Vocation To The Single Life

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='cruciatacara' timestamp='1297894781' post='2213081']
...and of course, they are denied the opportunity of ever having children...
[/quote]
This statement confused me. What does that mean?

[cmaD2006]

[i]"...and of course, they are denied the opportunity of ever having children..."
[/i]
[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1298246086' post='2214238']
This statement confused me. What does that mean?
[/quote]


I kind of agree with fh -- it is a confusing statement and in a way is a "misunderstanding" of what accepting a call to religious life, or to the priesthood, or consecrated virginity is. You aren't *denied* the opportunity to have children. You *accept* that as part of your calling you will not have children due to how you live your call (i.e. celibacy, or chastity in the state that you are in).

A single person is also called to celibacy as well (as it was explained earlier), but it may not necesarily be a consciencious choice. Except for those who specifically decide to stay single for the Kingdom and not marry.

Is it selfish to stay single? It depends on the rationale. If the reason is truly for the Lord -- no, for your life will end up being one of service.

If it is because "I can't handle kids" or "I can't handle a spouse" then it's harder to judge. If that is the only reason then it could be really selfish. But then again one's heart will know the true motivation behind staying single.

[Guest Sr. Rozalia]

I believe there is a vocation to single life, just as it is to married or religious life. When it comes to women, have you heard about consecrated virgins? when they take on the vow of chastity....they usually serve the church in some way (DRE's, helping with vocations, etc.) If you really think that religious life or priesthood is not for you, but want to give yourself totally to God and the service to HIs people, that's the way you discern. I believe the same is true for men who want to lead that kind of life. I have to share you with you, though, a personal story of my aunt who never got married though opportunities were many. She never made any vows publicly, in front of the Church. Perhaps she did in her heart, that I don't know. She chose to stay single to help raise all us kids, as a Godparent. She also was sharing her gifts of cooking as she baked for birthdays, baptisms, etc. and weddings. What a great woman she was and totally fulfilled in her vocation to single life. Looking at her life, I couldn't say anymore than it was her VOCATION. Hope, that helped. God's blessings. [quote name='Chamomile' timestamp='1297870579' post='2212958']
I didn't want to derail the other thread specifically about an article focusing on the vocation to the single life, so I thought I would start this topic separately.

I've read that the vocation to the single life isn't a true vocation - that we are either called to marriage or religious life - and yet it's sometimes offered up in the prayers of the faithful during Mass in addition to asking God for an increase of vocations to priesthood and religious life, and there are definitely people who claim it as their God-given vocation and the article in the other thread has an Archbishop promoting it. So I'm just wondering....

What do you think about a vocation to the single life? What does it entail? My guess is that it would mean taking private vows to never marry, and of course perfect chastity, but I'm not sure if it would include poverty and obedience, too. It seems like it would also rule out the religious life or priesthood, since those are distinct vocations (by single life, I don't mean Consecrated Virginity, by the way). But then again, people leave the priesthood and religious life after making vows, so I guess one could also leave the vowed single life... ?

Is there a history in the Church of people who have discerned a vocation to the single life? What did they do to realize this vocation? How is it discerned? What is the theology and spirituality behind that?

Is anyone here discerning that call? Has anyone made vows to stay single? If so, what does that mean to you? What are the vows like and how binding are they compared to religious life? And why did you choose that instead of religious life or marriage?

I haven't seen the option of a vowed single life really offered in terms of discernment, and I have my own ideas as to why that is. But I'm curious as to what other people think about it and what their experiences are. If this is indeed a true vocation - a true call from God to live a certain way for Him - should we then encourage this option among children and the laity, especially those who suffer from same-sex attraction? What type of catechisis would this involve, and how would it affect what is already taught regarding vocation?

Thanks for your responses!

Pax et bonum!
[/quote]

[Santa Cruz]

[size="3"]I am grateful for all the sharing on the single life. I agree that we should be careful not to compartmentalize how God works in the life of each individual person by defining what is an "acceptable" state in life. It is important that the individual fulfill their purpose in life, to serve God and His people. "How" that is done is the beauty of each individual person and their journey with God. In Vita Consecrata, John Paul the Great calls us to thank God for the recognized institutes of consecrated life as well as groups of consecrated persons and[/size] THOSE WHO IN THEIR HEARTS DEDICATE THEMSELVES TO GOD.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from Vita Consecrata
[font="Times New Roman"][size="3"][i]"Together let us thank God [/i]for the Religious Orders and Institutes devoted to contemplation or the works of the apostolate, for Societies of Apostolic Life, for Secular Institutes and for other groups of consecrated persons, as well as for all those individuals who, in their inmost hearts, dedicate themselves to God by a special consecration."
----------------------------------------------------end quote

Moreover, our Blessed Mother did not have a vocation that was a defined state of life and which could have resulted in her being stoned to death. [/size][/font][font="Times New Roman"][size="3"]How God works through each person, in their life and in the depths of the heart is something sacred and if we attempt to confine and define then we may be hindering the work of the Holy Spirit.[/size][/font]

[Chamomile]

[quote name='Santa Cruz' timestamp='1298343116' post='2214543']
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from Vita Consecrata
[font="Times New Roman"][size="3"][i]"Together let us thank God [/i]for the Religious Orders and Institutes devoted to contemplation or the works of the apostolate, for Societies of Apostolic Life, for Secular Institutes and for other groups of consecrated persons, as well as for all those individuals who, in their inmost hearts, dedicate themselves to God by a special consecration."
----------------------------------------------------end quote

Moreover, our Blessed Mother did not have a vocation that was a defined state of life and which could have resulted in her being stoned to death. [/size][/font][font="Times New Roman"][size="3"]How God works through each person, in their life and in the depths of the heart is something sacred and if we attempt to confine and define then we may be hindering the work of the Holy Spirit.[/size][/font]
[/quote]



Ah! Nice quote from [i]Vita Consecrata[/i].

I think the confining and defining does help in a general sense and for the majority of people - where would we be without any definitions? - but in can be overdone to the point of forgetting the creative force of love that is the Holy Spirit.

Edited to add: I think from the quote from [i]Vita[/i], we do see that, at some point, a commitment is important ("dedicating oneself to God"). This is my personal view of it - that if one is to remain single, a bond needs to be made. What that bond (vow, consecration, promise, etc.) is, I think depends on the particular person and could be very simple and completely unknown to anyone else except God and probably a spiritual director or confessor.

I'm just now learning about St. Gemma - [url="http://www.stgemmagalgani.com/"]here is a website[/url] that has info about her if anyone else is interested!

Edited February 22, 2011 by Chamomile

[Santa Cruz]

[quote name='Chamomile' timestamp='1298345481' post='2214551']
Ah! Nice quote from [i]Vita Consecrata[/i].

I think the confining and defining does help in a general sense and for the majority of people - where would we be without any definitions? - but in can be overdone to the point of forgetting the creative force of love that is the Holy Spirit.

Edited to add: I think from the quote from [i]Vita[/i], we do see that, at some point, a commitment is important ("dedicating oneself to God"). This is my personal view of it - that if one is to remain single, a bond needs to be made. What that bond (vow, consecration, promise, etc.) is, I think depends on the particular person and could be very simple and completely unknown to anyone else except God and probably a spiritual director or confessor.

I'm just now learning about St. Gemma - [url="http://www.stgemmagalgani.com/"]here is a website[/url] that has info about her if anyone else is interested!
[/quote]

Chamomile,

Yes, I agree. You raise good points. Indeed, we do need definition for the very reasons you stated. Also, we do need to encourage and pray for vocations to the priesthood, religious life and to marriage. Always too, there is a danger of the single life becoming self-centered rather than self-gift, but that can be a problem in any state of life.

Thank you for the link on St. Gemma. I have a dear friend with her name who is living out the single life.

Edited February 22, 2011 by Santa Cruz

[Debra Little]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1297875573' post='2212985']
I think the single life is a rough one. I may in the end have to live it, if my health issues keep me out of the Religious Life. I would then consider consecrated virginity, third order, etc. Or God just may bring someone into my life discerning a Josephite Marriage... Never know.
[/quote]


I hear you! I too have health issues that keep me out of the religous life. I was with the Discalced Carmelites for almost a year and a half. In the end I had to leave because
of my health and Mother needed the younger sisters to be able to take care of the older ones. I didn't have a penny to my name and I was never happier than I was in the
Carmlite Monastery of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

That was 22 years ago and still my heart is in Carmel. It's my body that isn't and this has been extremely painful and difficult to deal with. Even after all these years
the pain is just as strong as ever. I give it to Jesus. What else is there to do?

I understand what Mother told me but it's not right that those with disabilities should be kept out of religious life. Yet the Church cries
for vocations. I don't get it!


alleycat

Edited February 23, 2011 by Debra Little

[Debra Little]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1297880619' post='2213013']
This can be a touchy issue and one that is very close to many people... so what I say is not meant to be an attack on any person, nor is meant to offend.

I'm personally of the opinion that one is never called specifically to the single life. It is a transitory state of life; not something to which one is called. A person my remain single by choice or by circumstance. Individual circumstances may require one to remain single, but that is not a norm nor is it considered by the Church as a vocation properly defined. These persons are not abandoned by God or Church or 'left out', but bearing as patiently as possible the cross which has been given them by Christ. Sometimes these circumstances are long term (such as a sibling who takes care of a seriously disabled sibling and is thus unable to enter into a state in life) and sometimes these circumstances are short term (such as one who is unable to enter the religious life due to debt).
[/quote]

Singleness is not a cross!

[Debra Little]

[quote name='cruciatacara' timestamp='1297894781' post='2213081']
I liked the blog entry on consecrated vs private vows - good info. She doesn't mention hermits but they could fall into either category as well, hermits in private vows or those under canon 603D (is it?) who take public vows to their Bishop and are consecrated as Diocesan hermits. We have a couple of posters on phatmass who are CHs.

I think that more people are considering private vows simply because not everyone can fit into the criteria required by religious communities or canon law (eg CV requires physical virginity so it can't be for women who are widowed or had marriages annuled). The Church may say that a marriage has never occured (in the case of an Invalid form or actual annulment) but they can't change the woman's status back to physical viriginity so she ends up in a no-man's land of having "never been married" but the physical reality is that she has lived in a public relationship with a man and may also have consummated the marriage. There are no longer "Consecrated Widows" so they miss out as well and are usually too old to be accepted into a convent.

Really, this whole single life vocation has come about as a response to the lack of other opportunities for some women. Men have it a little better because they can usually enter the priesthood or life of a monk later in life, but then they don't have the choice of becoming consecrated virgins - and of course, they are denied the opportunity of ever having children -- so it all balances out in the end.

Some younger women may still have the option of CV if they are still physical virgins, but for many women today, especially those who may have been raised in secular households where virginity wasn't a highly prized ideal, this just isn't an option. It might be nice if the Church realized that there are many people who want to consecrate their lives through the Church but who simply do not fall into any of the available categories and so are left with no other option than private vows.

So no, perhaps it isn't a "real vocation" in that one may have felt called to private vows, but what they felt called to is not available to them. Perhaps it can be considered the "default" of carrying a Cross instead, but it seems a little strange to me that St Therese would say that God never gives one a desire He doesn't intend to fulfill when it obviously isn't true for those who feel called to a consecrated life but are barred from doing so. She wanted to be a priest but found a vocation in praying for priests. For those who feel called to consecrated life but can't do so, perhaps their "vocation" is to live out a life of private vows, praying for all those who are consecrated and for those who wish they were. It's an interesting dilemna. It does feel "second best" in the Church, but perhaps it is simply that one must learn to see through God's eyes and not through man's, since He sees what is in the heart.

There is a lot to learn in all of this for all of us, not only individual patience and acceptance of God's will for those who find they can't live their dreams for whatever reason, but also for those who think they "know" what is a vocation and what isn't. Let's just say that my attitudes have changed over the years and I don't feel so quick to tell others what's what anymore. The soul who desperately longs for a consecrated life but can't live it may be more beautiful in the eyes and heart of God than one who is in consecrated life and not living their vows wholeheartedly in faith, hope and charity. None of us can deny that we know of some priests, nuns or others in consecrated life who are less kind or loving than others in the so-called "world", despite their consecrated state. Maybe the real consecration is in living this life in imitation of Christ in everything we do, no matter what our "official" state in the Church.
[/quote]



" The soul who desperately longs for a consecrated life but can't live it may be more beautiful in the eyes and heart of God than one who is in consecrated life and not living their vows wholeheartedly in faith, hope and charity."


Thank you so much for saying this. It gives me courage. It is very hard when you can't realize the religious vocation in your life. It is a very painful thing to deal with and
to feel like you have no place in the church that belongs to you.

[Debra Little]

[quote name='Theresita Nerita' timestamp='1298164748' post='2213992']
Just to add my voice to the group who thinks they are called to the single life: *raised hand.

I'm willing to buy the argument that un-vowed single life is not a consecrated vocation as such in the Thomistic sense of the word. However, that doesn't mean that it's not God's will for some people - it definitely is. Examples abound already on this thread: St. Catherine of Siena, St. Gemma Galgani, Plenty of people.

And despite the coolness of the word "vocation" I don't think that being a person whom God wills into the single life means you are any less holy or any less loved by God. In fact, it is arguably a much harder cross to bear, to have to become holy without a superior, carrying the cross of celibacy without a community supporting you, forming your closest friendships not with fellow believers who can support your decisions but instead with non-believers who are constantly questioning your faith for you and surrounding you with temptations.

I'd say it takes a person with particular gifts from God to thrive in such an environment. I hope every day that I have them.

Personaly: I would love to be called to the religious life, specifically Carmel. However, I realize that these desires are strongest when I'm

A) Tired,
B) doubting my capabilities to perform my mission in the world,
C)too lazy to pay my own bills
D) too thin-skinned to respond to atheist arguments with love all the time, or
E) wanting (pridefully) to gain respect by trading in my "unloved cat lady" outfit for a cool habit with a ceremony and a ring showing I am loved by God. This (for me, since I only want it to gain respect) is self-love.

Likewise, the only time I'm really attracted to the 'married life' is when celibacy really starts grating on me. But I know frustration is NOT a great reason to get married.

I support you, Barb, DominicanSoul, and all the single ladies. Single ladies are generally despised, persecuted for righteousness's sake, looked down upon, mocked and ridiculed, humiliated, acquainted with suffering and women of constant sorrow.

AKA sharing the sufferings of Christ!
[/quote]


Both Hands Raised.

[Debra Little]

[quote name='Sr. Rozalia' timestamp='1298316573' post='2214457']
I believe there is a vocation to single life, just as it is to married or religious life. When it comes to women, have you heard about consecrated virgins? when they take on the vow of chastity....they usually serve the church in some way (DRE's, helping with vocations, etc.) If you really think that religious life or priesthood is not for you, but want to give yourself totally to God and the service to HIs people, that's the way you discern. I believe the same is true for men who want to lead that kind of life. I have to share you with you, though, a personal story of my aunt who never got married though opportunities were many. She never made any vows publicly, in front of the Church. Perhaps she did in her heart, that I don't know. She chose to stay single to help raise all us kids, as a Godparent. She also was sharing her gifts of cooking as she baked for birthdays, baptisms, etc. and weddings. What a great woman she was and totally fulfilled in her vocation to single life. Looking at her life, I couldn't say anymore than it was her VOCATION. Hope, that helped. God's blessings.
[/quote]

I wish I could be a consecrated virgin but I've been married.

[Santa Cruz]

[font="Times New Roman"] [/font][quote name='Debra Little' timestamp='1298502326' post='2215065']
I wish I could be a consecrated virgin but I've been married.
[/quote]


Welcome to Phatmass Debra Little!

Have you spoken of your desire to a priest?

Here is an excerpt from Vita Consecrata which may apply to you?

[font="Times New Roman"][size="3"][i]"Men and women hermits,[/i] belonging to ancient Orders or new Institutes, or being directly dependent on the Bishop, bear witness to the passing nature of the present age by their inward and outward separation from the world. By fasting and penance, they show that man does not live by bread alone but by the word of God (cf. [i]Mt [/i]4:4). Such a life "in the desert" is an invitation to their contemporaries and to the ecclesial community itself [i]never to lose sight of the supreme vocation,[/i] which is to be always with the Lord.Again being practised today is the consecration of [i]widows[/i],known since apostolic times (cf. [i]1 Tim [/i]5:5, 9-10; [i]1 Cor [/i]7:8), as well as the consecration of widowers. These women and men, through a vow of perpetual chastity as a sign of the Kingdom of God, consecrate their state of life in order to devote themselves to prayer and the service of the Church.[/size][/font]"

Also from Vita Consecrata

[font="Times New Roman"][size="3"][b][i]New expressions of consecrated life[/i][/b][/size][/font]

[font="Times New Roman"][size="3"]12. "The perennial youth of the Church continues to be evident even today. In recent years, following the Second Vatican Council, [i]new or renewed forms of the consecrated life [/i]have arisen. In many cases, these are Institutes similar to those already existing, but inspired by new spiritual and apostolic impulses. Their vitality must be judged by the authority of the Church, which has the responsibility of examining them in order to discern the authenticity of the purpose for their foundation and to prevent the proliferation of institutions similar to one another, with the consequent risk of a harmful fragmentation into excessively small groups. In other cases it is a question of new experiments which are seeking an identity of their own in the Church and awaiting official recognition from the Apostolic See, which alone has final judgment in these matters.These new forms of consecrated life now taking their place alongside the older ones bear witness to the constant attraction which the total gift of self to the Lord, the ideal of the apostolic community and the founding charisms continue to exert, even on the present generation. They also show how the gifts of the Holy Spirit complement one another.In this newness however the Spirit does not contradict himself. Proof of this is the fact that the new forms of consecrated life have not supplanted the earlier ones. Amid such wide variety the underlying unity has been successfully preserved, thanks to the one call to follow Jesus — chaste, poor and obedient — in the pursuit of perfect charity. This call, which is found in all the existing forms of consecrated life, must also mark those which present themselves as new."[/size][/font]

Edited February 24, 2011 by Santa Cruz

[Chamomile]

I was randomly thinking this morning about hiddenness in vocations... and how those in the single state, whether Consecrated Virgins or those in private vows, live a uniquely hidden life. I thought in particular about an example Fr. John Corapi gave. I think it was a former drug user - someone who had done some really bad stuff, anyways - that had converted. He then lived a very normal, quiet life but would spend most of the night praying the Rosary for those who still suffered in his former way of life. Barely got any sleep. I bet most people never knew this.

And I wonder at the apparent visibility of those who "live in the world" - unhabited, not obviously known to be associated with a consecrated way of life - and how they are in some ways, more hidden than those in the cloister. Even though some of the life lived in the cloister is secret, we generally know what they're doing and what they're all about. And now that some keep blogs, we know even more about the day-to-day things!

But those who live a secular life don't have this mould to surround them, they don't have that instantly recognizable identity. They are truly "hidden with God in Christ" because they are unknown to most others in regards to their purpose in life. I think of a crowd of people in New York City at rush hour - a Sister in a habit is clearly not hidden, but a woman dressed modestly or another man in a suit is. Their work, their sacrifice, their prayers are not known, and they are easily overlooked and not given that value that some might assign a religious.

I've done a pretty bad job explaining what I was thinking, probably because I haven't been awake too long I'm definitely not saying one way of life is better than another... just a thought I had anyways.

[Debra Little]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1297871223' post='2212967']
I'm sick of being single. I have begun a novena to St. Joseph to bring a holy man into my life. I think the "vocation to the single life" isn't a vocation at all, and if you are going to remain single by default, you need to get involved in some sort of "consecrated" living such as a third order, consecrated virginity, etc.

Others that choose to live that life I commend. I can't choose to live this life...I want out of singledom. It's best to be married than to be alone, at least in my opinion....
[/quote]

can't be a consecrated virgn if youi've been married.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Debra Little' timestamp='1298666980' post='2215609']
can't be a consecrated virgn if youi've been married.
[/quote]

I don't think that is what she meant. DominicanSoul, as far as I am aware, has never been married.