Dimentia. Alzheimers. Advice?

[dUSt]

So my grandma is living in an assisted living facility. She has dementia and early stages of Alzheimer's. At this point, she forgets a lot and repeats things quite often. We originally moved my grandparents into an assisted living place because my grandpa was in poor health, and my grandma would forget to give him his meds and often forget to feed him. Well, he passed away a few months back, so now it's just my grandma. Besides her forgetfulness, she's in great health. She takes care of herself for the most part and occasionally ventures out to her car (we are still trying to figure out how to take her car away--I think an unexplained mechanical breakdown is coming in the near future). With that said, she absolutely wouldn't be able to keep track of her meds if it wasn't for the assisted living place.

So here's the dilemma...

Even though the assisted living place is literally right next door to her parish, which she loves, she says she's very unhappy living there and wants to move back to her old house. We still have the house, and it is being maintained by family. She has 8 kids, and there is basically a 50/50 split down the middle of my family. 1/2 of the brothers and sisters want to let her move back home, and the other 1/2 want her to stay in the assisted living place. If she moves back home, I think the plan would be to have an available grandchild live with her to make sure her meds stay in order, and possibly have a nurse/caregiver come in once or twice a week. Obviously, the alternative would be to keep her in the assisted living place where everything is handled.

I know it's impossible to give good advice without knowing all the people involved, but I was hoping to get some general advice from people who might have had to go through something similar?

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

+JMJ

Assisted Living can be difficult for everyone. All the comforts and familiarity of home is taken away or made strange. I know sometimes it can take time to adjust to big changes, but if she can stay at home with someone to look after her, that would be best, especially if it is just a matter of making sure meds are in order and that she stays safe. It ensures things stay familiar, which I think is important for someone with dementia/Alzheimer's. I think it is important to have family there to care for you in your last years.

Assisted living facilities can be sad, sterile places. I don't blame your grandma for not wanting to stay there. It can be a 'dumping ground', so to speak.

[CatherineM]

When my dad started with dementia, he willingly gave up his car keys. He could go to and from places he was used to driving to, but a new place, and he got confused, and scared. Familiarity is key. If she has lived long enough at the assisted living in order to have acclimatized to it, I'd say to leave her there. If it has been a short time, she may want to go home just because it is familiar. Having someone live with her would be a necessity, because she may forget that she has left the stove on, or the water in the bathtub. Keeping her mind active, and her body, will help slow the symptoms down. That means exercise and getting out to talk to people every day. If she is in good health otherwise, you might want to add the supplements of ginkgo and turmeric. Both can help with brain functioning. If she moves back home, make sure all the furniture and plates and stuff have remained in the same place. Don't move anything unless it proves to be a trip hazard. It's a delicate balance between keeping things familiar while still exercising her brain.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='Piccoli Fiori JMJ' timestamp='1304612789' post='2237530']
+JMJ

Assisted Living can be difficult for everyone. All the comforts and familiarity of home is taken away or made strange. I know sometimes it can take time to adjust to big changes, but if she can stay at home with someone to look after her, that would be best, especially if it is just a matter of making sure meds are in order and that she stays safe. It ensures things stay familiar, which I think is important for someone with dementia/Alzheimer's. I think it is important to have family there to care for you in your last years.

Assisted living facilities can be sad, sterile places. I don't blame your grandma for not wanting to stay there. It can be a 'dumping ground', so to speak.
[/quote]

Yeah, I pretty much agree.

Also, being in a place that is familiar to your grandmother will help with some of the memory losses. She's likely to remember more when there are more 'triggers' for memories.

I wish we'd never have sent my grandmother to assisted living... but there were no other options for our family. If the option is available... let her come home.

[MithLuin]

Yes, being in strange places can make the dementia far worse.

My grandmother was just 'forgetful' but otherwise mostly lucid in her last years. But...when she went into the hospital or a care facility, the novel environment and difficulty sleeping made her much crazier. She'd forget her parents had died and would give her address as the house she grew up in. At home...she didn't usually make mistakes like that, though she did forget conversations she had with people.

But if it is Alzheimers...it's going to get worse. Maybe even much, much worse. While a child may be able to live with her and look after her now, it's important to realize that a nurse dropping in once a week may not cut it later. If the decision is made to bring her home, keep in mind that she might have to be moved into a care facility later, and that might prove even more disruptive.

Certainly, if a parent can be kept at home, that is better. But if the dementia makes the person belligerent and a danger to themselves and others, it may not be a good solution. Basically, it's going to depend upon whether someone is willing to live with her, and that person has to make the choice.

[MIKolbe]

I like the staying at home, with one of the grandkids living with her..for the simple reason she is family; and if she can stay 'with family', then she should.

For me, this is less of a medical issue (as she is in great health), and more of a family issue...at least to me.

[Era Might]

Who wants to live/die being taken care of by people who get paid to do it? Family is what people need. It's sad we live in a society where taking care of the sick and elderly is no longer a family matter. I know sometimes people have no choice...but it's a pretty sad commentary on our society when family can no longer care for each other.

Edited May 5, 2011 by Era Might