Courting And Marrying Outside The Church

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1295819704' post='2203561']
Actually, there is no priest requirement...unless you want a nuptial wedding. What Catholic wouldn't want that.
[/quote]

Not required, no. But it is ordinarily done, and as you say, what Catholic wouldn't want that?

~Sternhauser

Edited January 23, 2011 by Sternhauser

[Papist]

[quote name='Sternhauser' timestamp='1295822600' post='2203573']
Not required, no. But it is ordinarily done, and as you say, what Catholic wouldn't want that?

~Sternhauser
[/quote]

I never been nor heard a Catholic wedding the a priest did not celebrate it.

[Ora et Labora]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1295542156' post='2202225']
So lately I've been wondering if I should be open to discerning marriage with a guy who isn't Catholic (when the time is right. I'm not rushing off to find a date at the moment.)

The Catholics I've known who have done it have either

1. [i]Raised the kids in Both Faiths[/i] I met a young women who had one Catholic parent and the other was Presbyterian. They would alternate which church they went to each week. She received her First Communion with others her own age and that next week continued with the alternating. Eventually when it came time for Confirmation she chose to be confirmed a Catholic and only attend mass. Another one of my friends had a similar upbringing only the other parent was Methodist. Her parents conbined the faiths and now she picks and chooses what she likes from other religions as her faith.

2. [i]Didn't Bring Up the Kids with Any Faith and Let them Decide When They were Older/i] A friend of mine had a Catholic mom and Baptist dad who later divorced and she decided to be non-denominational. Another friend once expressed how she wished that she was brought up with some kind of faith and admired my roommate and the time and I for being sure in what we believe.

3. [i]The spouse who wasn't Catholic converted so that there would be unity in the family and not because they actually believed in Catholicism. [/i]

4. [i]One of the spouse converts or reverts to Catholicism while they other is still in the their former faith tradition and sometimes they even convert as well. [/i]

So I haven't had an example of a marriage where the wedding was Catholic and the other spouse understood that the children would be raised Catholic.

For anyone who is dating, engaged to, or married to someone outside the Church what is it like? Do they ever come to mass with you? Do the kids ask questions like, "If mommy/daddy is outside the Church (or even not Christian) will they go to heaven?" How do you handle practices that the other doesn't do according to their beliefs like fasting and not eating meat during Lent? Do you have the same meal or separate ones when you're together? Does the other say try to convert the children if you have any or make comments that get the kids wondering if they should leave the faith like, "There is no truth. As long as you believe in something dear, that's all that matters," or morality issues like abortion and living a homosexual lifestyle?

If you are discerning marriage with someone outside the faith, what factors do you see as essential for a spouse? What about when you have something going on in your marriage that you significantly disagree with such as contraception and sterilization, or one of the kids has a child out of wedlock and they think that they should abort?

How do you share such an intimate life with someone who just doesn't have your beliefs, which are such a large part of who you are? I may not be appealing to a Protestant or non-Christian anyway since I'm studying to become a catechist and my Catholic school is a tiny university in the Bible-belt where there's plenty of anti-Catholicism in this small southern town.
[/quote]

Hi there!

I found this post very interesting because as of 3 months ago I've been dating a non-Catholic...actually, he doesn't even title himself as Christian! Now let me tell you something about myself and my history. I have been raised a practicing Catholic my entire life. I have attended mass every Sunday, and sometimes several times a week. I have been very active in the pro-life movement for several years now as well. All of my friends growing up were Catholic because I was home schooled and in various Catholic home school groups. I've dated a couple of Catholic before my current boyfriend, and I KNOW this doesn't apply to everyone, but my Catholic ex's were self absorbed, black and white "this is the way it is or else" kinda guys...I thought at the time that I was dating great guys because they went to mass with me every sunday, prayed the rosary with me, went to pro-life marches with me...but in the end, they weren't actually not good for me at all. It wasn't the Catholicism obviously...but it was the way they perceived "courting" and how Catholicism should be for both of us. In my two years of being single before my current boyfriend I thought a lot about my previous Catholic based relationships, and why they were so dysfunctional lol. I swore I would never date anyone outside of the Catholic faith, because it simply seems too complicated. And it IS complicated.

My boyfriend is 22, and we're both vocal/music education majors. He treats me like a queen! He respects many issues that he doesn't necessarily find immoral, such as sex before marriage. We won't have sex before marriage at all, and he never nags or complains or hints or anything! He's very respectful about my beliefs. We don't even agree on abortion which to me, is the biggest issue in the world, and the one I'm most passionate about! But he does, again, respect my beliefs/opinions, and in turn, I respect his. I have not tried to convert him on any issue. Whether I am in the wrong about that, I'm not sure. Bottom line, it's very odd to date a non-catholic, but so far it's been the healthiest relationship I've been in!! It certainly never gets dull and is always interesting! haha Anywho, that's just a little bit on how I view what you seem to be researching. I can see how finding a good Catholic young man would make things MUCH simpler...but I don't believe there is a black and white answer to this! And if people say there is, well then, their wrong. Everyone is different, and God wants certain people to be together!

I'll keep you updated on how this kind of relationship is going for me! Good luck in finding your answers!

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Ora et Labora' timestamp='1295844034' post='2203694']
I've dated a couple of Catholic before my current boyfriend, and I KNOW this doesn't apply to everyone, but my Catholic ex's were self absorbed, black and white "this is the way it is or else" kinda guys...I thought at the time that I was dating great guys because they went to mass with me every sunday, prayed the rosary with me, went to pro-life marches with me...but in the end, they weren't actually not good for me at all. It wasn't the Catholicism obviously...but it was the way they perceived "courting" and how Catholicism should be for both of us. In my two years of being single before my current boyfriend I thought a lot about my previous Catholic based relationships, and why they were so dysfunctional lol. [/quote]

I sort of know what you mean when it comes to having frustration with Catholic guys. Just because he has orthodox beliefs and may even attend mass, doesn't necessarily mean that he is a nice guy. Thankfully there are good ones out there though. There are Catholic guys on my campus who are orthodox alright but who are known to intentionally drink irresponsibly without remorse (and proudly proclaim it for people to hear,) can be rude to other people without a second thought, hate not only the sin but also the sinner, and don't have reputations for being respectful to women.

It's funny how my mom told me about this one guy that she used to go out with who was an intelligent young gentleman, but she ended it with him because he was Jewish. She said that she couldn't imagine not sharing the same faith as the man who would be her husband. When she told me this I thought of how odd it was that she chose my dad then. He was Catholic mostly in name only. He had grown up Methodist only attending church on Christmas and Easter, then became Catholic for his first wife so that there would be unity in the family. They got divorced and received an annulment and he continued his habit of attending mass on Christmas and Easter. So yea, when she met him he was technically Catholic. I don't think that he went to confession until a little more than a year ago. It wasn't until at some point during my freshman year of college that dad started attending mass every week (or mostly.)

[missionseeker]

[quote name='Ora et Labora' timestamp='1295844034' post='2203694']
Hi there!

I found this post very interesting because as of 3 months ago I've been dating a non-Catholic...actually, he doesn't even title himself as Christian! Now let me tell you something about myself and my history. I have been raised a practicing Catholic my entire life. I have attended mass every Sunday, and sometimes several times a week. I have been very active in the pro-life movement for several years now as well. All of my friends growing up were Catholic because I was home schooled and in various Catholic home school groups. I've dated a couple of Catholic before my current boyfriend, and I KNOW this doesn't apply to everyone, but my Catholic ex's were self absorbed, black and white "this is the way it is or else" kinda guys...I thought at the time that I was dating great guys because they went to mass with me every sunday, prayed the rosary with me, went to pro-life marches with me...but in the end, they weren't actually not good for me at all. It wasn't the Catholicism obviously...but it was the way they perceived "courting" and how Catholicism should be for both of us. In my two years of being single before my current boyfriend I thought a lot about my previous Catholic based relationships, and why they were so dysfunctional lol. I swore I would never date anyone outside of the Catholic faith, because it simply seems too complicated. And it IS complicated.

My boyfriend is 22, and we're both vocal/music education majors. He treats me like a queen! He respects many issues that he doesn't necessarily find immoral, such as sex before marriage. We won't have sex before marriage at all, and he never nags or complains or hints or anything! He's very respectful about my beliefs. We don't even agree on abortion which to me, is the biggest issue in the world, and the one I'm most passionate about! But he does, again, respect my beliefs/opinions, and in turn, I respect his. I have not tried to convert him on any issue. Whether I am in the wrong about that, I'm not sure. Bottom line, it's very odd to date a non-catholic, but so far it's been the healthiest relationship I've been in!! It certainly never gets dull and is always interesting! haha Anywho, that's just a little bit on how I view what you seem to be researching. I can see how finding a good Catholic young man would make things MUCH simpler...but I don't believe there is a black and white answer to this! And if people say there is, well then, their wrong. Everyone is different, and God wants certain people to be together!

I'll keep you updated on how this kind of relationship is going for me! Good luck in finding your answers!
[/quote]

Congrats on a healthy relationship!

But I do want to urge you to be very careful. It's very easy for us (especially us starry-eyed, in love girls) to think that things will work out because he treats me so well, but it rarely does. To disagree on things that are soooooo fundamental to a firm foundation to a solid relationship, especially a marriage, is going to be a big problem. And some of those problems can't be fixed by how much you love someone. My ex-boyfriend respected me and never asked me to do anything that would make me uncomfortable or sin. But ultimately he realized that he could never marry someone he hadn't lived with, and I could never live with someone I hadn't married and that was it. It smells of elderberries and we are still coworkers (I know, I know) and I think we're still both struggling with "getting over it". He treated me really well (and I loved him for that), but in the end, he just couldn't understand it.

The reddest flag for me in what you said though, is the abortion thing. I've know several couples where one was Catholic, the other not and because they didn't see eye to eye on the children issue (the non Catholic only wanted a certain number of children), the non Catholic sterilized themselves after a certain number of children. And the pain that that causes for the other spouse is just sooo great. I don't think that they will get divorces because there are other children, and they really do love this person. But there will *always* be that pain and hurt.

I'm sure that he's a great guy, and I'm glad that you're happy. But do be careful, because unlike the beatles think, love is not all you need.

Good Luck!

[Cherie]

I've been following this thread, and thought I'd pop in my two cents.

I think this here is more a question of finding a [i]good guy. [/i]Let's face it, a good guy [i]is[/i] hard to find. If we keep our standards high like every self-respecting lady should, it can be very hard to find a man who measures up to them. Guys can be jerks -- just because a guy is an orthodox Catholic, certainly doesn't mean he's going to be a great guy. Believe me, I know this. And, as it seems from some of these replies, many of you know that firsthand, too.

A relationship with a non-Catholic might be going great. However, things [i]will[/i] be different once you are married. Heck, things change even when two orthodox [i]Catholics[/i] get married - it's just the nature of getting married. Here you are, learning to live with this person who you've been courting for x amount of time. Living with someone is definitely different from courting them! It's a whole different dynamic. And let's face it, when we're courting we always try to put our best face forward - men are in their "wooing" mode, and women want to be as desirable to her man as she can be. That's not to say that courtship is a facade, (it's certainly not!) but your relationship really changes and deepens when you get married. That's the beauty of marriage - you get to work on this brand new dimension to your relationship. It's more difficult, but it's also more rewarding!

That some of you have a non-Catholic parent and can say it was "never a problem" is just a testament to the strength, character, and virtue of your parents. From the honest testament of some dear friends of ours, I know that it's something that comes up a lot in their marriage, it can be very trying, and it's something in which they try very hard not to involve their children. The Faith is the [i]core of our being.[/i] It is what is guiding us in our decisions, it is what gives us hope, it is what we look forward to when this life is over. It's a huge part of who we are, and when you are trying to share the intimate bond of marriage with someone who does not see eye-to-eye with you on that, it can be very difficult. That's not to say it can't or doesn't work. But it [i]is[/i] difficult. I've heard some of our friends say things like, "It would be so much easier if she were Catholic," or "I wish I could talk to him about it, but he just doesn't understand." Yes, husbands and wives feel that way about lots of different issues over the course of their marriage ... but when it comes to the Faith, it's so much deeper than whether or not he likes to read classic literature or she likes to watch football.

The Church realizes how difficult it is, and that's why She recommends much caution on the issue of mixed marriages. Love is blind - Pope John Paul II talked about that in his Love & Responsibility. We get so caught up in how wonderfully he treats me, how attracted I am to him, how great he could provide for me, how much we have in common, that we tend not to look at relationships through a constructively critical eye. (That's why we really should listen to our friends or parents when they say, "I'm not so sure about this guy"! But that's beside the point!) We also don't really look forward to marriage realistically. We think, "Oh it would be so great to marry him!" and look at it through rose-colored glasses, not thinking about the difficulties that would inevitably arise when something so fundamental like the Faith is not common.

Please don't think all orthodox Catholics are jerks. They're not. They're really not! Can they be? Heck yes! But then again ladies, aren't [i]MOST[/i] guys out there jerks?! (Pardon to all you Phatmass males -- you fall into that small minority of guys out there that every Catholic girl dreams about! ) It's an utter shame when you have an orthodox Catholic guy who treats you like a jerk or doesn't care about purity, prudence, or virtue. He REALLY should know better, and it's a crying shame that he doesn't. And yes, there are some [i]awesome[/i] guys out there who are Protestant, or Jewish, or even agnostic or Hindu or whatever. But just remember that when it comes to the Faith in the future, or if you got married, it would be something that you would have to address, and it can get very frustrating, saddening, and maddening when you realize, "I can't believe he thinks abortion is ok," or "I can't believe he wants me to use artificial contraception," or "I'm so angry he thinks I'm an idiot for believing in the Eucharist." These things can be overcome. But I can tell you from my own experience, it is a happiness beyond measure to be able to talk to my husband about the Faith with joy and zeal, and for him to be able to do the same thing right back to me.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1295884731' post='2203787']
Please don't think all orthodox Catholics are jerks. They're not. They're really not! Can they be? Heck yes! But then again ladies, aren't [i]MOST[/i] guys out there jerks?! (Pardon to all you Phatmass males -- you fall into that small minority of guys out there that every Catholic girl dreams about! ) It's an utter shame when you have an orthodox Catholic guy who treats you like a jerk or doesn't care about purity, prudence, or virtue. He REALLY should know better, and it's a crying shame that he doesn't. And yes, there are some [i]awesome[/i] guys out there who are Protestant, or Jewish, or even agnostic or Hindu or whatever. But just remember that when it comes to the Faith in the future, or if you got married, it would be something that you would have to address, and it can get very frustrating, saddening, and maddening when you realize, "I can't believe he thinks abortion is ok," or "I can't believe he wants me to use artificial contraception," or "I'm so angry he thinks I'm an idiot for believing in the Eucharist." These things can be overcome. But I can tell you from my own experience, it is a happiness beyond measure to be able to talk to my husband about the Faith with joy and zeal, and for him to be able to do the same thing right back to me.
[/quote]
Most girls are jerks too, just in the same theme.

[Cherie]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1295886483' post='2203805']
Most girls are jerks too, just in the same theme.
[/quote]

I agree - there is a small minority of people considered a "good catch" to a Catholic from [i]both[/i] sexes!

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1295887362' post='2203810']
I agree - there is a small minority of people considered a "good catch" to a Catholic from [i]both[/i] sexes!
[/quote]
Not to brag or anything, but I found one.

[tinytherese]

I find it especially frustrating when a guy who seems to be a good catch either has a girl already or is discerning the priesthood. As if finding a decent guy isn't hard enough. They get snatched up.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1295883172' post='2203780']
The reddest flag for me in what you said though, is the abortion thing. I've know several couples where one was Catholic, the other not and because they didn't see eye to eye on the children issue (the non Catholic only wanted a certain number of children), the non Catholic sterilized themselves after a certain number of children. And the pain that that causes for the other spouse is just sooo great. I don't think that they will get divorces because there are other children, and they really do love this person. But there will *always* be that pain and hurt.

I'm sure that he's a great guy, and I'm glad that you're happy. But do be careful, because unlike the beatles think, love is not all you need.

Good Luck!
[/quote]
well, if my husband had followed your advice, then he wouldn't be married to me. he, the not Christian, was against abortion, when we were dating. i, the Catholic, was pro-choice. just saying there are exceptions to every rule. (as if it needed saying, i am not for abortion anymore.)

[Lil Red]

like Cherie said, i think the key is finding a virtuous mate - and virtues are something that even non-Catholics have.

from personal experience here on phatmass, i won't share my story of being married to a non-Catholic (used to be not even Christian), but i will tell you that yes, it can work. yes, it takes work. yes, it can be frustrating. but also, it is my job (as the Bible says) to convert my husband. though we are still working on that, i have hope that it will happen. i just have to be a better example for him, and for my children. that's my job, regardless if he is Catholic or not.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1295891245' post='2203825']
well, if my husband had followed your advice, then he wouldn't be married to me. he, the not Christian, was against abortion, when we were dating. i, the Catholic, was pro-choice. just saying there are exceptions to every rule. (as if it needed saying, i am not for abortion anymore.)
[/quote]


oh I'm not saying she should break up or anything. I'm just saying she should be aware of other issues that *might* arise later on. Just be careful you know.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1295896386' post='2203850']
oh I'm not saying she should break up or anything. I'm just saying she should be aware of other issues that *might* arise later on. Just be careful you know.
[/quote]
agreed

[Ora et Labora]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1295849676' post='2203711']
I sort of know what you mean when it comes to having frustration with Catholic guys. Just because he has orthodox beliefs and may even attend mass, doesn't necessarily mean that he is a nice guy. Thankfully there are good ones out there though. There are Catholic guys on my campus who are orthodox alright but who are known to intentionally drink irresponsibly without remorse (and proudly proclaim it for people to hear,) can be rude to other people without a second thought, hate not only the sin but also the sinner, and don't have reputations for being respectful to women.

It's funny how my mom told me about this one guy that she used to go out with who was an intelligent young gentleman, but she ended it with him because he was Jewish. She said that she couldn't imagine not sharing the same faith as the man who would be her husband. When she told me this I thought of how odd it was that she chose my dad then. He was Catholic mostly in name only. He had grown up Methodist only attending church on Christmas and Easter, then became Catholic for his first wife so that there would be unity in the family. They got divorced and received an annulment and he continued his habit of attending mass on Christmas and Easter. So yea, when she met him he was technically Catholic. I don't think that he went to confession until a little more than a year ago. It wasn't until at some point during my freshman year of college that dad started attending mass every week (or mostly.)
[/quote]

My dad is one of the most dysfunctional people I know, and he was raised "catholic" too. Lol it's pretty annoying, and confusing to know if the guy is REALLY Catholic or simply putting on an air of some sort!

In the end, I believe you WILL find a Catholic guy IF, and only if, a Catholic man is who God wants you to marry! I believe you're open will and real effort to do God's will, will bring you right to the right guy.
[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1295883172' post='2203780']
Congrats on a healthy relationship!

But I do want to urge you to be very careful. It's very easy for us (especially us starry-eyed, in love girls) to think that things will work out because he treats me so well, but it rarely does. To disagree on things that are soooooo fundamental to a firm foundation to a solid relationship, especially a marriage, is going to be a big problem. And some of those problems can't be fixed by how much you love someone. My ex-boyfriend respected me and never asked me to do anything that would make me uncomfortable or sin. But ultimately he realized that he could never marry someone he hadn't lived with, and I could never live with someone I hadn't married and that was it. It smells of elderberries and we are still coworkers (I know, I know) and I think we're still both struggling with "getting over it". He treated me really well (and I loved him for that), but in the end, he just couldn't understand it.

The reddest flag for me in what you said though, is the abortion thing. I've know several couples where one was Catholic, the other not and because they didn't see eye to eye on the children issue (the non Catholic only wanted a certain number of children), the non Catholic sterilized themselves after a certain number of children. And the pain that that causes for the other spouse is just sooo great. I don't think that they will get divorces because there are other children, and they really do love this person. But there will *always* be that pain and hurt.

I'm sure that he's a great guy, and I'm glad that you're happy. But do be careful, because unlike the beatles think, love is not all you need.

Good Luck!
[/quote]

Thanks for the warning. It's funny how you say "starry eyed" because I certainly am NOT that kinda girl. I've never been starry eyed towards with guy haha! That probably sounds strange...but it's always just felt right in my gut to date him. I have complete peace about my situation, and as long as that peace remains after prayer than I will trust it and keep going. I never worry too much about things like this...I believe people nowadays, especially scrupulous catholics, stop themselves from living a much less complicated, stressful, anxiety filled life because it seems they need to PLAN everything out before it even happens...just so they know it's going to go according to plan, or according to what they think is perfect. I find it extremely amusing actually LOL. I USED to be just like that! And just recently I realized...hey! If I don't find a guy that believes in the EXACT same things as me, it's okay! In the end, if we're not willing to compromise (him more than me obviously because of my religion) than it won't work out. If we are...than I do believe it can go smoothly. And I'm a very realistic, down to earth girl. Theres not one "dreamy" bone in my body. Haha So I tend to trust myself in these kind of issues. But like I said...this kinda guy is just for ME personally, not for everyone obviously.

[quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1295884731' post='2203787']
I've been following this thread, and thought I'd pop in my two cents.

I think this here is more a question of finding a [i]good guy. [/i]Let's face it, a good guy [i]is[/i] hard to find. If we keep our standards high like every self-respecting lady should, it can be very hard to find a man who measures up to them. Guys can be jerks -- just because a guy is an orthodox Catholic, certainly doesn't mean he's going to be a great guy. Believe me, I know this. And, as it seems from some of these replies, many of you know that firsthand, too.

A relationship with a non-Catholic might be going great. However, things [i]will[/i] be different once you are married. Heck, things change even when two orthodox [i]Catholics[/i] get married - it's just the nature of getting married. Here you are, learning to live with this person who you've been courting for x amount of time. Living with someone is definitely different from courting them! It's a whole different dynamic. And let's face it, when we're courting we always try to put our best face forward - men are in their "wooing" mode, and women want to be as desirable to her man as she can be. That's not to say that courtship is a facade, (it's certainly not!) but your relationship really changes and deepens when you get married. That's the beauty of marriage - you get to work on this brand new dimension to your relationship. It's more difficult, but it's also more rewarding!

That some of you have a non-Catholic parent and can say it was "never a problem" is just a testament to the strength, character, and virtue of your parents. From the honest testament of some dear friends of ours, I know that it's something that comes up a lot in their marriage, it can be very trying, and it's something in which they try very hard not to involve their children. The Faith is the [i]core of our being.[/i] It is what is guiding us in our decisions, it is what gives us hope, it is what we look forward to when this life is over. It's a huge part of who we are, and when you are trying to share the intimate bond of marriage with someone who does not see eye-to-eye with you on that, it can be very difficult. That's not to say it can't or doesn't work. But it [i]is[/i] difficult. I've heard some of our friends say things like, "It would be so much easier if she were Catholic," or "I wish I could talk to him about it, but he just doesn't understand." Yes, husbands and wives feel that way about lots of different issues over the course of their marriage ... but when it comes to the Faith, it's so much deeper than whether or not he likes to read classic literature or she likes to watch football.

The Church realizes how difficult it is, and that's why She recommends much caution on the issue of mixed marriages. Love is blind - Pope John Paul II talked about that in his Love & Responsibility. We get so caught up in how wonderfully he treats me, how attracted I am to him, how great he could provide for me, how much we have in common, that we tend not to look at relationships through a constructively critical eye. (That's why we really should listen to our friends or parents when they say, "I'm not so sure about this guy"! But that's beside the point!) We also don't really look forward to marriage realistically. We think, "Oh it would be so great to marry him!" and look at it through rose-colored glasses, not thinking about the difficulties that would inevitably arise when something so fundamental like the Faith is not common.

Please don't think all orthodox Catholics are jerks. They're not. They're really not! Can they be? Heck yes! But then again ladies, aren't [i]MOST[/i] guys out there jerks?! (Pardon to all you Phatmass males -- you fall into that small minority of guys out there that every Catholic girl dreams about! ) It's an utter shame when you have an orthodox Catholic guy who treats you like a jerk or doesn't care about purity, prudence, or virtue. He REALLY should know better, and it's a crying shame that he doesn't. And yes, there are some [i]awesome[/i] guys out there who are Protestant, or Jewish, or even agnostic or Hindu or whatever. But just remember that when it comes to the Faith in the future, or if you got married, it would be something that you would have to address, and it can get very frustrating, saddening, and maddening when you realize, "I can't believe he thinks abortion is ok," or "I can't believe he wants me to use artificial contraception," or "I'm so angry he thinks I'm an idiot for believing in the Eucharist." These things can be overcome. But I can tell you from my own experience, it is a happiness beyond measure to be able to talk to my husband about the Faith with joy and zeal, and for him to be able to do the same thing right back to me.
[/quote]

Great advise!