organwerke Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I know many of you, in particular the girls discerning religious life, spend their time, waiting to enter, working as babysitters or in general working with young people. has it ever happened to you that you estabilished an important relationship with some young people that have a very strong need of help from an adult person? Do you fear that when you'll have to enter you won't be able to help these persons anymore? (I don't mean you won't be able to help people in general, but [i]those[/i] people you know). Are you worried that some of these young persons will suffer when you'll have to leave them? And, even if no one is irreplaceable, have you ever estabilished a relationship with a person that needs you in that moment and you have, or will have to enter soon in the future and so also you will leave this person alone? What are or have beeing your feelings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 At times I have sad feelings and worry for relatives, as mine are outside the Church and in bad shape. I know that to them, it looks like rejection, and I fear they hurt from it. From other loved ones, I don't know yet when to enter, when I'll be ready. I know it will be sooooo hard on them and me. The separation kills me. I don't have much advice on the matter, I'm afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 [quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1296337850' post='2206501'] I know many of you, in particular the girls discerning religious life, spend their time, waiting to enter, working as babysitters or in general working with young people. has it ever happened to you that you estabilished an important relationship with some young people that have a very strong need of help from an adult person? Do you fear that when you'll have to enter you won't be able to help these persons anymore? (I don't mean you won't be able to help people in general, but [i]those[/i] people you know). Are you worried that some of these young persons will suffer when you'll have to leave them? And, even if no one is irreplaceable, have you ever estabilished a relationship with a person that needs you in that moment and you have, or will have to enter soon in the future and so also you will leave this person alone? What are or have beeing your feelings? [/quote] This has been on my heart a lot lately, actually. I am blessed right now to be working in a small parish as a DRE/Youth Minister... and God has been working [i]amazing[/i] things in this parish. I have grown to love them so much and desire their growth in holiness more than I ever have for a group of people. They have been something of a "wayword" parish, "like sheep without a shepherd." They are eager, but for so long have been without a teacher. And for some reason, God saw fit to bring me to these souls, and to use me as an instrument of grace in their lives... Such a humbling work. But really amazing. When I look at my parish and the conversion happening, I think to myself... in order to [i]really[/i] plant the seeds that need planting, I need a few years here. If I left now, or in the near future... what would happen to my parish? I fear they would fall right back into their old ways. I fear that someone new will come in and destroy the work that I've been doing. Or there's my 3 year old nephew. My brother's family is not religious, but this little boy [i]loves[/i] going to Mass with me. He is always engaged in the Mass and has an understanding far beyond his years. There's a real affinity there. He loves Jesus. And he knows things intuitively. It's so amesome to see. If I leave, how will he continue to grow and learn? Who will take him to Mass? Will the seeds be lost? I've prayed about this, and I've brought it before the Lord... and the answer I receive is very humbling. It's not about [i]me[/i]. It's God's grace at work, even in these personal relationships. He doesn't need [i]me[/i] to do these things. And he can certainly use someone else. And besides... my prayers and sacrifices offered on their behalf will continue shower down graces in their lives. Again, I think it comes down to trust in God. If you are following his will, he will take care of everything. Even if it's hard. Even if there's suffering involved. He works all things together for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1296339500' post='2206515'] I've prayed about this, and I've brought it before the Lord... and the answer I receive is very humbling. It's not about [i]me[/i]. It's God's grace at work, even in these personal relationships. He doesn't need [i]me[/i] to do these things. And he can certainly use someone else. And besides... my prayers and sacrifices offered on their behalf will continue shower down graces in their lives. Again, I think it comes down to trust in God. If you are following his will, he will take care of everything. Even if it's hard. Even if there's suffering involved. He works all things together for good. [/quote] Wow. That really gives me something to think about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) Thank you very much for your answers. I'm interested in knowing your opinion because i did a little discernment in the past, when I was much younger, and this is one of the reasons (but not the only one) that prevented me to discern further. It is also to be said that I was speaking specifically of persons who need your help, because, even if it is surely difficult also to leave the family, parents, friends etc., it not the same thing (except of course for parents, friends etc that in some way strongly need you). What you say, Teresa Benedicta, is really inspiring, but I also think you must have a very strong certainty that God is calling you if you are able to bear the suffering that separation involves, especially in the persons you are very fond of! Edited January 29, 2011 by organwerke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 [quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1296337850' post='2206501'] I know many of you, in particular the girls discerning religious life, spend their time, waiting to enter, working as babysitters or in general working with young people. has it ever happened to you that you estabilished an important relationship with some young people that have a very strong need of help from an adult person? Do you fear that when you'll have to enter you won't be able to help these persons anymore? (I don't mean you won't be able to help people in general, but [i]those[/i] people you know). Are you worried that some of these young persons will suffer when you'll have to leave them? And, even if no one is irreplaceable, have you ever estabilished a relationship with a person that needs you in that moment and you have, or will have to enter soon in the future and so also you will leave this person alone? What are or have beeing your feelings? [/quote] I have been on the other side, when I realized that a person who entered religious life had a far more important influence on my spiritual life that I had realized, and the person's departure was difficult for me spiritually. I don't feel comfortable talking about it any more than that. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 [quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1296341650' post='2206522'] Thank you very much for your answers. I'm interested in knowing your opinion because i did a little discernment in the past, when I was much younger, and this is one of the reasons (but not the only one) that prevented me to discern further. It is also to be said that I was speaking specifically of persons who need your help, because, even if it is surely difficult also to leave the family, parents, friends etc., it not the same thing (except of course for parents, friends etc that in some way strongly need you). What you say, Teresa Benedicta, is really inspiring, but I also think you must have a very strong certainty that God is calling you if you are able to bear the suffering that separation involves, especially in the persons you are very fond of! [/quote] There are certain cases when dependency can be an indication that one is [i]not[/i] called to the religious life, or is not called [i]right now[/i]. Such might be the case of a parent dependent on your care. If you have an obligation to care for one, and there is no other recourse, then it would not be praiseworthy to enter the religious life. On the other hand, if the dependency is not absolute, but relative (perhaps relative even to what we think is best for that person)... there's more leeway. If you perceive God calling you to embrace the religious life, these considerations shouldn't hold you back from answering. While you may be doing great good in a persons life, you must remember that you are merely an instrument and that God can use a different instrument to accomplish the same good or even more good. The most important thing is to love God's will and do it as best as you can, even if that means a great deal of suffering-- on your part, on part of another. You can be assured, no matter what, if you are doing God's will, he will work all things together for good. Always. Even when we can't see how those things work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regina_coeli Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 [quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' timestamp='1296341765' post='2206524'] I have been on the other side, when I realized that a person who entered religious life had a far more important influence on my spiritual life that I had realized, and the person's departure was difficult for me spiritually. I don't feel comfortable talking about it any more than that. Sorry. [/quote] I miss LC too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chamomile Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1296339500' post='2206515'] It's not about [i]me[/i]. It's God's grace at work, even in these personal relationships. He doesn't need [i]me[/i] to do these things. And he can certainly use someone else. And besides... my prayers and sacrifices offered on their behalf will continue shower down graces in their lives. Again, I think it comes down to trust in God. If you are following his will, he will take care of everything. Even if it's hard. Even if there's suffering involved. He works all things together for good. [/quote] I don't often watch the show Life on the Rock on EWTN, but I caught it a couple weeks ago. And there was a woman - I've forgotten her name! - talking about her miraculous recovery from a pregnancy that suddenly became traumatic. Her baby was delivered safely, but it was touch and go for her for awhile, and many doctors didn't think she would make it. She explained how God orchestrated so many different things while she was completely unonconsience and on the verge of death... how the word got out that she needed prayer and this went around the world via social networking - and through the monastery pipeline! - in a matter of moments. How people who had never prayed or stopped going to Mass offered prayers for her. What stuck with me most about her story was that she said that God used her in this way to work miracles of grace and show His power and love [i]when she was absolutely inactive[/i]. She was a strong Catholic, so that was a witness in itself. And the hospital that she went to focused on saving the lives of both the mother and the child (ironically, this hospital was in Arizona, the state where the bishop recently took away the Catholic designation of a hospital due to an abortion performed in the interest of the mother's health, in opposition to Church teaching). She also spoke about her family's faith during the crisis and how they were trusting in God regardless of what would happen - even though there was this new little baby to take care of and another child at home. So I think this is analogous to the idea of entering religious life, which some see as a completely worthless state, especially if one is considering the cloister. But as TeresaBenedicta said, we are only the instruments of God's grace. Unless we really have a specific need to be in the world, God's call comes first. We can only do so much even in the world anyways. It's always a matter of trust, even if we are physically still with the people we love. I want to write more on this but have to go! God bless! This woman is writing a book about her experience, too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnavarro61 Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 TB, what you have just said is very wonderful. Thanks for posting that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1296339500' post='2206515'] It's not about [i]me[/i]. It's God's grace at work, even in these personal relationships. He doesn't need [i]me[/i] to do these things. And he can certainly use someone else. And besides... my prayers and sacrifices offered on their behalf will continue shower down graces in their lives. Again, I think it comes down to trust in God. If you are following his will, he will take care of everything. Even if it's hard. Even if there's suffering involved. He works all things together for good. [/quote] I was hoping someone had said this. Thank you for sharing the answer you received. [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1296356401' post='2206585'] There are certain cases when dependency can be an indication that one is [i]not[/i] called to the religious life, or is not called [i]right now[/i]. Such might be the case of a parent dependent on your care. If you have an obligation to care for one, and there is no other recourse, then it would not be praiseworthy to enter the religious life. On the other hand, if the dependency is not absolute, but relative (perhaps relative even to what we think is best for that person)... there's more leeway. If you perceive God calling you to embrace the religious life, these considerations shouldn't hold you back from answering. While you may be doing great good in a persons life, you must remember that you are merely an instrument and that God can use a different instrument to accomplish the same good or even more good. The most important thing is to love God's will and do it as best as you can, even if that means a great deal of suffering-- on your part, on part of another. You can be assured, no matter what, if you are doing God's will, he will work all things together for good. Always. Even when we can't see how those things work out. [/quote] This too. Thank you. TB has hit the nail on the proverbial head, if you will. Perhaps I am not one to speak and I will say, as most of the time I do, that you should really talk to your spiritual director about this. None of use here are equipped to tell you what you should think or do in either direction on something like this. We can only offer our experience, strength, and hope in persevering through even the most trying of emotions. My experience (thought) is this (and I'll write more of it later - dog tired): Everything TB said is exactly what I would say. And I would add that God may be calling you AWAY from whatever situation it is, whomever this person is. We are brought together with our brothers and sisters in Christ in such a unique and humbling way when we enter religious life. FURTHER, the impact of following your true vocation - especially in religious life - is one the best things you can do for anyone in your life. It is not about you, or them even. It is totally and completely about God. About surrendering to His will. About following His lead. About making whatever sacrifice necessary to continue to do His work. Because there have been no specifics I can't say that this is your case. This need you speak of may not be an actual need. Our reality IS reality, so only you can say. This is why I say I think it best to speak to a spiritual director. I just wanted to put it out there that our sacrifices are huge and beautiful blessings to those around us, even those who cry or feel hurt. We are blessing them in a beautiful way. Truly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) Thank you all for your answers. i apologize if I wasn't very much clear, since it wasn't a question regarding a specific situation of mine now. I was curious to hear opinions about this because I had and have to deal with separations too but not for vocation reasons but I was interested in knowing how discerning people manage this. Sorry for my lack of clarity anyway thank you for the answers because they were really interesting and useful the same! Edited January 31, 2011 by organwerke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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