southern california guy Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 "Dr Laura" is the only "advice" person I've heard argue that people should wait until their kids are grown to date and remarry. She argues that kids are the most important thing and that divorced parents should wait until they're grown to date and remarry. She argues that dating and marriage bring drama into the kids lives and draw attention away from them and to the new 'spouse'. And the new spouse tends to resent the children. So the kids act out, and become messed up as a result -- especially if their mom/dad has a new child with their new spouse. Is this true? I've never heard this topic debated from a Christian or Catholic perspective. In fact I've never heard it debated at all.. So I thought I'd post it here and see what people think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I've done a bunch of divorces, and divorce mediations, and after money, the number two cause of divorce is blended family stuff. There's fights about custody times, fights about money going out of the budget for the child support, even the ex-grandparents can make trouble. That doesn't count all the kids vs. step-mom/dad stuff. I'd never tell anyone they should wait, but I'd applaud someone willing to make that sacrifice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I don't think there is any way to even generalize this sort of question, because all situations are so different. I mean, it would depend on if the 1st spouse died or was divorced. It would depend on the personality of the new spouse. It would depend on the ages of the kids. It would depend on the ages of the adults. It would depend on far too many variables to be able to make any sort of generalized rule. But I don't think it's anything that should be entered into lightly...then again, I also don't think dating and marriage for people who don't have kids should, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesus_lol Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Depends on the nature of the split and the mind sets of the parents involved. If the mom/dad left the family, is drunk, abuse, etc it would be a good idea to get the kids a new father figure, etc. and I think it does much more good for the children to see their parents happy, whether that is single or with a new romance. as long as the new person accepts that he/she is walking into a Family, and not just dating a woman/man with some large talkative pets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I refused to consider dating until my kids were grown for exactly the reasons listed by Dr. Laura. I never thought it fair to kids to try to divide my attention and emotions because my first duty was to them, not myself. I didn't want to screw up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
add Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 a catholic marriage commitment is for life, i don't understand your question Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1297219026' post='2210428'] a catholic marriage commitment is for life, i don't understand your question [/quote] An annulment process merely recognizes that a marriage did not occur in the first place, which you certainly know already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil'Monster Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 [size="3"]If my parents would not have met and got married I won't be alive. My Mom had four kids from her first marriage and also my Dad had two sons too before they got married and had me. I dont disagree that it is hard for the kids because they want to see their parents back together but sometimes that happens. I know from experience cuz my parents were gonna get a divorce but for alot of prayers they decided to get back together and they are more in love than ever! [/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
add Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) [quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1297223236' post='2210463'] An annulment process merely recognizes that a marriage did not occur in the first place, which you certainly know already. [/quote] A consummated marriage may have transpired if there are children, making an annulment argument a mute point. Since when can a catholic person be granted an annulment if this union has produced offspring? Edited February 9, 2011 by apparently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruciatacara Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) I voted before I read the question so deleted my vote. I thought we were talking about the spouse dying, not divorcing. If a person is widowed, then I think the kids would benefit from a two parent family again. If the parents are divorced, I think this is bad for the kids and since re-marriage of divorced persons is not allowed in the Church anyway..... If we are talking annulment, I would be surprised if there were kids involved, but it isn't impossible since one of the Kennedy's tried it and his ex had to fight pretty hard for it NOT to be approved. I think each case has to be taken invidivually since the reasons for the annulment might mean that the person doesn't understand what marriage is all about in the first place. If people have kids, they shouldn't divorce unless there is serious abuse - in which case, no, I don't think the partner who has custody should remarry since they obviously have serious issues to deal with and the kids will be needing a lot of help too. All that being said, I don't think any outside person can really know all the factors involved and so we probably can't judge for someone else. Edited February 9, 2011 by cruciatacara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1297291872' post='2210686'] A consummated marriage may have transpired if there are children, making an annulment argument a mute point. Since when can a catholic person be granted an annulment if this union has produced offspring? [/quote] there are a lot of reasons for an annulment, even if the union produced offspring. it's not a mute point, either, or a moot one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 [quote name='cruciatacara' timestamp='1297293571' post='2210696']If the parents are divorced, I think this is bad for the kids and since re-marriage of divorced persons is not allowed in the Church anyway.....[/quote] wrong. if the marriage is annulled, divorced persons may remarry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 [quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1296958505' post='2209191'] I refused to consider dating until my kids were grown for exactly the reasons listed by Dr. Laura. I never thought it fair to kids to try to divide my attention and emotions because my first duty was to them, not myself. I didn't want to screw up. [/quote] I'm with you, here. I'm not a single parent but if, heaven forbid, I were, I cannot imagine having the energy to raise my three kids and spend time looking for a new husband. The energy it takes to raise them now (with the benefit of a husband) is high... If I had to go it alone, with the drama involved in them losing a dad... can't imagine it. [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1297219026' post='2210428'] a catholic marriage commitment is for life, i don't understand your question [/quote] Parents die, too, unfortunately. It's not a moot question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I guess I did wait until my fosters sons were both out of the house before I starting looking for a husband. I didn't exactly plan it that way, I just didn't have the energy before then. I also didn't feel free to make plans for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1297291872' post='2210686'] A consummated marriage may have transpired if there are children, making an annulment argument a mute point. Since when can a catholic person be granted an annulment if this union has produced offspring? [/quote] Moot. Besides that, it's been answered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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