Vocation To The Single Life

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1297941580' post='2213227']
This is from the Catholic Digest. It was published in 2007 and is written by Kerry Weber.



According to my theology professor, the single life is probably one of the hardest vocations for other people to understand, even more than the consecrated life. I know that the Church recognizes the single life as a vocation and it's a really important one. Most of us are single by default in our teens and early twenties. That's healthy! As we enter religious life, marry, etc. we are no longer single. But we should support those who see the single life as their primary vocation.
[/quote]

That's exactly it, though- it's not a vocation [i]as such[/i]. It is a transitory state in life, [i]from[/i] which one is called.

Now, thinking about it more... Those who make private vows or otherwise make a consecration to God, seem to me to be answering a God-given vocation. There is commitment and accountability. But the single life without those sorts of commitments is, by its very nature, transitory (except under certain circumstances, as noted in my earlier post).

But of course we must be supporting everyone at every state in their life. We [i]don't[/i] need to call things what they're not. It only causes confusion. We refer to anything we're doing, that we believe is God's will, as "our vocation." Sure, in a very loose way, that's true. My s/d used to say to me while I was in college, "Your vocation is to be the best student you can." I understood him correctly as using the term 'vocation' loosely. We both knew that this was where God wanted me at the moment and to best follow God's will for me was to be the best student I could be.

But that's not a vocation in the proper sense. And I think when we use the word 'vocation' to encompass many aspects of our lives the concur with God's will, that's when we get the confusion about what is or is not a vocation. A vocation, properly speaking, is a call from God to a committed state of life.

[Cherie]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1297907724' post='2213136']
My health issues can exacerbate the problem, though. I find myself getting upset at things children naturally do like crying. My tolerance is really low most of the time, though I constantly try to change it, but having depression can really make small things seem bigger. My mom gets on to me all the time about things bothering me, so I really wonder if having a family would be a benefit or a burden in my case. Sometimes, I wonder if it would help me acquire more patience in having to deal with my own children--my mom has mentioned this before.

[/quote]

My aunt-in-law said she [i]hated[/i] children before she had one. She could have never, ever pictured herself a mom, even after she got married. But when she had her son, everything came together; her motherly instincts came through, and she says since then, the best thing that ever happened to her was being a mom. Of course she made mistakes, but she said that no matter what, she always tried to do what was best for her son, and it's what gave her the greatest joy. This coming from someone who literally[i] hated[/i] to be around children!

You could be right, that perhaps your health issues are a manifestation of the fact that you're not called to marriage, but I wouldn't necessarily rule it out [i]only[/i] because of that.

It helps to have more of a laid back personality when being a parent - to sigh or just laugh when things get on your nerves. And of course, if depression is in the picture it's important to seek treatment. But by no means are all parents laid back, and even the laid back ones aren't that way all of the time! I know for myself, even though I've always wanted to be a mom, having my son has helped me grow in patience, (and many other virtues, as well!) as it also has my husband. (But I must admit, I think being married in general has helped me grow in patience! ) Many people are surprised at the change that occurs once they become parents. Just to give a little perspective in that regard!

[Cherie]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1297958936' post='2213294']
That's exactly it, though- it's not a vocation [i]as such[/i]. It is a transitory state in life, [i]from[/i] which one is called.

Now, thinking about it more... Those who make private vows or otherwise make a consecration to God, seem to me to be answering a God-given vocation. There is commitment and accountability. But the single life without those sorts of commitments is, by its very nature, transitory (except under certain circumstances, as noted in my earlier post).

But of course we must be supporting everyone at every state in their life. We [i]don't[/i] need to call things what they're not. It only causes confusion. We refer to anything we're doing, that we believe is God's will, as "our vocation." Sure, in a very loose way, that's true. My s/d used to say to me while I was in college, "Your vocation is to be the best student you can." I understood him correctly as using the term 'vocation' loosely. We both knew that this was where God wanted me at the moment and to best follow God's will for me was to be the best student I could be.

But that's not a vocation in the proper sense. And I think when we use the word 'vocation' to encompass many aspects of our lives the concur with God's will, that's when we get the confusion about what is or is not a vocation. A vocation, properly speaking, is a call from God to a committed state of life.
[/quote]

This is a very good post, and I agree.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1297958936' post='2213294']
That's exactly it, though- it's not a vocation [i]as such[/i]. It is a transitory state in life, [i]from[/i] which one is called.

Now, thinking about it more... Those who make private vows or otherwise make a consecration to God, seem to me to be answering a God-given vocation. There is commitment and accountability. But the single life without those sorts of commitments is, by its very nature, transitory (except under certain circumstances, as noted in my earlier post).

But of course we must be supporting everyone at every state in their life. We [i]don't[/i] need to call things what they're not. It only causes confusion. We refer to anything we're doing, that we believe is God's will, as "our vocation." Sure, in a very loose way, that's true. My s/d used to say to me while I was in college, "Your vocation is to be the best student you can." I understood him correctly as using the term 'vocation' loosely. We both knew that this was where God wanted me at the moment and to best follow God's will for me was to be the best student I could be.

But that's not a vocation in the proper sense. And I think when we use the word 'vocation' to encompass many aspects of our lives the concur with God's will, that's when we get the confusion about what is or is not a vocation. A vocation, properly speaking, is a call from God to a committed state of life.

A[/quote]
A call from God ("vocation" comes from "vocare" i.e "to call") is of course an expression of God's Will for a person, and such can never be termed 'loosely'. It is always a sacred and holy matter and the road for the particular person to holiness and Unity with God's Will - because the smallest and greatest expressions of God's Will is always equally and fully holy and sacred and the road to holiness.
The Pre V2 insistence that only religious life and the priesthood were vocations in the true since still remains in our consciousness, although Rome's directive that marriage is also a vocation int he true sense has broadened our pre V2 consciousness. But "vocation" is even broader than all that and certainly some Documents coming out of Rome example this, but there is still that insistence in our consciousness to comparmentalize vocation within narrow inaccurate limits. This also as a consequence compartmentalizes expressions of God's Will into narrow and inaccurate limits. It can also narrow and make inaccurate understandings of the Sacrament of Baptism.


Again, we can forget that our Bapstims is a vocation or call from God to follow the Gospel. A further call, whatever it may be including to the single state, is a call to live out our baptism in a particular manner. For one called to the single state it is a call to live out the Gospel as a single lay person in celibacy, either under private vows or not. It is a vocation in the truest sense of the word as is our Baptism. The person with a call to the single lay celibate state as their vocation may or may not be called to another state in life and vocation at some point - but so can anyone in any vocation. Canon Law sets out what governs those in private vows.

As long as God does not call one to some other particular vocation, one has a call for sure to the single celibate state; however, some are called to this state directly and as their particular and personal call and vocation and as a lifetime consideration.

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_30121988_christifideles-laici_en.html


[quote]
POST-SYNODAL

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION

CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI
OF
HIS HOLINESS
JOHN PAUL II
ON THE VOCATION AND THE MISSION
OF THE LAY FAITHFUL


IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD


Quote:


The [u][b]Various Vocations [/b][/u]in the Lay State
…………………Along the same line the Second Vatican Council states: "This lay spirituality should take its particular character from the circumstances of one's state in life (married and familylife,[u] [b]celibacy,[/b] [/u]widowhood), from one's state of health and from one's professional and social activity. All should not cease to develop earnestly the qualities and talents bestowed on them in accord with these conditions of life and should make use of the gifts which they have received from the Holy Spirit"(208)………….. [/quote]


God bless - Barb

Edited February 17, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

If one wants to understand what a personal call and vocation to the single lay state as a lifetime consideration (or it can also be for a limited time) one needs certainly to read with prayerful care at very least, very least:

http://www.vatican.v...s-laici_en.html



Quote

POST-SYNODAL

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION

CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI
OF
HIS HOLINESS
JOHN PAUL II
ON THE VOCATION AND THE MISSION
OF THE LAY FAITHFUL


As Jesus said "some are made eneuchs for the sake of The Kingdom" and one needs to have that gift of celilbacy and the ability to live it out without the support of community most often and in the lay state. One needs to have, or to develop through spiritual direction, a good grasp of one's Faith and what The Church teaches. In religious life most often this is an ongoing formation which in some of the aspects within religious life will not be available to the person in the single celibate state as vocation, hence one needs other means of ongoingoing formation, ideally and wisely through sound ongoing spiritual direction for one only. Single life celibacy as one's vocation could be a lonely life if one lives alone, if one does not prove to have that gift of living alone with the Alone, rather than being lonely and as St. Paul said that the spirit needs to be tested - and this is ideally done with wise spiritual direction.
Most often too the person called by vocation to the single celibate state as one's vocation will have a call to some particular aspect or aspects of The Gospel and The Kingdom to be lived out and expressed in the single state of celibacy - much as a religious may have a call say to a teaching or contemplative order or some other expression of The Gospel and The Kingdom. The person called to the single celibate state as one's lifetime call most often has a call too to a particular way of life, most wisely affirmed by spiritual direction.

Personally, I think that the single celibate state as one's lifetime call needs to be affirmed by sound and wise spiritual direction and then lived out under same.

Incidentally, The Church permist those making private vows to do so at a public Mass. Such a vow or vows remains a private vow or vows, even though made during a public Mass celebrated by a priest - and the life of the person is expressed as a "dedicated life". The term "consecrated life" is confined to those who make vows through a Bishop and their vows are termed "public vows".

God bless - Barb

Edited February 17, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1297907171' post='2213132']
I haven't really read much of this thread, and I don't mean to be off topic, but I just had to say, I don't think anyone has the patience to deal with kids 100% of the time. I can pretty much guarantee that if you ask a mom if she's got patience 100% of the time, she'll tell you no.

Sorry for this interruption. Please, carry on.
[/quote]
To add to this, how other children affect you in no way reflects how your own affect you, or how you relate to your own. I have never enjoyed babysitting and have very little patience with children who are not mine. As Cherie mentioned, motherhood can transform you, you just never know, really. And of course God gives us the grace we need.

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1297958936' post='2213294']
That's exactly it, though- it's not a vocation [i]as such[/i]. It is a transitory state in life, [i]from[/i] which one is called.

Now, thinking about it more... Those who make private vows or otherwise make a consecration to God, seem to me to be answering a God-given vocation. There is commitment and accountability. But the single life without those sorts of commitments is, by its very nature, transitory (except under certain circumstances, as noted in my earlier post).

But of course we must be supporting everyone at every state in their life. We [i]don't[/i] need to call things what they're not. It only causes confusion. We refer to anything we're doing, that we believe is God's will, as "our vocation." Sure, in a very loose way, that's true. My s/d used to say to me while I was in college, "Your vocation is to be the best student you can." I understood him correctly as using the term 'vocation' loosely. We both knew that this was where God wanted me at the moment and to best follow God's will for me was to be the best student I could be.

But that's not a vocation in the proper sense. And I think when we use the word 'vocation' to encompass many aspects of our lives the concur with God's will, that's when we get the confusion about what is or is not a vocation. A vocation, properly speaking, is a call from God to a committed state of life.
[/quote]
I think this makes sense that the single life as a default position isn't , strictly speaking, a vocation, but that one makes a true commitment to a vocation, be that religious vows of some kind or marriage.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1297974774' post='2213355']
A call from God ("vocation" comes from "vocare" i.e "to call") is of course an expression of God's Will for a person, and such can never be termed 'loosely'. It is always a sacred and holy matter and the road for the particular person to holiness and Unity with God's Will - because the smallest and greatest expressions of God's Will is always equally and fully holy and sacred and the road to holiness.
The Pre V2 insistence that only religious life and the priesthood were vocations in the true since still remains in our consciousness, although Rome's directive that marriage is also a vocation int he true sense has broadened our pre V2 consciousness. But "vocation" is even broader than all that and certainly some Documents coming out of Rome example this, but there is still that insistence in our consciousness to comparmentalize vocation within narrow inaccurate limits. This also as a consequence compartmentalizes expressions of God's Will into narrow and inaccurate limits. It can also narrow and make inaccurate understandings of the Sacrament of Baptism.


Again, we can forget that our Bapstims is a vocation or call from God to follow the Gospel. A further call, whatever it may be including to the single state, is a call to live out our baptism in a particular manner. For one called to the single state it is a call to live out the Gospel as a single lay person in celibacy, either under private vows or not. It is a vocation in the truest sense of the word as is our Baptism. The person with a call to the single lay celibate state as their vocation may or may not be called to another state in life and vocation at some point - but so can anyone in any vocation. Canon Law sets out what governs those in private vows.

As long as God does not call one to some other particular vocation, one has a call for sure to the single celibate state; however, some are called to this state directly and as their particular and personal call and vocation and as a lifetime consideration.

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_30121988_christifideles-laici_en.html





God bless - Barb
[/quote]

Thanks for commenting, Barb.

With all respect; I disagree. Well, not completely.

All vocations arise from our baptism. This is true. Each person has a universal call to holiness and union with God by virtue of their baptism. And since each person is a unique child of God, how one arrives at complete union with God will be different. To call this a vocation... yes, sure. I'm more of a Thomist, so I prefer to call it our final end by virtue of our baptism. Either way, yes, it's universal. Yes, it is from our baptism. And exactly how we arrive at our final end will differ because of our uniqueness.

But the stricter, and more proper sense of vocation, as the Church has traditionally used the word, refers to a specific state in life that allows one to give selflessly.

I'm not usually one to quote from articles on the internet to make my argument, but they've done a great job with it: [url="http://www.pathsoflove.com/blog/2008/08/single-vocation-marriage-or-religious-life/"]Single Vocation?[/url]

[Lilllabettt]

I have difficulty understanding the strict defintion of vocation as a permanent or life-long commitment. A "true commitment" yes, but life-long .. no. I have heard it said that a vocation is different from a career because a career may change but a vocation does not. Well, I don't buy that. The difference between vocation and a job is that a job is something you do and a vocation has to do with who you are, your identity in relation to God. And who we are in relation to God can and does change.

God called Elizabeth Ann Seton to be married for ten years. Then He called her to be Catholic. Then He called her to be a religious. Blessed Teresa made perpetual vows with the Sisters of Loreto, until she received a new "call within a call." Benedict Joseph Labore made a commitment to spend his life as a permanent pilgrim. That was his vocation, confirmed by his confessors. No doubt God might have called him to that and then to something else after awhile.

Speaking of Elizabeth Ann Seaton ... the Daughters of Charity make no life long vows. Their vocation is to make a commitment every year. There are other secular institutes with the same set up ... and their vocations to that way of life are real regardless of the fact that they are "temporary." I know of a woman who was called to be a Daughter for 25 yrs and then was called to marriage. It is not as if her life with the Daughters was not "her" vocation and marriage turned out to be her "real" vocation. Both were real vocations. She was called twice, like St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Blessed Teresa, etc.

I think we as human beings like to think in terms of categories. But when God calls someone to a way of life, He is not restricted by our categories.

[MeteorShower]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1297979844' post='2213393']
God called Elizabeth Ann Seton to be married for ten years. Then He called her to be Catholic. Then He called her to be a religious. Blessed Teresa made perpetual vows with the Sisters of Loreto, until she received a new "call within a call." Benedict Joseph Labore made a commitment to spend his life as a permanent pilgrim. That was his vocation, confirmed by his confessors. No doubt God might have called him to that and then to something else after awhile.

Speaking of Elizabeth Ann Seaton ... the Daughters of Charity make no life long vows. Their vocation is to make a commitment every year. There are other secular institutes with the same set up ... and their vocations to that way of life are real regardless of the fact that they are "temporary." I know of a woman who was called to be a Daughter for 25 yrs and then was called to marriage. It is not as if her life with the Daughters was not "her" vocation and marriage turned out to be her "real" vocation. Both were real vocations. She was called twice, like St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Blessed Teresa, etc.

[/quote]

ooh...I have never thought of it like that

good explanation

[BarbTherese]

Quoting Lilllabettt
[quote]I have difficulty understanding the strict defintion of vocation as a permanent or life-long commitment. A "true commitment" yes, but life-long .. no. I have heard it said that a vocation is different from a career because a career may change but a vocation does not. Well, I don't buy that. The difference between vocation and a job is that a job is something you do and a vocation has to do with who you are, your identity in relation to God. And who we are in relation to God can and does change.[/quote] A vocation or call is that to whichever God calls one. It may be experienced as a lifetime call, it may be experienced as some kind of temporary call. God could conceivably call one to be a lawyer in say the single celibate state - while our Baptism defines who we are. We are a certain kind of person ideally, who lives out the call of The Gospel and no matter our particular call in life.
While a person may experience a call or vocation for life, The Will of God may not necessarily unfold that way. "My Ways are not your ways"
[quote]God called Elizabeth Ann Seton to be married for ten years. Then He called her to be Catholic. Then He called her to be a religious. Blessed Teresa made perpetual vows with the Sisters of Loreto, until she received a new "call within a call." Benedict Joseph Labore made a commitment to spend his life as a permanent pilgrim. That was his vocation, confirmed by his confessors. No doubt God might have called him to that and then to something else after awhile.[/quote]
Undoubtedly when Elizabet Ann Seton married, she experienced this as a lifetime call. Later God called herto be Catholic and we know that is alifetime call. God can call us anywhere and we may experience it as a lifetimes call or a temporary one. This does not mean that it will unfold as we experience and expect. God's Will is an ever unfolding matter in our days.
[quote]Speaking of Elizabeth Ann Seaton ... the Daughters of Charity make no life long vows. Their vocation is to make a commitment every year. There are other secular institutes with the same set up ... and their vocations to that way of life are real regardless of the fact that they are "temporary." I know of a woman who was called to be a Daughter for 25 yrs and then was called to marriage. It is not as if her life with the Daughters was not "her" vocation and marriage turned out to be her "real" vocation. Both were real vocations. She was called twice, like St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Blessed Teresa, etc.[/quote]
I dont think that those who make temporary vows experience their vocation as a vocation only for a certain period, rather they experience it as a lifetime call. Whetherit will actually unfold that way is up to God. When Mother Teresa entered I think it was the Loreto Sisters, she experienced that as her call for life. It did not unfold that way and God called her elsewhere and to found a religious order.
[quote]I think we as human beings like to think in terms of categories. But when God calls someone to a way of life, He is not restricted by our categories.[/quote]
Absolutely correct that God is not at all restricted to our categories. And the sad thing about we humans and our categories is that we tend to create with our categories a type of "class system", failing to sight that nothing can be higher nor better for a person than God's Will. God's Will is the most sacred and the highest whetherit be in 'small' matters or 'great' matters. Quantifying God's Will, infact, as either small or great is 'wordly thinking', completely missing truth that God's Will is always and everwhere a great matter, and it sacred and holy in all its manifestations.
God does not call a person to a particular vocation out of any special love for that person for some reason. God calls for the good of The Whole Church and the world each person wheresoever He May for His Own Reasons while His Love for every single person He has created is totally and fully personal and equal. He loves the greatest saint with the same love that he loves the greatest sinner. We, however, can love God more in some people and less in others and no matter our particular vocation to which God has called us along with all the Graces necessary to live outthat vocation. As Jesus has told us we are always and everywhere "unprofitable servants" simply because all Good comes from God and His Grace.

Edited February 17, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[Chamomile]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1297958936' post='2213294']
A vocation, properly speaking, is a call from God to a committed state of life.
[/quote]

This is how I view a vocation - commitment is essential. It allows us to give of ourselves more completely than if we didn't make a commitment.

Even with the points that were raised after this, I think this still applies. Regardless of whether one was at different times in one's life a wife, then a religious (e.g. - St. Rita!!!! ), they lived their vocation as if that were their only vocation - because it was! And it was because they gave themselves completely according to the particulars of a vocation.

This is why I'm confused about the idea of the single life as a vocation. I'm starting to understand it if one makes private vows, is a diocesan hermit, part of an organization of apostolic life, a member of a third order, etc. But without a commitment, it seems to me that there's too much freedom of self and no way to lose oneself for the other, and ultimately for God. We are made for God and for one another, and we need promises to bind us together since we're by nature fickle and prone to wonder.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='Chamomile' timestamp='1297990797' post='2213448']
This is how I view a vocation - commitment is essential. It allows us to give of ourselves more completely than if we didn't make a commitment.

Even with the points that were raised after this, I think this still applies. Regardless of whether one was at different times in one's life a wife, then a religious (e.g. - St. Rita!!!! ), they lived their vocation as if that were their only vocation - because it was! And it was because they gave themselves completely according to the particulars of a vocation.

This is why I'm confused about the idea of the single life as a vocation. I'm starting to understand it if one makes private vows, is a diocesan hermit, part of an organization of apostolic life, a member of a third order, etc. But without a commitment, it seems to me that there's too much freedom of self and no way to lose oneself for the other, and ultimately for God. [b]We are made for God and for one another, and we need promises to bind us together since we're by nature fickle and prone to wonder.[/b]
[/quote]

Yes, exactly!

When we make vows of love, we enter into the mystery of Love Itself, the Holy Trinity! When makes a vow of love directly to God, one enters in a very special way into the Mystery of Love. When one makes a vow of love to another, one mirrors that Mystery of Love in a very special way.

[ontherock4good]

In reading over all these posts, I have to say I feel the way many here do - that a vocation is commitment and something that is permanent.

Right now I'm really struggling w/the concept/idea of vocation. Having recently discerned that religious life is not my vocation, I've really been struggling w/the idea of the single life. There's a big part of me that cringes at it, that doesn't want to be single for the rest of my life and feels like there's no commitment involved, even if I make "private vows." I don't feel ready to make private vows in that regard, anyhow. I'm just living single and doing the best I can right now (I have a parent who's very ill and I help taken care of him.)

Whenever I hear about vocations, I kind of get down and feel like less of a person - I get depressed b/c I feel like I don't have a vocation, that I'm an "outsider" or weirdo, and "less loved" by God than everyone who has found theirs. I know this is rediculous (I mean, we have saints like St. Dominic Savio who died young and didn't have a "vocation" per say, but the most important thing is that they're saints.) However, it's really hard to be single and not have much community or support, especially when it's hard to find a solid spiritual director.

I've certainly thought about marriage, but it seems like there's no guy out there for me right now - no guy is "noticing" me or walking through the door, and I don't know what to do. How do you find your soulmate? I don't want to go to clubs or bars - no interest in finding guys there, but I don't see a lot of single Catholic young men at Church either.

Lately, I've just been very discouraged by my "lack" of vocation, and everytime I feel that way I always feel this tug in my heart that my "vocation" is here and now, in being single and taking care of my parent. I find peace in that, but there's always anxiety when I think of a long-term vocation - things are so unclear and in my heart I'm scared I'll just be single forever, and I really don't want that. However, I don't know if I want married life either - I love and feel called to serving the Lord through different ministries and don't know if I could keep doing that w/a family. Anyway, sorry to ramble - this thread just really hit home for me - please pray! Thank you!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='ontherock4good' timestamp='1298002996' post='2213480']
In reading over all these posts, I have to say I feel the way many here do - that a vocation is commitment and something that is permanent.

Right now I'm really struggling w/the concept/idea of vocation. Having recently discerned that religious life is not my vocation, I've really been struggling w/the idea of the single life. There's a big part of me that cringes at it, that doesn't want to be single for the rest of my life and feels like there's no commitment involved, even if I make "private vows." I don't feel ready to make private vows in that regard, anyhow. I'm just living single and doing the best I can right now (I have a parent who's very ill and I help taken care of him.)

Whenever I hear about vocations, I kind of get down and feel like less of a person - I get depressed b/c I feel like I don't have a vocation, that I'm an "outsider" or weirdo, and "less loved" by God than everyone who has found theirs. I know this is rediculous (I mean, we have saints like St. Dominic Savio who died young and didn't have a "vocation" per say, but the most important thing is that they're saints.) However, it's really hard to be single and not have much community or support, especially when it's hard to find a solid spiritual director.

I've certainly thought about marriage, but it seems like there's no guy out there for me right now - no guy is "noticing" me or walking through the door, and I don't know what to do. How do you find your soulmate? I don't want to go to clubs or bars - no interest in finding guys there, but I don't see a lot of single Catholic young men at Church either.

Lately, I've just been very discouraged by my "lack" of vocation, and everytime I feel that way I always feel this tug in my heart that my "vocation" is here and now, in being single and taking care of my parent. I find peace in that, but there's always anxiety when I think of a long-term vocation - things are so unclear and in my heart I'm scared I'll just be single forever, and I really don't want that. However, I don't know if I want married life either - I love and feel called to serving the Lord through different ministries and don't know if I could keep doing that w/a family. Anyway, sorry to ramble - this thread just really hit home for me - please pray! Thank you!
[/quote]

Have you thought about possibly joining a Catholic Association? I posted a link earlier about the Secular Institute of the Heart of Jesus, but there are others. I'm considering it as an option, as well as the third order Dominicans, but I'm waiting until I finish college and begin my career to see what would work best and where I feel called. Right now, I don't have the desire to discern anything since I am busy with school and I feel like that is my God-given priority right now. I can definitely understand where you are coming from, though. I don't know if I want to be single forever either. There are those moments when I really desire to have a husband and a family of my own. I used to dream of what it would be like to walk down the aisle of a great Cathedral and see him standing there, waiting for me. It is definitely something that is very intimate and personal and has to be decided on our own. I've tried to find a spiritual director to replace the last one I had, but there is a definite shortage of qualified people to be spiritual directors, so I have stopped looking, at least for the time being.

It can be hard to feel like you are the only one who isn't getting married. Pretty much everyone that I knew in high school is married now with children and sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me, but that is when I try to remember that God's timing is not our own. We don't know what is waiting for us in the not-so-distant future. Your priority right now is caring for an ill parent, and that is a very important and loving gift that you can offer to God. You are giving yourself wholly to your parent who needs you right now. Things will most likely change in the future. I've learned it is important not to dwell on our loneliness, otherwise we despair and our relationship with Christ suffers (I know this all too well since I've had depression for over 11 years--which I am successfully being treated for). Offer your loneliness up to God and ask Him to be your sole comfort. He knows what it is like because He had to endure it Himself. Make daily prayer a priority. Even if you cannot make it to daily Mass, stop what you are doing at different times during the day and just breathe and pray. Life is too hectic and stressful sometimes and we forget, but Christ is always with us.

You have my prayers.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1297977558' post='2213380']
Thanks for commenting, Barb.

With all respect; I disagree. Well, not completely.

All vocations arise from our baptism. This is true. Each person has a universal call to holiness and union with God by virtue of their baptism. And since each person is a unique child of God, how one arrives at complete union with God will be different. To call this a vocation... yes, sure. I'm more of a Thomist, so I prefer to call it our final end by virtue of our baptism. Either way, yes, it's universal. Yes, it is from our baptism. And exactly how we arrive at our final end will differ because of our uniqueness.

But the stricter, and more proper sense of vocation, as the Church has traditionally used the word, refers to a specific state in life that allows one to give selflessly.

I'm not usually one to quote from articles on the internet to make my argument, but they've done a great job with it: [url="http://www.pathsoflove.com/blog/2008/08/single-vocation-marriage-or-religious-life/"]Single Vocation?[/url]
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[quote]But the stricter, and more proper sense of vocation, as the Church has traditionally used the word, refers to a specific state in life that allows one to give selflessly.[/quote]

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI
OF
HIS HOLINESS
JOHN PAUL II
[u][b][center]ON THE VOCATION AND THE MISSION
OF THE LAY FAITHFUL IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD[/center][/b][/u]
http://www.vatican.v...s-laici_en.html




QUOTE:
[u][b]The Various Vocations in the Lay State[/b][/u]

Along the same line the Second Vatican Council states: "This lay spirituality should take its particular character from the circumstances of one's state in life ([b]married and familylife, celibacy, widowhood[/b]), from one's state of health and from one's professional and social activity. All should not cease to develop earnestly the qualities and talents bestowed on them in accord with these conditions of life and should make use of the gifts which they have received from the Holy Spirit"(208)………….. "


Rome has spoken! In the above Document under the heading "The Various VOCATIONS in the Lay State" (caps are mine), the single life is referred to as "celibacy" since obviously the single person in the lay state is called to celibacy.

No matter one's vocation or state in life it is an opportunity to give of oneself selflessly as God may deteremine for God calls every person to holiness and Unity with Himself along with all opportunities and Grace necessary to achieve it. St Therese said that one can pick up a pin for love of God and save souls.

Perspective and attitude in life!

God bless - Barb
Edit: I am pretty sure I have a book by the author of the blog whose link you gave. I think it is also called "Paths of Love" but am unsure and my library just now is a nightmore of disorganization.

Edited February 18, 2011 by BarbaraTherese