Vincent Vega Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 [quote name='Ed Normile' timestamp='1299041223' post='2217038'] Catholic jokes, lets see, Nancy Pelosi, and JFK, two of the biggest catholic jokes I know. ed [/quote] Dang, beat me to it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 [font="News Gothic MT"][size="3"]A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.' [/size][/font] [size="3"] The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. [/size] [size="3"] After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut. [/size] [size="3"] The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ ~ ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.' [/size] [size="3"]To which his father replied 'Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?' [/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 [url="http://www.fisheaters.com/jokes.html"]http://www.fisheaters.com/jokes.html[/url] Just check these out. I totes Pax and God bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I just had to post this one...made me laugh and think too true! [font=arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif][size=2]There are 3 fundamental truths about religion: Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the Vicar of Christ, and Baptists don't recognize each other at the bar on Saturday nights.[/size][/font] [font=arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif][size=2] [/size][/font] [font=arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif][size=2] [/size][/font] [font=arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif][size=2]Pax and God bless[/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 One More!!! [font=Arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][img]http://jokes.edigg.com/images/letters/t.gif[/img]he Seven Dwarfs go to visit the Pope. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question. "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?". "No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not". "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?" Dopey questions. "No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy." "Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." In the background, the six remaining dwarves softly began to chant: "Dopey's in love with a penguin, Dopey's in love with a penguin..."[/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not A Mallard Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Not so very long ago, an old German man was feeling guilty about something he had done, so he decided to go to Confession. He said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I feel terrible because during World War II I hid a refugee in my attic." The priest said, "But that's not a sin! I wouldn't feel bad about that if I were you!" "But I made him agree to pay me 50 Marks for every week he stayed." The priest said, "Well, I admit that certainly wasn't the most noble thing to do, charging the man to save his life -- but you did save his life, after all, and that is a good thing. Don't worry about it too much; God forgives." The man said, "Oh thank you, Father, that eases my mind. I have only one more question to ask you -- Do I have to tell him the war is over?" -------------------------------- An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" those were my favorite ones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil'Monster Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 [quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1301602585' post='2225132'] I just had to post this one...made me laugh and think too true! [font="arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif"][size="2"]There are 3 fundamental truths about religion: Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the Vicar of Christ, and Baptists don't recognize each other at the bar on Saturday nights.[/size][/font] [font="arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif"][size="2"] [/size][/font] [font="arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif"][size="2"] [/size][/font] [font="arial, helvetica, verdana, sans-serif"][size="2"]Pax and God bless[/size][/font] [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) God bless the Baptists...(if you're in the South and get it, ) Edited April 1, 2011 by MargaretTeresa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil'Monster Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 [quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1301619974' post='2225189'] God bless the Baptists...(if you're in the South and get it, ) [/quote] im not from the south and i still get the joke! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
add Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 One Sunday morning da priest noticed a little boy standing out da foyer oven da church staring at a large plaque. da priest walked up Andy stood beside him Andy gazing up at da plaque, she said quietly, "Good Morning, son." "Good Morning, Father," replied da young man not taking his eyes off da plaque. " Father, what isn't this?" "Well son, these aren't all da people who have died out da service," replied da priest. Soberly, they stood together staring up at da large plaque. da little boy's voice barely broke da silence when she asked quietly, "Which service Father, da 8:15, da 10:30 or da 12:15?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1301710792' post='2225416'] One Sunday morning da priest noticed a little boy standing out da foyer oven da church staring at a large plaque. da priest walked up Andy stood beside him Andy gazing up at da plaque, she said quietly, "Good Morning, son." "Good Morning, Father," replied da young man not taking his eyes off da plaque. " Father, what isn't this?" "Well son, these aren't all da people who have died out da service," replied da priest. Soberly, they stood together staring up at da large plaque. da little boy's voice barely broke da silence when she asked quietly, "Which service Father, da 8:15, da 10:30 or da 12:15?" [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NunMother Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 [color="black"][size="7"]Monastery[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="black"][size="7"]Life[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]A young monk arrives at the monastery. [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He is assigned to helping the other monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]in copying the old canons and laws of the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]church by hand.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He notices, however, that all of the monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are copying from copies, not from the original [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]head abbot to question this, pointing out that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]if someone made even a small error in the first [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]error would be continued in all of the subsequent [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copies.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]The head monk, says, 'We have been copying [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]from the copies for centuries, but you make [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]a good point, my son.'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He goes down into the dark caves underneath [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]the monastery where the original manuscripts [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]by and nobody sees the old abbot.[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color] [color="black"][size="5"]So, the young monk gets worried and goes down [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]to look for him. He sees him banging his head [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]against the wall and wailing.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]"We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="black"][size="5"]![/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="red"] [/color][color="black"]![/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [url="http://us.mc395.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=fu%25@#ing"]fu%@#ing[/url][/size][/color] [color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="red"] [/color][color="black"]!"[/color] [color="black"][size="5"]His forehead is all bruised and he is [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]crying uncontrollably. The young monk [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]'The word was...[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]CELEB[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="black"][size="7"]ATE[/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AudreyGrace Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 [quote name='NunMother' timestamp='1301760784' post='2225456'] [color="black"][size="7"]Monastery[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]Life[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]A young monk arrives at the monastery. [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He is assigned to helping the other monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]in copying the old canons and laws of the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]church by hand.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He notices, however, that all of the monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are copying from copies, not from the original [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]head abbot to question this, pointing out that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]if someone made even a small error in the first [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]error would be continued in all of the subsequent [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copies.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]The head monk, says, 'We have been copying [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]from the copies for centuries, but you make [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]a good point, my son.'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He goes down into the dark caves underneath [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]the monastery where the original manuscripts [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]by and nobody sees the old abbot.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]So, the young monk gets worried and goes down [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]to look for him. He sees him banging his head [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]against the wall and wailing.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]"We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]![/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"]![/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [url="http://us.mc395.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=fu%25@#ing"]fu%@#ing[/url][/size][/color] [color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"]!"[/color] [color="black"][size="5"]His forehead is all bruised and he is [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]crying uncontrollably. The young monk [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]'The word was...[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]CELEB[/size][/color] [color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]ATE[/size][/color] [/quote] BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 HA!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 A young nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said: "I know that it is said that Jesus turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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