Spiritual Direction

[franciscanheart]

How early or late into the process of formal discernment did you get a spiritual director? Have you had the same one the whole time? How do you feel about spiritual direction? Did you notice any changes after beginning? What are some of your favorite things you've received because of spiritual direction?

How did you choose your spiritual director? Was it important to you that your SD be of the same spirituality? Was your SD easy to find?


I just got a new spiritual director and we're meeting for the first time on the 14th. Because my head is usually elsewhere, it did not even occur to me until today that that's Valentine's Day here in the US. And the only reason I realized? A friend texted me and asked me what I was doing on Valentine's. I thought for a moment, asked if that was a Monday, and realized I was meeting my SD that day!

[Tally Marx]

It is confusing with me, as everything always is.
When I was younger (13), I asked a priest whom my family had known for a very long time to be my spiritual director. However, he was more of my confessor; outside of the confessional, very little spiritual direction went on.
There was another priest who I'd known for a long time, and I was in the habit of going to him whenever I had a theological or philosophical question. I wasn't even into any formal discernment (I was much too confused at the time) when I asked him to be my spiritual director, instead. It was natural to ask him, since I'd see him often anyway, he'd always encouraged me to consider the religious life, and he was my Confirmation sponsor, besides. I like him very much and I am fine with spiritual direction, now. I used to be very hesitant when talking about myself, and I didn't know how to express myself at any rate, but that's not such a problem anymore. Favorite things? Um... less confusion, generally I like being able to ask him any question and, because I know and trust him, always get an answer that I don't have to doubt. I like just having someone I know I can talk to about any problem I'm having.
He's very big on the Dominican spirituality, and is biased toward that against the Franciscans, but that's never bothered me at all.

I hope you have a great meeting with your SD!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
How early or late into the process of formal discernment did you get a spiritual director? Have you had the same one the whole time? How do you feel about spiritual direction? Did you notice any changes after beginning? What are some of your favorite things you've received because of spiritual direction?

How did you choose your spiritual director? Was it important to you that your SD be of the same spirituality? Was your SD easy to find?


I just got a new spiritual director and we're meeting for the first time on the 14th. Because my head is usually elsewhere, it did not even occur to me until today that that's Valentine's Day here in the US. And the only reason I realized? A friend texted me and asked me what I was doing on Valentine's. I thought for a moment, asked if that was a Monday, and realized I was meeting my SD that day!



[/quote]

I had the worst time trying to find an SD in my diocese because of the lack of qualified people to do it. I finally found a priest who said yes, but I didn't feel that he was the right person for my spiritual director because he wasn't able to be objective when I need him to be. He was the only one I had. Now that I am no longer discerning, I'm not looking for one, but even if I was discerning, I don't know if I would try to find one because I don't think I get anything from it. I think it works for some people, but I learned better through prayer and talking with vocation directors. That is the method I used to find out I am not called to religious life and I feel at peace with it.

I really didn't have any options for spiritual direction, so I couldn't really be that picky. I would have liked to have a priest from a Dominican order be my spiritual director so he could double as my confessor, but we have no such orders in my diocese. As I said earlier, it was definitely NOT easy to find a director at all. I almost gave up and had to practically beg to find one.

Oh, and I forgot to post that I finally found my spiritual director in December 2008, a year after I started discerning. I stopped seeing him in July or August 2009.

Edited February 7, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Tally Marx' timestamp='1297120229' post='2209851']
It is confusing with me, as everything always is.
When I was younger (13), I asked a priest whom my family had known for a very long time to be my spiritual director. However, he was more of my confessor; outside of the confessional, very little spiritual direction went on.
There was another priest who I'd known for a long time, and I was in the habit of going to him whenever I had a theological or philosophical question. I wasn't even into any formal discernment (I was much too confused at the time) when I asked him to be my spiritual director, instead. It was natural to ask him, since I'd see him often anyway, he'd always encouraged me to consider the religious life, and he was my Confirmation sponsor, besides. I like him very much and I am fine with spiritual direction, now. I used to be very hesitant when talking about myself, and I didn't know how to express myself at any rate, but that's not such a problem anymore. Favorite things? Um... less confusion, generally I like being able to ask him any question and, because I know and trust him, always get an answer that I don't have to doubt. I like just having someone I know I can talk to about any problem I'm having.
He's very big on the Dominican spirituality, and is biased toward that against the Franciscans, but that's never bothered me at all.

I hope you have a great meeting with your SD!
[/quote]
Thanks, Tally! It's good to hear you found a pleasant experience with an SD!

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
How early or late into the process of formal discernment did you get a spiritual director?
[/quote]
Early. Like -- before I even knew what a spiritual director was, I had a priest that was acting in that capacity.

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
Have you had the same one the whole time?
[/quote]
Nope ... life happens, moves happen, and that can force having to change directors.

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
How do you feel about spiritual direction?
[/quote]
I think that spiritual direction is key for your growth. Without one I think it is more difficult to grow. EVERYONE THAT IS SEEKING SANCTITY SHOULD HAVE A S.D. REGARDLESS OF STATE IN LIFE

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
Did you notice any changes after beginning?
[/quote]
Yupper definitely. I've had 3 spiritual directors, and 4 who I tried out with and for some reason or another it didn't continue.
My 1st spiritual director was perfect for the infant state that I was in (with respect to my spiritual growth). He didn't push much -- but pushed as much as he could considering where I was at. The 2nd real director I had actually pushed me hard with respect to change. The 3rd took that into overdrive ... and the only reason that I'm not with the 3rd is distance. I'm back with the 2nd.

If you see that you have a spiritual director and you're not changing/growing then definitely you need to change directors.

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
What are some of your favorite things you've received because of spiritual direction?
[/quote]

I'm not sure how to answer that question .... I guess the biggest thing that I received from spiritual direction is the ability to get off of my high horse/throne and be in a position now that God really is in charge. Even though sometimes I still want to get back onto that throne. I can tell that this has been a change in the way I handle situations and how I deal with people. This is something that s.d.#3 forced me to deal with -- however s.d. #2 kind of prepared me to get to that point, and s.d.#1 walked with me until I grew enough for s.d. #2 to take over. Each had(has) their role. And my spiritual direction with #2 deals with much different things now -- it goes pretty deep at this point.

There's also been a lot of healing that has occurred. Again its kind of hard to pinpoint what I have received in s.d. but I can definitely say that the cmariadiaz of 15 years ago is nothing like the cmariadiaz of today.

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
How did you choose your spiritual director?
[/quote]
a) the first -- just happened. I was comfortable enough with this priest to consult him when my vocation questions popped up, and he was my s.d. for 7-8-9 years (lost track of time). We finally became good friends, and I kept him up to date with things. He recently passed away (I miss him -- he was my 1st spiritual father so to speak).
b) the second -- after meeting a number of priests in my area I realized that he seemed to have the qualities I needed. I asked him to become my s.d. He's been my s.d. since 2005 (except when I was in Argentina and when I first got back to the states). He's been good, and I grew a lot before entering the commmunity in Argentina.
c) the 3rd -- this one was interesting. This religious brother/priest is a member of the community I was with. He came up to me one day (about 3 months since I arrived in Argentina) and said that he had a message from the Lord for me, and it was dead on with respect to what was happening. Soon after that, when I met with the mother general and voiced my need for a spiritual director, she recommended that particular priest. I immediately said yes ... and so did the priest. He pretty much forced me to work on certain issues dead on. It was probably one of the most difficult moments I've had in spiritual direction -- but it definitely brought on major growth. If I could still be in contact with him, I would still have him as a director. Honestly, he's a walking saint.
d) in the 1st community I entered, the vocation directress assigned a s.d. to me. It didn't work -- and I voiced it. She didle-daddled getting me a second one (4 or 5 months passed), until she was reassigned and I finally had enough and went to the mother general with the problem. Only a few days later a new director was found, and he turned out to be compatible with me. But -- soon after that I decided to leave the community. Note that the one time I did speak with him at length he did agree with the points I brought up, and did help me in my discernment to leave. (the new vocation directress however was of great help too). I didn't include him in the 3 above.
e) I tried starting spiritual direction with a different s.d. (other than the 2nd one, and after the 3rd) but the timing never worked. Then my 2nd s.d. "cornered" me in the confessional (he's my regular confessor too) and said that I was avoiding him, which was quite true

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
Was it important to you that your SD be of the same spirituality?
[/quote]
There needs to be an underlying compatibility. You have to be comfortable with him (or her -- however I prefer priests) such that you can discuss ANYTHING. I didn't focus on spirituality. From experience -- you just kind of know if you and your director will work well together. If you can't trust him then its a no-go from the start.

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
Was your SD easy to find?
[/quote]
Yes and no. I spent a number of years after my 1st move without a steady s.d. (its the period between 1 and 2). That was tough, however I still had s.d. #1 to go to if I really needed to consult someone, but it wasn't a regular monthly meeting like it had been.

Honestly, with respect to finding a s.d. I would say keep a open heart. Some would say "go with a religious" but in practice I have had both diocesan priests and religious priests. Its true that not all have the training -- but I think it goes beyond that into the area of "gift."

I will say that s.d.#3 was a religious priest -- and that does make a difference. But that may not necessarily be practical.

Sorry for the length, and I hope that this helps .

Edited February 7, 2011 by cmariadiaz

[Lisa]

I had been formally discerning for about six months before I finally got up the nerve to ask my priest /confessor if he would be my spiritual director. I have had the same one (but am not very far along)- but that will probably change depending on where life takes me. God has definitely blessed me with my SD! He's a Dominican priest at my campus church, which is how I picked him. I'm really bad at answering his questions, but he makes me think lots! Since beginning spritiual direction, my prayer life has deepened- but there is still so far to go! Sometimes I wish there were big jumps, but thanks be to God, He keeps drawing me closer... no matter how I pull away.

I am still not confident what my spirituality is, but I think God puts people into our lives for a reason... so maybe I'm called to be a Dominican.... or, it just means I'll learn more about that spirituality and be led elsewhere! Both good.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1297119152' post='2209837']
How early or late into the process of formal discernment did you get a spiritual director? Have you had the same one the whole time? How do you feel about spiritual direction? Did you notice any changes after beginning? What are some of your favorite things you've received because of spiritual direction?

How did you choose your spiritual director? Was it important to you that your SD be of the same spirituality? Was your SD easy to find?

I just got a new spiritual director and we're meeting for the first time on the 14th. Because my head is usually elsewhere, it did not even occur to me until today that that's Valentine's Day here in the US. And the only reason I realized? A friend texted me and asked me what I was doing on Valentine's. I thought for a moment, asked if that was a Monday, and realized I was meeting my SD that day!

[/quote]

My experience might be a unique one.

I've had the same spiritual director over four years now. I began direction only a few months after entering the Church, and it was quite by accident! (Not the entering the Church part, of course!) It was my freshman year of college and I had gone up to our interim chaplain's office to ask him about discernment. We ended up chatting for almost an hour and as I was walking out of his office, he told me set up an appointment in three weeks time with his secretary. So I did. And we met monthly for four or five months before I even knew the concept of "spiritual direction." I think it had come up outside of Mass one day when he introduced me to someone as one of his directees. I had no idea!

My SD has been so imperative in my formation in the faith and in my discernment. Although, to be honest, with the latter, we didn't really begin discussing discernment until my senior year. I'd bring it up at times, but he, in his wisdom, would almost brush it away. He said we ought to focus on growth in prayer and virtue. Growing closer to the heart of Jesus would bring clarity enough what God asks of me, vocation-wise. Granted, his approach I think was particular to my situation, seeing as I was a brand new convert. He said from the beginning that he'd have me wait three years to begin with... and true to his word, we began talking discernment just about three years after I started direction with him.

To be honest... things seemed slow going, at first. At the time, I would have said I didn't know how much of a help spiritual direction was. It took almost a full year for our relationship to really become concrete. Looking back now... it's hard to describe these four years. Really, I don't know what life is like without a spiritual director. Not Catholic life, that is. I've had one, the same one, since the babe years of my faith life.

Having a spiritual guide has proven immensely beneficial. Not only in the discernment of big decisions, but also in growing in prayer. Having that objective guide has helped numerous times in keeping me on the straight and narrow, as it were. Strange as it may sound, growing in prayer can be dangerous without that guide. How easily a well-intentioned soul might go astray!

And obedience! Giving the safety and well-being of your soul into the hands of a educated spiritual guide... It allows you the great opportunity for growth in the virtue of obedience. There have been a few times that I have been directed to do something "under obedience" to my SD, always to my spiritual benefit. And the many times I have been directed something, outside of obedience, but by obeying and trusting, growing in the spirit of obedience.

Now I'm on the otherside of the country from my spiritual director. We talk on the phone once a month, which is difficult... but, as my SD has said, it is probably more difficult to change directors at the moment. Although we are both praying that if/when that time comes, God will reveal to me a good director.

On a last note... I think that there are many, many spiritual benefits to spiritual direction. Whether one is discerning or not. If you are serious about growing in prayer, you should probably pray pretty darn hard about it.

Granted, to put yourself in the hands of an incompetent director would be very, very dangerous. More harm would come than good. I got lucky. If I were out looking for a new one now, I think it would be very, very difficult.

One thing I would say to someone just starting out with a new director... give it time. Don't expect huge jumps right from the get-go. It takes time for relationships to really build and become helpful. Like I said, it took almost a year for that to happen for me. I thought about changing directors a few different times, but I'm glad I persevered.

[tnavarro61]

In the span of two years I had[i] five[/i] spiritual directors. I do not mean to say I am advancing so fast in spiritual life nor that it is easy for me to change spiritual directors like changing clothes. The first and second were too busy to meet me; the third was involved in occult. The fourth one is my first real spiritual director and he has helped me a lot in my spiritual growth. With the suppression of the Intercessors of the Lamb, we were told to stop meeting. Now my fifth one is an IVE priest and is my first confessor.

It is as if it's Holy Spirit who leads me to such persons. I don't go to the parish/ archdiocesan office to look for a spiritual director. It's just that I meet this person, get to know him a little then I ask him to be my spiritual director. With my ex SD who was involved in occult, my fault was it only once that I met him and in my excitement, asked him to be my SD.

My latest SD is a very bright priest; the brightest I've ever met. He is also a formator (teaches Spirituality if I am not mistaken). I am discussing to him my discernment, but sometimes [u]I wonder what others' spiritual direction is like[/u]. Mine is always like spiritual chitchat and I wonder if it is right. Anyway since he is my confessor, maybe this time direction would be different.

Sometimes I am fearful to meet my SD outside confession and direction. It's like when he looks at me I feel so vulnerable because he knows everything about me. But I was consoled while reading Interior Castle. Saint Teresa quoted the psalmist: Blessed is the man who fears the Lord. So somehow my fear has a value - it helps me to practice virtue. My SD represents God to me.

[Hinter dem Horizont]

My first spiritual director was with me for about 3 years. I met him at a hospital where he was the assigned chaplain. Speaking with him weekly for three years helped me grow immensely. He was the first person I told about becoming a priest. I was thinking about the Conventual Franciscans at that time but later realized that they're not the order I am meant to be with. He thought it was great and then decided that I should speak with him more frequently. At that time, the first two years that is, I shared a very similar charisma. It is not exactly like that anymore because of the fact that I am now more traditional than him. I adore the Latin Mass but he believes in the Vatican II. That is really the only differences we have. He is extremely liberal, almost Protestant-like. I dislike this. Nonetheless, he's an amazing friend. He isn't my spiritual director anymore because he works elsewhere now.

My vocations director/spiritual director is now a priest working for the nearby diocese. He's quite young and has only been a priest for 5 years. He shares a like mind. So, I see great things in the future.

[SoonerCatholic]

I'm meeting mine tomorrow. It seems essential from all the reading I've done and I need know that it is not all in my head. I hope it makes me more serious about discerning, but I'm nervous about the meeting.

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='SoonerCatholic' timestamp='1297132385' post='2209920']
I'm meeting mine tomorrow. It seems essential from all the reading I've done and I need know that it is not all in my head. I hope it makes me more serious about discerning, but I'm nervous about the meeting.
[/quote]
Prayers!

[Deus te Amat]

fransiscanheart, I'll be praying for you. I hope the meeting goes well.

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Deus_te_Amat' timestamp='1297205211' post='2210253']
fransiscanheart, I'll be praying for you. I hope the meeting goes well.
[/quote]
Thanks.