MissyP89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Tonight, I got an email from someone who stumbled upon a blog I kept about the Faith for my online journalism class. This woman is only a few years older than me, and is wrestling with a growing love for the Church. She was raised Protestant, and in her email told me most of her spiritual journey, particularly how frightening these feelings are. One of the things she said holding her back was the apparent lack of fellowship in the Catholic Church. She grew up in a church that was very social, spending a lot of time together both before and after services, picnics, etc. She's been attending Mass (albeit not understanding much -- the journey for her is just beginning), and was saddened that no one noticed a new face, no one spoke to anyone else, and there was no sense of community at all. They showed up, went through Mass, and went home. This happens week after week. What would you say about this? What are your experiences? I know my own parish is not especially warm at all, except during the sign of peace and in the priest's handshake line afterward... (I guess I should note for the sake of full disclosure that I'm praying seriously on finding a new parish home within the year.) Please pray for me as I dialogue with this visitor, but more importantly, pray for her, that God might inspire her with the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Will pray. As you already know, I felt much the same way when I converted to the faith with you helping me along. I've yet to find a "warm" Catholic church unless you get involved in small group activities and people know you, because people just don't tend to socialize with "outsiders" before or after the Mass. At my home parish the little old people would only remark to me about my existence even if I had been absent from my normal Mass for more than two weeks. At my new parish, where I'm involved with the Catholic Student Association, the Newman Book Sale and the Prison Ministry, I get a lot more "warmth" because people don't see me as just another face at the Mass. Really most of my fellowship in Catholicism until getting involved in these small group things came EXCLUSIVELY from websites like this one and people like yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Micah Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Totally. I've been Catholic for almost a year now, and frequenting Catholic Churches for like four years now lol. I really only have three Catholic friends, and they're all siblings about my age, and we only see each other because we live closeby and went to school together. After the aloof treatment at the Catholic club at my university, I'm pretty much flyin solo. I kind of compare it to spirituality in the desert. Same as your friend, this was a huge culture shock for me. The non-denominational Church I was raised in did an awesome job of promoting community. I think half the reason young people went was because they knew they'd find a wife/husband there with all the social interaction. I would say sometimes we have to sacrifice things for our faith, because as much fun as belonging (to a big group of friends) is, our faith is more important. And also she can probably find a young adult group or something at the bigger churches or cathedral. We really MUST work on re-establishing the Catholic community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 [quote name='Micah' timestamp='1295413187' post='2201678'] I would say sometimes we have to sacrifice things for our faith, because as much fun as belonging (to a big group of friends) is, our faith is more important. And also she can probably find a young adult group or something at the bigger churches or cathedral. We really MUST work on re-establishing the Catholic community. [/quote] Amen. And hopefully find a young adult group at a bigger parish or a cathedral, all too often it seems the programs to minister to people of the college age are the first thing cut, because as I once heard one person put it, "Young people don't care about the faith, so why should we give their programs money". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 My husband used to say the same thing about our parish. He lived here for 5 years before we got married, and basically didn't know anyone at church. After we married, I dragged him to things like the plant sale, volunteering at a concession stand, etc. I also made him join the Knights. Now he knows most of the people in the parish, and many are good friends. If your parish doesn't nothing like that, I'm surprised it can stay open. Our socializing is often like our evangelization, it isn't in your face. We kind of wait until people are ready, and come to us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 The last penance I was assigned was to get involved with campus ministry, attend a couple of meetings or events. Of course I am going to do so, but I am hesitant for the exact reasons you have all described. You see familiar faces at Mass but heck if anyone has tried to start a conversation with you. It happens, but rare imo. Anyway this is the spring semester, and it's usually in the fall where groups and clubs have their "get to know each other" events, and there's also the fact that the group is probably tight, especially if they have gone on a bunch of retreats with each other. People can be funny, and youth groups can be cliquey (from personal experience anyway). So I'm really not looking forward to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 See HCF, I had the same fears going to the Catholic student Association, and then I realized Missy had been so right about how awesome it was to have peers in real life who share your faith that you can hang out with, and they're probably my closest real life friends now. Yeah, there are definite cliques, but trying a bit of everything they offer with everyone has kinda toned that down, at least to me. Going out to theology on tap with one group is nice, and related to the faith, while another is more apt to discuss what it's like to live the faith over good old Nintendo 64. Albeit, I did go in the Fall. Missy, I think what this young woman needs to learn, more than anything, is that the Catholic church is as universal as she thinks, and that means we have such a wide variety of people with such a wide variety of interests that there are people out there she'll find to fellowship with; but I do definitely encourage the small groups. They've made all the difference, as you've experienced, I've experienced, and Catherine has experienced. And I have faith in you to help this girl along, like you did for me and Aly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 [quote name='BG45' timestamp='1295414183' post='2201685'] See HCF, I had the same fears going to the Catholic student Association, and then I realized Missy had been so right about how awesome it was to have peers in real life who share your faith that you can hang out with, and they're probably my closest real life friends now. Yeah, there are definite cliques, but trying a bit of everything they offer with everyone has kinda toned that down, at least to me. Going out to theology on tap with one group is nice, and related to the faith, while another is more apt to discuss what it's like to live the faith over good old Nintendo 64. Albeit, I did go in the Fall. [/quote] My roomie/friend from Italy is really involved in campus ministry and I asked her to hook me up with their Bible study. I think that would be the best place to start because it is less social imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) [quote name='HisChildForever' timestamp='1295413708' post='2201684'] The last penance I was assigned was to get involved with campus ministry, attend a couple of meetings or events. Of course I am going to do so, but I am hesitant for the exact reasons you have all described. You see familiar faces at Mass but heck if anyone has tried to start a conversation with you. It happens, but rare imo. Anyway this is the spring semester, and it's usually in the fall where groups and clubs have their "get to know each other" events, and there's also the fact that the group is probably tight, especially if they have gone on a bunch of retreats with each other. People can be funny, and youth groups can be cliquey (from personal experience anyway). So I'm really not looking forward to it. [/quote] I had the same worries when I moved up here. My experience has been that yes, there are clusters of people who are very tight, and while friendly to others they'd rather stick together. The crowd at my campus ministry is this way, but I've gotten to be very close with the kids who came in the same semester I did. Too, there are always people willing to go out of their way...but often the clique mentality is definitely present. I don't think they'd completely snub you, though. Recently, I went with an acquaintance to a young adult ministry at a parish a half hour or so from home (Williamstown, Gloucester Co.) that serves 18-25 year olds. They were incredibly warm to the point where it almost made me a little shy -- I'm not used to that. But that sort of treatment definitely encouraged me to get involved with them, especially when you add that they're hardcore orthodox. Sometimes that's also lacking at school. Good luck!!!! I'd be curious to hear how it works out. Edited January 19, 2011 by MissyP89 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 [quote name='HisChildForever' timestamp='1295414311' post='2201686'] My roomie/friend from Italy is really involved in campus ministry and I asked her to hook me up with their Bible study. I think that would be the best place to start because it is less social imo. [/quote] Sounds like an awesome plan! Though if it goes like my CSA Bible Study, we tend to either be really deep or really off topic with little in between. It's how I learned one friend likes to swing dance and another is so into football when he rarely mentions it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 To all: it's true that campus ministries are often great places to start...but I think what she's dealing with is a complete lack of fellowship with anyone her own age. (Phil, you'll remember the first couple years of my reversion were that way.) It can be terribly draining, emotionally and spiritually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 By the way, I typed her name into Facebook and if my suspicions are correct, she and Adam are friends. Twilight Zone. Of course, Adam is friends with virtually the entire Catholic world, so that might be irrelevant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) I remember, and it was the same with my own really, except for Phatmass and such; both you and I were lucky to have really supportive Protestant friends too, J&J only cared that it helped us grow closer to Christ than going "oh noes, Catholicism" for example. Really, if she can find some group, any group her own age that's Catholic, I'd say it's her best bet, I never realized what I was missing until I experienced it...of course will be praying for her, and for you to be as good a witness as you were with me. Edit: Also Adam's a great friend to have starting out in Catholicism. Edited January 19, 2011 by BG45 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Micah Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) [quote name='HisChildForever' timestamp='1295413708' post='2201684'] The last penance I was assigned was to get involved with campus ministry, attend a couple of meetings or events. Of course I am going to do so, but I am hesitant for the exact reasons you have all described. You see familiar faces at Mass but heck if anyone has tried to start a conversation with you. It happens, but rare imo. Anyway this is the spring semester, and it's usually in the fall where groups and clubs have their "get to know each other" events, and there's also the fact that the group is probably tight, especially if they have gone on a bunch of retreats with each other. People can be funny, and youth groups can be cliquey (from personal experience anyway). So I'm really not looking forward to it. [/quote] Cool my university is doing the same thing. All the major corridors are lined with stalls endorsing the university clubs. I hope your campus ministry is more fruitful than my own. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/saint.gif[/img] [color=#595959][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=4][quote]Amen. And hopefully find a young adult group at a bigger parish or a cathedral, all too often it seems the programs to minister to people of the college age are the first thing cut, because as I once heard one person put it, "Young people don't care about the faith, so why should we give their programs money". [/quote][/size][/font][/color] [color=#595959][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=4] [/size][/font][/color] [color=#595959][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=4]I just had an instantaneous "oh that explains it" and "headdesk" moment. [/size][/font][/color] Edited January 19, 2011 by Micah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Yeah...Father looked utterly horrified and asked the person where they thought the future of the Church was when her generation was gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now