Q For Guys, Relationship Q

[Luigi]

Ignore the fact that he ignored your hair.

He may not even have noticed;
he may have noticed that something was different but not been able to put his finger on exactly what it was;
he may have noticed and not known what to say.

If you want someone to comment on your hair, consider dating a hair stylist.
If you want someone to compliment you on your clothing choices, consider dating a fashionista of some sort.
Or prepare to train whomeover you're interested in - and it might take a fair amount of training - because most guys don't know a whole lot about it; it's much more a part of female culture. Read Deborah Tannen if you get a chance.

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='Luigi' timestamp='1302670775' post='2228092']
Ignore the fact that he ignored your hair.

He may not even have noticed;
he may have noticed that something was different but not been able to put his finger on exactly what it was;
he may have noticed and not known what to say.

If you want someone to comment on your hair, consider dating a hair stylist.
If you want someone to compliment you on your clothing choices, consider dating a fashionista of some sort.
Or prepare to train whomeover you're interested in - and it might take a fair amount of training - because most guys don't know a whole lot about it; it's much more a part of female culture. Read Deborah Tannen if you get a chance.
[/quote]
As long as it doesn't have bearing on whether or not he likes me as more than a friend, I don't much care about the hair right now. I know I looked good. Interesting though. Young men can be trained?

[Luigi]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1302672081' post='2228099']
As long as it doesn't have bearing on whether or not he likes me as more than a friend, I don't much care about the hair right now. I know I looked good. Interesting though. Young men can be trained?
[/quote]

The younger you recruit them, the easier it is.

[Deus te Amat]

[quote name='NazFarmer' timestamp='1302489233' post='2227374']
Okay, this seems like a different situation than I first thought you were talking about. What you said here makes it seem (to me) like this guy was being nice to you as friend (not more than a friend, just friend) on Valentine's Day when you suggested you do something since neither of you had dates. Something that [b]a good friend of mine who is a girl[/b] and I discussed a while back, and I think it is generally true, although people please correct me if you think I am mistaken here, [b]is that guys have a tendency not to be alert enough to the implications their actions may have, while girls have a tendency to over-analyze things.
[/b]
[/quote]

This may or may not have been me.

[Papist]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1302664870' post='2228058']
Definitely? Thou knowest from the hand on the knee?
[/quote]

Yes. The hand on the knee is something a guy would never do with a friend...unless he had something on his finger he was trying to get off. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/hehe2.gif[/img] IMO the hand on knee is a intimate move, something I would never do to someone I was not interested in romantically.

Several years ago I was seeing someone. We were doing stuff together, but no physical contact. After awhile we both really didn't know how things stood in the 'relationship'. So I finally asked what are we doing here, then after a good conversation we concluded we are boyfriend/girlfriend.

I suggest the next time y'all are out doing something and he continues the subtle flirting, casually asked him what are we doing here. Make it [u]we[/u] so he doesn't misunderstand that you are freaking out. This should generate a good conversation. And even if it is concluded that y'all just remain friends, the conversation will make y'all closer friends.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Papist

[rkwright]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1302660751' post='2228025']
Valentines day was the fifth time that I saw him in person. We rarely chatted on FB IM before (I added him at some point), just every once in a while. He is rarely on when I am on. I tutored him in finance, then business law possibly once. Finance was two or three times, and ran into him once near the library at school, and he once joined me for lunch when we both happened to be at the tutoring center and hungry. He had not seen me in nearly nine months and did not hang out with me much before hand.

As for interested in me, I doubt it, but he has initiated conversations on IM now and when we talked on the phone, he was asking me about doing something. This Saturday we were out at the birthday party of one of me best friend, and he mentioned seeing The Office together when I mentioned the BBC version which he has not seen and he had had his hand around my back while we all walked back into the theater to see the movie restart (we had all missed the first few minutes) and his hand on my knee when I was cold and moved my jacket up over my shoulders. He does not much call me, but did say to call him any time, the second time was in the text he sent saying he had a good time with me and my friends and thank you for the help getting my (his) truck back (from the mechanic). I know that when I asked him (when we went out to dinner with his gift cards and got a movie) what he looked for in a relationship and that one thing he would want was someone who could manage her own life without having to call him all the time. He tried that night as well as this Saturday to see if I was ticklish and looked at me a lot during the funny parts of the movie when we were laughing. He did not comment on the fact that between Valentine's day and the next time he saw me, several weeks later, I had changed my hair. After we went out, he texted me or IMed me saying it was fun. What is your analysis?
[/quote]

I have a few comments...

At the beginning of this thread I was going to say he's probably not that interested in you. BUT after reading this post I've changed completely. I think hes interested. Like Nihil said, guys are more direct, even in subtle ways. Most of us don't play head games, so he's not doing all these things to mess with you, but because he's interested. So all these things you talk about, these are subtle, yet direct ways of expressing interest. I would say if he wasn't interested there would be little to no physical contact - but thats just me.

Second... whats with girls expecting us to notice a hair change?! lol when I was dating my wife she changed something slight in her hair, maybe it was a little darker or something... I didn't notice right away and that made her sad! I had a night of apologies. But seriously, I was just happy to see her - I wasn't focusing on whether anything had changed! Last week she went to get her hair cut (I knew about this one from our discussions... and the bank account ) and when she came home from work I said "What did your friends say". She says oh so and so liked it, but you know so and so didn't even notice it...

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='rkwright' timestamp='1302700433' post='2228133']Second... whats with girls expecting us to notice a hair change?! lol when I was dating my wife she changed something slight in her hair, maybe it was a little darker or something... I didn't notice right away and that made her sad! I had a night of apologies. But seriously, I was just happy to see her - I wasn't focusing on whether anything had changed! Last week she went to get her hair cut (I knew about this one from our discussions... and the bank account ) and when she came home from work I said "What did your friends say". She says oh so and so liked it, but you know so and so didn't even notice it...
[/quote]
I had my hair trimmed, died slightly, highlighted, and straightened (not as much so when he saw me again, but still somewhat as the better straightener had broken). Within the first week or so, I had 10 compliments from people, just ones who saw me more often. It was amesome. I relished the positive attention of my peers/semi-peers.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Light and Truth

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1302694526' post='2228129']I suggest the next time y'all are out doing something and he continues the subtle flirting, casually asked him what are we doing here. Make it [u]we[/u] so he doesn't misunderstand that you are freaking out. This should generate a good conversation. And even if it is concluded that y'all just remain friends, the conversation will make y'all closer friends.
[/quote]
Pray it goes well, one way or another then. It's rare I find a man attractive (5-7% of the male population, max), much less romantically worthwhile from my evaluation of him. It would be a hard blow to anticipate that he is interested and then be wrong.

[Papist]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1302711332' post='2228156']
It would be a hard blow to anticipate that he is interested and then be wrong.
[/quote]


That I understand and I'll pray all goes well either way.

[Galloglasses' Alt]

Speaking as a guy who's gotten into a relationship via the internet, I have to say Yes. After we broke up, I learned that my former girlfriend very quickly got into a relationship with another guy over the internet, and I have to say that lead to some serious issues and doubts about myself that bothered me for weeks on end after the break up. Not a fun time.

[rkwright]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1302710919' post='2228155']
I had my hair trimmed, died slightly, highlighted, and straightened (not as much so when he saw me again, but still somewhat as the better straightener had broken). Within the first week or so, I had 10 compliments from people, just ones who saw me more often. It was amesome. I relished the positive attention of my peers/semi-peers.
[/quote]

I bet it looks great!

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='rkwright' timestamp='1302724636' post='2228316']
I bet it looks great!
[/quote]
It did. I need to re-do it, but yeah.

[quote name='mommas_boy' timestamp='1302666099' post='2228061'] When I met my fiancee, I was seeing five women, and they all knew that I was doing a lot of dating in order to find who was right for me.[/quote] Yeah, I dated less in my entire life than you did at that time, and I've been old enough to drink for a few years.