My Visit To Kirk Edge

[faithcecelia]

I got home late last night but was too tired to write about how it went, so here goes

I was met off the coach by the lovely lady who looks after the guest house. She was ever so sweet, showing me round the flat and then walking up to the monastery with me to introduce me. There was a funeral notice in the reception and she told me it was for her husband, I was very touched that she was still looking after me in her grief.

The turn sister greeted me and asked if I wanted a tea or coffee, before telling me where to go to get it. She said Mother would come to the grille soon. So I went and collected my coffee (and biscuits ) and waited....after a while the turn sister called through and said she thought she might have got it wrong and could I go upstairs to one of the parlours where Mother was waiting, so I did and there was no one there! After another few minutes of missing each other, we finally met!

I loved her instantly! She was so easy to talk to and I felt very comfortable with her. She told me that my old prioress had emailed her about me, singing my praises! That sort of hit a raw spot as more than anything I would love to return to them, but nevermind . So Mother and I talked for quite a long time - about my journey, all that has happened, etc. She also told me she had visited Quidenham for a long weekend many years ago when she and Q's then prioress (who was my first NM) were on the Assosiation together, which threw me slightly as I know they do not now belong to an Assosiation and I didn't realise that the 1990 communities had chosen to step back, so to speak, I had thought they had just chosen to not move forward. She asked me about some of the sisters she had met then which was sweet that she remembered so much after so long, but also brought some sadness to me as I love my sisters so much and miss them so much

By the time we had finished the parlour vespers was over and they were in prayertime. (Strangely, most of the parlours overlapped with the Office, so I got to very little, which I found slightly odd). I hadn't had a wash or whatever so I went to the flat and got myself organised.

I was very well fed throughout the weekend - it seems you [i]always[/i] get overfed by nuns!!! Thankfully it was so dramatically so that I didn't feel guilty leaving over half! I went to Compline and had a little cry - Psalm 88, Friday compline, has meant an awful lot to me over the time since I left Q, I now have part of it tattooed on my arm. I then went back to the flat and slept extremely well!

I saw Mother again Saturday morning, where she ran me through some of their way of life, specifically focusing on the hardest bits. This was, unfortunately, where I realised that it is unlikely I will find myself entering there. The day to day austerities are neither here nor there, and actually there were a few things where I think its harder at Q, but I had not realised they still took the Discipline and that is something I have quite strong feelings about. For anyone who doesn't know about this, its a rope cat'o'nine tails that they whip themselves with 3 times a week - 2 short periods, then a longer one on a Friday. I personally cannot justify this for myself (each will have their own views, I accept, but I don't feel comfortable with it). I feel quite strongly that it is one thing to accept whatever sufferings God allows us to gladly and with love, but I do not believe God asks me to choose to inflict pain on ourselves by choice - Christ accepted his flogging and crucifixion, he didn't do it to himself.

In the afternoon I met most of the sisters - 8 in all I think out of the 11 there. They were all lovely! I felt very welcome and very loved. I was a little suprised that they had been told so much about me in such a short space of time, and it meant I had to whizz through some very hard memories and feelings to talk to them, but it was all good. They have a new German sister who has only been there 3 months, I can't put my finger on it exactly and where the differences in the veil are, but hers was slightly more angular and she reminded me ever so much of Edith Stein! The novice mistress was fairly quiet but I could see from her body language that she was taking in every word I said!

I saw Mother again very briefly just before my supper and she asked if I would bring my friend Craig up with me when he picked me up as she wanted to meet this man who has been such an amazing part of my life and the best friend a girl could ask for (we had been a couple and about to get married til I heard God call me to be a nun. He supported me whole heartedly, and was also my rock when Q sent me away. He is now discerning his own vocation ) which I did.

I loved the church, I love Carmelite churches full stop, they are always so simply and beautiful, and I felt a real peace there. The kneeler, though, was unbelievably uncomfortable!

So anyway, that is briefly how my weekend went. I am so glad i went there and it is with some sadness I say its not for me. they are obviously a good community, all the 'vibes' were right, its just not for me.

[AccountDeleted]

Faith - what a lovely report! It took a lot of courage for you to deal with all those feelings. I am so amazed at the way God works though because you were asked to leave Q and want so much to go back there. I was asked to leave KE and never wanted to leave there! So when I hear about you being welcomed at KE but wanting Q instead it is so much like me having to check out other communities when my heart is at KE! God does treat His friends very strangely indeed! lol We are both learning to trust Him though, in all things, remembering that it is only because He loves us that He treats us this way. After all, " ...the hand that hurts is also the hand that heals."

Thank you for the report - did you say hello to Mother for me??

Edited May 16, 2011 by nunsense

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1305541527' post='2242238']
Faith - what a lovely report! It took a lot of courage for you to deal with all those feelings. I am so amazed at the way God works though because you were asked to leave Q and want so much to go back there. I was asked to leave KE and never wanted to leave there! So when I hear about you being welcomed at KE but wanting Q instead it is so much like me having to check out other communities when my heart is at KE! God does treat His friends very strangely indeed! lol We are both learning to trust Him though, in all things, remembering that it is only because He loves us that He treats us this way. After all, " ...the hand that hurts is also the hand that heals."

Thank you for the report - did you say hello to Mother for me??
[/quote]



Yes I said hello for you, and Mother described you as 'A lovely girl'

Yes, it is strange how things work out. I have just heard again from the prioress at Quidenham today, and everytime I do it makes it all that bit harder I know that I am subconciously looking for a second Q, and I know I will never find it. And discernment is so hard when I still believe that that is where I was meant to be.

I think St Teresa had it spot on when she said 'Its no wonder God has so few friends, when you look at how he treats them'! But I am his friend for life and I am just trying to keep my eyes on him and my ears open to his voice.

[Sr Marianne]

Thank you for sharing the story of your visit. Holding you in prayer as you continue to discern. Have you heard about the Invocation weekend that is coming up in June? I would strongly recommend it for anyone in discernment in the UK - a national event with over 400 attending last year. It includes all kinds of vocations to the consecrated life of all spiritualities.
http://www.invocation.org.uk/home.html

I went last year it was very good - maybe I'll see some phatmassers there this year.
God bless.


[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1305538585' post='2242233']
I got home late last night but was too tired to write about how it went, so here goes

I was met off the coach by the lovely lady who looks after the guest house. She was ever so sweet, showing me round the flat and then walking up to the monastery with me to introduce me. There was a funeral notice in the reception and she told me it was for her husband, I was very touched that she was still looking after me in her grief.

The turn sister greeted me and asked if I wanted a tea or coffee, before telling me where to go to get it. She said Mother would come to the grille soon. So I went and collected my coffee (and biscuits ) and waited....after a while the turn sister called through and said she thought she might have got it wrong and could I go upstairs to one of the parlours where Mother was waiting, so I did and there was no one there! After another few minutes of missing each other, we finally met!

I loved her instantly! She was so easy to talk to and I felt very comfortable with her. She told me that my old prioress had emailed her about me, singing my praises! That sort of hit a raw spot as more than anything I would love to return to them, but nevermind . So Mother and I talked for quite a long time - about my journey, all that has happened, etc. She also told me she had visited Quidenham for a long weekend many years ago when she and Q's then prioress (who was my first NM) were on the Assosiation together, which threw me slightly as I know they do not now belong to an Assosiation and I didn't realise that the 1990 communities had chosen to step back, so to speak, I had thought they had just chosen to not move forward. She asked me about some of the sisters she had met then which was sweet that she remembered so much after so long, but also brought some sadness to me as I love my sisters so much and miss them so much

By the time we had finished the parlour vespers was over and they were in prayertime. (Strangely, most of the parlours overlapped with the Office, so I got to very little, which I found slightly odd). I hadn't had a wash or whatever so I went to the flat and got myself organised.

I was very well fed throughout the weekend - it seems you [i]always[/i] get overfed by nuns!!! Thankfully it was so dramatically so that I didn't feel guilty leaving over half! I went to Compline and had a little cry - Psalm 88, Friday compline, has meant an awful lot to me over the time since I left Q, I now have part of it tattooed on my arm. I then went back to the flat and slept extremely well!

I saw Mother again Saturday morning, where she ran me through some of their way of life, specifically focusing on the hardest bits. This was, unfortunately, where I realised that it is unlikely I will find myself entering there. The day to day austerities are neither here nor there, and actually there were a few things where I think its harder at Q, but I had not realised they still took the Discipline and that is something I have quite strong feelings about. For anyone who doesn't know about this, its a rope cat'o'nine tails that they whip themselves with 3 times a week - 2 short periods, then a longer one on a Friday. I personally cannot justify this for myself (each will have their own views, I accept, but I don't feel comfortable with it). I feel quite strongly that it is one thing to accept whatever sufferings God allows us to gladly and with love, but I do not believe God asks me to choose to inflict pain on ourselves by choice - Christ accepted his flogging and crucifixion, he didn't do it to himself.

In the afternoon I met most of the sisters - 8 in all I think out of the 11 there. They were all lovely! I felt very welcome and very loved. I was a little suprised that they had been told so much about me in such a short space of time, and it meant I had to whizz through some very hard memories and feelings to talk to them, but it was all good. They have a new German sister who has only been there 3 months, I can't put my finger on it exactly and where the differences in the veil are, but hers was slightly more angular and she reminded me ever so much of Edith Stein! The novice mistress was fairly quiet but I could see from her body language that she was taking in every word I said!

I saw Mother again very briefly just before my supper and she asked if I would bring my friend Craig up with me when he picked me up as she wanted to meet this man who has been such an amazing part of my life and the best friend a girl could ask for (we had been a couple and about to get married til I heard God call me to be a nun. He supported me whole heartedly, and was also my rock when Q sent me away. He is now discerning his own vocation ) which I did.

I loved the church, I love Carmelite churches full stop, they are always so simply and beautiful, and I felt a real peace there. The kneeler, though, was unbelievably uncomfortable!

So anyway, that is briefly how my weekend went. I am so glad i went there and it is with some sadness I say its not for me. they are obviously a good community, all the 'vibes' were right, its just not for me.
[/quote]

[Lisa]

Prayers as you continue your discernment. God has a special place, waiting for you. With His grace, you will find it. May Our Lady give you the courage to say "yes" to something unexpected!

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='Sr Marianne' timestamp='1305572927' post='2242404']
Thank you for sharing the story of your visit. Holding you in prayer as you continue to discern. Have you heard about the Invocation weekend that is coming up in June? I would strongly recommend it for anyone in discernment in the UK - a national event with over 400 attending last year. It includes all kinds of vocations to the consecrated life of all spiritualities.
[url="http://www.invocation.org.uk/home.html"]http://www.invocation.org.uk/home.html[/url]

I went last year it was very good - maybe I'll see some phatmassers there this year.
God bless.



[/quote]

I hadn't heard of this, so thanks. I will give it some thought, but travel to anywhere is so long and expensive for me (Im living on the Isle of Wight) that its probably unlikely - my next community to visit is waaaay down in Cornwall too! However I will keep everyone involved in prayer.

[Yaatee]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1305582565' post='2242519']
I hadn't heard of this, so thanks. I will give it some thought, but travel to anywhere is so long and expensive for me (Im living on the Isle of Wight) that its probably unlikely - my next community to visit is waaaay down in Cornwall too! However I will keep everyone involved in prayer.
[/quote]

Faith, have you considered Wolverhampton? Nunsense was there for several months.

There's quite a list of Carmels in the UK, including England and Wales.

[url="http://www.carmelnuns.org.uk/index.php?module=pagemaster&PAGE_user_op=view_page&PAGE_id=13&MMN_position=17:17"]http://www.carmelnun..._position=17:17[/url]


I think that you are basically a vegan and shouldn't have difficulty in a Carmel as a vegan. Your protein can come from soy, beans and lentils. You could try milk-based products that are lactose-free or with lactose pills. You might end up doing much or most of the cooking as you did in Quidenham. You would need vit B12 shots now and then. Was your digestion your only problem at Quidenham? I haven't had the opportunity to review all of our posts. It sounds as if they want you back!

[MargaretTeresa]

I'm praying for you, Faith!

[faithcecelia]

Thank you all!! Im dusting myself off, again, and writing my next letter!

[faithcecelia]

Thank you all!! Im dusting myself off, again, and writing my next letter!

[faithcecelia]

Thank you all!! Im dusting myself off, again, and writing my next letter!

[BarbTherese]

Hi faithcecilia

I wonder - are you dusting yourself off again and writing your next letter by any chance?

Keeping you in prayer for your discernment journey

God bless - Barb

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Prayers going your way!

I'm glad, though, that you had a nice visit with the sisters and that the food was excellent. One place I have NEVER been hungry is when I'm around sisters. One order makes the [b]best[/b] soup ever. Another makes yummy pirogues.

Yum, yum, yum.

Good luck on your letters! They're always hard for me to do...

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1305620807' post='2242720']
Hi faithcecilia

I wonder - are you dusting yourself off again and writing your next letter by any chance?

Keeping you in prayer for your discernment journey

God bless - Barb
[/quote]


Whoops!!For some reason this site and my pc keep giving triple posts!

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1305627476' post='2242723']
Prayers going your way!

Good luck on your letters! They're always hard for me to do...
[/quote]


Theyre not easy are they? I now have a standard one for my emails, but this is a little different as I know the prioress and she actually asked me to consider them, so I need to say yes okay lets see.