An Appropriate Friendship With A Priest

[dlz7486]

I have maintained a good friendship with a younger priest from my parish for a few years. He would hang out with my family, and we would joke around and discuss our faith - nothing inappropriate - and I thought that it was a very healthy relationship for my faith development. So, a few months ago, I was going through a lot of stuff (depression, thoughts of suicide, etc.), and I trusted him enough to confide in him and tell him what was going on. He listened to me and helped me for a while, but I think at some point, I began to burden him with a lot of emotional venting. He told me that meeting with him 'as a friend' was crossing certain boundaries. After that, our relationship has suffered - he avoids me now - and I feel like I've sinned, not only against him but against the Church, for crossing these boundaries. I'm not exactly sure what I've done... but I don't want to lose his friendship. I'm not sure if this problem has anything to do with the fact that I'm female, or still 17 (a minor), or both... this is a tough topic, but I'm confused and I feel like I need some clarity.

What does the Church say about all this? Have I really sinned that badly, by asking for his friendship? Where do you draw the line in a relationship like this? What should I do?

[BLAZEr]

I do not think that you have comitted a sin. I think this priest is being very wise, and very responsible in this situation. I think he realizes that your friendship must be different to protect both you, and himself.

Because of your age, and the fact that you are a young woman, this priest has to be very careful (especially since you say he is young). He can't allow this friendship to become too close and risk that you (or he) might develop an attachment that would cause scandal or at its worst, cause one of you to fall in love.

I would also suspect that you sharing a lot of your emotional venting with him that is not specifically spiritual direction or confession is awkward and that he must worry about how you are understanding his friendship. Sometimes we can begin to form an unhealthy attachment to someone who is good at listening to us, and understanding us, and responding in a way that makes us feel safe and comfortable. As a priest, he must always guard a certain detachment from relationships like this.

I think you are very lucky to have met such a great priest. I think you need to respect his desire to change the nature of your relationship, and I think you should take this time to pray more (for yourself, but also for this priest) and also try and find someone else who you can form a friednship with and share some fo these concerns . . . someone like an aunt, or a female youth minister, or someone's big sister, or a holy catholic mom in your parish . . . but I really recommend you find someone of your own gender who can help you because they know what you're going through, they've been there.

You are in our prayers.