Inappropriate Attraction ... To Men In Cassocks

[Cam42]

[quote name='jaime (the artist formerly known as hot stuff)' timestamp='1303575148' post='2231399']
I wonder if Father Amazing was secretly thinking "Well what's wrong with MY butt?"
[/quote]

Prolly not, since she didn't give details. I would be willing to bet that he was dealing in generalities with regard to lustful thoughts.

[Jaime]

[quote name='Cam42' timestamp='1303536112' post='2231311']
Not that I have any reason to doubt you, but you must have one active imagination....

I wear a cassock a lot, I mean alot...and I have never been able to see my butt in my cassock. Not that I've looked very much, but mine is tailored to fit me and while it fits much like a suit on the top, it becomes flowing just above the hips. There really is nothing to see....

Even when I wear my fascia, which brings my waist more into play, there still isn't anything to see, really...

Hmmm....

Follow your confessor's advice. If it is something that you cannot overcome, then I would strongly suggest that you avoid being at Mass during the times that Father is there....until the feelings pass. It isn't fair to you, to your husband, or to Father.
[/quote]

I've seen you at mass. You put the a** in cassock


HAHAHA I just reread it and realized it could be taken in two ways.

I meant the nice way

[Jaime]

[quote name='BramletAbercrombie' timestamp='1303533478' post='2231303']
No, I'm serious about the whole cute priest in a cassock thing. I've been using the imagine putting a cross over this priest, heretofore referred to as Father Hawtie, and I've also been using the "snap the wrist with a rubber band" method of distracting myself from inappropriate thoughts, and that seems to be helping.

One of my biggest weaknesses and pattern of sinful thoughts, like most people I imagine, is wanting what you can't have. Priests and other religious dream of the "what ifs" of children and spouses, and marrieds dream of the "what ifs" of giving up the stresses of marriage and work and living a peaceful life of prayer in a cloister. And marrieds fantasize about people who are not about their spouses. I totally agree in another hypothesis of "Man In Uniform" being a cool thing. It's just so nice to see someone with discipline, and an eye towards God. My husband does not go to church with me, and has never been a practicing Catholic although he was baptized as a child. So it would be nice to have someone in my life who prays with me and who understands why I spend so much time on my knees.

I also keep trying to superimpose Christ's face on Father Hawtie's face, to remind me of his role in my life. The second priest in our Latin Mass parish, heretofore referred to as Father Amazing, gives some of the most amazing homilies I've ever heard. Last night, at Holy Thursday, Fr. Amazing talked about priests and the role of priests. He talked about Judas priests and the scandals in the church, and said while there truly is a plague in the church of heretic priests, that the reason a person goes to church is not because of their relationship to their priest, but their relationship to Christ. He went on after that, but it kind of stuck in my head. He then talked about the sacraments and the authority of a priest to say words over bread and wine and turn them into the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ. Talk about putting things in perspective.

That being said, I did catch myself looking at Father Hawtie's butt in the cassock three times today. That man can rock a cassock, holy cow.

I talked to Fr. Amazing in the confessional yesterday a bit about my "inappropriate thoughts" (didn't even give a hint as to details). He gathered that they were lustful in nature, and gave me a good prayer to help stop the thoughts - "In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind the spirit of [insert sin here] and cast you to the foot of the cross." That helps the thoughts at least stay away from the "Oh, that's just not an appropriate thought at all" territory and keep it in the "too numerous for my personal comfort, but at least in the appropriate topic" zone. He also suggested that if this prayer doesn't help to take some Holy Water home and do a shot in the morning with my three Hail Mary's. He said that the forces that are at work could be more than a run-of-the-mill bad spirit and could take a bit of work to get out of my head. Here's hoping it works.

Thank goodness I ended up confessing to Fr. Amazing and not Fr. Hawtie. "Bless me Father for I have sinned ... I can't stop looking at your butt and your smile makes me stupid." I cannot imagine that ending well at all. I was seriously sweating it. Again, I wish I was kidding.

I feel confident that when Lent is over, and I'm not spending nearly the time in that church as I am now, these thoughts will subside. But seriously, they're borderline tortuous. The thoughts are both ridonk and inappropriate and take me away from the spiritual aspects of the Mass and take me far, far away to modes that take a couple of Hail Mary's to shake. I was kind of hoping that by just acknowledging these thoughts, both to you strangers and in the confessional, that the thoughts would slowly begin to ebb away. No luck as of yet.
[/quote]

Seriously though I'm guessing that a big part of the attraction is the forbidden fruit part of it. I'm guessing if you saw him on the street before you knew he was a priest, he'd still be good looking but wouldn't have the same level of attraction.

[Cam42]

[quote name='jaime (the artist formerly known as hot stuff) (the artist formerly known as hot stuff)' timestamp='1303576761' post='2231405']
I've seen you at mass. You put the a** in cassock


HAHAHA I just reread it and realized it could be taken in two ways.

I meant the nice way
[/quote]

I figured...

On a serious note, you can't see my glutes here:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/camilam42/Church/1-3-2011079.jpg[/IMG]
(I'm next to Father)

or here:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/camilam42/Church/1-3-2011085.jpg[/IMG]
(I'm next to Father)

or here:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/camilam42/Church/MementooftheLiving.jpg[/IMG]
(and I'm bent over, still next to Father)

or even here:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/camilam42/Church/EtIncarnatusEst.jpg[/IMG]
(side profile)

Nope, no butts there...

On the otherhand, that sure is a great show of me reppin' the Church and being a participatory Catholic (activa and actuosa), isn't it?

Edited April 23, 2011 by Cam42

[BramletAbercrombie]

Well, yeah, when a priest is wearing an alb and a cassock and a chasuble and a few other layers, the backside is rather obscure. But when it's just the black cassock and black cincture, the folds in the back of the cassock below the waist have the ability to accent the natural anatomy quite nicely.

That being said, I have a bit of an anecdote about Fr. Hawtie. I manage to talk the hubby into going to Vigil Mass at the FSSP parish last night. As we were driving home, we were talking about the mass, and he said "That younger priest is a bit of a hottie." I said back, "Yes, his butt does look nice in the cassock."

I am totally not kidding.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='BramletAbercrombie' timestamp='1303692590' post='2231988']
Well, yeah, when a priest is wearing an alb and a cassock and a chasuble and a few other layers, the backside is rather obscure. But when it's just the black cassock and black cincture, the folds in the back of the cassock below the waist have the ability to accent the natural anatomy quite nicely.

That being said, I have a bit of an anecdote about Fr. Hawtie. I manage to talk the hubby into going to Vigil Mass at the FSSP parish last night. As we were driving home, we were talking about the mass, and he said "That younger priest is a bit of a hottie." I said back, "Yes, his butt does look nice in the cassock."

I am totally not kidding.
[/quote]
Wow. He's so attractive that straight men fall for him too!

[Nihil Obstat]

I wonder if I have a long lost twin brother...

[tnavarro61]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1303693240' post='2231991']
I wonder if I have a long lost twin brother...
[/quote]

I've been looking for mine for a long time.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Where is your husband in all this? Could your strong attraction for the priest(s) be a signal that you need to spend more time in a romantic way with your husband. Is there a side of your marriage that isn't fulfilling enough right now? Would it help to take some of the feelings you have for the priest(s), and remind yourself why you fell in love and married your husband in the first place? If I'm off base I apologize. Since I don't know you, I'm just looking for possible solutions, but don't have any idea how well they apply.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='Cam42' timestamp='1303586741' post='2231469']
On a serious note, you can't see my glutes here:
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/camilam42/Church/1-3-2011079.jpg[/img]
(I'm next to Father)


or here:
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/camilam42/Church/MementooftheLiving.jpg[/img]
(and I'm bent over, still next to Father)

Nope, no butts there...

[/quote]


TMI dude.

Edited April 25, 2011 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[MIKolbe]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5EmnQp3V48&feature=related[/media]

[BramletAbercrombie]

[quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' timestamp='1303694022' post='2231994']
Where is your husband in all this? Could your strong attraction for the priest(s) be a signal that you need to spend more time in a romantic way with your husband. Is there a side of your marriage that isn't fulfilling enough right now? Would it help to take some of the feelings you have for the priest(s), and remind yourself why you fell in love and married your husband in the first place? If I'm off base I apologize. Since I don't know you, I'm just looking for possible solutions, but don't have any idea how well they apply.
[/quote]

To answer your questions: My husband is at home. He doesn't go to church with me. He was baptized as a child, but never went to church except on rare occasions with his grandmother. He was never catechized, and has not received first communion, first reconciliation or confirmation. I pray for him constantly that his heart will be softened and that he will be touched as I was when I decided to convert. I also have a blessed Green Scapular in our bedroom and pray to Mary every day for her intercession in the conversion of all unrepentant souls, but especially my husband.

I would love to spend more romantic time with my husband. However, due to many reasons (some medical, some emotional), we struggle with that issue regularly. I have no doubt that our issues have repercussions way past the door of our bedroom. But that's a whole separate issue, and another one I have been working through in the confessional as well.

I love my husband very much. We are very loving, and tell each other every day multiple times a day. We also take care of each other, and are each other's best friend. When we are not working, and I am not in church, we are together. Many people sin by dreaming of life in a different vocation, and I struggle with finding a balance in my prayer life and my vocation of marriage quite often, and it just gets worse during Lent. I take myself away from time I would like to spend praying and adoring God in front of the Eucharist in repose to go home and work on my vocation of marriage. It's a very hard dance to do.

Also, that being said, many times in my life I've found myself throwing myself into a new passion, whether it be a new hobby, a new exercise or diet program, or a new devotion to God and Christ. Sometimes with those new passions comes a rather unpleasant "ride-along". For example, in a new diet I might find that I have an obsessive need to eat a particular thing every single day, or in exercise I may find I exercise to the point of injury. In this case, in my new found devotion to Christ and to a new passion for spending time in front of the Eucharist, I'm finding this nasty case of transference of adoration from the body, blood, soul and divinity of Christ to the person who brings that beauty into the world. Who also happens to be smoking hot in a cassock.

And seriously, it's not like I'm attracted to his great personality. I've never even said Hello to him before. If I see him, he's either performing the Mass, or he's rushing to or from the confessional booth. I've never confessed to him either, I've always confessed to the other Father.

In confession, Fr. Amazing gave a few suggestions to battle any outside influences that could be pushing my buttons and making these obsessive thoughts turn into sinful thoughts. I'll see if I can do these steps and make a dent in these thoughts.

Edited April 25, 2011 by BramletAbercrombie

[Lil Red]

you have my prayers in your battle of temptation.

[BramletAbercrombie]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1303708932' post='2232262']
you have my prayers in your battle of temptation.
[/quote]

I appreciate them. I keep hoping that by talking about them, the ridiculousness of the entire situation will end and the thoughts will stop. I mean, seriously, this is beyond stupid. Here's hoping I can get these thoughts out of my head.

[Nihil Obstat]

It just occurred to me to share with you [url="http://seraphicsinglescummings.blogspot.com/2010/01/how-not-to-be-crushed-by-crushes.html"]this article[/url]:

How Not to Be Crushed by Crushes
Almost everyone gets crushes. What is a crush? A crush is a strong, usually inordinate, attachment to another human being. It is not necessarily sexual. Most twelve-year-old girls who get crushes on older girls either already or eventually get crushes on boys, too. My very first crush object was Speedy Gonzales, the cartoon mouse. My second crush object was a little boy named Richie. Like Speedy Gonzales he was short. He had long eyelashes, too. Strange that I can remember that after 32 years, but there you go.

Crushes are uncomfortable, and if unrequited, they become acutely painful. In an ideal world, you would never get one until you were 26, had an income, got a crush on a cute person at Mass who got an instant crush on you, too. Then, after some shy glances across a crowded parish hall, he/she would come up to you and chat, and eventually ask you for coffee, and then for dinner, and then, after six happy sinfree months, to marry him/her. But this is not an ideal world.

If the adult you has a crush, the best thing to do is to get rid of it as soon as possible. Either turn your crush into courtship or let it go. Let it go onto the breeze. Yes, this IS easier said than done.

Crush into Courtship

If you are a man, you traditionally have more options than women do. If you see a girl, and find her attractive, the most proper thing you can do is find a mutual friend and ask for an introduction. This mutual friend may also be a helpful source of information. He or she might be able to warn you right away if the girl is engaged or almost-engaged or has a lousy reputation for breaking hearts left and right.

This information should not be taken as a challenge but as a caution. Meet the girl regardless, but use your head. Meanwhile, in Catholic and student activities, you can usually skip the formal-introduction-by-a-mutual-friend-stage, and just talk to the girl. Actually listen to what she says to get clues to her character. Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, and go look up the rest in Proverb 30.

If you are a woman, you can do things the old-fashioned way and be safe, or you can do things the feminist way and fall flat on your face. Again, the most proper way to meet someone is to get a mutual friend with insider knowledge to introduce you.

It's less traditional, but you do have the power to go up to a man and say "Hi". In general, a man who is very much attracted to a woman looks at her a few times before deciding if he should go up to her or not. (Keep an eye out for this guy before going up to Mr. Cute Guy You Saw First.) If you go up to a guy and talk to him, and he keeps looking at another woman, forget him. Forget him NOW. But if you are at a party glancing at a man, and he keeps glancing at you, and you like the look of him, smile. This should be encouragement enough. If instead of coming up to you he shyly ducks his head and runs away, well, uh... Maybe he'll screw up some courage later, like when he grows up. Boys seem to take longer to grow up. And how annoying is that?

Both men and women can say, "I'd love to continue this chat over coffee..."

The courting man then adds, "How about Tuesday? What's your number?" The courted woman, if she's NOT interested, can now say "Oh, Tuesday's not good. I'm so booked up right now. I don't know when coffee could happen. I'm so busy. I'll get back to you." (This is "no" in womantalk.) But if she is interested, she can say "Tuesday's bad. Maybe Saturday? Here's my number."

But the courting woman should add, merely, "...sometime. See you!" If the courted man is interested in the courting woman by the end of their little chat, he will ask her for her number/email or look her up on Facebook. And he will say/text "What about that coffee?"


The very worst thing you can do, as a Single person of marriageable age, is do nothing and yet let your crush grow and grow without ever really getting to know the person you have a crush on. Your imagination will build an imaginary person to go with the near-stranger you think you're in love with. And eventually you will either grow angry with this imaginary person, or you will grow angry with the real person for not being the imaginary person in your head. Deliberately feeding an inordinate desire is a sin. Pray for detachment, and don't you dare get angry with an innocent person for your own out-of-control need for him/her to "love" you. Don't beat yourself up, though, either. Go chat with your confessor. He'll probably be nicer to you than you are.

Crush Crushed

If you are not in a position to pursue honest courtship (e.g. being under 18), or the guy/girl you admire is just not appropriate (e.g. a priest, married, on drugs, of poor character, engaged to someone else, twenty years younger or older), the only thing to do is to kill the crush. The three ways I know how to do this are as follows:

1. Get picky.
2. Find someone else.
3. Laugh at it.

1. Getting Picky

Our crushes are usually based on first impressions or just plain old wishful thinking. I adored Richie because he was short and had long eyelashes. But Richie wasn't very nice to me: when I teased him (in a lovestruck kind of way), he said really mean things that hurt my feelings. This proved a good cure.

But more often the people we get crushes on are actually nice, if only in a polite, decent-human-being kind of way. A friend of mine had a crush, when we were 13, on an older altar boy at church. And the way she cured herself was to fixate on something about him she really didn't like: his beaten-up trainers (running shoes). Whenever he came gallumphing down the aisle with crucifix or candle, she forced herself to look at his shoes and thought "Ugh."

But even more than dirty shoes, it is the content of a man or woman's character that can really heal a crush. Some of the men I was maddest about were dead boring. Yak, yak, yak. Me, me, me. Another turned out to be nasty (of the scary, "I love you, you beesh" type of nasty). Once you really force yourself to see what your crush is really like, you are on your way to healing.

To go back to feelings, if being around any man or woman makes you feel really badly, it is a sign to stay away from them. Never mind about "becoming friends."* Stay away. Be polite but reserved. Spare your time and energy for people who are dying to spend time with you, like your parents, or your pals, or that cute person by the punch bowl who keeps sneaking peeks at you. You will not find Mr/Miss Right if you're wasting all your time on Mr/Miss Wrong.

Finally, the whole point to The Rules, which so many people hate, but which contain a lot of sense, is to get women to start admiring the men who admire them and to stop admiring men who don't give a beaver dam. The book helped me; it might help you.

2. Find Someone Else

Most of us long to be loved. It is a little sad. Our warm, generous impulses towards others sometimes mask a need for others to love us. That smells of elderberries. Only the greatest saints know that God's love is truly enough. I'm thinking St. Thomas Aquinas; I'm thinking St. Ignatius of Loyola; I'm thinking St. Teresa of Avila. Most of us don't get there in this life. Nope.

Well, anyway, I once had a terrible crush on a seminarian. I felt so bad about it, that I prayed and prayed and prayed to be freed from it. And then I promptly got a crush on someone else. Unfortunately, he was married. So I prayed and prayed and prayed to be freed from that, too. Life is difficult. Have I mentioned this? Anyway, if you are fighting a crush, don't spend hours mooning over the person's picture, listening to sad songs or reading sentimental poetry or sinful (i.e. most contemporary romance) novels. Go hang out with your real friends.

3. Laugh at it

The most embarrassing part of Seraphic Singles for me is the story of my crush on Max the Much Younger. But it was something I could write about with a sense of humour, and I still giggle over it after repeated readings. It was painful to have a crush on Max the Much Younger, but I knew it would be much more painful to have a real relationship with Max the Much Younger. Even if I did manage to squirrel him away into my life, I would have lived a hell of jealousy because of Max's great youth and beauty, a beauty not invisible to other, prettier, and younger girls.

Knowing from experience that crushes come and go, I decided not to bother fighting this one. I wasn't going to follow Max around town or anything, and I certainly wasn't going to ask him out for dinner. I was just going to put up with my crush on Max as if it were a minor, and not entirely unpleasant, illness (like being drunk). How it all ended, I will let you read for yourselves in my book. For now I will just repeat: crushes come and go. Sometimes we are emotionally helpless and the best we can do is to fervently pray, "Dear God, this feeling is too much for me. Please take it away!"

Married people and people in consecrated life also get crushes. But if they have any sense they 1) don't tell 2) don't feed them 3) don't worry. Crushes come and go. Don't make yours into something bigger than it has to be. This too shall pass.


*I think men are the caffeine in the cappuccino of life. They are sexy and fun and life would lack zip without them. I am in love with my husband, and I enjoy spending time with him and his male friends. But for a real heart-to-heart chat fest, for real you-go-girl friendship, for hugs without hesitation, give me a woman friend.
POSTED BY SERAPHIC