Stay At Home Mums.

[southern california guy]

I was raised by a stay-at-home mom and both of my sisters are stay-at-home moms and both of my brothers wives are stay-at-home moms but I'm starting to wonder if our family is a bit of the exception these days. I'm almost afraid to discuss it for fear of being viewed as a male chauvinist.

I'm curious to hear what you guys think. How were you raised? I was never in daycare so I have no idea what it's like. What are your thoughts about it?

[Sarah147]

Wow, two other people voted the same as I did.

[Nihil Obstat]

I'm not married yet, but Katy intends to be a stay-at-home mom as soon as we can afford it, which should be right away.

[fides quarens intellectum]

I guess the poll options didn't really fit for me.

My mom quit work before the first child was born and did not return to work until the youngest was in kindergarden, so we never went to daycare. After that, though, my mom worked nights and my dad worked days, so we had mom in the morning, older brother running things after school, dad was home in the evening, and mom again after dad went to bed. Kinda crazy, but it worked.

I am married, but we have no living children.

[homeschoolmom]

I was raised by a sahm until my parents divorced and she went to work. I never went to daycare, though. (I was in school by then.)

I'm a sahm and intend to be for quite some time.

[cmotherofpirl]

My mum was a school teacher, so we kept almost the same hours, otherwise I watched myself. I didn't have the choice to be a stay at home mom, I had to work steady night turn then stay up with my kids, eventually I just collapsed. My grandbaby goes to daycare part-time and is with me the rest. Staying at home is a luxury that many people cannot afford.

[AudreyGrace]

During mine and my brother's younger years, my mom didn't work at all. Once we were in school, she either worked in the school cafeteria or found another job for which she'd be home by the time our bus dropped us off. Even now, with my brother being 21 and I a senior, she's still home by the time I get home from school. (Except I do a much much bigger bulk of the chores now lol)

[CatherineM]

I'm hoping that the silver lining of the economic collapse is a re-boot to the economy that will make it financially viable for a parent to stay at home with the kids if they want to.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1296534156' post='2207299']
I'm hoping that the silver lining of the economic collapse is a re-boot to the economy that will make it financially viable for a parent to stay at home with the kids if they want to.
[/quote]
Not if the gas and electric bills keep going up, its too expensive.

[Archaeology cat]

I'm the youngest. My mother stayed home until I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. We lived next to my paternal grandparents, so I just went over there until my sister got home from middle school.

I am a SAHM and intend to be for the duration. I'd consider working from home, but I don't want to work outside the home if I don't have to. If I did, I would have to be able to bring at least one kid with me.

[Cherie]

[quote name='southern california guy' timestamp='1296527310' post='2207277']
I'm almost afraid to discuss it for fear of being viewed as a male chauvinist.
[/quote]

I don't blame you, but the brunt of the anger seems mostly directed at the women who are able to choose to do it. At least that's been my experience. When I tell people I'm a stay at home mom, oftentimes they look at me like I sprouted a few more heads. Some do say it's great, to be fair, but I was actually surprised at how many negative reactions I have gotten.

I gave up college to be a nun, and when that didn't work out, and I later met my future husband, I gave up going back to school to be a wife. I was a great student in high school and had some really good prospects for scholarships and admission to some great colleges, but I knew it just wasn't the right fit for me. Some of my friends were actually upset with me for not going back to school once I came out of the convent, since I was "wasting my abilities." But there is nothing more I ever wanted than being a stay at home wife and mother, and I knew I had a gem in my husband's mindset that as long as we could make it financially, he wanted me to be able to stay home. I realize that it is a LUXURY (because in today's economic climate, it's [i]definitely[/i] a luxury!) to be able to stay home, and I am so grateful for it. I LOVE being a housewife and stay at home mom. It gives me great joy creating a haven for my husband to come home to after his long day of work. I take great pride in my housekeeping skills, and it gives me no greater joy than to be able to be with my son 24/7. When the time comes, I'll start homeschooling, thanks to being able to stay home.

It's tight, and we have to make a lot of sacrifices. We can't do a lot of things that our double income friends can do. But it really is the perfect fit for us, and I'm so grateful we're in a position to be able to do it. I know so many other women who would love to do what I do, but can't.

There are definitely women out there who want to be stay at home moms. They might be hard to find, perhaps, but they're definitely out there.

[findinghumility]

My dad has MS so was unable to work outside of the home. He was able to function but needed to rest frequently etc. When he had to stop working (I was about 2 years old) my mom did daycare to make ends meet and did correspondence classes to be come a nurse (LPN). From then on she worked nights as a nurse. So when she was working I was with my dad and then she would sleep some in the morning and get up in the afternoon and be with me also until she had to go to work that night. I had a blast with my dad though...antiquing, going to auctions, seeing him do woodworking as a hobby etc. He was great.

I've been a SAHM since our first was born. We have #4 due in May. It's not easy at times financially but has been totally worth it for us!

[organwerke]

[quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1296569418' post='2207386']
I don't blame you, but the brunt of the anger seems mostly directed at the women who are able to choose to do it. At least that's been my experience. When I tell people I'm a stay at home mom, oftentimes they look at me like I sprouted a few more heads. Some do say it's great, to be fair, but I was actually surprised at how many negative reactions I have gotten.

I gave up college to be a nun, and when that didn't work out, and I later met my future husband, I gave up going back to school to be a wife. I was a great student in high school and had some really good prospects for scholarships and admission to some great colleges, but I knew it just wasn't the right fit for me. Some of my friends were actually upset with me for not going back to school once I came out of the convent, since I was "wasting my abilities." But there is nothing more I ever wanted than being a stay at home wife and mother, and I knew I had a gem in my husband's mindset that as long as we could make it financially, he wanted me to be able to stay home. I realize that it is a LUXURY (because in today's economic climate, it's [i]definitely[/i] a luxury!) to be able to stay home, and I am so grateful for it. I LOVE being a housewife and stay at home mom. It gives me great joy creating a haven for my husband to come home to after his long day of work. I take great pride in my housekeeping skills, and it gives me no greater joy than to be able to be with my son 24/7. When the time comes, I'll start homeschooling, thanks to being able to stay home.

It's tight, and we have to make a lot of sacrifices. We can't do a lot of things that our double income friends can do. But it really is the perfect fit for us, and I'm so grateful we're in a position to be able to do it. I know so many other women who would love to do what I do, but can't.

There are definitely women out there who want to be stay at home moms. They might be hard to find, perhaps, but they're definitely out there.
[/quote]

This is exactly the same thing i wanted to say (except for personal experiences of course that are different).
My sister for example stays at home and I see how this is good both for her husband and his son.
I too would like to stay at home when married.
But I see that among my friends women who stay at home are seen as selfish or lazy or haughty...
they are seen with envy because they are able to do this choice.
I'm really sorry for those who can't afford it, but I am sure it is a great thing for the family when the woman can stay at home.

[Cherie]

[quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1296589967' post='2207485']

But I see that among my friends women who stay at home are seen as selfish or lazy or haughty...

[/quote]

That is sad. I can see why people would say those things, but at least in my case and those of the women I know who do the same, they just aren't true. My husband tells me that even though he thinks his job is difficult and he works hard, he thinks my "job" as a housewife and mom is ten times harder than what he does. Heck, I have little intermittent periods of being able to check Phatmass and my e-mail every now and then during the day, but other than that I'm always on my toes! Don't get me wrong, though, I love it!!!

It's also interesting that most men nowadays just take it for granted that their wives will work. Even though my husband always wanted his future wife to stay home, and he takes great pride in being able to do so for our family, (and in his family, his mom was able to stay home) his own brother is of the mindset that his wife will work, even if he himself could provide with one income. It's just the norm nowadays, some families don't even see it as an option anymore. Two income family is just the cultural default. I do understand it's necessary for many couples, and for a time it was necessary for my own mom. But I'm sure many moms who want to stay home probably could if they reorganized their finances, but the husband just isn't supportive of it.

[Lil Red]

and to add, cherie, it depends on what a person views as a 'necessity'.