Family Troubles

[FutureSister2009]

My mother and grandmother are total skeptics. They are somehow convinced I'm not doing it for the right reasons. Their thoughts on my reasons are extremely untrue. I know why I want to do it. I'm not even quite ready yet anyway. I need to get done school and grow up just a little bit more before I do anything. I hope somewhere along those lines, they realize their reasons are unreasonable. I have not even told my dad yet. He does not live with me and no he's not Catholic. If my Catholic family can't go along with it, I can't imagine what he'll do. And did I mention I'm an only child? So I am their only shot at having grandchildren but I think that's selfish. I'm continuing to pray for 100% certainty and continuing to pray that they will be convinced.

[CatherineM]

I have a cousin who is an episcopalian nun who was an only child. It caused lots of trouble in her family. Her dad was an only child, and her mom had one brother who had one child who was hurt in a car wreck and never had kids. So they looked at her as having ended the whole family line.

[krissylou]

This is the sort of thing where the saints are amesome.

Clare of Assisi had to sneak out of her father's house in the middle of the night.

Thomas Aquinas's family locked him up in an attempt to dissuade him from following his vocation to the Dominicans.

The Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and told her she'd bear the promised Messiah although she was a virgin -- but then he left. It would have been a lot more helpful if he'd stayed in town to make some more housecalls. But he didn't. So then this young girl went from happily planning her wedding to a very good man to having to explain ALL THIS to her betrothed, and her mother, and her father, and everybody else. And Joseph learned in a dream that Mary was pregnant by the Holy Spirit, and I like to believe that Anna and Joachim eventually got on board too. But that couldn't have been the case for the community as a whole. We see in the Gospels that Jesus is described as the "Son of Mary" -- that sort of descriptor is only used for illegitimate children.

(Note, I am NOT saying that Mary was in any way unvirtuous. Not in a million years. But only that her neighbors THOUGHT of her as unvirtuous. And she lived with that for the rest of her life.)

You have some great prayer warriors in your corner.

[Nihil Obstat]

How better to honour your father and mother than by praying for them every day of your consecrated life?

[51] Think ye, that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, no; but separation. [52] For there shall be from henceforth five in one house divided: three against two, and two against three. [53] The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against his father, the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother, the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

[emilier98]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1298995317' post='2216778']
My mother and grandmother are total skeptics. They are somehow convinced I'm not doing it for the right reasons. Their thoughts on my reasons are extremely untrue. I know why I want to do it. I'm not even quite ready yet anyway. I need to get done school and grow up just a little bit more before I do anything. I hope somewhere along those lines, they realize their reasons are unreasonable. I have not even told my dad yet. He does not live with me and no he's not Catholic. If my Catholic family can't go along with it, I can't imagine what he'll do. And did I mention I'm an only child? So I am their only shot at having grandchildren but I think that's selfish. I'm continuing to pray for 100% certainty and continuing to pray that they will be convinced.


[/quote]

I too am an only child and, as I said, my family is not Catholic. They think they will never see me again, that I am leaving them forever, that they will never be able to talk to me again and the like. I have tried to explain that I am not going to be a cloistered nun, but a Dominican sister who lives in community and works out in the world. That I would be able to come home for Christmas after the first three or four years. My mom and dad also want grandchildren, but they have step kids (my parents are divorced) who have given them grandchildren. Both my parents have siblings who have had kids and those kids have kids. I understand that because they are either Southern Baptist or Pentecostal that Catholicism and becoming a sister/nun is anathema to everything they have ever been taught, but I just thought that my happiness came above all of that.

[Yaatee]

To both of you:

The first poster is 30 years old. She is a grown woman. She has been married (annulled?). No children, I assume. Would if she fell in love and wanted to marry a man her family disapproved of. Would she end the relationship? How much to we let our families run our lives after we have grown? What if we want to accept an excellent opportunity for job advancement in a far city and they oppose it. Do we turn it down? Suppose your family wanted you to marry a man with money who wanted to marry you but to whom you felt no attraction. Would you do so? How far are you willing to go?

Neither family probably knows that there is a long vetting process on both sides before you take final vows. Years, many years. You are free to go and they are free to dismiss you at any time until first vows and even in temporary vows you can probably leave at any time with a dispensation. I suspect that most non-Catholics do not know this. They think that you run off, take vows and that's it. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It's harder for a Jewish person. The Catholic church and Jewish faith have been traditional enemies in the past, much less so now. Judaism emphasizes the family, though, not celibacy. But the same rules apply. It's your life. You are only making a serious inquiry.

I think that threats 'never to speak to you again' are hollow. It sounds like Mrs. Bennett in [b]Pride and Prejudice. [/b] Was Elizabeth supposed to marry Mr. Collins (an obnoxious and condescending man whom she despised) because of this empty threat? Most families will come around in time, especially after they visit their daughter, see her new home, meet her superiors and other sisters.

There are a number of threads posted by older women who regret not having entered religious life when they were younger. A number of them had caved to their family's opposition. You don't want to end up one of these.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Yaatee

[elizabeth09]

You have to do God`s Will, and not your parents. I think that my mom does not want me to become a sister because she really want grandchildren. It might be hard on her because I am her first daughter and everything. I will pray for you.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Speaking of amesome saints..

St. Francis of Assisi's dad told him that he wanted everything of his back. So Francis stripped off his clothes. In the middle of a public square. IN FRONT OF A BISHOP! I'm pretty sure my bishop would be halfway to Russia if that happened! Anyway, the bishop supposedly gave Francis a cloak and Francis' life within the church was begun.

I'm realizing how incredibly blessed I am. I have parents who are supportive (granted, I have to finish university, which is no biggie) and grandparents who are praying.

Praying for all of you out there. I sincerely hope there are no repeats of the Francis story.

[OnlySunshine]

[url="http://www.ewtn.com/library/mary/catsiena.htm"]St. Catherine of Siena[/url] chopped off all her hair when her family wanted her to get married instead of consecrating herself to God.

[url="http://saints.sqpn.com/saint-clare-of-assisi/"]St. Clare of Assisi[/url] ran away from her family when they forced her to get married and she became consecrated to God in the middle of the night!

There are several others I can't even think of, but you are in good company.

Edited March 1, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[vee]

Aquinas' family not only locked him up in a tower but even sent a woman to try and tempt him whom he had the grace and ability to chase out! May all men guard their purity as Thomas did.

St Catherine of Siena's family tried to dissuade her by making her live in the dark dank servant's quarters for one.

St Teresa Benedicta's (Edith Stein) mom strongly opposed her vocation as did Bl Elizabeth of the Trinity's mom. IN both cases the fathers had passed away.

St Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows' father intercepted and destroyed his acceptance letter to the Passionists. When Gabriel caught on that something was amiss he and his brother, who was a priest, journeyed to the Passionists however the father contacted the home of each friend and relative along the way to tell them to try and stop Gabriel. Instead Gabriel convinced those at each home of his vocation!

Mother Angelica (of ewtn) left to enter one day only leaving a letter to her mom who was opposed to her vocation. Her mom later entered Mother Angelicas own community.

Anyway as long as you have had your marriage annulled and have no debts or dependents then you are canonically free to enter.

[vee]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1298964856' post='2216719']
I have no wish to discourage you, but in the case of conversion from a non-Christian faith [rather than conversion from another branch of Christianity] I think it is extremely important to be absolutely clear about the reasons for conversion. You have caused your family extreme pain by, essentially, denying their reason, for literally millennia, for existing, through the most horrible persecutions. You may feel -- in fact, I'm sure you do --that you have discovered a great truth. But perhaps there are other reasons behind your conversion that are less lofty?

Only several generations ago, a Jewish family would literally mourn a family member who converted as one who was dead, and end all contact with that person, and even deny that he/she existed. Observant Jews do today. You should examine your feelings about this. "Honor your father and your mother" is a commandment in both faiths.

I would also note that, if you persevere in your vocation, you will have to detach yourself from family and friends eventually in any case. Have you really thought this through?
[/quote]


[b]Phorum Guidelines[/b]
The rules...

[list][*][b]PERSONAL ATTACKS -[/b] A post or comment that does not relate to the topic, but is specifically meant to upset or criticize another person or group of people.[/list]Ive reported you for attacking her conversion and her vocation. A vocation is a precious gift and I will defend the vocation of anyone on here.

[Lil Red]

just thought i would add something from the Catechism:

2216 Filial respect is shown by true docility and obedience. "My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching. . . . When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you."20 "A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."21

2217 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."22 Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. [u]Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children[/u]; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

[MIKolbe]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1298964856' post='2216719']
I have no wish to discourage you, but in the case of conversion from a non-Christian faith [rather than conversion from another branch of Christianity] I think it is extremely important to be absolutely clear about the reasons for conversion. You have caused your family extreme pain by, essentially, denying their reason, for literally millennia, for existing, through the most horrible persecutions. You may feel -- in fact, I'm sure you do --that you have discovered a great truth. But perhaps there are other reasons behind your conversion that are less lofty?

[/quote]
A few thoughts from someone who does not frequent this area of Phatmass very often, so please indulge me:

1) I think you are wrong to infer that a convert from a non-Christian needs a greater amount of clarity upon conversion. I think the non-Christian may have a 'farther place to go' from their 'starting point', but I know many many Catholic converts from otherwise Christian denominations, whose decisions have wreaked havoc upon their family.

2) What pain she has or has not caused is really not here or there, or (quite frankly) anything anyone needs to comment on in this phorum. Trust me, LoS knows first hand, better than you could ever imagine.

3) LoS is not denying anyone's reason for existing. She is coming to the truth, which is Christ and His Church. To compare that to a denial of reason of ANY sort is, in my humble opinion, in poor taste.

4) Our Jewish brothers and sisters do not corner the market in pain and suffering for their faith. Someone in the Pakistani Cabinet, the only Christian, and Catholic (btw), just got assassinated for his faith....today. Please do not interpret this as any cheapening of the horrors and struggles of our Jewish brothers and sisters; but please realize they ain't the only ones who suffer for their faith. I would dare say LoS may have had/has suffered tremendously for choosing to accept the Truth of Christ's Church.

5) Your last sentence is in bad form, and it adds nothing except scorn and perhaps projection. One would say that your reason for stating it at all is 'less lofty'.

I wish not to turn this into a debate, but I read this and felt compelled to speak up.

[Chamomile]

I don't really have any advice to add, except to reiterate that prayer is the best thing in this situation, I think. And patience and trust in God's will.

No one in my family is Catholic, and it pains me very much that I can't share the Faith with them in unity... especially that I can't speak with my own Mother about Mary.

Your family may accept in time, or they may not. Just keep following Jesus. He will do the rest.

[dominicansoul]

[quote name='vee8' timestamp='1299098663' post='2217234']
[b]Phorum Guidelines[/b]
The rules...

[list][*][b]PERSONAL ATTACKS -[/b] A post or comment that does not relate to the topic, but is specifically meant to upset or criticize another person or group of people.[/list]Ive reported you for attacking her conversion and her vocation. A vocation is a precious gift and I will defend the vocation of anyone on here.
[/quote]

this is very Dominican of you....


just a few thoughts to the original post,

your vocation is probably solid and very real, else you wouldn't be going through this painful situation right now...persevere and you will be rewarded the greatest gift on the face of this earth: Jesus as Spouse Everlasting........