I've Been Rejected From A Catholic Christian Sorority

[tinytherese]

So pledged for a Catholic Christian sorority for weeks, but got turned down because I "didn't put myself out there."

I went with some other girls to the mall in town, when asked to hang out with some of the girls I went (though I distracted at the time by my boyfriend at the time who called ,) and I discussed plenty during our weekly prayer meeting. I also sat with the leaders and pledges a lot during meals.

Conversations here have been hard for me because what they are talking about is a subject that I don't know about or am interested in, or they talk about some things in a "if you know the people that we're talking about then you'll be able to follow what we're saying" when I don't know them (such as their family members,) or I try to say stuff but I can't get a word in edgewise, or I do say something but I'm ignored. I'm a transfer, so had I been here as a freshman I'd be better able to follow what people are talking about and maybe connected with some of them. When you transfer, people have basically found their friends and know the school.

I told one of the officers who lead the prayer meetings in the school chapel about ideas I had for what we could do as a sorority together including activities we could do with the campus. I also gave her a suggestion for something we could do for our prayer meetings. I'm a strongly introverted person and I've been through a heck of a lot through the past two years which have been very trying for me. I'm not doing as badly as I was before though. My depression is no longer severe, but it is still present. I've also had some bad experiences when it comes to opening up to people (such as a prioress at a community I was discerning with telling me that the abuse that I was getting from my dad was at least to a certain extent my fault and having a very horrible experience at a bible study where depression was brought up and not handled by some of the members with compassion.)

I had told one of the officers a little about my situation and I told the two officers who told me that I was rejected about my introverted personality and that I had had some bad experiences when it comes to opening up to people. They said that they understood but that they still didn't see me "putting myself out there" as much as they wanted. I only remember maybe two times when I rejected an invitation from a sorority pledge or officer to do something. The first one I don’t remember the details about and the other one was to go do homework with some of my sorority, but in my experience, when that happens very little if any work is actually done and I’ve got plenty to do! I’m also someone who just needs quiet in order to do my studies. I told the officers this when they were rejecting me and they told me that I shouldn’t assume that that would happen.

I don't know how to be outgoing. What I've been through doesn't help. They say that in a sorority we're sisters, but this doesn't sound like what sisters are supposed to do. Sisters love you unconditionally and don't set a personality qualification. Sisters are there for each other and take you where you are...quirks, limits, disabilities, and all.

[Groo the Wanderer]

poo on them. Catholic or not, sounds like a bunch of elitist snobs. The only Catholic frat I have ever thought worthy was Chi Rho. XP Service, not socializing. No frat house - they met at the campus parish.

Besides - the Pham loves you and sends huggses

[Jesus_lol]

Take this as a common failing of Sororities, not a failing of sisters. these types of groups cant help having weird politics and cliques form. Sometimes they are good despite them, sometimes the weird things they do are amesome, other times it can become a society you want no part in.

[CatherineM]

I was never in a sorority, and survived. You will too. I preferred to spend my extra time studying rather than going to parties. Although I ended up going to a bunch of sorority and fraternity parties when I worked as a photographer for party pix. I think I was the only sober person in the building.

[dominicansoul]

they don't know what they are missing...!!!!!

I know it hurtz, but this soon will pass. God bless!

[Archaeology cat]

I agree with DS. I was never in a sorority - didn't seem to be my kind of thing. I admit that I thought about it and was a bit lonely at one point freshman year, but it got a lot better after a bit.

[Ed Normile]

Well its their loss ! I have three sisters, my middle sister catherine is a very introverted person, she gets along just fine. When she was young she used to always complain how jackie and annmarie would leave her out of things they would do, they would always say they tried to get her to go but she refused and they did not feel they should have to force her to go along with them. I being the older brother would always try to step in and cheer her up, I taught her to read with spiderman easy reader comic books as she was having a hard time at school and was unable to ask for help. I know there are those who you have as friends who are there for you no matter what, seek their advice, turn to those who appreciate you for who you are and recognize you and see your strengths.

Remember what seems like a major setback or disappointment to you at this time will seem minor in a year and in a few years will probably be mostly forgotten. Life goes on and what is important to us as youths seems trivial as we mature both spiritually as well as mentally. Live well and enjoy your time in college and do well in your studies and eventually most of these people will recognize you for what you are.

I never understood the "group-think" mentality of a sorority, I guess they have advantages as they are so prevalent in colleges, but I wonder if their produce is the rubber stamping of personalties rather then the nurturing of individuality? I guess my view comes from the abuses I hear of such as hazing, I think anytime that a group of people place the needs of the whole discounting the individual that abuses can and do occur.

I wish you the best in your college experience. What a setback like this can do for you is have a positive example for you in how you treat others you encounter, life can be a harsh classroom, what we learn from it defines us.

God bless you.

ed

[tinytherese]

I called my mom to talk about what happened and her mama bear instincts definitely showed. She suggested that I send her pictures of them and she'll throw darts.

They told me that I could pledge again at another time and that this didn't mean that I couldn't be friends with them. They let other people who are not apart of the group hang out and sit with them at meals. I wonder if all things considered though if I should be friends with them. At the same time, I don't want to get prideful. "I'm not like [i]them.[/i]" I couldn't help but think of these girls during the Gospel reading today and the pharisees... I also thought of the situation during the Old Testament reading when Samuel is sent by God to find the next king of Israel. God rejects all Jesse's sons who are right there. "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the LORD sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart' "(1 Sam 16:7 RSV-CE). Then David the youngest one who is a shepherd that nobody expected to be chosen is selected. He didn't have any experience as a leader and here is appointed the future second king!

I joined to make friends and to have fellowship. This school is so small-less than 250 students in at this four year university (St. Gregory's.) It'll be hard not to run in to them. I thought that the girls who were leaders were really sweet. Mom says that I should talk to them again, but I don't know how to do that without sounding bitter, prideful, or break- down in front of them.

I've had issues with lots of the so called devout and orthodox Catholic students as it is (and there are not that many Catholics period here.) One guy in particular I know has yet to learn how to hate the sin but not the sinner, but hates the sin and the sinner. I've yet to find any nice non-Catholics to have Christian fellowship with who don't have serious issues with Catholicism and don't have heterox sexual moral ethics. (I know of one in particular who is openly gay and openly lusts after guys and makes comments about them, along with refusing to keep his mind out of the gutter and jokingly touches and makes comments to one guy who is clearly uncomfortable with the fact that he is gay. He doesn't believe that Scripture is free from error and has serious issues with the Catholic Church. He makes fun of some of the Catholilcs on campus and somehow manages to double major in theology at this school. )

The campus minister here is different from the one I met last year when I visited the school. The one I met then got along very well with the students she worked with and knew what she was doing. There's this thing called the Buckley Team, where students travel around some states to give retreats to high school and middle school kids. She ran that and was the campus minister. She acknowledged that it was a two person job instead of a one person one. My mom and I brought up concerns that and she said that no matter what limits, quirks, illnesses, or disabilities a student were to have that she was willing to work with them whether on campus or in the Buckley Team. She left and the new campus minister this year is very frantic, the members of the Buckley Team have issues with him, and he used to be a math teacher! He doesn't have any degrees in theology, religious education, or catechesis. When I talked to him last March about applying to the Buckley Team he brought up concerns that he had with me and from what he and another member of the team said, they wanted outgoing students who would be willing to share personal struggles that ended in triumphs, and those who were healed from serious issues. He also brought up how I didn't have much experience in ministry, well how the heck am I going to get experience if people reject me because I don't have experience!

I'm lonely. PM is great, but it isn't the same as interacting with people in person who are right there.

[Lil Red]

Wow, they are going to "let" you sit with them at meals? How very generous. Dump this elitists and fast. You are better off without them.

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='Ed Normile' timestamp='1301850776' post='2225645'] I being the older brother would always try to step in and cheer her up, I taught her to read with spiderman easy reader comic books
[/quote]

That is slick. Does she sometimes randomly say stuff like "Spidey sense tingling . . . must . . . save . . . MaryJane!"

~Sternhauser

[Vincent Vega]

They're probably overrated anyways (which almost certainly helps to inflate their egos to the point where they feel self-important enough to take the 'responsibility' of accepting/denying pledges quite seriously).

There are other, better, cheaper ways to make friends and meet people. Start going to club meetings, or audition for the choir, or play an intramural sport/sport club. I bet you'd be surprised what's out there if you do a little digging.

[Chamomile]

I never understood sororities or wanted to be a part of them, but I know how it feels to be rejected by people. And small schools are really tough. I went to a few colleges, and I had way more friends at the university with 20,000+ students as opposed to the one with less than 1,000.

Will definitely pray that God places some a.wesome Catholic friends in your life. It will happen.

[dUSt]

After being rejected by all the sororities, I just formed my own sorority, but no other guys would join it. I don't know what I did wrong.

[Cherie]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1301857961' post='2225673']
Wow, they are going to "let" you sit with them at meals? How very generous. Dump this elitists and fast. You are better off without them.
[/quote]

AGREED!!!

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1301857961' post='2225673']
Wow, they are going to "let" you sit with them at meals? How very generous. Dump this elitists and fast. You are better off without them.
[/quote]
This. I never had any desire to join a sorority... Not my style.