I've Been Rejected From A Catholic Christian Sorority

[Ash Wednesday]

Don't let it get you down too much. I'm sure it will sting for now but in the end, we are who we are. I've learned to come out of my shell over the years, but at heart, I'm still an introvert and I am fine with it. You may have found your involvement with them to eventually be suffocating, perhaps you would have had to constantly force yourself to be something you're not, and take interest in things that really do not interest you. Like constantly trying to squeeze yourself into a shoe that does not fit. That would get tiresome.

My first year of college I was recovering from an eating disorder and had a bout with severe depression. I applied to be a forest firefighter and was crushed when I didn't get the job. I thought I could have been so capable and a good fit, but looking back, perhaps it wouldn't have been the right thing at the time. I still had some recovery steps to make. I spent a lot of that year wandering around various clubs and groups looking for good friends and fellowship.

It can be hard making real honest good friends in college at first, but just keep going about your business. When you find yourself in more solitude then you would like, use it as an opportunity to spend more time with God. If you're anything like me, you like a small number real good, true serious friends, not just a whole bunch of trivial ones. And that just takes a little longer.

I would not respond to these girls with malice or read too much into why you weren't accepted. Maybe they just didn't feel you were ready. I would still remain cordial and friendly with them but don't feel like you have to bend or change the way you are to fit in with them.

I would have never gotten accepted into a sorority. Our school didn't even have sororities, but the idea of them never seemed like something I would have fit in with. I would have gotten rejected not just for being an introvert, but a grumpy one, too.

Edited April 3, 2011 by Ash Wednesday

[sixpence]

yeh i hate trying to force myself to be outgoing.. i always feel like an idiot

[Cherie]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1301847083' post='2225617']
I was rejected about my introverted personality and that I had had some bad experiences when it comes to opening up to people. They said that they understood but that they still didn't see me "putting myself out there" as much as they wanted.
[/quote]

An introverted personality is something you're born with; God is the one who gives us our temperaments, it's not something we can (or SHOULD!) change. It's something you should learn about to bring out the best in yourself, not change it altogether. Don't ever, ever, ever try to change yourself for these snobs. I PROMISE you it's not worth it!!! They don't sound like a good group to be hanging around, anyway. Even "good Catholics" can be horrible, stuck-up snobs, and that's certainly not what God wants them to be.

You will find great Catholic friends in good time. Pray for His guidance in that; He won't let you down. He's not always early, but He's never late!

[AudreyGrace]

We can start a phatmass sorority if you'd like... [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/dance.gif[/img]

[Norseman82]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1301847083' post='2225617']
I told one of the officers who lead the prayer meetings in the school chapel about ideas I had for what we could do as a sorority together including activities we could do with the campus. I also gave her a suggestion for something we could do for our prayer meetings.
[/quote]

Is it possible that they resented a "newbie" trying to "change things" before they "paid their dues", so to speak?

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1301847083' post='2225617']
They said that they understood but that they still didn't see me "putting myself out there" as much as they wanted. [/quote]

Well, "reading between the lines", is it possible that they may have made too many demands on you and your time if you had been accepted? You may have been saved from burning yourself out.

[SoonerCatholic]

I too am an introvert and never joined a sorority in college, but then I never wanted to. I remember applying to St. Gregory's although I did not enroll, but I have heard good things about the school (If it's the one I'm thinking of, I recommend going to the Oklahoma Catholic Student Conference they have in the fall with other college campus ministries from around the state, also I think they do Awakening Retreats at St. Gregory's and University of Oklahoma. I recommend going on one if you haven't already, the students there always seem to bond very well and have a good time. I did as a retreat staff member.) So hang in there and find other places to volunteer, go on retreats, and meet people. You can do it! Don't let other people get you down by their prejudices.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Norseman82' timestamp='1301880064' post='2225759']
Is it possible that they resented a "newbie" trying to "change things" before they "paid their dues", so to speak?

[/quote]

We were encouraged by her to give any suggestions for stuff that we could do. Also, she said that they were great ideas, but felt guilty about stealing my ideas if I wasn't accepted.



I know that not all Christians act like Christians, but I was still hoping that they would know better. The first college I attended for two years was small as well and the students and heck the school itself was very well known for it's friendliness and it wasn't associated with any religious denomination. It saddens me when non-Christians behave more like Christians than Christians do.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='SoonerCatholic' timestamp='1301880280' post='2225760']
I too am an introvert and never joined a sorority in college, but then I never wanted to. I remember applying to St. Gregory's although I did not enroll, but I have heard good things about the school (If it's the one I'm thinking of, I recommend going to the Oklahoma Catholic Student Conference they have in the fall with other college campus ministries from around the state, also I think they do Awakening Retreats at St. Gregory's and University of Oklahoma. I recommend going on one if you haven't already, the students there always seem to bond very well and have a good time. I did as a retreat staff member.) So hang in there and find other places to volunteer, go on retreats, and meet people. You can do it! Don't let other people get you down by their prejudices.
[/quote]

That's the same school alright. I don't remember having the time to attend OCSC.

[MargaretTeresa]

I've heard of Christian sororities...but there are Catholic! sororities!?

And I feel like these elitist snobs need a good dose of "Mean Girls" style revenge...but that's just me. jk, jk.

Pax and God bless.

[Ed Normile]

[quote name='Sternhauser' timestamp='1301860326' post='2225686']
That is slick. Does she sometimes randomly say stuff like "Spidey sense tingling . . . must . . . save . . . MaryJane!"

~Sternhauser
[/quote]


No, but she randomly calls and says she loves me.

ed

[Ice_nine]

Consider yourself lucky. And don't let people hate on you just cause you're introverted. I think that introverts tend to be the majority of heavy forum contributors but since extroverted people take up the majority outgoingness is perceived as the norm and therefore introversion is an aberration and "bad." There are probably always gonna be people who insist you should be more outgoing. Since you don't seem like the drop-kick people in the face type, I would advise simply ignoring them. I would contest that without introverted people LOTS of things would not have been invented and lots of problems would have not been solved. Who do you think is gonna discover those mind-numbing equations about the universe that normal people like me can't understand? The introvert who daydreams about subatomic particles and radioactive forces and whoseywhatsies? Or the person who is the life of the party?

Case in point, introversion is an under-appreciated quality. The human race does itself a great disservice to look down upon it. So appreciate who you are. Not everything "abnormal" is a flaw. It's something that touches a nerve of mine. They jibber-jabber about individuality but . . . arrg I'll just stop this rant train before it gets rollin'

But seriously thumbs up to what everyone said. Haters gonna hate.

[Lilllabettt]

While I have a general disdain for sororities in general, I can't blame them for rejecting people - you, me or anyone. They have an admissions process because they don't let everyone in. Who knows why they do that - limited money, space, wanting to maintain a family feel, wanting the cachet of selectivity - who knows. They have chosen to make selectivity a characteristic of their organization.

So, you must have known going into it that there was a possibility you wouldn't be accepted. But knowing its a possibility doesn't help it hurt less, right? Rejection stinks - it always has and always will. You might consider taking this as practice for the lifetime of rejection that you and me will experience over the next five or six decades. The truth is that professional, social, political, and romantic rejection is a part of our lives. [i]Everyone's[/i] lives. The greatest, most successful human beings on planet earth - from Abraham Lincoln to Mother Teresa to Bill Gates to Warren Buffet - have experienced public humiliation and outright rejection.

Achievement and happiness and success in life is NOT determined by whether we are rejected (we all are) but how we [i]respond[/i] to rejection. In particular, how we think about our rejection. How do we tell ourselves the "story" of our rejection?

This is what I used to tell myself when rejected: "I'm a dork and a loser. I will never not be a loser. This will never change, I will always be a rejected loser. They will always hate me."

Once my self-loathing shifted to anger, I would tell myself: "They're the losers. Obviously they're too dumb to see how good I could be for them. I'm better off without them. God will avenge their stupidity. Those mean evil haters!"

Neither of those "stories" is a healthy way of dealing with the rejection. Here are some good ways of thinking about rejection:

1. The issue is on their side - their logistics, their admissions process, their perception of me - not with who I am.
2. They made a mistake; people make mistakes.
3. You win some, you lose some. (Rejection and acceptance are part of life, not anyone's "fault")
4. Maybe next time. (Things can change)
5. I wonder what great thing will happen that would have been impossible if I was in that group/organization/club (God has a plan)

Thinking about what happened like this will hopefully bring you more peace. But it is normal and alright to feel bad after rejection. I was rejected last week, probably will be again today, and probably will be again next week. (Job interviews, yay!)


Lucky for me Phatmass and Heaven don't have competitive admissions

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1301925284' post='2225836']
Neither of those "stories" is a healthy way of dealing with the rejection. Here are some good ways of thinking about rejection:

1. The issue is on their side - their logistics, their admissions process, their perception of me - not with who I am.
2. They made a mistake; people make mistakes.
3. You win some, you lose some. (Rejection and acceptance are part of life, not anyone's "fault")
4. Maybe next time. (Things can change)
5. I wonder what great thing will happen that would have been impossible if I was in that group/organization/club (God has a plan)

Thinking about what happened like this will hopefully bring you more peace. But it is normal and alright to feel bad after rejection. I was rejected last week, probably will be again today, and probably will be again next week. (Job interviews, yay!)


Lucky for me Phatmass and Heaven don't have competitive admissions
[/quote]
I think you have some good suggestions, there, Lillla

[Santa Cruz]

I am sorry. No matter what the source, rejection is always painful. But, from what you describe, it sounds like you should be thanking God for sparing you from becoming sisters with that group, most especially since they cannot honor the various personalities that God gifts to each person. Surely God has something else in mind for you, where you can better make use of your time, energies and where your beautiful and unique self will be both appreciated and able to grow. Don't go trying to fit into one of those boxes where one size fits all.

[Papist]

[color="black"][font="Arial"][size="2"]Keep in mind that sororities and fraternities must reject people b/c if they don't they won't be exclusive. I think their reason, "didn't put myself out there" is bogus and extremely lame. They can't be too Catholic if they rejected you.[/size][/font][/color][img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img]

[font="Arial"][size="2"]Stay strong and don't stop being who you are meant to be. God bless you.[/size][/font]

Edited April 4, 2011 by Papist