans - [/b]I filled out the inquiry form and made a phone call and that took forever! finally when I tried again I spoke with the VD who was to send me info but that never came. I finally went for a visit (I think a little over a year later) and I loved it and the VD was to send me additional info about returning to the discernment retreat (I even followed up with a phone call and nothing) so I recognized the Lord's no in that and kept on.

[b]Dominican Sisters of Justice - [/b]I contacted via email and the VD was just so kind and so responsive. I went for a week long visit and didn't want to leave, I made plans to return for another visit before I would start the application process but my grandma died not too long after and that became a bit difficult. Then I felt the need to do a silent retreat so I decided to look for a place for that and to put my discernment on hold.

[b]Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Church - [/b]I had actually contacted them before the Justice Dominicans and I loved everything about their Charism and their work but since I felt such a strong pull toward the Dominicans, I figured they weren't for me and I stopped contact with them. I heard back from the VD shortly after the death of my grandmother she wanted to touch base with me and I mentioned I was looking for a place where I could do my silent retreat. She mentioned the retreat center they lived in and since it was hard finding a monastery or retreat center to do my retreat, I said yes. When I got there I fell in love with the sisters and decided to incorporate a visit with them in my silent retreat. And the rest is history...

Looking back on all of that I now see that in every step the Lord was speaking to me, I just needed to open my heart and eyes to what he was saying. I was a bit painful to have contact stopped with no apparent reason and to have no reply after multiple attempts however, I am grateful that His guiding Hand has led me to my sisters.

p.s. I did contact the SSEWs and left a couple of messages but I got nothing back so....

[Yaatee]

I have difficulty comprehending why communities who need vocations would be so slow to respond. I realize that it may be difficult for Nashville and Ann Arbor, who are swamped with inquiries, but not the communities in Australia, which are reportedly having a hard time. I also think that it's quite rude not to acknowledge a communication. Part of the trouble is that many of the sisters appear to be advanced in years. It is a pity that they can't turn over the work to a younger sister or have an associate do it with active supervision by a professed sister. At least send out a "pre-recorded" response and promise to communicate more later.

Having said this, I do think that if an inquirer has impediments to entry, such as a medical history, that she not mention this up front. After all, the canonical requirements are being single or annulled, having no debts or dependents, and being an active practicing Roman Catholic. That is about it. I think that it might be more appropriate to mention during a visit, especially after the vocation directress has asked if she has thought of entering their community. "Yes, but I have a history that you might consider a problem."

It sounds as if communities don't want to face telling inquirers that they are not interested in them. I think that this is a real pity. They could at least say that they don't feel that the inquirers are called to their communities, or that they recommend a re-application after an appropriate interval, if they really think this.

...Nunsense, I understand that you are now looking at Benedictine communities. Have you considered any in Australia?