To Go Or Not To Go?

[TeresaBenedicta]

I need advice.

One of my best friends is being ordained to the priesthood next month. Praise God!! I am [i]so[/i] proud of him!!

Obviously I [i]really[/i] want to go to his ordination. And his first Mass.

But I'm conflicted. Many of you know of my situation- I have been accepted into religious life and am hindered from entering because of my student loans. Right now I still have $38K to take care of before I am debt free. I've been paying things off as aggressively as I possibly can. And I've been working with the Laboure Society, where many generous folks have been helping me financially.

A round trip to go to my friend's ordination is about $400.

In the grand scheme of things... $400 is very little against $38K. It's $1.2K next month against my loans instead of $1.6K. I haven't been spending on [i]anything[/i] but gas and loan payments for the past eight months.

But I feel guilty spending any of my money on anything but my student loans when there are folks helping me out financially.

...on the other hand, this is the ordination of one of my best friends! To the priesthood!

I don't know.

What do you guys think? What is most prudent?

[xSilverPhinx]

Maybe you could talk to the people who are helping you out financially? Their loans can be adjusted (maybe you could try paying them back somehow or work something out) whereas the ordination of your friend will happen once and if you miss it, you miss it.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='xSilverPhinx' timestamp='1305610695' post='2242675']
Maybe you could talk to the people who are helping you out financially? Their loans can be adjusted (maybe you could try paying them back somehow or work something out) whereas the ordination of your friend will happen once and if you miss it, you miss it.
[/quote]

Well, see, this is where my dilemma really comes in. The folks helping me out- they have done so out of pure charity. They've donated so as to help me enter sooner rather than later. So basically I have myself, plus others, helping to pay off my student loans.

[OnlySunshine]

I think if I were in your shoes, I'd feel incredibly guilty about spending money on something when I really need to pay off loans. I was in a similar situation with credit card debt and my mom helped me understand that it was more important to get the bills paid rather than spend it on something that I really didn't need. I think it would probably be best if you saved the $400 and send your friend a spiritual bouquet and prayers. They are really the most important as he is going to need them in this critical time. I'm sure if you told him the situation, he'd probably want you to put the money towards the loans, too. Hope this helped!

[xSilverPhinx]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1305610994' post='2242677']
Well, see, this is where my dilemma really comes in. The folks helping me out- they have done so out of pure charity. They've donated so as to help me enter sooner rather than later. So basically I have myself, plus others, helping to pay off my student loans.
[/quote]

As MaterMisericordae, then maybe you could talk to your friend about it, and he'll sort out your dilemma for you.

[Amppax]

Well, like others have said, you're friend will only be ordained once. I would suggest going, but would also suggest talking it over with those that are helping to pay off your student loans. I'm fairly certain that they would be supportive and understand that you want to go to your friends ordination.

[xSilverPhinx]

At the root of things, does your dilemma have to do with which situation would make you the least selfish person in another's eyes?

If you go, you'll feel guilty because people are paying to help you speed up your student loans and you spend a bit to go see your friend's ordination. On the other hand, he's your friend and if you don't go, you feel guilty because it would be selfish to spend other people's charity money for anything other than the purpose it was intended for.

Does this have anything to do with it? If so, then I think that it would be more selfish to spend the money than visit your friend.

(I'm not calling you selfish or anything, but describing the possible feeling that you're struggling with?)

Thing is, I don't think that, if he's your friend, he'll see you choosing to not go and instead use the money for the loan as selfish of you.

[Don John of Austria]

I am deeply saddened that a religious order you are joining will not assume your debt.

Go, to your friends ordination. It will never happen again, but your student loans will still be there.

[organwerke]

Ok, it is true I did not donate a very big amount for you but even if in an extremely little measure I am one of those who contributed with some cents to help your vocation, and so, as far as I am concerned, I'd tell you: go, and don't feel guilty about this. You say you've spent money only for basical needs these last months and so once in a year you can make an excpetion, especially for a very important event like this one.
Also, you can think this way: you do not spend the money that people donate for you to go, but the money you've earned with your work.
So, there is really no reason to feel guilty.

[Vincent Vega]

The Gospel according to St. John, Chapter 12

3
Mary took a liter of costly perfumed oil made from genuine aromatic nard and anointed the feet of Jesus 2 and dried them with her hair; the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil.
4
Then Judas the Iscariot, one (of) his disciples, and the one who would betray him, said,
5
"Why was this oil not sold for three hundred days' wages 3 and given to the poor?"
6
He said this not because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief and held the money bag and used to steal the contributions.
7
So Jesus said, "Leave her alone. Let her keep this for the day of my burial. 4
8
You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me."

I think this works here.

[faithcecelia]

I would go. A good friend of mine was ordained while I was in Carmel and while I prayed for him during the day, of course, I would have given anything to have been there with him on the day - I know he would most certainly come to my profession.

I too had to delay entering due to debt, so I do understand how hard that is, but to me an ordination isn't like a birthday party or whatever, its a major step in his life and I'm sure he would love you to be there.

[EcceNovaFacioOmni]

Go! In the grand scheme of things, you'll forget you entered religious life two-three weeks later because you attended your friends ordination. You'll be fighting the good fight in the Church together, after all. This is a holy event, and you never know what Providence has in store for you there. Don't feel guilty - you're not going to a rock concert!

[AccountDeleted]

By the time the debt is all paid off and you are ready to enter, you will no doubt have at least $400 left over. You are just spending it in advance. Think in boxes - you are not using donated money for this trip, you are using your own money - and the donated money is still paying off the debt. If you don't, you will start questioning every item you buy! You are an adult and can make some of the tough decisions. Pray about it and then do what seems like the right thing - without guilt or fear of what others might think of you.

Personally, I would go. If anyone objects, offer to pay them back $400 later when you can. Think of it as just adding $400 to the overall debt.


PS - This not only a once in a lifetime event for your friend, it is important for two other reasons as well - priests need our support - especially new ones, and receiving his first blessing can only help your vocation plans! Go and have a blessed time!

Edited May 17, 2011 by nunsense

[Luigi]

Go, in the name of all that's holy.
1.Your friend will be ordained only once.
2. Attending is not being self-indulgent, it's being supportive.
3. Catholicism is all about communion - 'with unity' - and celebrating that one-ness.
4. The time, the cost, the trouble you go to - they're indications of the importance and holiness of an ordination.
5. You've been very disciplined about paying your debt down - you'll go back to being disciplined after this once-in-a-lifetime ordination.
6. You're not diverting other people's contributions away from your debt - you'll be spending your own hard-earned money. I think your donors - as organwerke demonstrates - would support your going.
7. Church history is [i]rife[/i] with holy friendships - De Sales/De Chantal, De Marillac/De Paul, Teresa of Avila/John of the Cross, Alacoque/De La Colombiere, Duchesne/De Smet, among many others. We could use more of that these days.

And if there are any leftovers from the reception, snatch 'em up & bring 'em home - it'll reduce next week's grocery bill.

[Cherie]

Heck yes, GO!

I think there is a certain mentality that as long as we have a goal to attain, we need to do [i]every little thing [/i]in order to attain it; you see it everywhere! Certain workplaces, unfortunately, promote this kind of thing, and it's a shame. People work work work thinking that it's wrong to take a minute to breathe because that is wasting a minute they could use to get something done. The same thing happens with people and their money -- not spending a cent on themselves for a legitimate treat because they could use that money to attain their goal.

Actually in religious life, our Superior would often remind us that it's just as important to treat ourselves every now and then. We need time to "refresh and refill" and God [i]wants[/i] us to be happy and sit down and enjoy the things He has given us sometimes. That sort of exacting use of our time and money can actually do [i]harm[/i] and cause us to be resentful, angry, etc. And it's not like you're spending $400 on something frivolous, or even for another "legitimate" kind of treat for yourself, it's for your [i]friend's[/i] ordination!

So yes, I definitely say go. I am sure, in the spirit of charity and a true understanding of the needs of human nature, the people who have given you money would not mind one bit.