Vocation To The Single Life

[TeresaBenedicta]

I don't think what you've posted is in any way opposed to what I'm presenting, Barb.

Everyone is called to live chastely in their state in life, everyone is not called to live celibately. The celibate is indeed a vocation and it is fulfilled in vows- through a religious order, publicly, or otherwise (privately, with a s/d, etc). 'Celibate' does not refer to a non-committed single person. That person is living chastely in a transitory state of life. Celibacy is a self-gift of one's whole being (including sexuality) to God and by its very nature requires a promise or vow.

Part of the difficulty, I think, is that we moderns refuse to look at things in their nature, in their essence. Everything can be anything and anything can be everything. No; specific things [i]are[/i] specific things. A vocation, in its proper or more specified sense, is a call to a specific, committed state in life that allows one to give of self and participate in the mysterious life of the Holy Trinity in a special way. Sometimes life circumstances delay us or keep us from answering that specific vocation. It could be a sick family member that needs to be taken care of long term. Or it could be a short-term issue, like debt. Or it could be our own health issues (I know a family with seriously disabled children who will never be married or enter religious life due to their health).

Do these (mostly rare) situations change the nature of a vocation? No. Just because an acorn seed does not grow into an oak tree does not mean it was not an acorn in the first place. Just because everyone cannot enter into a state of life does not mean there are not specific states in life to which God calls people. There are. That is the norm. Sometimes certain people don't fit into the norm... that's okay. That's part of God's plan. God is not restricted to the norm he has established. He can and does work outside of them. (Just like the sacraments are the norm in how God gives sanctifying grace... he can and does work outside of the sacraments. It's just more rare.)

[Chamomile]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1298027863' post='2213549']
QUOTE:
[u][b]The Various Vocations in the Lay State[/b][/u]

Along the same line the Second Vatican Council states: "This lay spirituality should take its particular character from the circumstances of one's state in life ([b]married and familylife, celibacy, widowhood[/b]), from one's state of health and from one's professional and social activity. All should not cease to develop earnestly the qualities and talents bestowed on them in accord with these conditions of life and should make use of the gifts which they have received from the Holy Spirit"(208)………….. "


Rome has spoken!
[/quote]



I really respect what you've written in this thread, BarbaraTherese, but I do think saying "Rome has spoken" is a bit much for this paragraph and the bolded portion. As far as I know, the Church hasn't come out with a document specifically about the single life as a vocation, and the part you've quoted here isn't saying that, either. I don't know what kind of doctrinal weight an Apostolic Exhortation has, actually....

That silence doesn't mean it's not possible, as has been already discussed. I just mean to point out that I don't think this document is saying what you want it to say. This is just my opinion, and I am in no way a scholar or very intelligent person, but I don't read that as validating the single state as a vocation comparable to marriage and religious life.

However, I do think the document you've referenced is a good guideline to those living as laity and should be read by those in the single state, and I'm glad you've posted it

[Chamomile]

[quote name='ontherock4good' timestamp='1298002996' post='2213480']
In reading over all these posts, I have to say I feel the way many here do - that a vocation is commitment and something that is permanent.

Right now I'm really struggling w/the concept/idea of vocation. Having recently discerned that religious life is not my vocation, I've really been struggling w/the idea of the single life. There's a big part of me that cringes at it, that doesn't want to be single for the rest of my life and feels like there's no commitment involved, even if I make "private vows." I don't feel ready to make private vows in that regard, anyhow. I'm just living single and doing the best I can right now (I have a parent who's very ill and I help taken care of him.)

Whenever I hear about vocations, I kind of get down and feel like less of a person - I get depressed b/c I feel like I don't have a vocation, that I'm an "outsider" or weirdo, and "less loved" by God than everyone who has found theirs. I know this is rediculous (I mean, we have saints like St. Dominic Savio who died young and didn't have a "vocation" per say, but the most important thing is that they're saints.) However, it's really hard to be single and not have much community or support, especially when it's hard to find a solid spiritual director.

I've certainly thought about marriage, but it seems like there's no guy out there for me right now - no guy is "noticing" me or walking through the door, and I don't know what to do. How do you find your soulmate? I don't want to go to clubs or bars - no interest in finding guys there, but I don't see a lot of single Catholic young men at Church either.

Lately, I've just been very discouraged by my "lack" of vocation, and everytime I feel that way I always feel this tug in my heart that my "vocation" is here and now, in being single and taking care of my parent. I find peace in that, but there's always anxiety when I think of a long-term vocation - things are so unclear and in my heart I'm scared I'll just be single forever, and I really don't want that. However, I don't know if I want married life either - I love and feel called to serving the Lord through different ministries and don't know if I could keep doing that w/a family. Anyway, sorry to ramble - this thread just really hit home for me - please pray! Thank you!
[/quote]

Sounds like you are in a specific situation where you are very needed. I think MM posted good stuff in response to you. Also read the blog written by a Consecrated Virgin that's been linked to. And read about St. Catherine of Siena's life.

Just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you!

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Chamomile' timestamp='1298075255' post='2213719']
I really respect what you've written in this thread, BarbaraTherese, but I do think saying "Rome has spoken" is a bit much for this paragraph and the bolded portion. As far as I know, the Church hasn't come out with a document specifically about the single life as a vocation, and the part you've quoted here isn't saying that, either. I don't know what kind of doctrinal weight an Apostolic Exhortation has, actually....

That silence doesn't mean it's not possible, as has been already discussed. I just mean to point out that I don't think this document is saying what you want it to say. This is just my opinion, and I am in no way a scholar or very intelligent person, but I don't read that as validating the single state as a vocation comparable to marriage and religious life.

However, I do think the document you've referenced is a good guideline to those living as laity and should be read by those in the single state, and I'm glad you've posted it
[/quote]


Hi Chamomile - There can be nothing higher or greater than God's Will, no matter what His Will may be. Hence, I dont have that mindset that one vocation and call from God is greater than another - each is an expression of God's Will and nothing can be greater than God's Will for a person, no matter what His Will may be. It is God's Will that is deserving of all praise and thanksgiving.

There is much discussion nowadays on the single lay state as a vocation and these discussion are quite new more or less in The Church. Some agree, some disagree and it seems to be a matter of opinion more or less often. It all depends, I think, often on what one wants to believe which probably will determine who and what one quotes in support of what one wants to believe. Perhaps one day The Church will come out with a document on the single lay state as a vocation, although to my mind it is not necessary and all is covered in CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI if one has a careful prayerful read of the Document. As I said in another post, we can forget that our Baptism is a vocation with no strict necessity for God to call one out of the lay state and the vocation of baptism and all it entails into the priesthood, religious life, marriage or some other form of consecrated life in The Church. The Church does not teach that we must enter into either marriage, priesthood or consecrated life in The Church. Most often it seems that He does and all praise and thanksgiving to Him for these vocations and calls. Because, to speak personally, He has not called me thus, do I consider my own vocation and call to the single lay state not comparable with the Sacrament of Marriage or consecrated life? Not at all, it is God's Will that is great in all its manifestations small and great. Very obviously, I would be gravely in error to choose Marraige because it is a Sacrament or religious life because it is the consecrated state knowing that I am not called. I am not called to either the Sacrament of Marriage or to religious life but to the single lay state and this is God's Will for me and nothing can be comparable to that! Personally again, it was not something I just decided to do - it was a journey and with advice from two theologians which included one who was my confessor and director ....... and I didn't really understand what I was trying to discern since back over 30 years ago the single lay state as a vocation was unheard of in the ppublic sense generally in The Church. It has always been, however, in a theological sense, a potential call and vocation from God.

If I start considering "comparable" then is a Sacrament on the same level as the consecrated state? But I just dont think along those lines in any way at all and find it near on impossible to get my head around such matters and leave it to the theologians. Nothing can be higher than God's Will in all its manifestations.

Here is an answer from Fr. Anthony of Vocation.com:
http://www.vocation.com/QandAItem.aspx?id=1419&tid=220
[quote]Does God call you to the single life?
Maria asks:

Dear Fr Anthony,

I am a 36-year-old female, and I feel God is calling me to the single life. Although I wanted to marry in my younger years, the right person never came along. Over the past few years I have accepted this and I now feel I can serve God better if I remain single. I can honestly say I have never felt the call to the religious life. I do serve in one of the third orders and plan to give a few years of service to the Church. I feel my call may be to missionary work.

My question is: does God call you to the single life? Can you please give me some insight on this subject?



Dear Maria,

From the very beginnings of the Church there have been those who remained 'single for the Lord' as the beautiful phrase goes. There is a place in the Church for 'Consecrated Virgins', and this is what Canon Law says: "Similar to these forms of consecrated life (religious institutes, etc.) is the order of virgins who, expressing the holy resolution of following Christ more closely, are consecrated to God by the diocesan bishop according to the approved liturgical rite, are mystically betrothed to Christ, the Son of God, and are dedicated to the service of the Church. In order to observe their own resolution more faithfully and to perform by mutual assistance service to the Church in harmony with their proper state, virgins can be associated together" (Canon 604). [quote]Remaining single without a formal consecration like this may also be a call in life if that is the way God leads an individual.[/[/quote][/quote]

[BarbTherese]

Quoting Opening Post - Chamomile

[quote]What do you think about a vocation to the single life? What does it entail? My guess is that it would mean taking private vows to never marry, and of course perfect chastity, but I'm not sure if it would include poverty and obedience, too. [/quote]

Private vows in the single state to the evangelical counsels is quite feasible. First, it is my firm belief that any vocation including to the single state in private vows needs discernment and ongoing spiritual advice. One can, if one wishes with one's spiritual director, determine how one is to live out the vow of poverty. Onc\e can also determine with one's director what the vow of obedience is to embrace. Obviously if one is making private vows to Chastity, Poverty and Obedience one needs to understand what one is doing and what it means in terms of the ABC of one's life both in a negative and positive sense.
There is nothing at all in Canon Law to prevent a person from making private vows and determining completely privately between oneself and God how one is to live them out. One needs to be very much aware, however, that a vow to God is avery serious matter even if no other person knows about it.
The Church permits a lay person to make vows at Mass if they so choose under the auspices of their parish priest of course. Such vows are still private vows. In formal terms, the person is not living a consecrated life, but a dedicated life.


[quote]It seems like it would also rule out the religious life or priesthood, since those are distinct vocations (by single life, I don't mean Consecrated Virginity, by the way). But then again, people leave the priesthood and religious life after making vows, so I guess one could also leave the vowed single life... ? [/quote]
Private vows are covered by Canon Law and easily researched on a Canon Law site. One needs to keep very much in mind that what one is doing is making a vow to God and a VERY serious matter.
[quote]Is there a history in the Church of people who have discerned a vocation to the single life? What did they do to realize this vocation? How is it discerned? What is the theology and spirituality behind that?[/quote] I have never lookedinto this nor researched it. I understand the theology behind private vows and the single lay vocation but too involved to go into here I think. As for the spirituality, that is very much a personal matter and probably varies greatly between individuals.
[quote]Is anyone here discerning that call? Has anyone made vows to stay single? If so, what does that mean to you? What are the vows like and how binding are they compared to religious life? And why did you choose that instead of religious life or marriage? [/quote]
My private vows are just as binding on me in a personal sense as if I was a religious although probably in some ways are lived out differnetly. Canon Law covers the vows of a religious and those who make private vows and are easily researched on any Canon Law site. Certainly the vows of a religious are probably far more complex to abandon than private vows (see Canon Law) - but it must be kept in mind that in a personal sense vows to God are a very serious matter.
I know a few religious personally and for quite a few years. Certainly, they live far better than I do in a financial sense in all matters connected to finances and all matters now days are related to financies most often, although I sang joyfully tonight at Mass "Let the poor sing "I am rich" ". Chastity is the same for us all I think. As for obedience - to a certain degree, I have my spiritual director.....after that, I wish someone would make all the hard decisions for me about daily life and related matters and that I didn't have to make them all myself and then carry them through. I wish someone else had to worry about paying the bills and putting food on the table. I wish someone else would answer the phone and doorbell and tell me what to do. LOL! I never lived so well as when I was in monastic life and knew it.
As for catechisis. Were it me, I would be talking to my parish priest about it and going from there.

[quote]And why did you choose that instead of religious life or marriage?[/quote]

Because I went through a process of discernment and it was affirmed for me that I had a call to the single state under private vows and to a quite specific way of life or lifestyle - affirmed by my then Archbishop on Diocessan letterhead ,which I treasure.


God bless - Barb

Edited February 19, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[Chamomile]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1298115226' post='2213803']
Hi Chamomile - There can be nothing higher or greater than God's Will, no matter what His Will may be. Hence, I dont have that mindset that one vocation and call from God is greater than another - each is an expression of God's Will and nothing can be greater than God's Will for a person, no matter what His Will may be. It is God's Will that is deserving of all praise and thanksgiving.

There is much discussion nowadays on the single lay state as a vocation and these discussion are quite new more or less in The Church. Some agree, some disagree and it seems to be a matter of opinion more or less often. It all depends, I think, often on what one wants to believe which probably will determine who and what one quotes in support of what one wants to believe. Perhaps one day The Church will come out with a document on the single lay state as a vocation, although to my mind it is not necessary and all is covered in CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI if one has a careful prayerful read of the Document. As I said in another post, we can forget that our Baptism is a vocation with no strict necessity for God to call one out of the lay state and the vocation of baptism and all it entails into the priesthood, religious life, marriage or some other form of consecrated life in The Church. The Church does not teach that we must enter into either marriage, priesthood or consecrated life in The Church. Most often it seems that He does and all praise and thanksgiving to Him for these vocations and calls. Because, to speak personally, He has not called me thus, do I consider my own vocation and call to the single lay state not comparable with the Sacrament of Marriage or consecrated life? Not at all, it is God's Will that is great in all its manifestations small and great. Very obviously, I would be gravely in error to choose Marraige because it is a Sacrament or religious life because it is the consecrated state knowing that I am not called. I am not called to either the Sacrament of Marriage or to religious life but to the single lay state and this is God's Will for me and nothing can be comparable to that! Personally again, it was not something I just decided to do - it was a journey and with advice from two theologians which included one who was my confessor and director ....... and I didn't really understand what I was trying to discern since back over 30 years ago the single lay state as a vocation was unheard of in the ppublic sense generally in The Church. It has always been, however, in a theological sense, a potential call and vocation from God.

If I start considering "comparable" then is a Sacrament on the same level as the consecrated state? But I just dont think along those lines in any way at all and find it near on impossible to get my head around such matters and leave it to the theologians. Nothing can be higher than God's Will in all its manifestations.
[/quote]



I'm sorry if what I wrote sounded like I was assigning levels of goodness to certain states of life. I think we all agree that God's will is the ultimate best for each individual person.

By "comparable," I meant in terms of witness, history, theology, recognition, and probably other aspects I can't think to name right now. Also, the duties of the traditionally-recognized vocations are very obvious and special I think - Consecration of the Eucharist for priests and the creation of life for married couples, to name the most important. It's a little bit less detailed when one speaks of a single vocation as there aren't these specific roles or even a traditional understanding of what it means to live that life. All comparable means is that something has a similar aspect, not that a priest is a better person or more closely following God's will than a single person. Sorry for the misunderstanding!

Since you brought up the idea of a vocation being "higher" or on a different "level," I feel like I have to say that the Church has said celibacy is a calling higher than marriage - if it is given to one to be able to embrace that life. And of course, if you're living a single life, you are celibate. [url="http://www.religious-vocation.com/"]Here[/url] are some quotes on that. One could actually go much deeper into it than that website, which I think might make someone who's married feel inferior (even though it tries to explain it down at the bottom... but I still wouldn't want to show this to many of my married non-Catholic friends!), but that's not what we're talking about here. However, I thought I should bring that up, since the Church has actually spoken quite a few times on the preference for celibacy, if one can live that life. But even though the language of a "higher calling" is used, that's not the same as giving someone a level or status in regards to their vocation. I don't think following the "higher" calling of celibacy or discerning that marriage is the right vocation for a person would ever contradict God's will if one is open to truly knowing God's will.

I enjoyed reading your answers to my initial questions. I pray that God will bless you in your pursuit of holiness

Edited February 19, 2011 by Chamomile

[dominicansoul]

to be honest, all this talk about the single vocation makes me feel that i'm pretty much ready to die. Come Lord Jesus!

(I wish He would come already!)

[Chamomile]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1298149077' post='2213894']
to be honest, all this talk about the single vocation makes me feel that i'm pretty much ready to die. Come Lord Jesus!

(I wish He would come already!)
[/quote]

I make you want to die?!?!?! [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/cry2.gif[/img]

[url="http://www.avemariasingles.com/"]Ave Maria Singles[/url]

[BarbTherese]

Quoting Chamomile:
[quote]I'm sorry if what I wrote sounded like I was assigning levels of goodness to certain states of life. I think we all agree that God's will is the ultimate best for each individual person. [/quote]

Hi again Chamomile - When one considers the different vocations in life, I think that there are two levels. There is the theological aspect in all its aspects and this is where levels, to me sadly, can enter into the picture. Then there is the personal level and as you state, nothing can be higheror better than God's Will for an individual. If God calls one to a "lesser" vocation in the eyes of theologians, does this mean that God thinks less or loves less the person involved. Not at all and what it takes on the part of the person is a shift in perspective and attitude and to focus on God and His Will lovingly, rather than theologians 'weighing up' a scale of importance.
[quote]By "comparable," I meant in terms of witness, history, theology, recognition, and probably other aspects I can't think to name right now. Also, the duties of the traditionally-recognized vocations are very obvious and special I think - Consecration of the Eucharist for priests and the creation of life for married couples, to name the most important. It's a little bit less detailed when one speaks of a single vocation as there aren't these specific roles or even a traditional understanding of what it means to live that life. All comparable means is that something has a similar aspect, not that a priest is a better person or more closely following God's will than a single person. Sorry for the misunderstanding! [/quote]
And I apologize for misunderstanding. The single state embraced as God's call and vocation is only just now, more or less, becoming a subject under much discussion within The Church. Theologically it has always been a possibility - but in some ways we are still struggling with our pre V2 consciousness - in which "vocation" was only considered as the priesthood or religious life. Marriage very rightly has emerged and been included although there was a struggle to do so, the single state as vocation (not as the default) is still emerging, still struggling.
As an accepted call and vocation from God, there is a certain freedom in defining it - wisely under the auspices of a spiritual director guiding to discern God's Will. In many ways the single state as a vocation embraced under private vows to the evengelical counsels is similar to that of religious life in structure anyway if not the ABC's of daily life. There is very often a charism to be lived out in poverty, chastity and obedience. There is, most often I should imagine, a structure of formal daily prayer and other structures to inform and encourage on the spiritual level.

What has arisen inThe Church and been officially accepted are secular institutes of consecrated life. I am thinking of "The Leaven" (Carmelite Ancient Observance or O.Carm) which began as a struggle to establish a religious life per se. But along the way it was discerned that God had otherplans, and the membership live in their own homes and do not wear habits but ordinary clothing - but it is a formal consecrated way of life in The Church. It is also a very hidden life unlike religious life where there is some outward manifestation of identity.

[quote]Since you brought up the idea of a vocation being "higher" or on a different "level," I feel like I have to say that the Church has said celibacy is a calling higher than marriage - if it is given to one to be able to embrace that life. And of course, if you're living a single life, you are celibate. [url="http://www.religious-vocation.com/"]Here[/url] are some quotes on that. One could actually go much deeper into it than that website, which I think might make someone who's married feel inferior (even though it tries to explain it down at the bottom... but I still wouldn't want to show this to many of my married non-Catholic friends!), but that's not what we're talking about here. However, I thought I should bring that up, since the Church has actually spoken quite a few times on the preference for celibacy, if one can live that life. But even though the language of a "higher calling" is used, that's not the same as giving someone a level or status in regards to their vocation. I don't think following the "higher" calling of celibacy or discerning that marriage is the right vocation for a person would ever contradict God's will if one is open to truly knowing God's will.[/quote] I am afraid that I just can't get my head around all this higher and lower, lesser etc. It is for theologians to argue these things for their own reasons but they have not convinced me yet, although The Church does make certain statements and I bow to a far superior and Graced wisdom than my own, while I have difficulties doing so and cannot understand. I cannot understand this "higher calling" business. Certainly religious life is the state of perfection - that state in life which has perfection as its primary focus and its very structure will ideally lead the person to perfection. This has nothing at all to do with the fact, to my mind, that other vocations are "lesser" vocations or that God has greater plans for those in religious life, or loves them more. He is simply asking them to attain perfection in the state of perfection.We are all called to perfection with The Grace to achieve it, but not all are called to the state of perfection. "All is Grace"(St Therese) and living the religious life is a Grace, married life is a Grace, single celibacy is a Grace. Without Grace it would be absolutely impossible for anyone to live their particular vocation and this in essence, is what "vocation" means. It is a call from God to live in a certain way with the guarantee of alll Grace necessary to live that way of life and to perfection.
Higher, lesser etc. etc. are all worldly type thinking and equasions to my mind and there is that something in we human beings that wants to be higher and not lesser etc. than the next person, hence that type of thinking feeds into that very something in us that we strive to overcome. I think that what we need is a shift of focus off self, "me", and to focus on The Lord and to strive to love Him and His Will no matter what it may be.
No concept can create a reality. It is only a human concept. If I were to read or someone say to me that the single celibate state can only be a transition state to marraige or religious life, I have a choice. I can state my case, or I can say "OK!". All I would be arguing were human concepts or agreeing with a human concept in the interests of Peace. Sure, there is a reality involved and that reality to my mind is still struggling to emerge and I try to listen to that struggle for cues and clues - hope that makes some sense.
I agree with you that if one has a desire and genuine focus to know and do The Will of God, they cannot go wrong. God would never allow such a thing for the person obviously loves Him. He is The All Faithful ONe. We need to remember too that "vocation" is only ever an invitation and not a Divine Command.
[quote]I enjoyed reading your answers to my initial questions. I pray that God will bless you in your pursuit of holiness [/quote] God's richest blessings on you and yours also and in your own persuit of holiness.....Barb

[JenDeMaria]

Just as an added aside, Saint Rose of Lima (who was extremely devoted to Saint Catherine of Sienna, btw) desperately wanted to become a Dominican but could not because of her family. She became a 3rd order Dominican, instead, made private vows of celibacy and lived in a little hermitage in her parents backyard and looked over a number of destitute sick people.

In my extremely humble and most likely poorly informed opinion, it seems that if God only gives us desires He intends to fulfill (though sometimes in a rather round-about way, as with Saint Catherine and Saint Rose, who could not fully live a religious life) that God would not give us a total absence of desire to enter into a state of life, if we were truly intended for it. If a person has absolutely no desire for a husband or a family, wouldn't that seem like a sign that their calling might lie elsewhere?

Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross lived for a number of years in a very unusual situation in which she taught at a Dominican school, living side by side with the nuns, participating in the common recitation of the Divine Office and living religious life as nearly as she could while the Church continued to encourage her to postpone entering Carmel -- and if Hitler had not attained power, if the Shoah had never happened, might she have been required to live this life indefinitely? If so would you say that such a condition would not have been a Vocation, but a personal calling, a private mission of sorts? (And why do so many people who want to be religious, but can't, associate with the Dominicans?)

I know Saint Thomas made the case that not even religious callings are Vocations-properly-so-called, stating that only priests are truly called by Christ, with the implication, I think, that the rest of us are given [i]missions[/i], we are sent out into the world with work to do but are not given the specific "Come and follow me" mandate to live [i]in persona Christi[/i] as priests are called to do. Still, this seems a bit like splitting hairs when the Church frequently teaches that we have a common vocation to holiness, an expression which would seem to gloss the word vocation rather simply as "a calling to live as God intends us to live, according to His divine will"

Saint Francis de Sales said "A true vocation is nothing other than a strong, unchanging will that the person who is called possesses, so as to want to serve God in the way and in the place where the Divine Majesty calls her." I think that makes sense. I can't remember if Jennifer Moorecraft said that Saint Teresa of the Andes went through a period in which she felt as though God was calling her to value conformity to His will above her own desire to enter religious life, or if that's simply a private anecdote I read on Phatmass. But I think you could easily make the point that the true fulfillment in any vocation lies in the "Fiat voluntas Tua".

[BarbTherese]

It seems to me that what theologians are doing is considering the various vocations and calls outside of teh context of God's Will. In real terms, reality, this is impossible as nothing good exists outside of God's Will. And if I consider the various vocations in the context of God's Will, which is higher? Very obviously, God's Will.

[BarbTherese]

Quoting JenDeMaria
[quote]Just as an added aside, Saint Rose of Lima (who was extremely devoted to Saint Catherine of Sienna, btw) desperately wanted to
In my extremely humble and most likely poorly informed opinion, it seems that if God only gives us desires He intends to fulfill (though sometimes in a rather round-about way, as with Saint Catherine and Saint Rose, who could not fully live a religious life) that God would not give us a total absence of desire to enter into a state of life, if we were truly intended for it. If a person has absolutely no desire for a husband or a family, wouldn't that seem like a sign that their calling might lie elsewhere?[/quote]

Hi JenDeMaria......I agree that God never inspires good desires that He does not intend to fulfill. All good comes from God and He is The All Faithful One. With St. Rose, perhaps she went on a journey. She wanted to give herself totally to God in the Dominican Order but had a barrier or impediment. She experiences disappointment and joins the Third Order and makes a private vow of celibacy and in that she discoveres that she has and can give herself totally to God and finds fulfillment and holiness, and sanctity. Hence her desire is fulfilled, but not as she had anticipated it - "My Ways are not your ways". Am I ready to abandon my own definitions (not my good "desires") in order to accept the definition of The Lord? Or do I cling to my own defintions. And the best way to 'hear' His Definition is through spiritual direction to both identify what my actual desire or desires may be - and to hear what The Lord has to say about it including my definition.
[quote]Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross lived for a number of years in a very unusual situation in which she taught at a Dominican school, living side by side with the nuns, participating in the common recitation of the Divine Office and living religious life as nearly as she could while the Church continued to encourage her to postpone entering Carmel -- and if Hitler had not attained power, if the Shoah had never happened, might she have been required to live this life indefinitely? If so would you say that such a condition would not have been a Vocation, but a personal calling, a private mission of sorts? (And why do so many people who want to be religious, but can't, associate with the Dominicans?)[/quote]

Sometimes we can view any sort of barrier or impediment to our own desires as a negative. Life is all about one's perspective and attitude. Rather, I think of barriers or impediments as God saying (we need to listen to reality, to God) "Not that way". Hence where is my investment, in my own desire or desires and as I define them, or what I 'hear' God saying about His Desire, His Willl for me - or "Not that way". God's Will in life can also be expressed through negatives, or barriers and impediments. Negatives are an expression of God's Permissive Will - see CCC 311
[b]For almighty God. . ., because he is supremely good, would never allow any evil whatsoever to exist in his works if he were not so all-powerful and good as to cause good to emerge from evil itself.177[/b]

......and CCC 313 : [b]"We know that in everything God works for good for those who love him."180 The constant witness of the saints confirms this truth:


St. Catherine of Siena said to "those who are scandalized and rebel against what happens to them": "Everything comes from love, all is ordained for the salvation of man, God does nothing without this goal in mind."181
St. Thomas More, shortly before his martyrdom, consoled his daughter: "Nothing can come but that that God wills. And I make me very sure that whatsoever that be, seem it never so bad in sight, it shall indeed be the best."182

Dame Julian of Norwich: "Here I was taught by the grace of God that I should steadfastly keep me in the faith. . . and that at the same time I should take my stand on and earnestly believe in what our Lord shewed in this time - that 'all manner [of] thing shall be well.'"183[/b]

[quote]I know Saint Thomas made the case that not even religious callings are Vocations-properly-so-called, stating that only priests are truly called by Christ, with the implication, I think, that the rest of us are given [i]missions[/i], we are sent out into the world with work to do but are not given the specific "Come and follow me" mandate to live [i]in persona Christi[/i] as priests are called to do. Still, this seems a bit like splitting hairs when the Church frequently teaches that we have a common vocation to holiness, an expression which would seem to gloss the word vocation rather simply as "a calling to live as God intends us to live, according to His divine will"[/quote]

I think personally that theology very often is a hair-splitting science that theologians can enjoy and possibly in the process can confuse non theologians. Nouns are only nouns as concepts are only concepts. Call my vocation "vocation" or call it "missions" the intrinsic reality of God's Will for me remains as a reality - even if someone calls it a "potato" (pulled that one out the air spontaneously - I hope it will illustrate my point.) What indeed after all is in a name?

[quote]Saint Francis de Sales said "A true vocation is nothing other than a strong, unchanging will that the person who is called possesses, so as to want to serve God in the way and in the place where the Divine Majesty calls her." I think that makes sense. I can't remember if Jennifer Moorecraft said that Saint Teresa of the Andes went through a period in which she felt as though God was calling her to value conformity to His will above her own desire to enter religious life, or if that's simply a private anecdote I read on Phatmass. But I think you could easily make the point that the true fulfillment in any vocation lies in the "Fiat voluntas Tua".[/quote]

St Francis de Sales and Jean Pierre de Caussade ("Abandonment to Divine Providence" online text: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment.titlepage.html) have had the greatest and ongoing influence on my own spirituality along with Mary and St. Therese in their hidden lives, and I can certainly identify with what you quote from St. Francis above and "Fiat voluntas Tua" (Thy Will be Done).

God bless - Barb

Edited February 20, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[Theresita Nerita]

Just to add my voice to the group who thinks they are called to the single life: *raised hand.

I'm willing to buy the argument that un-vowed single life is not a consecrated vocation as such in the Thomistic sense of the word. However, that doesn't mean that it's not God's will for some people - it definitely is. Examples abound already on this thread: St. Catherine of Siena, St. Gemma Galgani, Plenty of people.

And despite the coolness of the word "vocation" I don't think that being a person whom God wills into the single life means you are any less holy or any less loved by God. In fact, it is arguably a much harder cross to bear, to have to become holy without a superior, carrying the cross of celibacy without a community supporting you, forming your closest friendships not with fellow believers who can support your decisions but instead with non-believers who are constantly questioning your faith for you and surrounding you with temptations.

I'd say it takes a person with particular gifts from God to thrive in such an environment. I hope every day that I have them.

Personaly: I would love to be called to the religious life, specifically Carmel. However, I realize that these desires are strongest when I'm

A) Tired,
B) doubting my capabilities to perform my mission in the world,
C)too lazy to pay my own bills
D) too thin-skinned to respond to atheist arguments with love all the time, or
E) wanting (pridefully) to gain respect by trading in my "unloved cat lady" outfit for a cool habit with a ceremony and a ring showing I am loved by God. This (for me, since I only want it to gain respect) is self-love.

Likewise, the only time I'm really attracted to the 'married life' is when celibacy really starts grating on me. But I know frustration is NOT a great reason to get married.

I support you, Barb, DominicanSoul, and all the single ladies. Single ladies are generally despised, persecuted for righteousness's sake, looked down upon, mocked and ridiculed, humiliated, acquainted with suffering and women of constant sorrow.

AKA sharing the sufferings of Christ!

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Theresita Nerita' timestamp='1298164748' post='2213992']
Just to add my voice to the group who thinks they are called to the single life: *raised hand.

I'm willing to buy the argument that un-vowed single life is not a consecrated vocation as such in the Thomistic sense of the word. However, that doesn't mean that it's not God's will for some people - it definitely is. Examples abound already on this thread: St. Catherine of Siena, St. Gemma Galgani, Plenty of people.

And despite the coolness of the word "vocation" I don't think that being a person whom God wills into the single life means you are any less holy or any less loved by God. In fact, it is arguably a much harder cross to bear, to have to become holy without a superior, carrying the cross of celibacy without a community supporting you, forming your closest friendships not with fellow believers who can support your decisions but instead with non-believers who are constantly questioning your faith for you and surrounding you with temptations.

I'd say it takes a person with particular gifts from God to thrive in such an environment. I hope every day that I have them.

Personaly: I would love to be called to the religious life, specifically Carmel. However, I realize that these desires are strongest when I'm

A) Tired,
B) doubting my capabilities to perform my mission in the world,
C)too lazy to pay my own bills
D) too thin-skinned to respond to atheist arguments with love all the time, or
E) wanting (pridefully) to gain respect by trading in my "unloved cat lady" outfit for a cool habit with a ceremony and a ring showing I am loved by God. This (for me, since I only want it to gain respect) is self-love.

Likewise, the only time I'm really attracted to the 'married life' is when celibacy really starts grating on me. But I know frustration is NOT a great reason to get married.

I support you, Barb, DominicanSoul, and all the single ladies. Single ladies are generally despised, persecuted for righteousness's sake, looked down upon, mocked and ridiculed, humiliated, acquainted with suffering and women of constant sorrow.

AKA sharing the sufferings of Christ!
[/quote]


Excellent post! Rich insight and from 'hands on' experience!......and brought quite a few smiles I must admit, though, that the only time I am attracted to married life is when I am sick to death of my own company and want someone to listen to my gripes, groans and problems and all day and night.......sooner or laterI recall, that Someone is!

Just watched a documentary about Catholic Poor Clares in the UK. One professed related how out bringing in the cows one day and feeling a little fed up on a few scores, seeing she was far enough from the cloister and any human presence, she started to yell at God telling Him if she had known it was going to be like this, she never would have entered. That really set me really smiling: "Sister, we all have our crosses to bear" - she didn't say whether the poor cows gave milk that day. LOL
Later she had her reply from God, she said, and felt a warm loving amusement at her behaviour. Not a scoffing sort of amusement, but warm and loving. Well she went on that journey of "fed up' and stayed with the feeling rather than trying to rationalize it or avoid it - and eventually came through on the other side and rejoices that she had indeed stuck it out.

Here is a true story I was assured by a priest. A young seminarian was having many difficulties with life in the seminary and with his studies. He prayed and prayed most earnestly about it, but the difficulties did not abate one bit and if anything grew worse. In the chapel one day praying earnestly about his problems again, asking for God to please help him. All of a sudden, he was very angry and told God so in very uncertain terms. Very! He told The Lord that if he did not get help and quickly and things got easier for him, he would be out of the seminary so quick, no one would see him for his dust. Suddenly aware he was in the chapel in the Presence of The Lord Himself and sprouting out all his anger very clearly, he was overcome with deep shame and horror. Appalled at his behaviour, he sought out the chaplain in the seminary and confessed his shocking behaviour. His chaplain replied "Congratulations, my son, you have probably really prayed for the first time in your life". Well the seminarian did go on to be ordained. Did his problems and difficulties ever get better in the seminary? Nope, not one little bit but something and Someone kept him from leaving and kept him persevering to his joyful ordination.

A call and vocation or whatever one pleases or decides to call it, (what's in a name?) is not at all all uphill, but something and Someone just keeps you hanging in there when the going gets rough! It aint all downhill either. In fact our spirituality (no matter the particular 'school' we follow) is full of paradox and often when you think you are on a downhill slide, it just might be that it is not downhill at all.

The Poor Clare in my anecdote above, made a profound observation. God knows our hearts and wants to hear the truth, for God Is Truth - not pretty lies we hope will please Him.

God bless - Barb

Edited February 20, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[Chamomile]

Really good posts and information! One of the reasons I started this thread was because I hadn't seen any good discussion on the singe life as a vocation, and I'm glad we've had so many people respond with their insight and experiences.

I also think hearing from so many people who are living singly helps those who are afraid that that might be something they will "end up" doing. That fear - even if it isn't well-founded and the result may not be that - is a hinderance to discernment in general. We need to have open hearts to listen to God's voice, which sometimes says things that seem crazy by human standards. It's good to remember that God has all things in His hands and works all to the good of those who love Him!

The Gospel at Mass today was Matthew 20:1-16. Someone either mentioned this in a previous post or it was on a link - the parable of the workers in the vineyard who all get the same wages, even though some have been out there slaving away all day, and some just showed up at the last minute. Very good to read over in light of discernment. It reminds us that following God's will through responding to His invitation is not about us, but about serving Him.

By the way, you can do an Internet search for Saints who were tertiaries and find some more single Saints...