So.. How Much Do You Reveal To A Date?

[southern california guy]

So... let's say that, despite my advanced age, I would like to get married and have children. And... I am looking for a woman who would also like to have children -- and stay at home and raise them.

Do I dare reveal this on a personals ad? If so how do I do it?? Or is this the sort of thing that I should keep a deep dark secret until I get to know the woman really really well?

[CatherineM]

You could say, traditional man looking for a truly traditional woman.

[AudreyGrace]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1295229414' post='2200873']
You could say, traditional man looking for a truly traditional woman.
[/quote]

that's exactly what I was thinking!!!! : O

[Cherie]

Yeah, I think that makes your intentions clear.

Definitely let it be known up front, though, imho

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='southern california guy' timestamp='1295229298' post='2200871']
So... let's say that, despite my advanced age, I would like to get married and have children. And... I am looking for a woman who would also like to have children -- and stay at home and raise them.

Do I dare reveal this on a personals ad? If so how do I do it?? Or is this the sort of thing that I should keep a deep dark secret until I get to know the woman really really well?
[/quote]

I've met lots of guys of "advanced age" (what are you? 35? 40? younger?) and have several friends who didn't marry until their 40's, and all these men very much wanted to have children--it just took them longer to realize it. And, I think many women would love to be able to stay home with their children full-time. To me, this is not something to hide from a potential date--it's not as if it's a bad thing or an unusual goal. When I was married, I was the ONLY married woman in my neighborhood who worked full time--but, then agan, I didn't have children, and the other women did. However, you DO live in Southern California, which may have more than its share of nontraditional women, for all I know.

Many women would see a man who wants to settle down and have a family where she is able to stay home with the kids as a wonderful thing. There are so many men out there who don't want to settle down or start a family that it's frustrating for women who do want this.

I'd vote, as others have, that you say up front what you're looking for, or you're wasting your time and the woman's time if the two of you turn out to have very different goals in life.

[southern california guy]

[quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' timestamp='1295233489' post='2200896']
I've met lots of guys of "advanced age" (what are you? 35? 40? younger?) and have several friends who didn't marry until their 40's, and all these men very much wanted to have children--it just took them longer to realize it. And, I think many women would love to be able to stay home with their children full-time. To me, this is not something to hide from a potential date--it's not as if it's a bad thing or an unusual goal. When I was married, I was the ONLY married woman in my neighborhood who worked full time--but, then agan, I didn't have children, and the other women did. However, you DO live in Southern California, which may have more than its share of nontraditional women, for all I know.

Many women would see a man who wants to settle down and have a family where she is able to stay home with the kids as a wonderful thing. There are so many men out there who don't want to settle down or start a family that it's frustrating for women who do want this.

I'd vote, as others have, that you say up front what you're looking for, or you're wasting your time and the woman's time if the two of you turn out to have very different goals in life.
[/quote]

I am in my 40's, never married, no kids. But the women that I date tend to be in their thirties and while they want to have kids their careers are also very important to them. Perhaps it is harder here in Southern California than in other parts of the country.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='southern california guy' timestamp='1295235091' post='2200902']
I am in my 40's, never married, no kids. But the women that I date tend to be in their thirties and while they want to have kids their careers are also very important to them. Perhaps it is harder here in Southern California than in other parts of the country.
[/quote]

That's still an issue here in Chicago, too. A couple of men I know who were in their 40's married women who were even younger--in their mid-to-late twenties, and not as settled in a career--or who had "jobs", but not "careers." Despite the age difference, these marriages have been very happy, because the couple was right for each other. Also, one thing I saw among my workmates was that many women, especially those who weren't on the "fast track" in their careers, thought at first that they wanted to return to work, but when the first baby came, changed their minds and realized they wanted to stay home full-time. Even one woman who was a very successful attorney with the firm realized she wanted to stay home, and told me later, when her children were in junior high, that unless the family faced a serious, unexpected financial emergency, she never wanted to go back to the workplace. Staying home allowed her not only to spend time with her children, but also to be active in her children's education, and in the community. Another couple compromised, and the wife worked two days a week, because she was an attorney in a low-paying public service job, and she wanted to continue make that contribution to society. But, she still spent most of her time with her children.

So, I suspect that it's not impossible, even in LA to find a wife whose primary "career" is her children. To me, that makes it even more important that you say upfront that you would like a family where, ideally, the wife stayed home with the children. Even wives who "stay home" with the children don't usually stay at home all the time, but especially when the children start school, become active on a volunteer basis with their children's school, or with the church, etc. But, they arrange things so that they can be there when the children get home from school, and can attend sports practices and games, and events at the children's school.