My Friend/ex-Boyfriend Has Asked Me To Marry Him

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1296513724' post='2207201']
Most of my women friends are a few years ahead (married and some of which actively discerned religious life) so I am grateful for their input. I do wish there were more young ladies who were considering or have considered religious life in my circle...
[/quote]
Same here, on both points.

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1296514140' post='2207202']
Same here. I am trying to figure how to meet some very chaste, Catholic women more near my age that are interested in religious life. It seems most out there are interested in boys and marriage. But phatmass has been great.
[/quote]
I feel the same way. I recently got some news about a friend that shocked me and saddened me. Striving for anything less than sainthood is mind-boggling to me.

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1296567896' post='2207379']
Please pray for me and for him.
[/quote]
Of course.


For various reasons, I won't go into my own experience with letting go of a relationship of this kind. I had to make the decision to cut off contact with a man I loved very deeply. I was convicted when I made that last phone call but shortly after wanted to take it all back. It was harder for me than I expected. I struggled with it for a good many years. Fortunately I had lots of really faithful friends around me (on in particular comes to mind, another mod here on PM) to remind me why the decision was and had to be made.

Making that decision allowed me growth in so many ways. I continue to grow because of that one decision and I am now in a position to closer to our Lord because of it.

[Santa Cruz]

A very wise priest told me years ago (I've been discerning religious life for too many years) that it is not possible to have male "friends" because the male will always have something else in mind. I always had close female friends and spent most time with females but I thought I could have a couple of close male friends too. I figured I was "safe" in saying that I was discerning religious life and that any good Catholic guy would understand and respect that. Ever since my spiritual director corrected me, I have only spent time with men while in the company of other females. I used to go for walks, go out to eat or go to Mass etc. with male friends. It is soooo much better, more ordered when women spend time in female circles and men in male circles. As others mentioned, it helps to build good feminine qualities when women spend time with other females. And, even if God were calling me to marriage, it is so much better to get to know someone in the context of one's friends and family.

I will pray for you and your spiritual director and for your male friend.

[Sarah147]

[quote name='Santa Cruz' timestamp='1296686716' post='2207943']
A very wise priest told me years ago (I've been discerning religious life for too many years) that it is not possible to have male "friends" because the male will always have something else in mind. I always had close female friends and spent most time with females but I thought I could have a couple of close male friends too. I figured I was "safe" in saying that I was discerning religious life and that any good Catholic guy would understand and respect that. Ever since my spiritual director corrected me, I have only spent time with men while in the company of other females. I used to go for walks, go out to eat or go to Mass etc. with male friends. It is soooo much better, more ordered when women spend time in female circles and men in male circles. As others mentioned, it helps to build good feminine qualities when women spend time with other females. And, even if God were calling me to marriage, it is so much better to get to know someone in the context of one's friends and family.

I will pray for you and your spiritual director and for your male friend.
[/quote]

In general, I agree. But in very Holy or spiritual people, they seem to work, ex. St Teresa of Avila and St John of the Cross were close friends and wrote letters to eachother often.

Personally, I agree for myself. I could so easily fall for some guy and get tempted away from the Religious Life. I won't do that to myself.

[Santa Cruz]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1296687120' post='2207945']
In general, I agree. But in very Holy or spiritual people, they seem to work, ex. St Teresa of Avila and St John of the Cross were close friends and wrote letters to eachother often.

Personally, I agree for myself. I could so easily fall for some guy and get tempted away from the Religious Life. I won't do that to myself.
[/quote]

Thank you for raising that point...also Francis and Clare, Raymond of Cupua and Catherine of Siena, Isidore and Marie, Francis de Sales and Jane Chantal and of course the biggest and best, our Blessed Mother and Joseph...It is most beautiful in the Communion of Saints.

On the other hand, it is also important to be careful if you are in a friendship with someone who struggles with same sex attraction. It is a relationship that should be well discussed with one's Superiors or spiritual director.
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