Lil Red Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 My hubby and I are going through a difficult time right now. While he is accepting of my beliefs, when we get into discussions about religion, he is argumentative. "Why is the Catholic Church the one true church?" "Why does it matter if you do this or do that (I can't think of specific examples) as long as you're a good person?" "Why does it matter if I'm not Catholic when we have kids?" He doesn't believe in Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. He believes there is a God, but his description of God (to me) is a vague, ya I know you're there, type of God. The last one is what we recently argued about. He has said that he wants our kids (when we have them) raised Catholic. But I recently brought up the point that when the kids get older it'll be "Well, why doesn't Daddy come to church with us? How come Daddy doesn't believe this stuff? Well, if Dad doesn't go, then I don't have to go." I have been praying for him, and praying for his understanding, but I feel like I'm getting nowhere. I feel like, even though we've been married 2 years, that he has just blindsided me with how he feels. Can you guys help me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhatPhred Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 As I mentioned in another thread, two of the men in my RCIA class were married to Catholics, and were converting when their children were about to go to First Communion. In both cases, the children were asking things like, "Is daddy going to hell?" which had an effect on their father's desire to convert. Don't know if this helps or not, but it's just something I observed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Wow... that's a toughy. Can I ask you a question? This is in now way an attempt to point fingers, I'm just wondering... Did it not matter to you when you married that he wasn't Catholic? By that I mean, were you not interested in your faith at that time or did you think he'd come to understand Catholicism after the fact? Just wondering..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 hsmom, at the time we got married, my faith was important to me, but i wasn't really involved. ya know what i mean? i mean, i disagreed with the Church on a lot of things, so I guess you could say I didn't really care. But I've always wanted my kids to be Catholic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 and I would like to add another argument we had: So we're talking about the Eucharist. He says that it is probably just as important to the Lutherans (even though he knows they think it's a symbol) as it is to Catholics (even though he knows we think it's the actual body and blood of Christ). I told him that it is probably more important to us as Catholics. He didn't understand that and said that he will probably never believe that it is the body and blood of Christ unless he actually sees it change in front of him. I told him about Eucharistic miracles, but he said that he will probably never believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeTeamFamily Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 sounds to me like he is forming a plan for his life in his head.....and in my experience, what im thinking im gonna do or think or believe and what God thinks im going to do or think or believe are complete opposites having expectations of God is not good....i will add my prayers to yours for your husband Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 thank you. we're kinda at a crossroads right now. I think it terms of what God wants me to do with myself and my life. He does not. And I don't know if having kids would help or hurt. I do know I want kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 another thing is: his whole family is not religious. my whole family at least has the basic understandings of the Mass (some of my siblings are fallen away Catholics). How do you guys deal with your kids being baptized, etc. when half of the people there don't know what's going on? Do you explain it to them? What? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 and another thing. I feel like I shouldn't bring up stuff that I do, like going to Adoration, praying the rosary, etc. because he's not going to understand it anyways, and won't know why I do it. I'm afraid it'll drive a wedge between us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 [quote name='Lil Red Devil' date='Apr 22 2004, 05:22 PM'] and another thing. I feel like I shouldn't bring up stuff that I do, like going to Adoration, praying the rosary, etc. because he's not going to understand it anyways, and won't know why I do it. I'm afraid it'll drive a wedge between us. [/quote] Yeah, maybe... Wow, Lil Red, I really don't know what to say... hs_dad and I have always been on the same page... even deciding to convert at the same time. Is he religious at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 no, not at all. he will go to church with me on holidays (ex. Easter and Christmas) but not at any other time. btw, i don't want you guys to feel that i'm whining by posting more stuff, i just seriously am at a crossroads and need advice. i really love my hubby, i just have no idea where he's coming from, considering i've been Catholic all my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS_Dad Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 [quote name='Lil Red Devil' date='Apr 22 2004, 05:40 PM']i just seriously am at a crossroads and need advice. i really love my hubby, i just have no idea where he's coming from, considering i've been Catholic all my life.[/quote] St. Paul writes in 1st Corinthians "Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." You must maintain faith that miracles can happen and you must maintain hope.. The Comforter will comfort you... As you continue to exhibit love and patience through the years, God can work a miracle... He believes in God... Ask him some questions... "Do you think that God created time, the vastness of space, the universe, everything?" Let him mull that over. He'll probably come to the conclusion that yes, I guess God did do all of that. "If God was able to do all of that and to bring us as individual human beings into existence on Earth, do you think he might know about us on the inside, our thoughts, hopes, and fears? Do you think he might care about us in some way? Just maybe? Do you think he recognizes or created something different in us than other animals?" Let him mull that over for a while. When one opens one's mind in awe to the incredible majesty and miraculous nature of existence itself, it's certainly not far to know that God is and he cares... From there that he cares so much to pay the price for our sins, etc. Some more mundane thoughts: you may want to use NFP for a while to avoid the additional stress of a new child while religiously divided. (I'm a new convert, is that kosher theologians out there?) Also, I wouldn't argue about how important the Eucharist is to Lutherans... It takes the focus off of God and onto theology, history, human divisions, etc... (Some Catholics may not take it seriously, some Lutherans, may, etc... I certainly could understand the desire to talk about the theological differences... But my thought is he is most likely to see the Real Presence in the Eucharist after seeing Christ's presence in your life and your love for your husband and Christ and through that witness and the Holy Spirit's leading eventually becoming converted to Christ.) Just some thoughts... In Him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 23, 2004 Author Share Posted April 23, 2004 WOW! Thank you so much HSDad! You hit the mark in a lot of things. I thank you so much for your advice. God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 My mother and I are in a similar situation with my niece. My mother and I reverted and converted to the faith (respectively) around the same time. My niece is also my adopted sister, and we started taking her to church with us. My father doesn't go, and he is somewhat like what your husband seems to be. What I have been doing (poorly) is trying to live my Christian witness, and to offer daily sacrifices for his conversion. Sometimes things get a little unpleasant in my otherwise wonderful home, but I think conversion is at times counter-intuitive. Things were bad for me before I converted too. I guess what I'm trying to say is...be prepared for a spiritual battle. God has been answering my prayers, but it can be tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Born Again Catholic Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 (edited) LRD I married when I was a less than a luke warm Catholic to a Baptist. Had similar issues and arguments anytime catholicism was discussed. Finally after our 7th year of marrige when I really did not expect her to ever change she said she wanted to know more about the Catholic faith. Thankfully for us our church at the time had about the worst RCIA program ever. As I knew actually very little about my own faith it forced me to learn so I could explain the faith to her, this was a very rewarding time for both of us. Finally contraception came up, she asked if I really believed in my faith why did we practice it. We signed up for an NFP class to see what all the fuss was about. When we learned the pill was an abortafacient both of us were heartbroken and forever changed. (We had put off having children up till then and she had only wanted 1 or 2.) After that we were blessed enough to find a group of friends who were also rediscovering their faith. Now my wife is the mother of 4, a sunday school teacher, regularly prays the rosary, and can hardly take communion without crying tears of joy and this week she has us saying a novena of the divine mercy chaplet. Do not give up hope. As we saw in the cross God can take even the most horrible situation and bring good out of it. I hope your wait is less than 7 years, continue to offer your loving support, encouragement, and example but don't push only God can change his heart. Continue praying and if you have a relationship with any religous orders get them and others to pray for him as well. I will add you to my prayers as well, praying absolutely moves mountains. God Bless Edited April 24, 2004 by Born Again Catholic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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